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Top 10 Hilarious Retirement Parties

Written by: Catalogs.com Editorial Staff

May 3, 2011
Filed Under Parties 

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One of the top ten hilarious retirement partiesContributed by Tim Brugger, Catalogs.com Top 10 Guru

It’s so much fun getting older. Retirement is an opportunity for laughter and frivolity.

Have fun, you’re hanging out the “gone fishing” sign, permanently. Or at least until you drive your partner and relatives crazy.

Hopefully your colleagues at work are a fun loving bunch, because the inspiration for hilarious retirement parties abound:


10. Retiree jokes

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties

Prepare a list of classic retiree jokes that are placed around the party room. Then, taking turns, each attendee shares one of the jokes for all the guests. These will get you started: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it’ll take all day. Or When is Insert Retiree’s Name Here bedtime? 3 hours after passing out on the couch.

9. Goofy gifts

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Not only will off-the-wall gifts help keep the party cooking, they’ll act as great reminders of the bash for years to come. A couple of ideas are clocks with no moving hands; what do they need to worry about time for? Bumper stickers that say “nowhere to go” or “recently retired-approach with caution.” There are also Hearing Enhancers, which is basically a large cone to hold up as a hearing aid for the newly aged one.

8. Funny themes

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

All parties are better with themes, and this is definitely the case with retirement galas. One theme that will make for a good time had by all are “things that don’t work anymore” with the guests bringing broken items like clocks, VCR’s and the like. There have been reported instances of broken down water heaters given as well, though that can’t be substantiated.

7. Video

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

While many retirement parties include a running video, better to compile one prior to the event. Ideally, in addition to including the now former co-workers, enlist the help of family members of the recently deceased, (oops) retired guest to get early childhood pictures and the like. Naturally, this will require the appropriate sarcastic monologue as well.

6. A wake

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Rather than focus on the retiree, though that is an ancillary benefit of this party idea, give the party a wake-like theme in support of the spouse that will soon be forced to spend an inordinate amount of time with the recent retiree; the poor soul.

5. Cake surprise

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

A take on the classic popping out of the cake idea (it’s been so done), instead of having a striking young man or woman jump out yelling “Congratulations”, find the oldest living human being on the planet to do the honors; after the (in)appropriate amount of fanfare of course.

4. Story time

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Each attendee must share one funny, not-so-bright or other rare tidbit about the retiree for all to hear and snicker at. This will require a bit of warning and forethought, but the conversations started, and stories shared are sure to bring laughs to the event.

3. Life size doll

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Make a life size, blow-up version of the retiree (minds out of the gutter, please), then unveil it at the appropriate time. Along with the unveiling, let the retiree know you’ve found their replacement, and fully expect it will do as much work as the retiree did. It’s a nice memento for the guest of honor to take too.

2. This is your (Work) life

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Focus on all aspects of the retiree’s tenure, from when they first arrived at the company as a scared, unskilled intern; to the know-it-all they became, and all points in between. Of course, this is done while the guest of honor is prominently seated in front of the entire group, with no means of escape.

1. Roast

One of the top ten hilarious retirement parties ideas

Done appropriately, which means with virtually no limitations, The Roast simply can’t be beat for retirement party Top Ten lists. But do it right; that means using a dais, microphone, a schedule of speakers and a warning for the feint of heart that things could get ugly.

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