Contributed by Info Guru Paul Seaburn
I have no problems understanding men.
Then again, I’m a man. Women don’t seem to understand men and that really bothers them because we appear to be so simple. Maybe that’s the problem – men are more complicated than women give them credit for. Ladies, look beyond the beer, sports, tools and old t-shirts and you’ll find the reasons why women don’t understand men.
10. Men Think Bigger Is Better
Women see the value in small things, like diamonds and jewelry, while men equate value with size. Size means power. Also, men think size is compensatory – a large pickup truck compensates for small size in other areas – no need to explain.
9. Men Look At Relationships Like Watches
A watch has one purpose for a man – to tell time. Watches are one of the few things men know that if they take them apart, they’ll never put them back together and they’ll be broken forever. They look at relationships the same way.
8. Men Are Convinced That Gross Is Funny
Men learned long ago that the best way to avoid embarrassment is to convince other men that embarrassing things are funny. When it worked with passing gas, men applied the principle to all bodily functions and have been entertaining themselves ever since.
7. Men Really Believe They Can Fix Anything
Men believe that if they can take something apart, they will intuitively know how to reverse the steps and put it back together. This is why they never use directions or instruction manuals. Men also believe that manuals are unreliable, which is why it doesn’t bother them when there are parts left over.
6. Men Know That If It’s On TV, It’s Worth Watching
For men, the television networks are gods that know what they want – sports, laughs and women – and know when they want it – 24/7. And if their team won the game, it’s worth watching again on a bigger TV to relive the victory.
5. Men Believe That Alcohol Cures All Ailments
Booze is the one thing that reliably makes men feel better, both physically and mentally, so it’s the universal medication for all ailments. Forget an apple a day – men believe that hard apple cider relieves pain, is therapeutic and kills germs too.
4. Men Think Videos Games Are Better Than Real Life
Real life is out of the control of most men, while video games give them plenty of opportunities to control the action and the outcome. They also know that no matter how badly you screw up, a mistake in a video game does not send anyone to the hospital, police station or morgue.
3. Men Treat Shopping Is Like Hunting
Men look at shopping like hunting – you know what you want, you go out and get it and you bring it home. If he doesn’t know what he’s hunting for, he shoots at whatever he sees first and brings home barbecue chips, a big-screen TV and a power saw.
2. Men Can’t Smell Themselves
Steaks cooking, perfume and fireworks are smells men recognize, but any odor on themselves or their clothing wears a cloak of invisibility to their noses. This may be a good thing because if men could smell themselves, you’d never be able to get them out of the shower.
1. Men Miss The Cave
The man cave, the basement and the garage were invented by men who missed the prehistoric cave where they could escape from things that were chasing them, like animals, women and bosses. Any place where they can’t be found by women is a cave substitute, which is why they don’t call on their cell phones to tell you where they are.