Retro cell phone handset brings retro style to your cell
I hate cell phones. iPhones, Androids, you name it, I hate ‘em.
Why? It costs me money every time I hear my ringtone. It’s not the minutes, I’ve got unlimited ones. It’s usually my daughter asking for money.
Another reason why I hate cell phones is that it makes it too easy to talk to people. I hate talking to people. In fact, when most people call me, I play a recording of Chewbacca until they hang up. Plus, all of this new 3G, 4G, touchscreen technology mumbo jumbo is impossible to keep up with. And haven’t you heard? If you hold a cell phone to your ear long enough, it will give you cancer.
If I had it my way, I’d go back to the good old days when we had uncomplicated, uncancerous rotary phones.
What’s that? Now there’s a way that I can use my cell phone and still enjoy the comfort of cradling a classic receiver to my ear with the Retro Cell Phone Hansdset from X-Treme Geek?
Now, when someone calls, I just might answer.
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Monthly gift packages that keep on giving, month after month
Shopping for gifts is a relatively easy process for most people. I am not one of those people.
Holiday shopping is extremely difficult for me, mainly because I have taken a vow to never set foot in an actual retail store. I become a grumpy grump type personality when the holidays come fa la la la la’ing around my corner. I hate the malls full of people, and the parking spaces all taken, and the Salvation Army Santa Clauses all drunk, and the things of this nature. Even online shopping tends to be a challenge. How the H-E double hockey sticks do I know what you want? Here’s my Christmas bonus, get it yourself. Bah Humbug.
Thankfully, a few weeks before Christmas, I was visited by a spirit.
“I am the Ghost of Christmas Present,” said the Spirit. “Look upon me!”
So I did, and this ghost dude was cool enough to hook me up with my new go-to source for Christmas and for any other stupid occasions where people expect me to buy them stuff. Now I get all of my shopping done in one place, with Monthly Gift Packages from the 35 gift clubs featured at Amazing Clubs.
Thank Dickens I found this place.
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Employee retirement gifts worth your time
My life is like clockwork.
I wake up every morning at the same time, without an alarm clock.
I walk to work and arrive at the office at the same time every day.
My stomach grumbles at the same moment every afternoon before lunch.
I’m already counting down the days, hours, minutes, seconds and milliseconds to my retirement, which is really difficult to do since I don’t wear a watch (not wearing a watch has been proven to cut down on your stress levels, look it up).
So if you want to get me an early employee retirement gift that is worth my time, get me this Retirement Time Countdown Clock from GuyGifter.
I hear the hours are great when you’re retired.
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Secret safe keeps your super secret valuables perfectly safe
Every time my cell phone rings, the same thought always comes to mind…
This is going to cost me money.
You see, everyone is on my bank roll. My daughter, my landlord, the IRS… even my neighbors want me to cough up a few thousand dollars to pay the vet bill for our community mascot cat who got into a bloody rough and tumble with a rabid raccoon.
I’m through paying you people off, so instead of hiding my money under the mattress (my daughter looks for it there), I’m hiding it in my beer can.
Yesiree Bob, this Beer Can Secret Safe from Self Defense Devices will ensure that I keep my fortune and continue living the Miller High Life.
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Turkey Cake Pan to bake the perfect turkey shaped Thanksgiving cake
When it comes to Thanksgiving desserts, pecan pie is usually the pie slice of choice. Pumpkin pie comes in at a close second, but you simply can’t beat the taste of crunchy pecans, brown sugar, sweet molasses, corn syrup and melted butter all baked up in a pie.
Yes, pecan pie is every pilgrim’s pleasure, but according to Men’s Health magazine, one small slice of pecan pie has approximately 450 calories, 21 grams of fat (4 grams of saturated fat) and 65 grams of carbohydrates, and that’s from a small slice! What about seconds?
This year I’m foregoing the pecan pie and baking up my own healthy version of a Thanksgiving dessert with this Turkey Cake Pan from Goosberry Patch.
Sing a song of Sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four and twenty turkeys
Baked in a pie!
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Stuffed dates stuffed with tasty pecans and chocolate dipped dates
When it comes to dates, I say stuff it.
If you’re a fruit that’s healthy or good for me, I’m generally not that into you. Apples I like, other fruits, not so much, and don’t even think of giving me a piece of melon. Although dates are considered healthy, they’re also considered sweet, plump, juicy and delicious, especially the Medjool varieties which are often jumbo sized which makes them perfect for stuffing.
Everything tastes better with a pecan or other tasty nut stuffed inside of it. Everything tastes even better when you smother it in rich, delicious chocolate. These Pecan Stuffed Dates and Chocolate Dipped Dates from Sphinx Date Ranch & Southwest Market are a match made in dating heaven.
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Lion skull is thicker than human skulls, sometimes
A few months or so ago I woke up to the sounds of my daughter screaming bloody murder outside. I ran out to see who was removing her limbs with a chainsaw and found a massacred duck on our back patio. Now there have been recent bear spottings in our city, so she was more than a little alarmed… and a little green. I’m a bit of a prankster, so I realized this was a perfect opportunity to scare the living bejeezies out of her.
I picked up a buffalo cranium, a lion skull and a few other cool animal artifacts from the Museum Store Company to set the scene. Tonight, the bear will strike again.
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Stationery notes in note cubes that express your feelings
Sometimes it’s difficult for co-workers to read my moods. Some consider me a man of few words and many grunts. It’s actually relatively easy to tell whether I’m happy as a clam or mad as a scientist, just check out what post-it notes I’m using from my Magic Cube of Stationery Notes from Current.
For example, here’s a post-it summation of this work week.
Monday – Happy. Took a personal day.
Tuesday – Grumpy. 3794 emails to sort through from taking personal day.
Wednesday – Hungry. Wish Jody would get me some McDonalds.
Thursday – Indifferent. So I get swine flu, big whoop.
Friday - Annoyed. People are stupid.
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Shiny disco balls make me a shiny, happy person
My co-workers may not know this, but back in my heyday I used to be a regular at Studio 54. I danced the night away with Mick and Bianca Jagger, John Travolta, Brooke Shields, Michael Jackson and a slew of other A-list celebrities of the late seventies. They called me Nig back then. I was smooth. I did the hustle…and the limbo. I had an afro.
I miss those days gone by, but thanks to Same Day Music I can relive the magic with this Shiny Disco Ball that I can hang right over my cubicle so I can get down on it and boogie, every time work gets tough or someone pisses me off. Read the rest of this entry »
Clever home office decor that bosses me around
I’ve always been indecisive. Beef Stroganoff for dinner or Meatloaf? Hyundai or Toyota? Waffle House or IHop? Sarah Palin or Hilary? My head hurts just thinking about it. Sometimes I just want the decisions to be made for me, which is why I have this Desktop Decision Maker Paperweight from Room Service Home sitting on my desk. Read the rest of this entry »
They blinded me with the Science Fiction Book Club
A co-worker just asked me what my favorite Science Fiction novel was. I said Dune by Frank Herbert, of course. Then I got to thinking…It’s been awhile, my favorite sci fi book certainly deserves a re-read. So I picked up a brand spanking new copy at the Science Fiction Book Club. Better yet, I have more of sci fi fantasy’s best coming every month! Read the rest of this entry »
In our office, everyone is always asking me to do something. Nigel change this cover, Nigel put more toner in the copy machine, Nigel talk to this client, Nigel kill the spider under my desk. These witty Task Clips from Room Service Home, help me stay organized so I can keep all of my tasks in order without killing anybody.
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