Live long and propser
Spock action figure for Spock loving trekkies
Hello Earthlings, don’t be alarmed. I come in peace.
I am the Spock Action Figure from Entertainment Earth. I am the son of Vulcan ambassador Sarek and human mother Amanda Grayson, at least according to Wikkipedia. I served on the USS Enterprise for eleven years under the command of Captain Christopher Pike and continue to serve aboard the ship as science officer and first officer. Until recently, I have served under James T. Kirk as my Captain, but he is on temporary leave while biding his time as a crochety lawyer on Boston Legal.
I have come on this journey to plug my new blockbuster Star Trek film (in theatres now), my collectible action figure, and of course, to beseech you all to live long and prosper.
The Horse Drawer
Draw horses book brings out your inner horse artist
Before I had dreams of becoming a professional published writer, my stall was filled with other big dreams. When I was a little girl, the creative artist in me used to flip through to the last page in every comic book or magazine that featured those odd You Can Do It drawing contests. Remember those? They were my one-way ticket to fame. All I had to do was capture the essence of that one turtle and/or pirate pictured, and I would astound the judges. They would drop their paintbrushes, recognize my artistic gift and a career in the art world would be mine.
I never won any of those contests and have since given up on drawing turtles and pirates both, but they were never my favorite subject anyway. My passion was always drawing horses, and now I can with this Anyone Can Draw Horses book from Back in the Saddle.
Prank’ed
Crazy pranks to pull on your crazy pranking friends
April Fool’s Day has come and gone, but I’ve realized over the years that you don’t need a designated day or reason to enjoy sweet revenge. On April Fool’s Day people are always on their toes, observant, ready and waiting. I like to prank people when they least expect it. Like when they’re in a stall in the office bathroom and I throw in a home-made stink bomb created with my Crazy Pranks Kit from Young Explorers.
*Hey, she deserved it. She never washes her hands, leaves toxic stink bombs of her own and is always messing with the settings on the coffee machine.
All in good Fun dip
Fun dips give me a fun candy dipping blast from the past
I walked into the office next door the other day to send a fax and was surprised to see one of my co-workers sitting cross-legged in her chair, transfixed on a pouch. At first I thought she was chewing tobacco, which seemed totally uncharacteristic of her. Then I realized she wasn’t chewing and spitting, she was sucking and slurping like a 7 year-old. I peered a little closer and saw her dipping into a small, colorful little packet.
What’cha eating? I asked, perplexed.
Fun Dips! she replied with a green lipped smile.
Then it all came back to me. Fun dips, yes! She had ordered a batch of those retro candy treats for an upcoming party from the US Toy Carnival Catalog and was licking her colored sugar daintily off of her prized Lik-A-Stick with glee. Well, wasn’t she fancy? My kids and I loved these retro candy treats so much, we weren’t patient enough to use the stick. Our fingers were good enough.
Dog identity crisis
Dog DNA test helps dogs find their heritage with a doggone easy kit
I always thought my dog was a pure Cairn terrier, but we recently uncovered a secret underground fake pedigree scam. Turns out my dog’s mother was a pure Cairn terrier, but no one knows who the father is. Her mom got around when she was younger and apparently had more than a few boyfriends.
My poor puppy is having a dog identity crisis. I tried to book her on a segment of the Maury Povich or Jerry Springer show, but the producers weren’t the slightest bit interested in a Who’s My Dog’s Daddy? segment. That and they also said she wasn’t skanky enough. After exhaustive google searches and tweeting, we finally found this Dog DNA test kit from In the Company of Dogs.
We’re ready for some answers.
As a matter of artifact
Lion skull is thicker than human skulls, sometimes
A few months or so ago I woke up to the sounds of my daughter screaming bloody murder outside. I ran out to see who was removing her limbs with a chainsaw and found a massacred duck on our back patio. Now there have been recent bear spottings in our city, so she was more than a little alarmed… and a little green. I’m a bit of a prankster, so I realized this was a perfect opportunity to scare the living bejeezies out of her.
I picked up a buffalo cranium, a lion skull and a few other cool animal artifacts from the Museum Store Company to set the scene. Tonight, the bear will strike again.
I smell bacon
Scented air fresheners, bacon scented for your pleasure
I like to speed.
I have a collection of speeding tickets on my driving record to prove it. I was busted for my last offense a few months ago when I was flagged down by a pudgy officer who bore a striking resemblance to the Booger Boy I knew in first grade who always offered me meatloaf from his cafeteria tray every Wednesday. I ended up in court with a reduced ticket fine thanks to Snotty, but still had to endure four hours I’ll never get back in traffic school. I don’t ever want to go to there again.
Lately I’ve been good, staying under 50mph for the most part, but yesterday a great song came on the radio and subconsciously I put the pedal to the metal. I was flying down the highway free as a bird, and then my senses scared me senseless. I smelled bacon. I slowed down (my heart beating faster than the crew of Harleys that were passing me) and checked the mirror. Not a copper in sight. Then I realized it wasn’t a police officer I smelled!
Silly Samara, it was only my new Bacon Scented Air Freshener from ModCloth.
I want my Apple TV
Apple television turns your widescreen television into an Apple TV multiplex
I hate watching television on my computer. My screen is too small, my desk chair too uncomfy and my connection not fast enough. I realize I may be coming off as a bratty digital Goldilocks of the new millennium, but I want my TV shows crisp, clear and on the big screen where they belong, which is why I hooked myself up with an Apple TV that is juuuust riiiight.
You haven’t experienced the next wave of television and digital entertainment until you’ve experienced Apple Television, aka Apple TV from MacMall. It’s TV, and then some.
Beyond the pail
Compost kitchen pail keeps compost hidden in an attractive bamboo pail
Ever since Earth Day, I’ve been making a calculated effort to be more kind to the environment. My son has been on me about it and I want to do my best to leave an eco-footprint smaller than my size 10 clunkers. Here are a few steps I’ve taken on my path to a greener lifestyle…
1. Fuel efficiency - I’m riding my bike everywhere, except if I’ve been drinking. I don’t want a BUI (biking under the influence).
2. Energy preservation - I switched to fluorescent lighting, even though it makes me and all my guests look like Vincent Price.
3. Recycling - I inherited this cute top one of my girlfriends was getting rid of (one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure).
4. Composting - I’ve been saving my eggshells, coffee grounds and kitchen scraps in this sleek and natural Bamboo Kitchen Compost Pail from All Seasons Homestead Helpers.
How do you like them apple cores Earth?
I have balls of steel
Golf ball sets featuring cool metallic golf balls
Things can get pretty stressful here at work, especially at the end of the month. I’m working overtime closing deals, helping clients and dealing with a dog at home who’s losing his teeth. When times are tough and I’m feeling overwhelmed, I have a secret for staying calm, cool and collected. I just squeeze my ball.
Whether I’m squeezing my therapeutic stress balls or hitting golf balls down the fairway, playing with my balls always makes my problems go away, especially when I’m playing with my Chrome Golf Ball Sets from Tattoo Golf - the masters of aggressive golf wear and accessories.
Note to self, I’m angry
Stationery notes in note cubes that express your feelings
Sometimes it’s difficult for co-workers to read my moods. Some consider me a man of few words and many grunts. It’s actually relatively easy to tell whether I’m happy as a clam or mad as a scientist, just check out what post-it notes I’m using from my Magic Cube of Stationery Notes from Current.
For example, here’s a post-it summation of this work week.
Monday - Happy. Took a personal day.
Tuesday - Grumpy. 3794 emails to sort through from taking personal day.
Wednesday - Hungry. Wish Jody would get me some McDonalds.
Thursday - Indifferent. So I get swine flu, big whoop.
Friday - Annoyed. People are stupid.
