Wedding Traditions

How to choose a flower girl

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flower girl
Choose a flower girl so you can get on with the fun stuff: picking her dress.
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Use these questions to pick a flower girl

Planning your wedding ought to be a time of joyful anticipation, but all too often it becomes a stressful time of trying to please everyone. You may have obsessed over how to choose a flower girl because you don't want to let anyone down or hurt anyone's feelings. If you must choose a flower girl, consider these questions.

And remember, once you choose a flower girl, you may need to check out a children's clothing boutique or a bridal shop to find flower girl dresses and leave enough time for ordering, delivery and alterations. So don't put off the decision until the last minute.

Do I Want a Flower Girl?

How to choose a flower girl may be an irrelevant issue, once you stop and think about it. Maybe you don't really want a flower girl and have only been considering it because you know a child who seems a natural fit or who wants to be in your wedding. Remember that this is your wedding. If you don't really want a flower girl, don't have one.

Tradition no longer controls the ceremony today, either. So you don't have to choose a flower girl only for tradition's sake, unless tradition is really important to you and your future spouse.

Sometimes you'll need to put your foot down if something is important to you. Just be tactful if you need to explain why to someone.

What Young Girls Do I Know?

Traditionally the flower girl is a young child who is close to the bride or groom. She may be a daughter, niece, cousin, sister, student, or even friend. If you only have one such girl in the family or circle of friends, the choice is usually pretty easy. If you have two or three such girls in your circle, you can always opt for more than one flower girl.

What Children Am I Close To?

If there are multiple children that could fill the role, go with the one or two you feel closest to, unless you risk obviously leaving someone out (choosing one of your cousins, and leaving her twin out). You should do what you want for your wedding, but it probably isn't worth damaging a relationship, which is worth more than the price of a couple formal dresses for girls.

What Girl Is Capable?

You may have a really cute one-year-old niece, but you probably can't depend on her to do what you want her to do at the wedding. Even older toddlers may get tired or cranky or simply not understand what you want. Certainly your wedding doesn't have to be perfect, but you might not want to choose a flower girl who is very young. A very shy girl may not be the right choice either, or one who is reluctant to leave her mother's side, and who does not do well in crowded situations. Remember, for a couple moments, all eyes will be on the flower girl.

How Does the Prospective Flower Girl Feel?

If, for some reason, a child does not want to be in your wedding, you probably don't want to pressure her into being your flower girl. You will only make each other miserable. Ask your prospective flower girl how she feels about the role. If you encounter any negative feelings, move on to someone else.

You might also find that a girl wants to be in your wedding but feels too old to be a flower girl. Consider giving this girl a different role instead of locking her out of the ceremony. A wedding party glossary may give you a few ideas, or you can make up your own role.

What Do My Friends and Family Think?

With all this advice on how to choose a flower girl, the decision still ultimately comes down to what you want. If you don't know what you want, you might enlist others to help you choose a flower girl. For instance, you could ask for suggestions from close family members or friends. Or you might give them a list of possibilities and ask them to vote.


Flower Girl Etiquette and Duties

Flower Girls and Junior Bridesmaids: no small task

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