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The Top 10 Mother Lode of TV Moms

Written by: Sammy Sanchez

April 14, 2009
Filed Under TV 

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Mothers. They know best. They always had a slice of homemade pie ready, a kiss to make the boo boos all better and a healthy helping of some sound, motherly advice. In honor of Mother’s Day, Moms the word with a list of the top ten television Moms from 1957 to today. Some are Moms in real life, some only played Moms on TV, either way they taught us well and reminded us of our own dear old Mas… only without the guilt.

10. Marion Cunningham

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Show: Happy Days
Mother of: Richie and Joanie
Favorite quote: “Oh Howard”.

She was the only woman who didn’t respond when Fonzie snapped his fingers and the only person who could get away with calling him Arthur. How could you not love Mrs. C? She was the model 50’s mom representing all of the middle class family values of the era. Enjoying a more than happy run on ABC’s longest running sitcom, Mrs. C’s house was a very very very fine house, one that we always felt at home in. At the Cunningham crib family dinner was never missed and the Fonz, Potsie, Ralph Malph and Chachi were always invited. One of television’s most beloved moms, I have three words for anyone who has a problem with Mrs. C…

Sit on it.

9. Florida Evans

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Show: Good Times
Mother of: J.J., Thelma and Michael
Favorite quote: “’Ain’t’ is not a word.”

When it comes to dy-no-mite moms, Florida Evans was as warm as they come. A ray of glowing Florida sunshine, she was there any time you needed a payment, any time you needed a friend. Originally Bea Arthur’s housekeeper on “Maude”, Florida got her own series spin-off and was relocated to the Chicago projects with her husband James. She kept her three kids in line with a firm hand and a stern look, but still found time to help out her sassy neighbor and BFF Willona.

Hey Florida, remember the time J.J. used Ned the Wino as the model for a portrait of Jesus?

Ahh… Good times, good times.

8. Kitty Forman

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Show: That 70’s Show
Mother of: Eric and Laurie
Favorite quote: “All families are embarrassing. If they aren’t embarrassing they’re dead.”

Kitty is That 70’s Mom we all knew and adored. She took care of that entire 70’s gang as well as her husband Red, baby boy Eric and sexually liberated daughter Laurie. She drinks, she smokes, she square dances, but making sandwiches, baking cookies and bringing home the bacon as a nurse all brought out the best in Kitty. Even though she suffered from occasional mood swings due to menopause, she was still the object of sexual desire for Eric’s male buds – Kelso, Hyde and foreign exchange student Fez. Oblivious of the heat she radiated in and out of the kitchen, Kitty was more filling than a tuna casserole and more jiggly with it than a jello mold.

My second favorite Kitty quote involves Kitty discussing her Mother-in-law with Midge.

Kitty – “Red’s mother is coming.”
Midge – “What’s that pet name she has for you?”
Kitty – “Whore.”

7. Wilma Flintstone

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Show: The Flintstones
Mother of: Pebbles
Favorite quote: “I work hard all day, too, and what do I get? A lot of yak from you.”

When it comes to modern Stone Age Moms, Wilma Flintstone rocked the Bedrock House with a fashion sense well beyond her time. Sporting a classic Posh Beckham-like asymmetrical dress and a chunky pearl necklace, Pebbles’ mom had it goin’ on. She served as the constant voice of reason keeping her Neanderthal hubby Fred in line and Dino and Pebbles fed… and she was my favorite Flintstone vitamin.

As far as prehistoric beauties go, Betty Rubble is usually considered the hotter Flintstone MILF, but Wilma had that sexy bun of fiery red hair and a fiery no-nonsense attitude to match. In a recent Maxim poll, most men claimed they would Yabba Dabba Do her.

6. Peggy Bundy

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Show: Married With Children
Mother of: Bud and Kelly
Favorite quote: “Gee Al, I don’t know about you, but I’m horny as hell.”

In my humble opinion, Peggy Bundy made history as television’s first official cougar. Satirizing the role model TV housewives of the ’60s and ’70s, Peggy flashed her fondness of animal prints, spandex pants, stilettos and sex, not necessarily in that order.

Usually found begging her unresponsive husband Al for intercourse, Peg succeeded at wrecking every stereotype that implied that all wives and moms were frigid, homemaking goodie goodies. With the sexual stamina of Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company and a mane reminiscent of Ann-Margret (and popular hair bands of the 80’s) Peggy’s refusal to cook dinner and clean the house taught us that the key to being happily “Married with Children” was a matter of giving and taking, the husband giveth and the wife taketh.

5. Lorelai Gilmore

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Show: Gilmore Girls
Mother of: Rory
Favorite quote: “School comes before mommy’s mental health.”

She was the WB’s poster girl for Teen Pregnancy, getting knocked up at sixteen and making a single life for herself and her daughter sans the help of her rich parents. Despite the fact that she talked too fast, Lorelai Gilmore was the mom every mom wanted to be. Often confused for sisters, Lorelai and Rory had the coolest mother/daughter relationship ever – swapping clothes, advice, zingers and keeping a united front at Friday dinners at the Gilmore estate.

A good kid through and through, Rory rarely got into trouble. She was her mother’s daughter and was taught from an early age that if she made her bed, she would have to Lorelai in it.

4. June Cleaver

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Show: Leave it to Beaver
Mother of: Beaver and Wally
Favorite quote: “Eddie, would you care to stay for dinner? We’re having roast beef.”

Praised as the quintessential TV mom living the ideal domestic lifestyle of the fabulous fifties, June Cleaver was in a home ec class all her own. With a cup of Stepford wife, a dash of Martha Stewart and a pinch from Pleasantville, June never missed a beat when school got out with cookies ready for Wally, the Beav and Eddie Haskell and a clean house and home-cooked meal waiting for Ward after a hard day’s work. Keeping her home neat, her hair perfectly coiffed and her boys out of trouble were June’s main priorities. Sweet, gentle, sensible and doting, June served as the model wife all men wanted.

Despite his penchant for trouble, June was very proud of her youngest son and beamed with pride every time a man told her she had a nice Beaver.

3. Clair Huxtable

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Show: The Cosby Show
Mother of: Sondra, Denise, Vanessa, Theo, Rudy
Favorite quote: “Theo, shut up.”

The face of the modern, successful working African-American Mom of the eighties was Clair Huxtable, easily one of the most prominent and positive black female role models on television. A brilliant lawyer, and hands-on mother of five, Clair was the quick-witted matriarch of the Huxtable household exuding perfection in every episode with style and grace. Inviting comparisons to our new First Lady Michelle Obama, Clair and husband Heathcliff served as an example to both blacks and non-blacks through their upper-middle-class normality…

…but unlike Bill Cosby’s ridiculous antics and mugging for the camera, Clair never over-egged the pudding pop.

2. Carol Brady

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Show: The Brady Bunch
Mother of: Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter, Bobby
Favorite quote: “Jan, I think you may need glasses.”

Here’s a story, of a lovely lady
who was boinking her teenage TV son…

Contrary to some very Brady rumors, Carol Brady and her TV stepson Greg never got busy. In his book “Growing Up Brady : I was a Teenage Greg”, actor Barry Williams claimed “Florence Henderson and I only had sex once… she was not there at the time.”

Yes, Barry had a wicked crush on his television Mom during the duration of the series, but who didn’t? The prototype for the liberated woman, Carol Brady wasn’t your everyday stay-at-home mom. A freelance writer, a sculptor, a political activist and a singer, Carol organized plays and PTA events and excelled at needlepoint all while keeping her home emotionally balanced with a little help from Alice the housekeeper who was probably crushing on Carol herself.

Jan had it all wrong. It wasn’t all about Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, it was all about Carol, Carol, Carol.

1. Marge Simpson

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Show: The Simpsons
Mother of: Bart, Lisa and Maggie
Favorite quote: “You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.”

Serving as the glue that holds her animated family together, Marge Simpson is more than just a phallic beehive of permed blue hair. Based on Margaret Groening, (the real-life mother of “Simpsons” cartoonist and creator Matt Groening) Marge is one of the few TV Moms whose character has enjoyed mega success both on the big and small screens starring in blockbuster films, video games, amusement park rides, commercials and comic books.

With that one-of-a-kind raspy voice, disapproving grunt and unwavering devotion to her family, Marge is my top pick for best TV Mom simply because after 20 years of filming, she’s the only Mom on this list who hasn’t aged a single day.

D’oh!



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Comments

7 Responses to “The Top 10 Mother Lode of TV Moms”

  1. briahan on April 22nd, 2009 3:28 pm

    this is sum stupid stuff

  2. joe on April 28th, 2009 3:55 pm

    What’s stupid is your attempt to spell “some”.

  3. carol44004 on May 18th, 2009 4:55 pm

    these were all my favs except 3 of them.

  4. johnny m on December 6th, 2009 11:35 pm

    ok wheres roseanne connor??she is by far the best tv mom!!rules with a iron fist,she was a “real” mom!!her character is more like real mom’s in america

  5. E. Peevie on April 9th, 2010 11:53 am

    This is brilliant! I have to agree w/ Johnny–Roseanne Barr should at least be on the honorable mention list. We need to also reserve a spot for Lois Griffin from Family Guy.

  6. victor friskey on May 2nd, 2011 8:01 am

    this list sucks to high heaven..two moms are cartoon characters, what a joke..Wheres Ellen Miller and Ruth Martin, Jeff and Timmy’s moms from Lassie..What about margaret Anderson of Father knows best..Could have even mentioned Aunt Bea, from The Andy Griffith Show…But Rosanne Barr ?..that broad was mental…

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