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Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Marriage

Written by: Lindsay Shugerman

February 27, 2012
Filed Under Relationships 

Tags: ,

Contributed by Lindsay Shugerman, Top 10 Guru

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage

When you walk down the aisle, you hope everything will be happy-ever-after.

Sure there will be minor bumps in the road, but no one expects their marriage to become abusive.

Sadly, it sometimes happens. But in many cases, the changes can be hard to pinpoint. Or you may believe that the problems are really all your fault…or worse, all in your imagination. The fact is, no one deserves an abusive relationship.

If you feel things are just not right in your home, here are the top 10 signs to help you decide if yours is an abusive marriage. Please note that these are not in any order, so any of these are cause for concern.

10. You are always wrong, according to your partner

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage always wrong

Everyone is wrong some of the time. But everyone is also right sometimes, too. If your partner says you’re always wrong, or dismisses your opinions on all or most subjects on a regular basis, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

9. Your partner calls you names

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage name calling

No matter what you do, you don’t deserve to be called stupid, a loser, idiotic or worse. If your partner is labeling you with rude, crude or obscene terms, yours may be a verbally abusive relationship.

8. Your partner limits your access to money

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage controlling money

In a marriage, both partners should have access to the majority of funds, regardless of who earns the largest paycheck.

Keeping you from having access to bank accounts or credit cards, or forcing you to account for every dollar spent is a sign of a controlling relationship and is often a tool of control in an abusive marriage as well.

7. Your partner keeps you isolated from friends and family

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage isolation

One of the most effective tools in an abuser’s toolbox is isolation. Keeping you away from family and/or friends is a powerful way to undermine your sense of worth as well as reduce the likelihood that others will see or hear signs of abuse.

It’s also a wonderful way to make you doubt your own worth. People with no support system are easy to manipulate and hurt.

6. When you speak up for yourself, you are labeled the abuser

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage your fault

One of the saddest aspects of an abusive marriage is the effect on the victim’s sense of reality. If your attempts to tell your spouse about the words or deeds that hurt you is met with a claim that you are in fact the REAL abuser, it’s time to consider whether it’s time to leave. This is one of the signs that often proceeds phyically abusive behavior.

5. Your partner is engaging in crazy-making

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage crazy making

Crazy-making is the cycle of abusive, cruel behavior (like name-calling, hitting or insulting) followed by periods of calm, apologetic behavior.

While everyone has times of conflict and times of calm, crazy-making is about extremes and a pattern that occurs over and over again. It keeps you uncertain, insecure and off-balance, and that allows the abuse to elevate.

4. Your partner hurts or threatens to hurt pets

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage hurting pets

Hurting household pets — or even threatening to do so in a way that makes you believe it’s a real possibility — is a classic sign of an abusive personality. And it’s a tool many abusers use for emotional control.

If your partner is hurting or has even killed a family pet, beware. Odds are yours is or will soon be a physically abusive marriage.

3. Your partner forces you to have sex against your will

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage forced sex

A marriage certificate is not a license for forced sex. If you say no to your partner, and are still forced to have sex, you are probably in an abusive relationship.

2. You are forced to account for all of your time

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage controlling time

Yes, loving spouses often want to know if their partner is at work, out with friends or hanging out at home. And in general, that’s normal.

But if your partner insists you account for every minute of your day, or even makes you ask for permission to go to the store or out for coffee with your friends, you’re probably in an emotionally absusive relationship.

1. Your partner hits, slaps, kicks or otherwise hurts you

Top 10 signs of an abusive marriage physical abuse

No one, and I repeat, NO ONE deserves to be hit by their partner. Ever! If your partner is hitting or kicking you, it is NOT your fault. Make a plan, get help, and find a way out.

There is life after an abusive marriage, and it’s your right to enjoy it.


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