Monster Mash with a Handlebar moustache
Wax moustache candy - the perfect wax candy disguise
When I used to go trick or treating way back when, nothing would aggravate me more than when my healthy neighbors would give me fresh produce, pennies, toothpaste, Saltine’s crackers or any other boring edible that didn’t have the potential to give me a 4 hour bellyache.
I love candy, and I’m a big fan of moustaches, preferrably when they’re not attached to Wilford Brimley, so this year I’ll be handing every Trick or Treater who knocks on my door a pre-packaged Candy Wax Moustache from Oriental Trading - Party Supplies because let’s face it…
Kids wearing moustaches are funny.
It’s a proven fact.
Leave your mark
Full sleeve tattoos make for a cool trick up your sleeve
Sometimes I feel like rebelling against society.
Some girls like to mark a new chapter of their lives with a saucy new haircut, I like to mark a new chapter with a saucy new tattoo. I’ve been considering adding on to my tattoo collection for awhile now, but I have yet to decide on the perfect tat… A commemorative UF Gator?… A tattoo of that hottie Reid from The Bachelorette? So many options….
In the meantime I thought, why not play around and freak some wholesome folks out with these Full Sleeve Tattoos from Pinatas.com? They’ll get a lot more attention than a rose on my ankle.
Oy vey
Yiddish with Dick and Jane for Yiddish fun for everyone
My Yiddish isn’t great. Every time I go home to visit my mother she kvetches about it, which makes me feel like a total putz. So I’ve made a pledge to brush up on my Yiddish before my next trip home with a little help from Yiddish with Dick and Jane, an adorable little gift book from Challah Connection.
Jane is in real estate.
Today is Saturday.
Jane has an open house.
She must schlep the Open House signs to the car.
See Jane schlep.
Schlep, Jane. Schlep.
Schlep, schlep, schlep.
Prank’ed
Crazy pranks to pull on your crazy pranking friends
April Fool’s Day has come and gone, but I’ve realized over the years that you don’t need a designated day or reason to enjoy sweet revenge. On April Fool’s Day people are always on their toes, observant, ready and waiting. I like to prank people when they least expect it. Like when they’re in a stall in the office bathroom and I throw in a home-made stink bomb created with my Crazy Pranks Kit from Young Explorers.
*Hey, she deserved it. She never washes her hands, leaves toxic stink bombs of her own and is always messing with the settings on the coffee machine.
I smell bacon
Scented air fresheners, bacon scented for your pleasure
I like to speed.
I have a collection of speeding tickets on my driving record to prove it. I was busted for my last offense a few months ago when I was flagged down by a pudgy officer who bore a striking resemblance to the Booger Boy I knew in first grade who always offered me meatloaf from his cafeteria tray every Wednesday. I ended up in court with a reduced ticket fine thanks to Snotty, but still had to endure four hours I’ll never get back in traffic school. I don’t ever want to go to there again.
Lately I’ve been good, staying under 50mph for the most part, but yesterday a great song came on the radio and subconsciously I put the pedal to the metal. I was flying down the highway free as a bird, and then my senses scared me senseless. I smelled bacon. I slowed down (my heart beating faster than the crew of Harleys that were passing me) and checked the mirror. Not a copper in sight. Then I realized it wasn’t a police officer I smelled!
Silly Samara, it was only my new Bacon Scented Air Freshener from ModCloth.
Bowling for dollars at my desk
This mini bowling set helps me strike up some good business
I’m very superstitious when it comes to new deals. Whenever I have a new client, I have a special routine that clues me in on whether a deal will head north or south, east or west. I don’t believe in rubbing rabbit’s feet, I don’t call 1-800-PSYCHIC and I don’t count on finding a penny and picking it up so all day long I’ll have good luck. My process is much simpler than all that.
I bowl.
One serve of a tiny little bowling ball tells me everything I need to know with this Mini Bowling Desk Set from Bowling Delights. If I land a gutterball, it ain’t happening. If I get a spare, it’s still a possibility, and if I get a strike…I’m headed to Tahiti.
I’m addicted to post-its
Funny sticky notes for funny post it note recycling
I have 453 yellow post it notes stuck on my desk.
I’m a busy guy with lots of ideas, and I need to keep track of them somewhere. Most of them are chores for Nigel, some are reminders to pick up eggs, and others are cutting edge ideas I’ve come up with to revolutionize the catalog industry.
We’ve been recycling here at Catalogs.com for awhile now and I’m excited to report that I’ve finally discovered a product that will help me recycle the millions of ideas that filter through my brain, ultimately ending up on post-it after post-it. These Funny Origami Sticky Notes from Delight.com allow me to keep my valuable ideas while creating beautiful origami shapes out of them. And they make great Hannukah gifts!
IHop
This Hopper ball will get you all hopped up for a hopping good time
I love to hop. I rock at hopscotch, I’m obsessed with IHop (and their Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity Specials), and I love to bust out the bunny hop whenever I go clubbing. I even love Hopalong Cassidy and the Sundance Kid…wait, that was Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. My bad. Nevertheless, I simply just love to hop. Whenever I get a free chance, I’m in the middle of the floor, hopping around on my very own happy happy fun ball thanks to this addictive Hopper Ball from Fun and Function.
I went to Hawaii and all I got was leid
Hawaiian lei flowers say Aloha at your Hawaiian themed shindig
I just spent my Christmas vacation in Mehico (I know it’s Mexico, but I pronounce it Me-Hee-Co). I had a muy bueno time, me and mi amigo José Cuervo. I ate some enchiladas, won a wet t-shirt contest in Cancun, and learned how to say
¿Dónde está la Biblioteca? which means Where is that hot dance club that sells bibles?
Now I’m back in the old US of A and I’m anxious to travel to another far and distant land. I still have some frequent flyer miles left, so I’m going Hawaii or bust. For my Bon Voyage party I want to see hundreds of these Hawaiian lei flowers from Century Novelty everywhere, to prep me for all the leis I’m gonna get once I hit the Pacific.
I love the night life, I’ve got to boogie
Shiny disco balls make me a shiny, happy person
My co-workers may not know this, but back in my heyday I used to be a regular at Studio 54. I danced the night away with Mick and Bianca Jagger, John Travolta, Brooke Shields, Michael Jackson and a slew of other A-list celebrities of the late seventies. They called me Nig back then. I was smooth. I did the hustle…and the limbo. I had an afro.
I miss those days gone by, but thanks to Same Day Music I can relive the magic with this Shiny Disco Ball that I can hang right over my cubicle so I can get down on it and boogie, every time work gets tough or someone pisses me off.
Fabio Fabio, wherefore art thou Fabio?
Historical romance books get me all worked up with romance at work
I’m stuck working on the day after Christmas. Bah humbug. It’s dead here. Bryan, Samara, Jody and I have just finished playing spin the bottle and don’t know what else to do for the next six to seven hours. There’s still a vat of egg nog at home with my name on it, and I haven’t had a chance to play with any of the toys and gadgets Santa left under my tree.
I have two choices.
1. I can either cry about it and pout…or
2. I can hit the books.
I’m going for option two and hitting the books. The books from Dorchester Publishing that is. I always keep a romance book tucked away in my desk drawer for such an occasion. For some, their weakness is black label Scotch. For me, it’s hot Roman dudes like the one on the cover of this Sword of Rome historical romance book. I have four words for you ladies…Va, va va voom.
Hillary on crack
Nutcracker featuring Hillary Clinton’s thighs of steel
Just when you thought you were over the Hill…
She’s back. With a vengeance.
It’s official. President-elect Barack Obama formally nominated Hillary Clinton for the prestigious position of Secretary of State as he rolled out his national security team last week. All I have to say is, You go girl. You may not be living in your old bedroom back at the White House, but you’re in the Cabinet and ready to crack down on all of our country’s dilemmas with the tenacity of a champion nutcracker. Which brings me to our featured product… Wooden Nutcracker Soldiers are so last year. This Christmas, surprise them with a Hillary Clinton Nutcracker from Collector’s Edge to crack all those holiday nuts in style.
