Contributed by Paul Seaburn, Catalogs.com Top 10 Guru
Who said there is nothing funny about turning the big 5 – O.
Here are my top ten 50th birthday jokes. Go ahead and let them rip … over-the-hill doesn’t mean you have no sense of humour. Show them you still know how to laugh with a drawer full of gag jokes and funny props (a fart cushion still gets laughs at your age!), and have a chuckle on us.
Diet for 50-year-olds: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Prayer for turning 50:
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the people I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
8. Still young
Don’t be depressed about turning 50 – you’re still young enough to do the things you really want to. So go ahead and put your adult kids up for adoption.
7. Brutally honest
Now that you’ve turned 50, you can stop calling them “laugh lines.” Nothing is that funny.
When he turned 50, Fred decided to get a complete physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, But you know Doc, God must know my eyesight is going because he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done.” After Fred left, the doctor called his wife and told her what Fred said. She diagnosed the problem for him. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again.”
You know you’re 50 when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
Fifty is the age you find out that Victoria’s secret was that nobody your age can fit into a thong.
You know you’re 50 when you start taking half of a Viagra so you don’t pee on your shoes.
You know you’re 50 when you sign off your tweets with OMMR – On My Massage Recliner.
1. Memory failure
How do you know when you’re 50?
First you forget names,
then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
then you forget to pull your zipper down.