Top 10 Women to Avoid
By Editorial Staff
Contributed by David Galassi, Catalogs.com Info Guru
As a man, if you’ve been around, you know the code. The shrug from your buddies that means, “It’s up to you, but if that’s where you’re headed, you’re on your own.”
There are women a guy loves, faults and all. And then there are women that a guy just shouldn’t mess around with, the type of woman who means danger on every level. Every guy knows these women, and knows guys who have been undone by these women.
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Between me, the softball team and the guys I’ve known, I’ve met each of these women. A word of caution: avoid these women and save yourself at least a year of hurt.
10. Medical Mystery
“For better or worse” just starts off worse, and never gets better. This woman is either a hypochondriac or seriously inflicted with the worst health luck of anyone you know. She won’t get better, you’ll just feel worse. She doesn’t need you, she needs a team of medical specialists.
9. Gay Divorcee
She’s divorced, and she’s happy. Really happy. She’s having fun, and you – for the time being – are F-U-N. But be careful, you may be rebound guy number 1, number 2 or number 3. The Gay Divorcee is having so much fun being rid of her old ball and chain that nothing is going to slow her down, not even you.
8. Girl Friend
Friends are good. You want your woman to have girlfriends. Girlfriends give her something to do while you are golfing, fishing, playing poker with the guys and generally doing the things you did before you had her. It’s not healthy to be someone’s everything. But then again, girlfriends can be a relationship’s worst enemy. If she calls for a “girlfriend consultation” after every argument, has her girlfriends meeting the two of you for drinks on your romantic date night and fills the living room with the girls to watch “Project Runway,” RUN AWAY. You’ll thank me on this one.
7. Gold Digger
The Gold Digger is not all bad, in that her only fault may be her gold-digging. If you’ve got gold, and you don’t mind it being dug, this might not be a bad arrangement. Just remember, your gold will always be her first love, and you will always be her second. If you can live with that, and you can keep producing the gold, life can be good.
6. H.M.
H.M. is guy code for High Maintenance. High Maintenance chicks take a lot of energy. They can drain the energy right out of you, and leave you asking, what’s in it for me? The H.M. woman buys one of everything in every color. You didn’t need those, you protest. “Need doesn’t have anything to do with it,” is the response. This woman will immobilize you with fear and indecision. You can’t buy gold, you can’t buy diamonds, nothing is ever quite right, and certainly not enough. And she’ll let you know that you didn’t do it right, or enough. Send her to the spa and make your getaway.
5. Bait and Switch
Wait just a minute because this woman leaves you dazed and confused. Before you made all kinds of commitments, she was tossing back the tequila and riding topless on your Harley. Once the boxes are unpacked, the booze is down the drain and your bike is on eBay. Before you make any serious moves, it’s best to send out some feelers when you are around her old friends … like “boy, Tessa takes a mean body shot.” If they look at you like you’re crazy, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
4. Daddy’s Little Girl
I don’t want to stifle any guy’s fantasy, but this can get old. It might get you going for a moment or two when she whispers “Daddy,” but explaining REO Speedwagon, translating the jokes around the dinner table with your buddies and their wives into Gen-X-ian, and dealing with a ticking body clock (which almost made this list as the “Time Bomb”) … it all gets old. Almost as old as you feel after hanging with her friends on a Friday night. There is not enough Grecian Formula in the world to battle the gray she’ll give you, and besides, lollipops are bad for your middle-aged waistline.
3. Cougar
This is the inverse situation of number 4. You can play cub to her cougar, and love your life. She is sexy, experienced, interesting and past the “Time Bomb” issue, among other things. But “cub” might look good on you, until you hit 50, and when she’s a cougar at the corresponding 80, the numbers just don’t work any more. Do the math. Think long and hard. This is an experience, not a lifestyle.
2. Psycho
There’s a soundtrack that goes along with this woman. I know it’s playing in your head. Heed the warning. Think bricks through windows, bunnies in stewpots and the business end of a key scratching a love note on your car. You never know what sets the Psycho off, other than NOT getting things her way. You can only walk the tightrope so long without upsetting mental stability, and you will be lucky to get your body and your possessions out unscathed.
And finally the most dangerous woman to avoid, the deadly and infamous …
1. Black Widow
Go ahead and laugh. This woman is not just the subject of late night movies. She lures you into her world with wily ways, glamour and beauty, then leaves your body – juices extracted – dead in her wake. These women are the ones with too many ex’s to count, a handgun in the bedside drawer and a fascination with the current version of your will.
I love women, don’t get me wrong. I love my mother, and my daughters. And I love the woman I love.
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But I’ve met at least ten of the above ten women (that’s every single one of them) and I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin. I’ve seen good men knocked to their knees. But you’ve been warned. You can run, and you can hide. Do it. Fast.
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