Funny pick up lines

We’ve all heard ’em. Some of us have had the unfortunate experience of hearing them said to us. Consider the all time pick up classic, “If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

The quintessential pick up line is a device designed to let another know you are strongly attracted to them or simply desire further flirtation. Though it has a bad reputation as insincere flattery or innuendo, a gentle pick up line can be a decent if blunt introduction between strangers.

Nervous Nellie and Nick

This ideal is quickly butchered by simple rearranging of phrase?that is, the nervously spoken and therefore funny pick up lines, like the following:

“If you told me you had a beautiful body, would I hold it against you?”


“If I told you, um, something, um, beautiful, would you hold it?”

The pick up line is also contextual in nature, in other words, it is not recommended to be employed at a speed dating meet, a fast shuffling of folks where participants may begin to pursue possible compatibility matches with a dozen people or more in a single session:

“If I told you that you have a beautiful body?”

“I would hold it against you, yes, since you just said it to number six at the next chair also.”


Taking the Shot

A pick up line is a calculated risk. If done with a straight face, funny pick up lines can really make it as winsome icebreakers, or else they can make the picker-upper seem like a poor prospect to the picker-uppee indeed:

“My, my? did it hurt?”

“Did what hurt?”

“When you fell to the ground? from Heaven.”

A smoother move is to use the cheesy or goofy line as the opener, while saving the compliment for a bit later in the pitch.


“Beg your pardon?”

“I must have 51 cards only in my deck, because I’m thinking of telling you aloud that you are drop dead gorgeous.”

Note that with one eyebrow cocked high, tongue firmly planted in cheek, someone with enough confidence can get away with this kind of nonsense. “I am thinking of telling you?” even as you tell them what you are thinking!

The Direct Approach

Bear in mind that while direct and speedy, the pick up line is often a compliment on looks alone, such as body type, nonverbal expression or a facial feature like the eyes or mouth. Pick up lines are known as an expression to the receiver that physical attraction may take priority over intelligence or personality to the deliverer of the line. That’s why some of the better quips are less pointed to the physical, and simply funny pick up lines:

“Tired? You must be exhausted by now. You’ve been running through my mind?”

“I’ve been noticing you, not noticing me?”

“Believe in love at first sight?or may I stroll by you once again?”

The Dating Coach

If your pick up lines are not working for you, it may be time to call in the coach. A professional dating coach will advise on approach, grooming and more for $75 – $150 or more for an hour seminar or private tutoring.

A more economical option is to consult some trusted advisor members of the gender you are dating and ask them what they think of your “moves”. They may take strong (and healthy) objection to lines like:

“Hey baby, where’s the gravy?”

Often, a good friend will provide helpful advice on your manner, style, clothing and more. Be sure to let your pal know you are getting advice from them on approaching others and not trying to win their heart in love.

The Courtly Option

An approach to dating growing in popularity in these uncertain times is not to date at all. By going back to courtly ideals, people are instead getting to know one another as friends in safe settings, and only after they feel there is good compatibility, offering to go to a serious courting relationship. Marriage is the ultimate goal and achievement for those who court.

Someday, as courting increases to burgeoning levels, we may laugh at the funny pick up line:

“If I told you we are ready to court after knowing each other for only five months, would you hold it against me?”