I’m sure at some point you’ve caught wind of that ridiculous thong news story that made it’s rounds on blogs around the world a couple of weeks ago. If you haven’t, here’s the gist of it.

Los Angeles traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing the multi-million dollar lingerie chain Victoria's Secret for an eye injury she said she sustained from what she alleges to be a defective thong. As she was putting on the garment, a piece of metal "popped into my eye," Patterson said. "I was in excruciating pain."

If you take a look at the accompanying msnbc video interview with Today host Meredith Vieira, the defective metal piece in question is a tiny decorative heart resembling any random piece of jewelry. I’m surprised this woman hasn’t impaled herself every time she’s reached into a jewelry box. Patterson’s lawyer professed that his client endured severe pain and suffering as a result of this ordeal. Having not disclosed a dollar amount that will cure her pain and suffering, they’ve stated they simply want to make Macrida whole again.

Macrida looks pretty whole to me. In fact, I was half expecting to see her wearing an eye patch of some sort à la Pirate of the Caribbean Jack Sparrow. And, she doesn’t seem to have any problem with the Victoria’s Secret Miracle Bra she’s wearing to pump up her cleavage for that interview.

Personally, I feel only really sexy well-toned bodies should be wearing a thong, and not to insult LA’s finest, but from the looks of Macrida, she had no business wearing those panties in the first place. You should know right from thong Macrida. There is nothing worse than jello-butt or cellulite coming out of a thong. Perhaps her husband or boyfriend would have better luck winning a lawsuit suing Patterson for eye injuries he sustained after seeing her wearing said thong.

That couldn’t have been pretty.