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Dealing with rejection

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Dealing with rejection is something everyone needs to learn how to do

Rejection is one of the cruel and unavoidable aspects of life. No living being escapes it. Some people tolerate it better than others, learning to roll with the punches. Yes, they were rejected by the person they thought they were going to spend a lifetime with and that was painful but they managed to put one foot in front of the other and survive the ordeal relatively intact.

Remember what your mother told you: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Dealing with rejection is something everyone needs to learn.

Some people have a psychological condition termed "rejection sensitivity," which means over-sensitivity to rejection. When suffering from this condition, it is debilitating because the person is so terrified of being rebuffed he won't apply for that job or ask a person out on a date. His fear paralyzes him.

Some perceive denunciation when it hasn't actually taken place. For example, two sisters go out to dinner but do not invite the third sister because she isn't feeling well. When the uninvited sisters finds out about the dinner outing, she gets angry because she thinks she's been rebuffed when, in fact, she hasn't. They had a legitimate reason for not asking her. Had they invited her, she would have said 'no' because she was sick. When a person is overly-sensitive in this respect it puts unnecessary pressure on relationships.

People of this nature experience an extreme amount of trepidation in situations where they think refutations may occur. This is often a self-fulfilling forecast. For example, the job interview does not go well and the person doesn't get the job because he acted so apprehensive and weird during the interview as a result of his irrational fear of rejection.

This individual tends to over-react and perceives an insignificant remark or action to be a slight when it is not. His friends, family members and co-workers tend to avoid him because when they are in his presence they have to walk on eggshells, in fear of upsetting him.

Coping with rejection

No one said it's going to be easy, but you must learn how to do this. When not selected for that job or for that role in the play, a person is going to be disappointed and down in the dump but try not to take it too personally. Easier said than done, of course, but you can't always get what you want. Cry a little bit, indulge yourself, take to your bed for a day and then rejoin the human race.

And, granted, sometimes it is very personal. When your boyfriend left you for the girl next door that was embarrassing and painful but people can and do live through this kind of horrible experience. Just because the ex preferred her over you does not mean you are never going to be the apple of someone's eye.

Do not allow yourself to slip into revenge mode. Nothing good ever comes of that. Do not send a nasty email to the job interviewer who deep-sixed you for the job and do not stalk your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. This behavior is criminal and unacceptable.

For those struggling with this issue, go into therapy, where a person learns what someone else says or does really cannot destroy self worth unless the person allows it to. Work on building self confidence. Develop a better sense of humor. Learn to laugh over the bad stuff.

Do not be embarrassed or ashamed over being rebuffed. It happens to everyone. However, the way a person handles the situation separates the men from the boys. Hold your head up high. If a person becomes obsessed over the slight, this prevents him from moving forward.

It is not the end of the world, although it may feel that way. Do something positive to distract yourself from the pain. Engage in physical activities, go to a party or just do something you enjoy.

It may be the job or the person that got away wasn't the right one for you. There is probably a better plan in store.

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