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Top 10 Crazy Things for the Table

Written by: Editorial Staff

August 1, 2011
Filed Under Offbeat 


Contributed by Lindsay Shugerman, Top 10 Guru

Anybody can set a table, right?

Some plates, the requisite pieces of silverware, something for beverages and a napkin for each person. And even if the occasion is formal, most people can handle pulling out their fine china and grandmother’s sterling silver flatware.

But not everyone can set a table that will make people start talking – or maybe even contemplate calling the men in the white coats. That takes a special kind of talent. So just for fun, here’s a list of the top 10 crazy , bizarre and just plain weird things you could have at – or on – your dinner table.

10. Restaurant delivery menus

Hey just because you invited guests to your house for dinner doesn’t mean you’re necessarily providing the meal! After all, you are providing the house, table, chairs, plates and silverware. And people have potluck dinners all the time. So take it one step further and let your guests order their own food – at their own expense!

Not only will you save money, you won’t have to deal with the people who whine about gluten, carbs, meat or any of the other special-needs diets that are so trendy these days!

9. Chairs at different heights

Have you ever walked into a meeting and watched the person who got the one low chair? It’s amusing, isn’t it?

Use place cards to seat the shortest people in the lowest chairs and the tallest on the counter stools, then sit back and watch. (Feeling really daring? Do this for a formal dinner party for your spouse’s boss and a few important clients. Now that’s fun!)

8. Hand tools

Your guests expect flatware on the table, how about other tools like socket wrenches or screw drivers or putty knives?
If anyone asks why, simply laugh as though their question is a witty joke. For an added twist, have your family members argue over who got the better wrench or screw driver.

7. Creative seasonings

People are such creatures of habit. When pasta is served, they expect grated cheese on the table. If it’s Indian food, it’s chutney.

Boring, boring, boring! Shake things up by serving your guests a meal with new seasonings and sauces on the table. Serving pizza and salad? Put out the duck sauce, soy sauce and teriyaki. If it’s a fish dinner, pass around ice cream toppings like hot fudge and sprinkles. Then insist that everyone try it!

6. Your clean laundry

There are always lulls between courses at a meal, so why not get some work out of your guests while they wait for the soup course?

Plop a few baskets of your clean laundry down on the table amid the salt cellars and wine glasses and let your guests fold your unmentionables while they wait. Not only will you being keeping your guests occupied, you’ll have one less chore to do later on.

5. Scripts

One of the top ten crazy things for the table

Everyone knows that formal dinner parties can be unbearably boring. All that meaningless small talk, mixed with the occasionally unfortunate outburst when someone strays onto touchy topics like politics or this season’s skirt lengths.
Sure, a few conversations might be interesting, but why take the chance? Instead. provide everyone at the table with a script, and make them follow it.

Image the joy you’ll feel in hearing your boss admit that he is a brainless moron who never had a good idea he didn’t steal. It’s well worth the inconvenience of looking for a new job on Monday.

4. IRS forms

One of the top ten crazy things for the table

Everyone has to eat and everyone has to do taxes, so add a touch of the practical to your next dinner party by providing everyone with a stack of tax forms.

These lovely documents are sure to spark happy memories of hours spent huddled over a set of IRS instructions, trying to fix out exactly what number goes on line 13B.

For an extra special touch, tuck audit letters into each guest’s napkin holder.

3. Wildlife

One of the top ten crazy things for the table

Nothing livens up a dinner party like wildlife, so surprise your guests with a variety of furry friends right there on the table. Let bunnies share the salad course, raccoons help guests with the fish, and friendly little mice keep everyone on their toes throughout the meal.

And after dessert is served, consider a porcupine or two. Not only are they friendly little creatures, but their quills make a dandy tooth pick.

2. A fun assortment of favors – from the drug store

One of the top ten crazy things for the table

Let’s face it, we all have to pay a visit to our local drugstore now and then to deal with some uncomfortable, and sometimes kind of embarrassing maladies. So why do we hide it?

Here’s your chance to bring it all out into the open. Delight your guests with colorful favors at each place setting, and provide them with the little things we all need from time to time. Staples such as hemorrhoid cream, fungus cream, stool softener and wart treatments are all excellent choices.

1. The bill for dinner

One of the top ten crazy things for the table

Even if you don’t really charge your dinner guests for the cost of their meal, it’s a wonderful idea to let them know exactly how much it cost you to provide their food, drinks and other treats.

Offering each guest an itemized bill based on the amount they consumed is a unique way to let your special guests know just how much (to the penny) their friendship costs you.

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One Response to “Top 10 Crazy Things for the Table”

  1. Missy on August 4th, 2011 11:58 am

    This was absolutely hilarious! I’m still laughing. Great article!