Know where to find relationship answers to help you have healthy relationships

At some point in our lives, we all need to know where to find relationship answers. Our interactions and relationships with others, including family members, are not always easy, stress-free and satisfying. Sometimes rough relationship issues are temporary and pass quickly, but other times, issues are deeper, more troubling and need serious answers and assistance for resolution.

The first place to find relationship answers, especially if the relationship is one that is outside of your immediate family, is at home. If you have a good relationship with your mom, ask her for advice regarding your relationships and the problems you’ve been experiencing. She’s probably been there, done that, and can give you some perspective on various kinds of relationships, including those with the opposite sex, with a spouse, an ex-spouse, with friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors and even with children.

On the other hand, if you aren’t comfortable talking about this sort of thing with your mother or your dad you can always make an appointment with a qualified therapist.

Talking to a neutral person, who isn’t related to you and who you don’t have to see outside of a professional officee, may be the best route to go. Some people aren’t comfortable doing this, but you could take a brave, deep breath and step out of your comfort zone and take the scary plunge to consult a relationship professional. It may pay off in spades. Your insurance many even cover this.

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There are relationship advice columnists galore: Dear Abby, Ann Landers, Miss Manners, etc. and so on. Many local newspapers, websites and radio shows have relationship experts who offer advice to the general public. Write the expert a letter and see what her response is. Take the advice of “free” experts with some healthy scepticism, however. Her response may give you some insight into your relationship problems, and it may not.

If you are in high school or college, make an appointment to see the school counselor or college ombudsmen. They’re used to dealing with a variety of issues that affect young people, including relationship issues, and they may be of some help to you. There are also resources through student health services.

If your problems with relationships stem from an underlying personality disorder or mental health problem, you need to get help for these issues before you can become healthy and have healthy relationships. A doctor or counselor can point you in the right direction. There are marriage counselors out there and relationship experts. Look for them online or in your local phone book. Call the mental health center in your area and ask for sources. 

Perhaps you are repeating behaviors that you witnessed as a child. If your parents fought violently, if there was abuse or drinking, drug addiction, philandering and all the flare-ups that can result when this sort of bad stuff is going on between a couple, you haven’t had the best role models. You may find yourself doing the same exact things that your parents did although you knew, even when you were little, that they were horrible behaviors.

It is hard to break the cycle of destructive relationship behavior, especially if you haven’t been exposed to any healthy role models. Go to a counselor or minister or priest or rabbi and ask for help. If they can t give it, they can surely tell you who can provide it.

There are Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew and a host of other TV personalities who sometimes have very good information to offer. Do not resort to Jerry Springer. A diet of that will lead to worse relationships than ever before.

Reading self-help books or joining a group where people are seeking to improve the relationships in their lives under the guidance of someone who is qualified to run such a group may provide a breakthrough for you.

Don’t be resistant to change and advice but, on the other hand, you do not have to believe or adhere to everything or anything that someone tells you. As an adult you need to learn to filter out and discard stupid information and advice or even misleading information from what is good and valuable and helps you repair and mend your heart and your soul.

Learn to be kind to yourself and kind to others. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and occasionally (or more often than that) uses poor judgment. Relationships are always challenging, but are also an integral and very rewarding part of being human. Findings answers to relationship issues is healthy behavior.