Top 10 Ways to Kill Zombies
Written by: Catalogs.com Editorial Staff
February 22, 2012
Filed Under Offbeat
Contributed by David Galassi, Catalogs.com Top 10 Guru
The Zombie Apocalypse is on everyone’s mind.
Speaking of the mind, we all know to kill a zombie you MUST kill the brain. The source of the “Living Dead” is the fact that the brain lives on well after the body or body parts are dead or even gone. Stab, crush, smash, penetrate or puncture the skull. Simple as 1, 2, 3.
Here are the top ten ways to kill zombies. Just in case.
10. The old standby
A bullet to the head. Rifle, pistol or shotgun. The zombie brain knows no difference when it is shattered by hot lead. Packing heat during the apocalypse is a bare necessity and having plenty of backup fire power would be prudent.
9. The woodsman AX
A swift blow to the skull with a sharp (or dull) ax will accomplish the crushing of the skull and annihilation of most brain matter. End result … one less walking dead zombie.
A regular bow or crossbow works well to place a kill shot right in the eye socket of a zombie. The arrow will pierce the brain and kill the zombie. From a lower position place the arrow shot up under the chin thus exiting the skull taking the brain with it.
7. A sledge hammer
Don’t limit yourself to a small sharp projectile. A smashed skull and brain will get it done with very little effort. Leave yourself room to swing that 12 pounder and remember … a zombie with a broken collar bone is still a zombie. Make that strike center cut.
6. Pick ax
Similar to the wood ax and with the penetration of the arrow this killer allows for a head strike through the thickest skull. You may have to place your foot against the zombie’s head afterward to pull the pick ax out.
5. A golf club
“FORE”. Yes my friends tee up a zombies head and put a graphite shafted 9 iron to work like never before. The low bounce angle of the sole plate and flexible shaft will put less stress on your shoulders and elbows and after several zombie kills you won’t be sore like you used to be after shooting a 97 at your local country club.
4. A broom stick
While sweeping the porch all you need do is flip the broom around and stick the handle end right in a zombies eye socket or mouth. Wooden handle brooms tend to break after several kills. Don’t try your vacuum! Sucking a zombie’s brain into your dust bag is almost impossible.
3. Iron Pipe (or any tool)
Whack/whack. Crush the skull, kill the brain. This may take several strikes and us energy. Also a bit messy. Use your broken broom to sweep up any mess.
Use the business end to strike the zombie flat in the face. This should get him off his feet and to the ground. Then chop away at its face until the head is severed.
1. Knitting needles
The eye socket, nose or ear makes a good target location for insertion to the brain. Grandma can get in on the zombie killing action with this method. It’s all about finesse, not brute strength. This procedure can also put into use most kitchen utensils and workshop hand tools.
While you wait for the Zombie Apocalypse, hone your skills and ability to make a snap kill-judgement with any one of the popular zombie video games. Remember, it’s simple as 1, 2, 3.