Top 10 Ways to Know Your Girlfriend is a Zombie
Written by: Catalogs.com Editorial Staff
February 28, 2012
Filed Under Offbeat
Contributed by David Galassi, Catalogs.com Top 10 Guru
Having relationship problems?
Perhaps you are starting to suspect that your girlfriend is beyond suffering from moodiness beyond pms. Maybe you are noting that her endearing quirkiness may be more than excess personality. Maybe you are starting to feel a little … vulnerable?
Take heart, she might just be a zombie. Here are my top ten ways to know your girlfriend is a zombie. Which will help you take the leap and make a move to a healthier – more survivable – relationship.
10. Protects her head
She asks you to love her for her mind … Not her body! And wears a football helmet all the time to protect her head from any damage.
9. Job skills
She is recruited to work on a XXX phone sex site. Her heavy breathing is to die for!
8. Too few fingers
She does not get selected to do the oral presentation and present her project to her department manager. Her gurgles and slurps don’t quite get the point across and when she attempts to do her power point she can’t click the pointer. (See #3 … she loses her finger in your salad.)
7. Dangerous kisses
When you go to kiss her she takes the hint “Nibble on your ear” to a whole new level. Foreplay consists of attempting to chew your arm off.
6. Persistent limp
There are scuff marks all over your nice hardwood floors. You tell her but she continually drags that left foot everywhere. Not the foot with only the sock either. The one with the black-soled shoe. Scuff, scuff, drag!
5. Never picked for the race
No one picks her for the potato sack race at the Church Picnic. She hops and drags but is way too slow to get picked.
4. Incessant drool
Not matter how often you tell her she drools uncontrollably. Dinner with friends, the movies, in bed. She’s a wet mess. A plastic baby bib perhaps is the answer?
3. Missing digits
While making your dinner salad her index finger fell off and she just left it in the mix. You are forced to move it around and in the end feed it to the dog. Who, by the way spits it out.
2. The other shoe
She is always looking for her other shoe. (Not sure why but most zombies only have one shoe.) She always walks around with one dirty sock and one untied shoe.
1. No makeover
You both go to Macys and in the makeup department they don’t even approach your girlfriend for a makeover sales pitch! In fact they don’t ask her to sample a fragrance either?