Top 10 Worst Toys to Take on a Plane

Written by: Matt Sherman

June 6, 2008
Filed Under Travel 

Tags: ,

puzzle pieceI’ve worked in the travel industry for some years and have heard many entertaining stories. Thankfully, no one I know has indulged their young ones in these top 10 worst toys to take on a plane.

10. 1,000 Piece Puzzle

We try to provide our children with brainpower entertainment to keep them occupied for hours in the sky. When they run out of room on their airline tray table, however, and find it necessary to spread a puzzle across half the aisle and nearby passengers, they’ve found too much of a good thing.

9. Novelty Prank Smell

Any child bringing a foul odor prank aboard their flight, if captured, should be forced to write 100 times the following formula: Recycled air + bizarre smells = unhappy passengers.

8. Realistic Toy Weapons

This one is no joke. Flights have been long delayed as a toy knife or gun is taken as a genuine threat by airport security.

American toy manufacturers resist making toy weapons realistic in appearance, but some overseas vendors make replica toys resembling the real thing. Keep these toys out of baggage and off the plane.

7. Monster Figures

With tiring hours on the trip and the occasional jostle or noise in the plane, waking to a scary monster creature can badly scare a child (or adult passenger or flight attendant).

For goodness’ sake, avoid at all costs any toy resembling the gremlin William Shatner faced down on the airplane in that “Twilight Zone” episode.

6. Junior Chemistry Sets

There’s a child’s old rhyme warning us of the danger:
“Little Johnny took a drink, Little Johnny is no more…
…For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.”

Mixing water with sulphuric acid is fun and games before you add airplane turbulence.

It’s hard enough to tell what’s on the plate that passes for a gourmet meal aboard most airlines before little David or Darlene drops some mystery chemical potion onto it.

5. Suntan Focus Reflective Sheets

A tanned, healthy look is okay for a child in summer. They are young and have lots of life ahead before worrying over exposure to sunlight.

Having said that, the New York to L.A. run is absolute torture with the UV Index at 40 to 65 thousands of feet in the high troposphere. Aluminum foil and other reflective services are no joke in the skies.

4. Toy Parachute Rigs

This toy may only pass on April 1st in most locations, and rarely at that, in fact.
The effect is heightened greatly if both you and your child wear pretend parachutes to board the plane. You will receive some interested inquiries from your fellow passengers and perhaps the crew also.

Once you have dispelled any fears that you are attempting to bypass carryon restrictions by hauling oversize knapsacks aboard the plane—once everyone knows you have parachutes on your back—simply tell all who will listen that you need to make an unscheduled stop along the plane’s regular route, perhaps with some aerial photos taken on the way down.

3. Little Susie Crybaby Doll

Your children will howl with peals of laughter and delight as Little Susie, a realistic toddler, screams, wets, moans and shrieks, especially during takeoff, landing and any time the cabin lights are darkened or passengers are attempting to rest peacefully.

Little Susie Crybaby has another practical aspect—flight attendants and passengers will ensure your child has priority deplaning when you land. They may not even wait until the plane has come to a complete stop before escorting you and yours from the aircraft.

2. Playful “Occupied!” Toy Signs

Count the available lavatories in coach and first class aboard your flight, multiply times three for the number of toy signs reading “occupied” or “closed for maintenance” and set your child free to roam at will.

If the passengers do not faint entirely during flight, they will express their enthusiasm for your child’s toy signs to all who will listen, and many who won’t.
These delightful toys are especially effective on transatlantic and transpacific flights.

1. of the 10 worst toys to take on a plane: Pogo Stick with Roller Blades

Kids who are antsy or “overly active” will relish the opportunity to bounce on a pogo stick in flight. Besides helping their circulatory system as they perform aerobic exercise, they may luckily nudge a window ajar and get some blessed fresh air from outside.

Roller blades make a fine option when a pogo stick is seized, as it surely ought to be, by airline personnel. Why wait for the beverage cart to serve 100 passengers ahead of you when your son or daughter can zoom down the aisle at top speed, fetching your favorite soda or aperitif long before lunch is served?


9 Responses to “Top 10 Worst Toys to Take on a Plane”

  1. Emilie on August 2nd, 2008 3:59 pm

    Um, why on earth would someone open a window on an aircraft? Waste of time to read this article.

  2. Misia on September 19th, 2008 10:17 pm

    i love this

    it is really funny

    awsome article

  3. Tammy on September 28th, 2008 11:45 pm

    ummmmm apparently someone has tried these things on a plane. And if they have i hope the parents were fined on some of those. I gotta admit they were funny, especially the Novelty Smell Remind people Don’t Pass gas on a plane either.

  4. Madisyn on July 17th, 2009 2:04 pm

    What are you guys?…………….IDOITS!!!!! This should not even be allowed on the internet. You guys are all stupid!!!!!!!

  5. Emma on January 14th, 2010 8:01 pm

    OMG! This is just an article to keep parents from making mistakes on an airplane! Really don’t dog it u freckle freddo farty faces

  6. Emma on January 14th, 2010 8:03 pm

    Btw madison ur a retard. Ur a total weirdo madison and an idiot for writing on here! like keep ur comments to yourself i liked the article sso get stuffed

  7. Emma on January 14th, 2010 8:04 pm

    oh and emily chick ur a waste of time and space :@

  8. keyne ehrhardt on March 21st, 2010 10:43 pm


  9. brett ehrhardt on March 21st, 2010 10:44 pm

    dis article is reel gud! i’m glad my sister/gf enjois