One of my employees is a loyal customer of the Publix Grocery Store franchise. For privacy issues, I shall here on in refer to him as Nat.
Nat believes that shopping at Publix is indeed a pleasure, and in order to reward him for his continued patronage and frequent daily visits, they decided to feature him as the centerfold in their yearly Publix Holiday Calendar.
Oh what joy! Nat was so excited, all pumped up to send copies of the calendar to his friends and colleagues along with his Christmas cards and annual newsletter. He even bought a centerfold sized frame to put it in.
Sadly, Nat's dream will not come to fruition this year.
Publix dropped him. Like a sack of Publix brand Idaho potatoes.
Nat is clearly upset, and the only solace I can give him are a few thoughts on why Publix left him out so bitterly in the cold.
1. Nat refused to pose in his tightie whities.
2. The hunks of the Weston Fire Department suddenly became available.
3. Security footage revealed Nat eating stolen grapes in the produce aisle.
4. The Publix checkout girl stalking Nat refused to share her man with other Publix shoppers.
5. The gay Publix bag boy stalking Nat refused to share his man with other Publix shoppers.
Maybe next year Nat.
You'll always be our Mr. December.del.icio.us | digg it! | reddit! | Google!