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Top 10 Gifts You Will Never Get For Christmas

November 3, 2010

Contributed by Aurora LaJambre, Catalogs.com Info Guru

It’s not that you don’t enjoy giving Christmas gifts to loved ones, but you also like receiving them. There’s nothing wrong with that.

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The Top 10 Items to Get You Off on Presidents’ Day

January 27, 2009

It’s official. The 44th president of the United States has been sworn in, just in the nick of time for Presidents’ Day. If you don’t have any big plans scheduled yet for February 16th, here are my top 10 nifty picks for items that will help you go all out while celebrating All the Presidential Men, past and present.

10. Flag printed Tootsie Rolls




You know all about those people who wrap themselves in the flag. Of course sometimes it’s more symbolic, but other times it’s a genuine mummy-style wrap job. And some people get kind of ticked at that, sometimes because they see it as a good way to avoid really doing anything meaningful and other times it’s because they happen to drag a corner or two on the ground. It’s way too complicated.

So skip all of that, and just eat the flag instead. Well, not the actual flag. But a bag full of flag patterned Tootsie Roll candies which is almost as good and won’t get you on the bad side of Homeland Security (unless you try to eat the candy while a TSA agent is groping you….)

9. Founding Fathers Kit


Founding Fathers Kit

If you like to play dress up, this Founding Fathers Kit from Amazon.com will tickle you more than a fine quill plume.

This Instant Disguise Kit comes stocked with a traditional colonial wig with bow and a jabot (which is that ruffly cravat-like scarf thingamajig dudes wore back in the 18th century to look cool). Whether you’re marching in a Presidents’ Day parade, hitting a Founding Fathers themed costume party or up for some patriotic nookie, you’ll be looking as hot as Thomas Jefferson did when he put his John Hancock on The Declaration of Independence. I want to wear mine out and instead of asking people what time it is, I can ask them if they know when the British are coming.

8. Presidente Cigars


Presidente Cigar

It’s a fact. You can’t enjoy any Presidential festivities without honoring our 42nd president, William Jefferson Clinton. Bill sauntered into the White House back in 1993 armed with wife Hillary, daughter Chelsea, his sax and a smile. Emanating as much buoyancy and charm as the hunky teen heartthrobs featured on the CW, Billy spent the next eight years bringing more fun and frolic into the White House than a Sigma Phi frat boy with a raging case of hormones brings into a kegger.

Have a cabinet full of fun in your Oval Office when you light one of the Presidente Cigars in honor of Bill and all of his juicy presidential scandals. Just be careful where you stick it. Oh, and beware of any devils in blue dresses wearing berets.

7. Presidential Netflix Double Feature


W the movie

You’ve decided to stay in for the night. I don’t blame you. There are a lot of drunk drivers out there partying hard on Presidents’ Day. Pop some popcorn and make it a presidential movie night with the politically themed comedic flicks “W” and “Dick” from Netflix. You can chuckle at Dubya’s hijinks chronicled in the Oliver Stone biopic, then whoop it up at another Dick’s expense (Dick Nixon that is) with a zany political caper starring Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst. If there’s a long wait for these cinematic masterpieces you can always switch it up with “JFK,” “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” “Jefferson in Paris,” a Ronald Reagan before-he-became-Commander-in-Chief oldie … or pull a Presidents’ Day all nighter with all seven seasons of “The West Wing.”

6. George Bush Toilet Bowl Scrubber


George Bush Toilet Bowl Scrubber

Since we’re on the topic of W, I have a fine way to honor his exit from the White House. Say poo poo to the last eight years while keeping your bathroom clean, deodorized and free of germs with this George Bush Toilet Scrubber. Our new president can’t do it alone, he needs help cleaning up the monstrous mess Mr. Bush left in the can. If only our country was as easy to clean as a toilet. Just a few swipes of the brush and all the stains that have tarnished our nation’s reputation for the past two presidential terms would disappear, right down the drain. We may not be able to scrub away all our country’s dirt with a set of Bushy bristles, but we can have some hella fun dunking George’s head in the toilet. Scrub-a-Dub Dubya.

5. George Bush Toilet Paper


George Bush Toilet Paper

I’m on a roll here, literally. Pair your toilet bowl scrubber with a roll of George Bush Toilet Paper from DemStore.com to wipe away any crappy Bush remnants left behind. For $9.95 you can enjoy a slew of Bushisms like “They misunderestimated me” or “We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.” If you get tired of seeing Bush’s face every time you wipe, mix it up with a roll of Cotton Soft Cheney, Super Absorbent McCain or Two-Ply Sarah Palin toilet paper featuring the hockey mom who was almost a great big No. 2 herself.

4. Obama Funny Money


Obama Funny Money

It used to be all about the Benjamins, now it’s all about the Obamas. If you want some serious bank, order a roll of Barack Obama nine dollar bills from PrankPlace.com. They look real, they feel real and they’ll fool your friends fo real. You can order up to 25 nine dollar Obama bills for $14.99, which actually gives you a $210.01 profit. I knew things were starting to look up. Goodbye recession, hello surplus. Thank you Mr. President.

3. Bill and Hillary Clinton Gift Set


Bill and Hillary Clinton Gift Set

The dynamic duo is back. Hillary Rodham Clinton may not be sleeping in her old bed back at the White House, but she does have her very own Secretary of State seat on our newly appointed president’s cabinet. I heard Bill was lobbying for a position as Secretary of Home Partying, but the jury is still out. Count on the Clintons to liven up any party or get together with this handy Clinton Corkscrew/Nutcracker Combo Set from Bud K Catalog. Whether you’re throwing a formal dinner party or Presidentpalooza, he’ll pop your cork and she’ll crack your nuts for only $34.99.

2. Sarah Palin Action Figures


Sarah Palin Action Figure

Presidents’ Day is not only a time to reflect on the presidents of the past who have served our country well, it is also a time to reflect on those who didn’t quite make it into the White House. Now that the election is over, it’s finally time to sit back and enjoy some political play with these Sarah Palin Action Figures that have completely immortalized the true starlet of Campaign ’09. Enjoy three versions of the lipstick-wearing pit bull herself with Executive Sarah, Super Hero Sarah and School Girl Sarah (pictured above) who bears a striking resemblance to a younger, thinner Britney Spears. Choose your favorite for $29.95 or say “You Betcha!” to them all for a sassy Sarah threesome. One question. Where’s Moose Hunting Sarah?

1. Barack Obama Adult-Sized Mask


Barack Obama Face Mask

Rumor has it there were a bunch of these masks floating around D.C. on Inauguration Day. Of course there were. How else do you think Barack made an appearance at all 10 Inaugural Balls? For a few dollars, you can feel what it’s like to resemble the Obamanator with this adult-sized Obama Mask. Wear it out on the town and don’t be surprised if people give you high fives, bumps, beer or puppies to bring home to Sasha and Malia.

The 10 Best Catalog Gifts to Give Your Man on Valentine’s Day

January 16, 2009

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and while chocolates and flowers provide easy options for the ladies, wine and roses don’t do it for the average heterosexual male. Here are our picks for the top ten catalog items that will give the dude in your life a Valentine’s Day (and night) to remember. Read more

The 10 Wackiest Valentine’s Day Gifts to Give Your Woman

January 15, 2009

It’s Valentine’s Day – a time for giant chocolate gift boxes shaped like hearts, weird stuffed animals that sing and furry handcuffs. You’ve been there and done that. You thought you’d try to be original this time around, but unless the woman of your dreams has a sweet sense of humor, avoid giving them these top ten wackiest catalog gift items for women…unless you enjoy sleeping on the couch.

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Top 10 Most Extravagant Catalog Items

December 17, 2008

Sure, the economy’s in the toilet and people are thinking sensibly when holiday shopping (grocery store gift cards anyone?). But we can dream, can’t we? So here’s our list of the Top 10 most extravagant catalog items:

10. NM Chocolate Chip Cookiesnmcookies.jpg

Neiman Marcus is the gold standard for champagne wishes and caviar dreams. But let’s start with something small from them. When Chips Ahoy just won’t cut it, try the NM Chocolate Chip Cookies. Seventeen ounces for $24 — get out the gold-plated milk mugs!

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Top 10 Wackiest Catalog Items

December 17, 2008

People often turn to catalogs for sensible things. Mail-order steaks, baby clothes, camping gear. But nestled among the hiking boots and office supplies are some pretty wacky things. Here are our choices for the top 10 wackiest catalog items:



 

10. Knitted food ensemble

Do you prefer your food steamed, sauteed or knitted? Palumba serves vittles made from hand-spun and natural dyed wool from Peru.



9. Faith Book T-shirt

No, the shirt doesn’t have a lisp. It’s a Christian tee with a sense of humor from ChristianGear.com



 

8. Wedding countdown clock

Feel the anticipation (or dread) as the big day approaches with Online Wedding Store’s wedding countdown clock. It doesn’t say if it makes an exploding sound or anything as it ticks down to zero.


 


7. Holiday Collar Ruff

Just look at the puss on this cat. He just oozes embarrassment. But he jingles! You can get this festive cat collar from Doctors Foster and Smith.


6. Marshmallow shooter

I just don’t understand the rise in popularity of marshmallow shooters. Were zoo polar bears crying out for a better way to send them snacks? Anyway, Hammacher Schlemmer has one along with a marshmallow shooting bow and arrow set.



5. Wax lips

Who needs collagen when you can pop on a pair of old-fashioned wax lips from Candy Warehouse. This is how Grandma did it before Dr. 90210.

 



4. Steele loved

I know what you’re thinking: Boy, I miss that Remington Steele. Where can I relive those 1980s sleuthing memories? Bear Manor Media knows and offers Steele Loved After All These Years: A Remington Steele Retrospective, by Judith A. Moose. Over 750 (!) pages of everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the NBC series.


3. Granny panties

Big, giant granny panties. The kind that all those TV makeover shows tell you not to wear. These drawers sold by The Vermont Country Store are so billowy they’re called Bubble-Duds!


 


2. Dreidel pinata

Oy, caramba! It’s the ultimate multi-culti party favor. A dreidel pinata from Pinatas.com.


1. Smencils

They’re pencils! That smell! They’re Smencils! Made from recycled newspaper, Smencils, sold by Delight.com, come in 10 colors and flavors (don’t eat ‘em!) like peppermint, grape and bubble gum.

Top 10 Most Regifted Gifts

December 17, 2008

Did you know there’s a Web site devoted to the art of regifting? Regiftable.com is a veritable treasure-trove of regifting rules and ideas. The mission of the superslick site, from Money Management International, is to make regifting less shameful. And in these humbuggy financial times, more people than ever are passing things along and around. So in the spirit of cheap-o gift giving, here are our top 10 most regifted items:

gift bags10. Booze

The ultimate last-minute hostess gift — an unopened bottle of whatever from your liquor cabinet! Just make sure it truly is unopened and isn’t something that can go bad, like a cream liqueur or a corked bottle of wine. And please, clean off the dust and put it in a nice gift bag.

9. Gift cards

Perfectly acceptable and even a hot commodity on eBay, gift cards are fine to regift if you’re not a fan of the store but know someone who is. Just make sure the gift card hasn’t expired or the store hasn’t gone out of business.

fruitcake8. Fruitcake

Sure, make fun of the citron-studded brick, but some people actually like them. Especially if they’re made by monks, like the ones from Assumption Abbey.

7. Candles

Candles are fine to regift if you don’t like the scent or the shape. A bad idea (and a dead giveaway) if the wick is burned.

6. Cookbooks

Not a fan of Peruvian vegetarian cuisine? Regift away. Make it more special by using wooden spoons as a decorative bow accent.

5. Jewelry

Hey, you can always say that you found the perfect piece at an estate sale, when actually the estate sale was the bottom of your jewelry box. Just get yourself some good jewelry cleaner and you’re good to go.

picture frames4. Picture frame

Hey, Mrs. Newlywed, did you get way too many lovely silver picture frames for your wedding? Here’s an idea: Find a picture of your best bud, put it in one of those frames and voila! An instant personal regift.

3. Gift basket

This can either be a great regift or a horrible mistake. Before you slap a bow on an unloved gift basket, make sure the food hasn’t expired or the hand lotion hasn’t gone funky or you’ll have some ‘splainin’ to do.

2. Housewares

Coffee grinders, blenders, wine openers — all can become great regifts with just a simple addition. Add a pound of coffee with the grinder, a drink mix with the blender and a bottle of wine (‘natch!) with the wine opener.

holiday sweater1. Clothing

According to many surveys, clothing is the No. 1 most regifted item. Probably most often the oh-so-cutesy holiday sweater, like this one from NorthStyle.

Top 10 Holiday Gifts for Mom

November 20, 2008

mom ornamentsEvery mama appreciates a meaningful gift

Whether she’s a new mom, old mom, working mom (aren’t we all?) or a mom-to-be, check out these gifts that are sure to please a mom on your holiday gift list:

1. First up, the obvious: Mom’s Favorite Handmade Ornaments celebrate all her bundles of joy. Just remember, the first-borns are the most special (which is a typical comment from a first-born). Read more

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