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Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend

Written by: Editorial Staff

September 24, 2008
Filed Under Relationships 


boyfriend and bitchy girlAll you need is love. Unfortunately, love is not everything to some people. They need more. The world we live in may be a reason to become paranoid of strangers, and suspicious of our own family, at times. However, when you are in a relationship, those feelings should subside. For some, the fears go away without a second thought. For others, it is hard to trust. That is the main reason a boyfriend can become a controlling nightmare.

It is hard to pinpoint the answer to why this behavior exists, but, if you feel as if you are being controlled, being able to identify the behavior is your first step to freedom. Taking the time to look within yourself and stop the behaviors or motivations that are making you accept an abusive relationship is the next. Professional counseling and self-help programs can be a big help when you need to change your expectations of the relationships you are in.

10. Always By Your Side

If you are in a relationship where it seems that you have no time to yourself, chances are you have a controlling boyfriend. He never wants you to go anywhere without him. There is no more “girls night out” for you and your friends, unless he is with you. Doesn’t sound like a good time.

9. Do What He Likes

When you do go out, it is to an event that HE chooses. You may not feel like going to a movie, but it is what he wants to do, for example. Also, his turning down an offer to do what you would like is a key sign that he is not flexible. It often leaves the impression that he does not care about your interests. He may, or may not, but he is not supportive either way.

8. Do Things For Him

“Honey, go pick up some soda for me.” sounds like a genuine request for assistance. If your boyfriend is constantly asking you to run errands, without including you as the benefactor, this is another sign of the need to feel in control. Instead of “…pick up some soda for me.”, the request should be, “We’re out of soda. Can you go pick some up, please?”. Can you see the difference? WE are in need of soda, simply.

7. No Manners

In the previous example, the “please” was left out intentionally. Your boyfriend will not be polite. He will not say “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “please” or even “excuse me” to you. It is because he is expecting you to comply with his requests. He also feels as if you should be thanking him for allowing you to do things for him.

6. Questions, Questions

When you can finally break through the chains, and find some free time for yourself, be prepared:  your controlling boyfriend will interrogate you when you return. Putting himself in a “father figure” position will install more of a sense of control. Treating you like a child that went to the mall, prior to doing her homework, is the kind of humiliation in you he is trying to achieve.

5. No Questions, No Answers

Unlike the aforementioned subject, your boyfriend will come and go as he pleases, without answering to anyone – especially to you. If you try to question his whereabouts or activities, he will become defensive. The subject will immediately transfer from your asking, “where were you?” to his comeback remark about how you nag him too much, or something similar to that effect. He will ignore answering the question, and make you feel guilty for asking it. This is in hope that you will not do it again.

4. He’s Always Right

In an argument with a controlling personality, it is very difficult for him to accept defeat. The controlling boyfriend will get more defensive, change the subject, or bring up a past occurrence, when he was, indeed, correct, in order to prove his point with the issue at hand. He may not always be right, completely, but he is never wrong.

3. Can’t Buy Me Love

credit cardsFools gold has been around for centuries. However, a fool AND his gold have special meaning to the controlling boyfriend. He will buy you nice jewelry, take you to expensive restaurants and maybe even offer to pay a debt of yours. He will say it is because he loves you. Not true. He needs to feel superior to you. You now owe him, in his mind. Who is the fool? To him, you are.

2. You’re Worthless

Belittling your self-confidence can be have very serious consequences. Making you feel as if you are worthless without him, the controlling boyfriend will prey on times that you may be stressed the most. If you have just lost a job, or if you are experiencing normal hormonal reactions, this is the time he will strike. He wants you to feel as if life is not worth living without him. It’s hard to believe, but his confidence level is actually lower than yours.

1. No Means No

This is the most upsetting trait that a controlling boyfriend can display. If he forces you to do things, against your will, he is not in love with you. Whether it is going to a baseball game, when you hate outdoor stadiums, or, even more harsh an act, makes you perform sexually against your will, he is NOT in love with you. Not showing you the courtesy to respect your wishes is not a behavior that goes away. This will continue as an abusive relationship, where you will be treated as an object, instead of a person.couple arguing

In conclusion, we all need to feel love in our lives. We all can find love in so many people that are in our lives already. Make sure you listen to the advice of your family and friends. They know you best, and care about you more than the rude, violent, controlling boyfriend that buys you the same cheap flowers after an altercation. You should always remember to respect yourself, and not be fooled into believing that you are any less of a person than anyone else. Explore your inner feelings and motivations by reading books about avoiding abuse, getting positive reinforcement from healthy living programs and finding a support group. Put yourself on a pedestal, and never let any boyfriend make you feel as if you don’t belong there.


387 Responses to “Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend”

  1. june on October 1st, 2008 5:05 pm


  2. jajay on October 1st, 2008 5:07 pm

    true one should be treated like they worth it all the time

  3. Christina on October 26th, 2008 8:28 pm

    Abuse is becoming a plague, it’s really pathetic men behave this way because of their own insecurities. I’ve been in an abusive relationship before, now when I see these red flags I run away as fast as I can no matter how much in love I think I am or how much I want a man in my life. I’m better off alone than with an abusive partner. The hardest part about leaving an abusive situation is getting to know yourself again. Sounds strange but when you don’t remember what kind of clothes you like to wear, or what music and movies you prefer, you’re in trouble. Please keep the information on this circulating, women need to know even the most subtle signs because the abuse will eventually get worse.

  4. JayVik on November 16th, 2008 5:13 pm

    My girlfriend doesn’t mind me being always by her side as I have particularly agreeable breath.

  5. Nikki on December 31st, 2008 6:59 pm

    My boyfriends does every little thing up there and its hard because at the same time no matter how bad i feel about myself for being with him i won’t leave him..i don’t know why but i feel pathetic we just got into an arguement not even 20min ago and of course i can never win..i know im not going to be with him forever because i already have a hard time dealing with him but…i just don’t know how to leave..

  6. Jill on January 2nd, 2009 1:22 am

    I have a controlling boyfriend and i cant get him to leave

    Told him i be his friend cant except that

    it his way or no way

    He does everything i read it is pretty scary so his is temper

    I cant even have friends

    Its sad when he wants to go threw my phone

    and everything

    The worst thing he is a mommas boy

    my dad his trying so hard to stay out of my bussiness but he dont want to see his little girl ….

  7. internet acnezin on January 6th, 2009 5:47 am

    So I think, that it is a common problem, I also had such problems, but I managed to go though it.

  8. linda on January 12th, 2009 10:42 am


  9. julie on February 3rd, 2009 11:05 pm

    12346 10 Hey need a little help I’m in a relationship with a guy thats 9 yrs older than me and having a few probs. He can be real sweet buying me gift and going out his way to do thing for me but he makes sure i know that he has gone out his way just for me. he always says i can go out with mates and do what i want but at the back he constantly texts and calls and if i dont respond straight away he goes off his head and calls me every name under the sun and uses information i told him against me, he has also threatened me. but everything is my fault as i lied in past as to why i never called when out with mates even tho i’m innocent, i never cheated but knew how he’d react knowing they were male. He wont accept appologies and says i must make amends for everything i’v done to him or else there will be consequences. He’s says he is like this cause he loves me so much and worries about me?

  10. Kyera on February 4th, 2009 2:33 am

    Almost all those things sums up my relationship with my now year and 3 month relationship,and for the past maybe 6 months I’ve been contemplateing leaving him,I did before but he pulls the guilt trip that drives me back to him.I love him but been comtemplating our whole relationship for so long my health has gone out the window.I used to be in perfect shape and active and going out almost every night with friends…not im border line technically over-weight for my size and I really want to go to a mental health facility to get some help,he’s literally drove me insane a few times.

  11. Teresa on February 21st, 2009 2:16 pm

    I am confused, i live with a guy who does not hit me or shouts abuse, but i feel like he is more of a father figure to me. I gave up my home to live with him, so i am basically relying on him now, he has control of the money, so the little i earn does not pay much, he tells me how to treat my kids, wants to be completely involved although sometimes i think he goes over the top. He rarely touches me, the once a week sex is always with me wearing stockings and its basic. He dictates to me and never wrong. But i feel comforted by him although not flirty or sexual, he more like a father than a boyfriend. He never flirts with me, just likes it when i act child like and comforts me. I feel i am missing out on love and great sex. I have nothing so i cant leave now. He hates me going out or wanting to see my mates, so i usually feel bad and dont bother going any more.

  12. Abi on February 28th, 2009 1:50 pm

    I had every one of these with a previous boyfriend, you dnt want to see it but in the end you have to.

    Every point he was like. In the end he hit me as well as slag me off and be little me in front of people.

    You must walk away, I started tellin people to make me reliease how bad it was then i could walk


  13. Chad on March 20th, 2009 2:41 pm

    So iv read some cases of women here who admted that there in Bad relatinships. look you girls have to WALK AWAY and go to the police to keep these pycos away!

    and find a GOOD MAN. there are places that can help you get out of this kind of shit

  14. donna on March 23rd, 2009 3:32 pm

    Nikki, Jill, Julie, Kyera, Teresa, all you girls! I just got out of a controlling relationship 5 months ago. I made plans with a girl friend and just blind sighted him and moved out. All because of a guy i saw on TV. He was smiling, genuinely nice, sweet, sensitive, and just straight up HOT. i had never looked at other men while dating this boyfriend, but when i looked at him i thought ” how much happier would i be, dating someone who is simply NICE. just NICE, and having the will to make me happy like us women have the will to make our men happy?” I couldnt even imagine that kind of treatment. And then it hit me. It’s possible. In fact, these kind of men are more common than the controlling ones. Because of some kind of emotional problem or situation of our past, some women (like you) attract this abuse. We hate it, but our subconciousness pulls in in. And i just started smiling uncontrollably as if i discovered a buried treasure. I was out that weekend. On that day I asked my brother keeping an eye on me and to check on me often. Had my dad threaten my (ex) bf to step in if he interfered. Thats when another thing hit me. Your boyfriend isnt as scary or tough as he makes himself appear to you. he wants you to fear him, he’s ACTING! you’re the girl who paid (her precious and wasted time) to watch it and take it in. He won’t do anything but beg. And i don’t have to tell you that once you give in his promise is void. Thats already a given. You know it, so expect him to beg and dont believe a word he says. thats just some more acting. So it was hard the first two weeks, i missed him. I wont lie. It really hurt not to know where he was, what he was doing without me. But then one day you wake up and think “hey, im alright! i didnt need him. Im happy.” and you look at life like a blank canvas, ready to be painted however YOU want to paint it. And never be attracted to the type of guy who wants to paint it for you, ever every again.

  15. Alexandria on March 26th, 2009 11:10 pm

    i am really confused. my boyfriend has some signs but i dont know if its just me over reacting or what…….not to long ago he needed me to say that” it was his way or the highway.” when i confronted him about saying that i wouldnt say it he told me he was leaving. Finally i said it and he said he just wanted to know if i would hold my ground. We have been together for three months and im so happy but i dont know if things will get worst….. What do i do?

  16. Lucia on March 29th, 2009 8:48 pm

    Control escalates, so if in 3 months already shows signs, what do you think it will happened is 3 years. After 2 years of the most wonderful relationship, one day out of the blue he made a comment about my shirt in a way that I felt I have been put down, and I cried, I could not believe I got my feelings heart, it cought me off guard, he manipulated the conversation in a way that I ended up saying ok I will not wear it again. Then a year later, after being the sweetest man alive, romantic, loving, passionate, suddenly one day he bang his hand on the table to get my attention, I was so puzzled, where does this come from?, I asked to myself, so on and so forth until the day came when I found myself 2 years later on the kitchen floor being kicked because I would not give him a postcard he made me believe it was addressed to him from his ex, (it was addressed to his daughter), I had something that belong to him and I had violated his personal belongin. Control escalates, and red flags should be taken serious, love feels good, period. Good luck to you all

  17. xheni on April 14th, 2009 3:11 pm

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 9 months and in the beginning, there really were no signs. I hung out with who I wanted, texted who I wanted and over-all just had my own life apart from him.

    However, about 4 months into the relationship, he started showing me resentment whenever I texted a guy or hung out friends . He would text me ALL the time if we weren’t together. Soon, we started hanging out more and more. Being my first relationship, I didn’t know how to take what was happening.

    Now, he a questions me about every guy he sees me waving to in the halls. He asks a million questions about how I know them and if I talk to them a lot. He even has a specific list of guys that he is confortable with me talking to, consisiting of his best friends, 2 of my guy friends, and gay guys. Of course, I still have to “limit” with them.

    Another thing he does is criticize my wearing shirts that are “too revealing.” He gets upset whenever I show even a little too much chest.

    Honestly, I don’t listen to anything. I’m 15 years old and don’t feel condemed to listen to his restrictions. I lie to him everyday when he asks me if I “limit.” I talk to whoever I want, even if its behind his back.

    I do love him, but he has exceeded his rights as my boyfriends and has no right to limit a thing in my life. I’ve never cheated on him. He’s my first and only. I’ve told him this and we’ve talked about it, but he simply finds a way to turn the tables on me and say I’m “breaking a promise” if I don’t do the things he tells me to.

    I’ve tried to break up with him (just this week, actually) but I always end up staying after he begs me. He is incredibly persistant when trying to get me back.

    I don’t know what to do.

  18. Scaredof out myXmind on April 15th, 2009 9:52 pm

    okay i havent been dateing this guy for about 5 months now.

    and i finally told him about my past, which hes been dieing to know

    about since day one. i was scared to tell him becz i wasnt the best person in the world (not that hes any beter) but now he cheacks my fone everyday to make sure i dont talk to anyone but him. i have to swear on every little thing. im so stressed out about it. im not aloud to talk to anyone and to make sure of that HE

    changed my myspace password. and when he breaks up with me and i try to talk to him, he tells me to shut up becz im a worthless whore. and he tells me the ony reason he wont acttually leave is becz without him i’ll never be anything to anyone but a used plaything.

  19. destiny on April 19th, 2009 5:18 am

    Xheni yoo my boyfriend iiS soo the freaking same he gets mad ova a promise ii “break”like when he’s out with his friends he gets mad because iii text his friend to ask for him..he gets mad when ii wear a shirt that showsz a little ..he alwaysz goes threw my phone aLoT and deleted all the guysz number ..I`ve been with him for 3 yearsz I`m 17 he’s 18 ….b4 he was never like this psh..was good with these guysz and b4 ii neva was with a kid like this i use to dead it but with my boyfriend i can’t i love him alot …so damn is crazy.& he don’t let me party like seriously i hAve a feeling we aint going to last long…=/

  20. patty on April 27th, 2009 1:36 am

    gurlz dont let this bring you down life isint fair bcuz if it waz i wud have ma own kar had a kid wit da persn i lub bt i kant ..dnt let hem bring u dwn stan up to hem telm jux bcuz ur doin sum wrng dosent mean ima du da same ignore hem even though its hard it helpz go out bhind his bak have fun to foget bou hem

  21. barbara on May 3rd, 2009 12:21 pm

    hey, im 15 and i found this website because im confused iv talked to my mom about it because at one time she went through it. but i dont know if im over reacting or not. i have been dateing my bf for about 3 months and iv seen some signs but not all and some im not so sure about. but i care about him and dont want to break up with him. but if he is controlling then i need to but im not sure if he is. like he is a physical person always holding my hand or touching my arm. somthing when were together and iv told him secrets that iv never wanted repeated but im not sure if he would hold it against me. plus he already said he loved me and i told him im not ready for a serious realationship at 15. and like if he wantes me to do somthing if we are talking on the phone he would say things like ” i command u” or “misey u better do this” but joeking he says and im an independent person i dont take orders and when he says these things i say “huh u only wish” or somthing smart. but is he really joeking? and he flips when i talk to others guys and i know thats a red flag but idk. and i love to read but it seems like i dont have me time. well im sick right now so sorry if i cant spell but if anyone could help i would really appreciate it. and any advice would be great to

  22. carol44004 on May 18th, 2009 4:45 pm

    Any red flags, even only 1 or 2 of them does end up getting worse. once the guy stops you from talking to your other guy friends, family or text or email every second of your time- like the one said she likes to read and her boyfriend won’t let her- time to move on. I have read these replies and most are from teens. I am a mom of a 19yr daughter in ohio. 1 RED FLAG IS 1 TOO MANY- GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. no ifs, ands, or buts. GET OUT GO HOME, GO TO A SHELTER(SAY ABUSE), OR WELFARE OFFICE.

    If any guy stops you from ANYTHING you like to do before he came into your life- he is controlling- it starts out as a small incident and in 2 years time he has you all to himself and your self esteem is gone.

  23. Eliza on May 21st, 2009 9:45 am

    my boyfriend is always going through my phone he dosent likee it when i go out he dont like any of my friends he deletes guys off my msn he tells me what to wear but at times he can be really nicee and sweet and do stuff for me but he gets shitty at me then next minute he is all like i love you and stuff and acts like it never happens and he alays makes me feel bad for sumthink he has donee.

    what do i doo can you please help me..?

  24. chloe on May 28th, 2009 10:14 am

    ive been with my bf for a year and he is completely controlling and paranoid! i feel as though i cant go out, he dosn’t like my friends, he calls me sneaky, and talks down to me. He constantly thinks im hiding things and convinces himself of this. i love him but hes got me questioning myself and feeling down. i dont wanna live like this but due to him i have little friends and i feel i wil be alone without him. He can be great but the bad weighs out the good.. im so confused!

  25. JT on May 31st, 2009 11:12 am

    Had only this type of info been available 13 yrs. ago..I would not be in the nasty divorce I am in now. Ladies listen up….get your education, don’t let anyone tell you your job is “in the home”. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your family and friends for anyone…it only gets then walk away after 13 yr. w/ out a penny because they will then control the family finances ensuring you have nothing to start over w/.

  26. A. on June 2nd, 2009 7:31 pm

    I’m in an abusive relationship.

    I’m just an object, not a person.

    He can be the sweetest person on earth, holding me in his arms and saying that he loves me, but he always get so angry for nothing, and once he even told me that I could “f*ck off, and go to hell”, just because we disagreed on something.

    His mother hates me, and he supports her, even if she is saying something that hurts me. I cannot explain my side of the story in any matter, because he refuse to listen to me. He screams at me, telling me how dumb I am, telling me that I should feel ashamed of how I behave, even though I haven’t done anything wrong..I am embarrased that I’m so weak in this relationship, that I let him do this to me. My friends knew me as a strong woman – Now I’m just so vulnerable and trapped. He makes me feel worthless, and I think there is a part of him that enjoys it.

    My friends tells me: “I don’t think he loves you anymore”. That’s what hurt the most. Facing the truth. And still I can’t seem to break free.

  27. effo on June 23rd, 2009 7:43 am

    i have been in this relationship and towards the end it got violent as my strong will decided to question his actions, as he felt he was loing control he became more and more violent, i had a child with this bully also and he now tries to bully me still through her!! For example asking for full custody taking me to court and trying to convince the court i had depression and that’s why i left. Convinced his family that i was the one who was unbalanced not him. The first thing you should do when realising you are in this kind of relationship is RUN get out and get out quick otherwise you will be a crushed shadow of the person you were before this nightmare.

  28. anon on July 2nd, 2009 7:51 pm

    i’ve been with my boyfriend for over just a year and the signs on this website are showing as night and day, he controls me in every way, even what program i am watching, if i want to watch a program he says “it’s crap turn that crap off, why are you watching it?” (without swearing included) and when i say i want to watch it he says he will go home if i don’t turn it off, when he watches something he watches what he wants and he watches the TV all day without a concern about me, i have never told him what he watches is crap or to turn it off becasue i am not like that, he watches a lot of sport and i find that boring, he does the same thing when i play a computer game, as soon as i put it on he starts insulting the game with swearing, i can’t enjoy anything anymore, it’s always about him, his way, when it comes to problems like financial problems he is never concerned about my problems yet when it comes to him it’s like the whole world needs to drop everything for him.

    he sold my pet cat because he didn’t like it miaowing, now hw wants to get a new cat with me but i am concerned that the same thing will happen again, i told him you can’t get rid of children the same way.

    he snaps and gets angry at everything, every small thing gets him angry and sometimes i feel exhausted because of what he does, i just can’t be myself, one thing i can honestly say is that he has never hit me ever, but what will stop him in the future? we argue almost every day over silly stuff.

    i feel since i have met him last year i have neglected myself, before i met him i was 11 stone, now i am almost 15, i am unable to eat what i want to eat which is healthy food, all he eats is junk, and my body reflects that now, sometimes i feel that i want to kill myself to escape my torment, it doesn’t help that i suffer from severe depression, he also suffers from it too which makes the relationship hard for us.

    the reason i don’t want to leave him is because i don’t want to be alone, and i also want children, i’m not getting any younger as i am nearly 30 so i almost feel desperate staying with him.

  29. moonbeam on July 3rd, 2009 11:29 pm

    I am with a man now that is all of the above mentioned article and then some. It has been just over 2 years for us, but we haven’t lived together in over 7 months (thank God) however: he is still in my life. I cannot seem to let him go. Why? I do love him, but my love for him is not nearly as strong as it once was. I wonder “WHAT” is there to love? His behavior is a huge turn-off. A person can only take so much.

    He has gone through my phones, phone books, drawers, bills, paperwork. If I go to the corner store, and I’m gone “longer” than he anticipates he will be calling me on my cell and/or questioning (more like an interrogation) me when I do get home about “Where was I?” “Why was I gone so long?” Who was I with???” and so on. It’s pathetic. And it always ends with “he KNOWS I am cheating…” UUGGHHHH

    He is CONSTANTLY accusing me of cheating on him. I mean CONSTANTLY. Every freaking time we talk it will surface at some point in a conversation. I’m screwing my neighbors (which I am not of course) I’m screwing people I work with (which I am not) whenever he is not at my house, I’ve got a man up here with me (which I do not) and he has even gone as far as accusing me of sleeping with my girlfriends (which I have not). He is flippin’ nuts.

    The only thing we do have is awesome sex. He is the best lover I’ve ever had. As these months have gone by (and trust me, we are seeing less and less of each other and I feel better every time, no more tears when he “punishes” me for no reason) I have grown weary of him. A person can only take so much of that crap. And I am happy to report that I no longer get upset when he’s accusing me of cheating on him. I’m so used to and sick of it that it doesn’t really bother me anymore. I’m actually happy when he fights with me b/c then I don’t have to talk to him. Perfect.

    All he’s good for is a booty call. He’s a HORRIBLE boyfriend. Insecure, jealous, controlling, man he does have issues. He even says what a “mess” his life is. Boo-Hoo for him. He’s his own worst enemy, and I’ve told him many times. But of course, I don’t have a clue what I am talking about and therefore I am not worthy of an opinion. Yeah, whatever.

    He was great in the beginning, but somethig happened to him. I don’t know what, but something happened. I’ll never know and that’s fine with me. Because I don’t care enough anymore to want to know what happened to him. All I know is I’ve been the best woman I could be to him and NEVER cheated on him.

    It’s too bad for him because if he doesn’t deal with the issues he has, he will never be able to have a healthy relationship with ANYONE. I’ve told him this as well, and of course I don’t know what I’m talking about.

    He has crossed the line with me one too many times and I am sick of it. I feel much stronger and know I will be just fine (in fact, much BETTER) without him. There are many fish in the sea, and I don’t intend on being alone forever.

    There are not too many worse things than being accused of cheating when you are NOT and feeling alone in a relationship. It’s not normal.

  30. miranda solis on July 6th, 2009 2:53 am

    help me! I don’t know how to get out of this relationship I been trying since last year in june. but I can’t ever get away. he gave me a phone and pays the bill we have a son and I don’t live with him but with my mom I’m 17 n I can’t leave him because he says I am ruining our sons like I know he’s wrong. but when I say its over he just comes over demanding to talk crying and makin me feel guilty. he is a controlling stalking overly obssessed jealous boyfriend . I’m always with him except when I’m sleeping and that’s because I am at my house but if I don’t call or answer his calls he goes insane honking his horn bangin on my door.i don’t know what to do!!!

  31. miranda solis on July 6th, 2009 2:58 am

    if u read the coment by me please email me some advice.

  32. camille on July 9th, 2009 7:39 pm

    I have given this much thought and my suggestion for getting rid of a controlling boyfriend is this, but you must really want to get rid of him because it works. Because a controlling person has to make all decisions and have the final say, you will never get rid of him by telling him to leave or by leaving him,this will take away his power and control,he will not have it. The trick is to make him miserable in the relationship by allowing him to feel unloved and unimportant but you have to do this slowly and almost unnoticably. Eventually but it takes time, he will feel he is loosing control but not know why he will want out and with this he will believe that he made the decision to leave and that he is in controll when in all actuality it was you in control and you are rid of this sick controlling monster for good. Just don’t take him back he will never change.

  33. melissa on July 10th, 2009 9:16 pm

    i have a Controlling boyfriend and everything in this wesite is true he does everything this artical is talking about even more. i dont know how to leave him i want to but it seem like i cant, he done cheated on me so many times.i stared going out with him when i was 17 years old and now i’m 19 years old about to be 20. i’m just so use to it. he went out to night we got in to argument because i wanted to know where he was going and how long he was going to be out. but he got and just left. who knows he might with some girl i dont care i just want out!!!!!!!!!!! he hits me and hurts me so much i cant think of anyone eles but him like what is he doing and where is he at. and just like this artical says no questions no answer. they are right thats him. but i think he likes to do the most to me is pull my hair out because he know that means everything to me he says he does it because he know that i would look good with out hair and knowone would want me. he also tells me that i’m nothing with out him and now i belive it sad i know. but its the truth i even went to jail for him becuase i though he would change the hiting and the Controlling. but he didnt………….i just need someone out there to help me please i want out soo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. camille on July 10th, 2009 9:52 pm

    To melissa, you need to devise a plan and stick with it. But first you must be serious about leaving him. You didn’t mention if he would become dangerous if you leave. Do you live together? If you do and you want to leave you first need to call a hotline for domestic violence they can provide you with a safe place to go with protection. You have perfect opportunity to leave because he goes out at night. You can make an escape with the help of the hotline.please liaten to me and get started with your plan to run. You are in terrible danger. If he is pulling your hair out then he could eventually kill you.he is no good get out now while he is the hotline now and don’t leave any traces cover your trails

  35. Katherine on July 15th, 2009 1:17 pm

    Ive been dating a guy for 7 months and im 18 weve been going through alot latley but it seems like theres no reason for us to even be going through have the stuff we go through.Ill think everythings just fine then outta know where its like i did something wrong.I came on this site and i realized that my boyfriend does a lot of these. I tried to convince myself at first that since he didnt do all of them then he wasnt contolling but i know he is.THe biggest problem is no matter what he puts me through im not gonna leave him i couldnt see myself with out him hes like everything i want when hes not in one of his moods and truthfully i know it will get worse but i know i cant leave cause im scared of being a lone you know.My self esteem level isnt that high so its kinda like ive been trapped cause everything he does works .He can easily make me feel bad about myself he doesnt want me going out with my friends and he doesnt like my friends which is why i just dont have any anymore.He doesnt want me going to the movies or the mall or the club or a party with or with out him and at first i thought of that as great cause i dont want him anywhere either where girls will be trying to hit on him but the more i look at it i have no freedom and im trapped.We always fight and it always ends the same but one day i want us to have a family and a house and everything he said well have but reading all of these comments its let me see that it most likley wont happen and if it does im not gonna be the happy go lucky wife i imagine.I just dont know how to leave and i dont want to and i wish we could just fix him but i know i cant so what do i do now.

  36. Sally on July 18th, 2009 6:52 pm

    You should get support from others who arent controlling. I think you all should make a decision fast. Know that in all essense you have to the power to control your future. I just ended my relationship. Im know it was the right thing to do.

    I got this from another website. It is on the interweb somewhere.

    A Controller is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. A Controller has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family. Psychologists usually treat the victims of A Controller, women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

    The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of a Controller and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships, before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with a Controller in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you. When a high number of these features are present, it

  37. Sally on July 18th, 2009 6:54 pm

    1. Rough Treatment: A Controller will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male Controllers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female Controllers often slap, kick, and even punch their male partners when upset.

    2. Quick Attachment and Expression: The Controller has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to a Controller is how quickly he or she says,

  38. camille on July 19th, 2009 12:05 am

    Hi everyone, I just read the info from the website that was posted and I wish I could have read it eight long years ago. My boyfriend, who just walked out on me this past monday fot the fourth time in eight years, was all but one of those red flags. Believe it or not, but even the waitress test wich occured in the first month of our dating. He is gone now but I am sure he thinks I will take him back as I have done so many times in the past. But I have news for him, I will not. He has abused me emotionally in such a severe and intense way that I am now scarred. I will most likely have to seek couseling. Please, everyone, read the information it is there to help you.

  39. Megan on July 22nd, 2009 12:47 am

    HI, I don’t know if my boyfriend fits everything but he does do some weird things. I just don’t know if I’m exaggerating or if this is actually a problem.

    One he keeps doing super nice things for me all the time, even if I don’t mind doing them. Then he will bring it up again how, “Oh I cleaned everything” and make me feel bad because I got mad at him.

    He doesn’t work, or drive and doesn’t have a phone so I drive him places and pay for things and let him use my phone and I mean I offer to do this for him because I love him, but I figured at one point he would just get a job or do stuff for himself. I feel taken advantage of and I try to get him to have a job and help him in every way possible but he just doesn’t do anything.

    I mean he is so sweet and he doesn’t check on my phone at all or facebook, but the other day I was so sick of him not doing anything that we broke up. But low and behold he sent me a message 3 days later saying how I was the love of his life and all this stuff and how he wanted to be back together with me and hasn’t slept since we broke up. It made me feel like shit. Because he realized he couldn’t do anything without me, and I don’t want that.

    He also is never, ever wrong. ever. I just feel so weak and don’t know how to say no I don’t want to date anymore without hurting him. We have been dating for two and a half years…

    What are some good ways besides just leaving?

  40. camille on July 22nd, 2009 12:56 pm

    To meagan, yes, even though he comes through as a nice guy, he still is in control. He has you doing most everything including most of all supporting him. He is pretty sly that way because he knows that if being a nice guy is all it take for a free ride than why not. To me, he seems to be displaying true signs of someone who has what is called dependent personality disorder. You should research this on the web. However, he does not seem to be a good match for you. Most people with this type of beavior usually never amount to much without proffessional help. You are better off finding someone who is more compatible with you. You seem to be a pleaser but this is not good when it is all one sided. When it is like this you become the enabler, allowing him to continue his dependent behaviors. Maybe a break up I what he needs to go get some help and who knows maybe you both can get back together but under diffferent and better circumstances. Good luck and feel free to write back

  41. Debbie on July 27th, 2009 8:40 pm

    I have been in a relationship for 11 years, we have a 6 year old son together. He uses my son as an excuse to get to me. I asked him to move out 2 years ago. We have no custody agreement and he gives me $50.00 a week in support. This is because he makes me feel bad because he has another son whom he pays $100.00 a week for. Anyway it was always an excuse why he doesn’t have money and I end up paying. We sort of got together again because I went out and had one too many and it was his opportunity to have sex. Now if I refuse sex he gets mad and slams things, burns out and tells me there is something wrong with me, I am 42 years old and have many responsibilities…. He is 47 years old what’s up with that? If he doesn’t get his way he yells and has tantrums. How am I going to stop this, he and his mother make so many degrading remarks to me. I have my own home and I am raising my son by myself. He goes out whenever he wants and goes on trips and lives with his mother. If i go out he is calling my cell phone and wants to meet me(probably to take advantage of me). If I don’t answer he says I am up to something. He rarely takes our son, he lives with his mother and keeps his other son but not ours. I want to go for custody and child support but I am afraid. Am I wrong for not giving in? I am afraid to leave our son alone with him, he is not physically abusive but has a bad temper and our son had ADHD so it scares me and he doesn’t keep a good eye on him.

  42. lolo on August 9th, 2009 12:34 am

    Hi, My boyfriend is nice an caring , but when he gets angry he gets very quite and if I ask him why he is quite he starts saying rude things to me which he is aware will hurt my feelings, any decision I make is not good enough and have to keep him aware of all the places am going or people am meeting. If he is in a good mood then I need to be in a good mood .. if he is a bad mood phoo… i shouldnt uttter a word .

    I know he loves me a lot and I too love him we intend to get married soon .. and have been seeing him for 5yrs now .. but he’s never hit me or be physically absuive so dont know if am gonna do the write thing

    help me

  43. camille on August 9th, 2009 9:05 am

    Lolo NO NO!! Just because he doesn’t hit you it does not justify his other controlling and abusive behaviors towards you. He is not marriage material. It will only get worse once he thinks he owns you with a piece of paper that states you are his wife. A marriage is based on trust and is a fifty fifty commitment. This guy does not posess any of these features or abilities.

  44. nisha on August 9th, 2009 8:54 pm

    from reading the 10 signs i’ve noticed that i’ve been being controlled since day one because my boyfriend has ALL do you hear me ALL the signs of being a controllig man. me and my boyfriend has been together for 4 years and he’s 35 and i’m 23 years old. he doesn’t let me use his phone for importabt phone calls, he doesn’t let me go anywhere without him knowing where i am i cnt even go outside for ten minutes without him telling me to come upstairs. even though im only 23 but i feel as if i’m his mothers age, i gets no FREEDOM as an adult. dont get me wrong he pays the bills and furnishes my apartment but when he’s mad he throws it in my face. we just had angument 20 minutes ago because his daughter is 17 she’ll be 18 next month and she lives in our house better yet MY house and she has nothing going on she’s not doing well in anythhing thats going to help her future out, so i complained and as a CONTROL freak that he is he turned the tables on me,then at the end of the convo thats when he aadmits i’m right but at the same time it’s like why the tables turned? i dont get it , i love him but sometimes i wish i were single.thanx 4 hearing me out.

  45. Julie on August 13th, 2009 3:11 am

    ***** I need your advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 8 months. We have lived together for a year and a half but we are very controlling of eachother. We do everything together… EVERYTHING. Meaning, no personal space at all. If we are at work, we still are on the phone. It was not controlling at first but as time went on, it just got worse. Even for how unhappy we are, we still stay together.


    ****** I make him unhappy because when he looks at another female I’ll give him attitude. One glance is okay but if he takes a second look or stares, I get mad. That will trigger his short fuse and we will be in a fight all day because of it.

    ****** He makes me unhappy because of his short temper. The smallest thing will create a big fight all day. The fight just builds and builds until we are so angry at eachother. He smokes weed throughout the day and when he doesnt smoke it, he seems like a different person. Someone so pissed off at life.

    ***** I NEED YOUR ADVICE!! I love him and he tells me he loves me too. We will never be able to give eachother personal space. Should I worry about how he smokes weed all the time? Am I in the wrong? Do you think this would ever lead to happiness? Thank you for your help. – Julie

  46. Julie on August 13th, 2009 3:17 am

    ****** I left this out from my previous post.

    - I am 21 years old and my boyfriend will be turning 24 in December.

    - We both are in college and have many things in common.

    - I tried to ask him to go talk to someone with me to get help but he wont go.

    - Julie

  47. Elliott Guzman on August 20th, 2009 8:38 am

    Hey… Umm I was with my girl for 3yrs and 7 months age recently broke up with me on friday the 14th I was breaking that poor girls heart she always told me that I was controlling and It bothered b/c I felt it wasn’t me my only issue with her was that we never did anything fun she only had fun with her friends and put them first and I felt I needed to compete with them. They were her new friends so it wasn’t like she was close to them and did those things with them when we met. So I was constantly feeling left out… Well long story short… She told me to look up controlling boyfriend and I did and I cried my eyes out b/c considered a “controlling boyfriend” but the reasons behind why a controller does that wasn’t the reason why I was doing it and it really hurt me to know that she felt thar way and thought I was doing to belittle her or feel superior… Well now I’m going to see a therapist in hopes of me changing and becoming a better person and hoping to some day get back with her my question is… Can I really change from that or I’ll be this monster for the rest of my life?!! Oh and girls talk to ur bf let him know how u really feel not what he wants to hear. if he don’t change when u tell him what’s wrong the way it should be told then leave… He ain’t changing and if u love him u leaving him for good will open his eyes if not now eventually…

  48. Jamie on August 25th, 2009 5:34 pm

    IF you get a bf do not fall far the I care about you so much story or the things of my past i can not make it without you. mind games i just got out of a relationship and he was a very controlling person. I had to look at the floor when another guy walked passed me or if i went out with friends and family he yelled at me like where were you why did you not tell me anything. made me feel as if i had to tell him everything, he could not stand my parents. He always tried to bring things up from the past it is one of the many mind games they play. He had me so up his rump i did not care for my feelings anymore or friends or family just his. When you feel like you have someone trying to control your life. End that relationship run for help, i am now changing my cell and house number and i had to delete my internet sites is that said or what. I have to watch my life b/c he threaten to kill my family. Keep your mind open because mine we worked at the same job even after that we would go to his house i would stay over there from 9:30 – 2:30 am then when got home i would have to call him and whe would stay on the phone tell 6:00am then go to work at 2:00pm and this would go on for months not enough time he said to spend together. All to keep me under his control make me feel so sorry for him. I gave him the most important thing that belonged to me that was my virginity. I am 20 but you know i was saving that tell marriage but i thought we would but he just got to controlling and i loved him at the time. Just one day i had enough so i broke my ties with him and split up and i am glad where never going to get back together. Just be warned for people like that i am telling you this for your own safety and b/c i do not want you to be a victim like me.

  49. devontae on August 28th, 2009 4:07 am


  50. Boyfriend on August 29th, 2009 10:37 pm

    What if you are the controlling boy friend? Or you see the signs of them within you, but you dont want to be controlling… it really is not that easy….

    How can i not be controlling?

  51. Cindy on September 5th, 2009 8:55 pm

    i’ve been in a FEW abusive relationships each get worse and worse! I’m a STUPID GIRL I know. Just be tough and leave! but dont play games, its over u dont get in contact with him either leave him alone!No texting, driving by his house or anything! if he threatens u call the cops or threaten to call the cops and possible or few charges may save the next girl! I know everybody’s situation is different sso if u have a child do this same thing and go through the courts!

  52. Mary- frances on September 8th, 2009 7:32 am

    My Boyfriend is military police

    I feel he is very controlling, information ive told him personal of abuse

    he then uses it against me, or if ive mentioned something about my parents

    He threatens me with he going tro tell them finishing with him I feel will be difficult

    because of what he might do.

    slates my condition ms, thats all he hears althougfh i have supported him with his promotional courses gave encourgment, can be nasty with his tongue, so much so i ve slapped him couldn’t believe he could be so nasty, as he is a body gaurd used his his techniches against me, always twists things making u feel its all you, some advice wouls be appreciated.

  53. Royal on September 8th, 2009 11:59 am

    Last night i just left a controlling short term relationship. For the first time i left EVERYTHING BEHIND except the clothes on my back. I had a quarter tank of gas and when he left with friend and surprisingly let me stay behind after an argument…..I LEFT. I left all my clothes! all my hair products! all my toilettries! the last straw with me is he went off on my all night because i saw the new Mercedies Benz and loved it and commented on it in fron of friends. He was call me ou my name, saying i was disrespectful and out of pocket and a car hoppin ho!!!!!!! That was the last straw…im not living life with my head down no more. I feel lost to have to start over again!! but now im free!!!!!!! FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  54. jenny on September 12th, 2009 5:45 pm

    nikki i have the same problem as well

  55. jenny on September 12th, 2009 5:52 pm

    i wish i could talk to someone that is going throght the same thing as i am but i dont have any friends to talk to, my fiance is everything in this list and more, i stay because i think maybe he will change but i came to the conclusion that he wont . in just got into an argument with him like 30 minutes ago because he didnt get the attention he wanted from me so he got mad so he was being rude all the way home and now he left me alone at home and drove away, i need someone to talk to but im scared that he will find out that im talking about him, since he pays for the phone he checks who i call and txt i really feel like a prisoner, i used to be so free and independent but thhose days are over. if anyone would like to talk about there controlling partner i would love to hear them out and help eachother out.

  56. Kelli on September 14th, 2009 4:18 pm

    All you have to do is woman up and leave them and don’t feel guilty about it.!!!! They have no shame in controlling you. They enjoy seeing you unhappy whick makes themselves feel happy and superior over you becuase they are so insecure. they suck the life ou of your life. You are not in their best interests, It’s all about them. Was married to a guy like this for 4 1/2 years! Wow did i waste my time atleast I learned from it though! I made the decision of not having kids with him. Thank god i didnt! During the divorce he got some girl pregnant becuase he wanted a kid so bad! Pathetic!!!!

  57. Kelli on September 14th, 2009 4:22 pm

    They don’t change! If you obey their every command whyt would they want to change? By the time you ask them to change its too late they have no repect for you anymore and dont see the benefit of it for them,

  58. Kelli on September 14th, 2009 4:29 pm

    If you cant see your self just leaving him cold turkey then start standing up to him and push his buttons. (however if he physically abuses call the cops on him and get him in trouble) Once you start standing up for yourselves they freak out and realize they dont have the control of you and worry about losing you. They will become unhappy and not like you anymore and will end up cheating on you or leave you once this happens especially if there not getting sex from you. I know from experience ! You girls can have so much more. Dont settle! There are too many men out there to stick with one pathetic loser!!!

  59. Kelli on September 14th, 2009 4:32 pm

    If any one needs advice i can help. Just email me. I am no psychiatrist I just experience this tramatic situation like you all!

  60. Denise on September 27th, 2009 11:56 am

    I am a 38 year old woman, and I have been in an abusive type relationship since January 2009. Of the 10 signs I have experienced at 9 of them, this guy has even admitted that he hit two of his former girlfriends but defended himself by saying that one got him upset cause she was hitting at him and the other was just nagging him. He admitted that he has problems with his father and that has messed him up. He has also accused me of being with other guys which I am not, and I have told him on numerous occasions. When I am out with friends he calls me continuously and when I dont answer he starts to accuse me, when he is out and he doesn’t answer his phone I am paranoid. He blames me for everything, even stuff that he does and always makes everything about him, never me. When I ask questions about why he does what he does, he never answers, just shuts me out and doen’t talk, his textes always says ” Goodbye “. whats your take on it????

  61. jenny on October 11th, 2009 10:29 pm

    kelli whats your email?

  62. Rachel on October 14th, 2009 9:42 am

    I am in an abusive relationship and I have known for some time, and it’s true it’s hard to leave. One reason because I feel I am letting the person down and feel guilty and secondly down to financial reasons , we rent can get out the agreement etc, sounds ridiculous, but if I could get some advice on this I would be out like a shot, it’s taken me months to even consider this and have the courage to do so. HELP!

  63. roxy corpis on October 16th, 2009 9:56 am

    yeah that is so true i have a boyfriend now and he is every one of those

  64. Cammi on October 19th, 2009 10:13 am

    I have not been out here in awhile. Usually I post information in-order to help others. Today I would like to post something with the hope that one of you could give me your input regarding my situation. The situation is as follows:

    I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 8 years. For all of these years except for the past 58 days, he was an alcohol and cocaine user. During that time I endured the worst verbal and emotional abuse that I have ever witnessed. Although he has never layed a hand on me, the scars from this type of abuse run very deep. Most of this abuse occurred when he was coming down from his high, not when he was high. This behavior occured approx. every other day. During these 8 years he left me three times, leaving me very depressed. I honestly felt as though I could not go on without him. This resulted in my taking him back each time, on his terms. Not realizing how good I had it when he was out of my life, I began to become miserable once I took him back. Following the third time that we got back together, I decided that I would make everything perfect with the intention to compensate for what he was doing wrong. I had this delusional belief that I was strong enough, smart enough, kind enough to make this relationship work on my own. What I was not thinking about was “my own sanity and happiness”. I believed that I could fix him. Well as time went on things seemed to be getting worse. He started to party more and more and his abuse got worse and worse until finally he just upped and left again in july of this year. At that point I decided to go on with my life and I did. I registered for some classes at college and started going out with my friends. This resulted in a happiness that I have not felt in years. I finally was beginning to find out who I was. Then the unexpected happened. He contacted me with a sincere story about how he joined alcoholics anonymus. He said he was doing wonderful and asked if I would support him with this by giving him a chance. I gave it some thought and being the caring person that I am, I decided to see him once a week. He told me that he wanted to show me the nice guy that he really is, not the one masked by addictions. He went on to explain that his cruel behaviors were not those of his real personality, but those of a person who was badly addicted to drugs and alcohol. That was 56 days ago which was 3 days into his sobriety. Currently his is still sober, attending all of his meetings, sometimes even two and three meetings per day. He is catching up on all of his outstanding depts and looks and feels so much better. So now your probably thinking: “what’s her point?” Well, the point being is that his personality still shows similar traits of abuse and control. Although these traits are not as severe as they once were, they are still there. For example, when he is angry he says things that are hurtfull, he doesnt listen to what I have to say, and worst of all he is just as cold and unaffectionate as he always was. In other words, he has difficulty with intimacy . The good thing is that I no longer live with him and I only see him once a week. What makes this a difficult situation is that he is very good to me in other ways that he never was. He is helpful financially and does take me out to fun places . The problem is that I think about leaving him because of his abusive outbursts however, I often worry that this will set him back leading him to relapse with drinking and drugging. I just dont want this on my conscience but on the same token, I dont want to waste my time with someone who has abusive tendencies. I believe that he has some issues that only a proffessional counselor can help him with. I wish that he could understand that AA is only the bandaid that is used to cover the emotional wounds that provoked him to start using in the first place but it will not get to the root of the problem inorder to begin the healing process. I dont think he quite understands that people resort to addictions in order to cushion the pains of underlieing problems. I worry because now that his addictions are being dealt with, he is left with those underlieing problems that are beginning to surface, causing the same type of abusive behavior. Does anyone have any advice for me?


  65. sheewana on October 26th, 2009 11:12 am


  66. andy on October 26th, 2009 1:06 pm

    So, a controlling boyfriend exhibits all of the signs of being a woman? Neat.

  67. lee on October 29th, 2009 9:57 pm

    Ok, I’ve gotta say (as a female) a lot of the real signs of a controlling boyfriend were missing and a lot of these signs were extremely wrong, most of them were of guys who just don’t really consider what they say, especially since if it was a for a girlfriend it would be normal. Out of all thes signs only 10, 5, 4, 2 and 1 can be considered right with number 5 being exactly right and the others just partially right., the rest needs to be disregarded especially since there are girls who will go my boyfriend does this and say he’s controlling because a website list tells her he is when in actuality he’s not.

  68. Ashley on November 5th, 2009 4:38 pm

    My boyfriends does everthing on that list. I keep telling him he needs to change and he says he will but so far no changes. I cant take it anymore im about to explode. My family keep telling me to leave him and to have no more to do with him, but i love him and once agagin im stuck.

  69. Ashley on November 5th, 2009 7:52 pm

    my bf treats me like this 24/7 but the “girls night out” also includes my family. if he’s not with me then i cant do it. he drives my car and says im too stupid to know how. he makes me feel like crap all the time. i cant do anything unless he’s there. he’s becoming more aggresive. you wouldnt imagine the things i go through or the things i see. no one ever does. i cant get out because every time i tell him to leave he acts stupid. he wont leave without making me feel bad and getting in my face. i want him outta my life i just dont know how to get him to leave at all. i want out and i need a way out. can someone please give me advice about how to get rid of this loser? i hate my life and i hate myself. i need help and i dont know what to do at all. will someone please help me?

  70. jenny on November 6th, 2009 5:16 pm

    i see allot of girls here need help and im one of them, i had enough with my partner,just yesterday he looked at my phone and saw that i had deleted all my calls and he asked me why so i told him it was for no reason and that is the truth he didnt believe me and keept insisting like he was a cop he interrogates me like im a criminal, so i told him the truth and he didnt believe me. i just dont understand why he is the way he is, there are times that i think i hate him. i have came to the conclusion that we were not ment to be together and as much as i care about him im gonna do it im gonna leave, its gonna be really hard but this is not the way i want to live my life afraid and lonely i feel like im shut out from the world. dont you feel that way? alone, sad, angry, vounerable, and they make you feel like everything is your fault and that your not worth anything? i do, always and i feel stupid and he convinces me to believe that im wrong and i deserve the things he does to me. i wish every one of you leaves the person that your with if he is everything on this long list because if you dont you will cry allot and you will have the worst life, its sucks thst it sounds so easy to say but its so hard to do. i will attempt to leave but im really scared but if i dont i will regret that i never tried. i wish you all the best of luck i wish i could have gotten to talk to some of you going throgh the same but as for me who knows if he will see this and go nuts and thats the scary part.

  71. Ashley on November 11th, 2009 6:22 am

    this is to jenny, i would like to contact you if thats ok. could you please give me your email?

  72. jenny on November 11th, 2009 4:54 pm

    sure ashley my email is

  73. Fred on November 22nd, 2009 1:21 pm

    Woah damn I do all 10 of those things, guess I am controlling lol

  74. natasha on November 23rd, 2009 7:59 pm

    Soo, I’m 16 years old and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 7 months now with this 21 year old guy. At first, he seemed sweet. He didn’t say too much but when we got to know eachother, I ended up falling for him. We were called “the new bonnie & clyde” of our county, cause we just couldn’t stay away from eachother. Then things started to downfall, we would argue constantly about NOTHING. & we still do. He gets mad at me if I don’t say things in the right wording, if I go somewhere without him, I say something he doesn’t like to my friends (which I’m now allowed to have after me threatning to break up with him), and just the stupidest things ever. It’s so annoying. I can’t stand being around him anymore. Every little thing erks my last damn nerve and I feel like he’s out to get me sometimes.Plus, all my friends hate him and don’t want me to be wwith him. I feel like everything he does is manipulative, fake, and he’s doing it cause he’s a control freak. But that’s the problem;; I know he is controlling but I can’t get away from it. I’ve tried to break up with him 2 or 3 times and he just cries and wines and blows my phone up & begs me not to leave him. And The last time I tried to he told me he was going to show up at my school. He’s said he’ll never hit me but he has put me in a headlock before. He gets such a temper over nothing and makes me feel like I’ve done everything wrong when all I try to do is make it right. So my question is;; HOW DO YOU GET AWAY FORVER ?

  75. natasha on November 23rd, 2009 8:06 pm

    AND he freaks out when I don’t talk to him immeidately. I can’t even tell him when I’m hanging out with one of my friends or he’ll FLIP cause I didn’t “discuss it with him before hand.” He’s admitted that he’s had a messed up life and is a convicted felon, and I understand that. I try talking to him but it doesn’t do anything. He even got in a fist fight with his sister’s husband because his sister’s husband was telling him to calm down and not talk to me like that and my boyfriend was pushing me and grabbing my arms and yanking me. I just don’t know what to do. I hate him so much but love him at the same time. Maybe young love ? I know I deserve better but I just don’t know how to get away.

  76. Joanna on December 2nd, 2009 7:47 am

    Hi!! soo i feel kinda worried to even write this on here…im scared my boyfriends gonna wake up and see this soo im gonna make it quick!!

    im 17 and my boyfriends 20 ive been in a relationship for 1 year and 4 months. 2 months after we got together i cheated on him ONCE and ended up getting RAPED in the end of it..

    He holds that against me EVERYDAY now and constantly accuses me of Cheating on him!!! .ive done everything i can and say to show him my love for him and prove that im not the same person i was back then anymore but he doesnt listen.. Im so sick of fighting that i just try and do what he wants of me now..sometimes i dont even know what to say anymore cuz ive already told him a thousand times and he said hell try he just doesnt want me to Lie to him and then hell TRUST me again but yet everyday hes still accusing me of cheating and lieing its pathetic and stupid and im just getting real sick of it..

    This is also something he does that bothers me also..EVERYTIME i come home He SMELLS me to make sure i haven’t in his words “been Tampered with” its fucking wierd!! He embarrases me infront of My friends a causes a huge seen so ill listen to him so he gets his way and then he says that i embarres him!!! rrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    Were engaged and supposed to get married and get are own place next year but if he doesnt change then i dont think its gonna work out…..i just have Uncondisional love for him and he has made me feel like i cant be with anyone else but scared to lose hime but i KNOW it well be best if we did just break it but i feel that i cant…I feel WEAK i need some advice!! im afraid to be alone…..

    Please email me:

  77. Steven on December 10th, 2009 8:13 pm

    After reading the above signs I feel like i have some of these traits unfortunately. I have been cheated on, lied to, and hurt in past relationships which have made me a bit insecure and a tad bit on edge about trust issues. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost six months now and I really love her. There are a few things she has done that has started to put flags up in my head of her cheating and etc and her friends do things that are just troublesome. She lied about going to her friends boyfriends house when she said she did not even want to go over there, this guys house has had cops in it for drugs and etc. She is about to be 21 and her friends are all ready planning to get fake i.d.’s so they can all go out drinking. her friends like to take pills and other drugs, she has told me that that was her past and she does not do it anymore, but she sometimes craves it especially if someone talks about it. She also has a lot of guy friends on facebook myspace and etc, her friends date multiple guys from those sites, and she has received phone calls late at night aand messages on websites like when are we going to hang out etc. she also went to a friends house and was drinking she got mad because i was calling her but then i found out she had a bunch of phone calls to guys in her phone during that time frame, she said it was a game where you just go down your phone book and just call people. this all puts up lots of red flags for me and are signs that I saw before i caught ex’s cheating on me.

    I want to get some suggestions as to how i could be a better guy for her, more trusting, less worried,I do not want to loose her. I want her to want to be with me, enjoy the time we share and be more intimate (not so much as entercourse but holding hands and etc. (she says sex ruins relationships, do you agree?) but I also want to get suggestions on how to tell if she is really in it for the long run or if she is all ready seeking other guys.

  78. Grace on December 20th, 2009 6:17 am

    Most of the descriptions do ring true of these types of men, i was with one for just over three years and feel like i’ve become deadened spiritually.

    My instincts were telling me not to get involved in the beginning,but i didnt take heed of them. They chip away at who you are,til you become like a ghost of who you were,but its frightening because its hard to see it at the time.

    I’m not just going to concentrate on my son and my future, and most importantly building up my self esteem again.

    You want to believe that they are good people really,but i dont think they can truly change until they open their eyes to the hurt and pain they cause others.

    I think the thing that really shocks me is i nearly died because of this person,and through my weakness of being controlled by him.

    I’m looking forward to starting again,and being FREE………………

  79. Grace on December 20th, 2009 6:20 am

    Just get out and be happy,life is too short

  80. Jane123 on December 21st, 2009 10:58 am

    I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. For the past 5 months or so I have found myself being very depressed and remembering my past (which I won’t go into) but I believe this is a result of the way my bf reacts to situations. From reading the about “warning signs” I can pick the majority out as occuring in my relationship, though I am trying to be rational about it all and trying not to be “picky.” I cannot act out when I am feeling down, and if I do I am “acting like a toddler.” So in order for my bf to react the way I chose to it reverts to me breaking down like a mad person and saying ridiculous and stupid things like “I want to die” and ” find a girl who isn’t mad.” I makes me sick to even think I am capable of such thoughts. Going back to me “reacting” to being wound up or whatever, I am generally told that I am being pathetic and should be able to deal with it like an adult. Hands held high, I have thrown things in the past which I feel guilty about but this is often in reaction to the way my bf deals with certain situations, as they are usually very blunt and off hand statements which upset me even more if I am not feeling 100%. At the start of the relationship, everything was great, nothing was an issue, I did not have down moments and was walking on air. Is my bf acting this way because he is insecure himself? I am pretty sure this is it. We have threatened to break up so many times I have lost count and he has given up wanting to make it better in the past we have had “freshstarts” where he’s bought me dinner etc. But these never seem to have a lasting effect. I constantly feel the need to please him even when he is in a bad mood. He just says “well I can’t seem to please you” find someone who can. Yet we stay together?? He also makes odd comments when I am emotional and crying, why would I break up with you, I have bought you Christmas presents and makes plans for the future, assuming I will be there. I really try to be rational and logical about stuff, I have even spoken to my parents and they seem to think although he’s a nice guy, he has a lot of issues which is causing me turmoil. Even my best friend says that I need to find a bf that empathises more with me. It is apparent that my bf and I do think very differently, we even support opposing political parties. After a long, heartfelt talk with my parents, I have been enabled more confidence, and realise that I do not have half of the issues I think that I have, it is my bf who insitgates “pushing my buttons” and then I react and then it is my fault for reacting, which consequently when I have been feeling like the ground needs to swallow me up, cave in and cry, he ends up hugging me and kissing me. What I want to know is why does he even do this in the first place?? I recognise that I have a short fuse but he should perhaps realise this. I am trying my best here, and will have more confidence and a positive outlook on life, because just recently this has not been the case whatsoever. Anyone who has an feedback or adivce on my situation, I would greatly appreciate it. I have been made to feel that if I do not respond/give him attention to his stupid derogitary remarks, and ignore it and “handle” a situation better, nothing comes of it and our lives carry on, maybe I need to let stuff go over my head at times, but I am sure that most girls out there will understand that this is not that easy when you are feeling a bit hormonal and emotional. I am not a pushover and will never be.

  81. jayne on December 21st, 2009 11:57 am

    Im in the process of just about coming to my senses. I have been with a total control freak now for the last 18 months. I think i have know it all along to be truthful, but i didnt want it to be true as i really cared for this guy. Now however i realise he will never care for me like i deserve to be cared for. Hes just not capable. When i look at the way his father is, and his past behaviours i just know my boyfriend as learned all he can from his fathers ways !!! WONDERFUL !!! NOT !! . His mother is a sweetheart and i dont know how she has managed to put up with that man !

    He shouts at me, swears at me, is critical to the point of obsession with every thing i do. From my driving to the way i sit !!! He has never hit me, but he has threatened me and even smashed my front room window and damaged my car in a fit of temper ! So what next then, hey a good old smack. I know he would do it if he could get away with it. But he knows i will tell everyone and shame him !!

    Im a very strong person, but i find myself rushing to complete things so i can get back to his house. If im too long , there will be an argument. Then we either just sit around watching TV which bores me rigid when i have a 1000 things to do at home. He says things like “Oh you do what you have to do then just come on here when your bored “. Excuse me but we all have a life to lead. In other words hes playing mind games with me , trying to make me feel guilty for not spenind every single minute with him !!! Guess what even when im with him. i get precious love or affection. He says he doesnt like cuddling, and we usually end up on seperate sofas. Well guess what I do like cuddling and im not putting up with this jerk any more

    Ladies beware these men are usually masters of manipulation and can turn things round on you, and make you feel its all your fault, in a breath. I have experienced this time and time again. How somehow or other i end up getting the blame for 99.9% of the trouble. Funny how it wasnt like this with my ex partners then eh !!

    Oh yes he can be good fun, charming and nice. But usually when he knows im really pissed off with him. Hes bled me dry for money too and somehow stil manages to call me tight fisted. He isnt working and i lost my job 3 months ago. He knew i had a redundancy package and keeps saying “Im on the dole, you have $** in the bank. So what its my money, ive worked for it. Its not his. But boy has he made me feel as though i should be supporting him !!!

    I was warned by a previous partner of his that he was a violent and controlling individual. But I wanted to see for myself. Like i said deep down insided i have always know, and yes i guess i thought he would change !! However as time is going by i think hes getting worse. More agressive verbally when im doing things that dont involve him.

    What has finally made me come to my senses is over the last 3 months i have had some real serious and upsetting family worries . He has had a bad leg and fair enough, hasnt been able to walk and as been in a lot of pain. But … hey ive had no support what so ever. Just little jibes and digs actually insinuating that the problem within my family is my fault anyway as i didnt do this, didnt do that and didnt do the other…. At a time like this he should be solid with me, giving me comfort and support. Instead when i have cried he has told me not to be soft. I guess thats so he doesnt have to deal with it, and we can all concentrate on him !!

    Today he told me to F*** O** and never come back !!! Why ? Because hes had to tidy his kitchen up and i should have done it cos hes had a bad leg !! All the thing i have done for him forgotten of course !

    So the reality of this is….. No love in the relationship, just him pretending so he can have someone there to control. Help him out with money. Listen to his BIG HIM SELF UP stories and generally waste my time, whilst i could be out there finding someone worth while !!!

    Not saying its not hurtful but sometimes a reality check is needed and strength to go it alone. THESE MEN ARE WHAT THEY ARE LADIES AND I HOPE YOU LIKE ME WILL WALK AWAY, AND SHUT THE DOOR FIRMLY BEHIND YOU !

  82. jj on December 23rd, 2009 11:14 am

    wow..woman exhibit all the controlling behavior on a daily hang out with your friends too much, you don’t do this or that enough, your not romantic enough, you don’t say i look pretty enough, ect ect ..are you women kidding me?

    how about you women don’t get into a relationship if you don’t want to give up even a small piece of your past lives want a great guy to treat you like a queen, but you want to be with your friends all the time, text who you want, stay out till whenever you want, ect ect ..hmmmmm would you like your b/f or husband doing the same????? doubt it!

  83. Traci on December 25th, 2009 12:03 am

    to jj – no we are not kidding you. Yes, women exhibit demanding and controlling behavior from time to time. Yet 98% of domestic violence is committed by men. And to all of you who don’t realize it, a controlling boyfriend is committing domestic violence – learn more at

    Many people participate in some kind of unhealthy, controlling behavior. That doesn’t mean that it’s right and it certainly is not an excuse for anyone else to do the same. Yes, women should be treated like queens – and men like kings – but the unfortunate reality is that for many men, being treated like a king means that everyone must be his subject and servant.

    The reality is that in domestic violence situations, (controlling relationship situations, if you prefer) men are most likely to be the perpetrator. In most cases, men have greater physical and financial strength. In most places, men have more rights and more power than women… even here in the US. It is a sad truth that men commit the majority of violent crime, and the majority of sexual assault.


    Too many people ask “why doesn’t she leave” but that’s just another way of blaming the victim. She doesn’t leave because she feels hopeless and worthless and because he works very hard to make her feel that way in order to keep her under his control. The truly important question is “why doesn’t he stop?”

    I’m not bashing you jj and I’m not bashing men in general. jj – I hope you aren’t the kind of man who expects to be in control of the women with whom you are involved – your comment sounds very much like a man who resents independence in women but that could simply be this small comment and not a true reflection of who you are.

    The reality is… if you (as an example only) have expectations of your girlfriend and she doesn’t seem interested in meeting them (hanging out with you instead of her girlfriends) why don’t you find another girlfriend instead of trying to make her meet your expectations through controlling behavior. The sames holds true for women.

    I make no accusation but I suggest you learn more about what constitutes violence in relationships and if you are, like many men, pissed off because you’ve had to deal with the emotional damage other men (or one other man) has inflicted upon a woman in your life then find out more about the White Ribbon campaign & look into a book by Jackson Katz – Tough Guise.

    I’ve read many of the posts here and it saddens me. I have been so low that I attempted suicide because I was such an awful wife and human being… the result of not only my own depression but also years of abusive controlling behavior. I escaped the relationship but it wasn’t until I took a job for an organization that runs a shelter for abused women that I realized I had been living in an abusive relationship. Sad, huh?

    But true.

    Also true is that I am a person worthy of love not control. Also true is that my life is 500% better without him in it. Controlling men sometimes convince us that the world hates us & that we’ll be awful losers no one will love if we leave them… as if they’re doing us a favor. They are lying, and they aren’t acting out of love. If you’re in a situation like this, reach out for help in whatever way you can. It is possible to leave and believe me, living well is the best revenge.

    peace to you all.

  84. Young lady on December 29th, 2009 1:59 am

    I have been in this relationship for almost 3 years. We live together. We have bills together. I am 21 and he is 24. The first year of our relationship he was horrible to me. I knew he was cheating on me with several women but I never left him only to just argue with him. Then one night my friend just talked me into moving out while he was at work so I wouldnt have to deal with his drama and begging. He worked nights as a police officer back then. That same night I though well since I am gone and he doesnt know Im going to retaliate and hangout with one of his bestfriends that has a crush on me. So i did and I ended up cheating on him with this guy. I regret it though. So when he had found out that I had left he found out i was with his friend and hungout but i did deny that i kissed him. I felt guilty because honestly that wasnt my style to cheat but i felt that maybe it would show him a lesson because he had cheated with about 13 other women. Well he came over to my friends were I was staying and he wanted to talk to me so we talked and i denyed EVERYTHING other than what he knew like who i was hanging out with. Anyways after a week we moved back in and it was like he was a totally different person he stopped the cheating and most of the lying. I felt that it was time to tell him the truth about a month later and i told him what had happened between me and his friend. We talked it over but he new i wouldnt of done it again.

    I am not those type of girls who are controling. I let him pretty much do whatever he wants. I dont go through his phone, I never really question who he text and talks to. I dont think he has cheated on me since but All those signs that you provided to me he pretty much follows without even knowing it. We just argued bc he doesnt want me to talk and text one of my friends that i have had. Just so happens she is a Lesbian.

    Then during the argument I told him I couldnt do this anymore. I feel like Im caged in a box. Everytime I go see my family he texts me and blows my phone up asking me when im going home and “so much for spending time with him”. He makes me feel so GUILTY! I know thats wrong because you shouldnt feel guilty by seeing your grandparents and family. All my friends dont really talk and ask to hangout anymore bc its like He always makes a point to ruin the good time I have with them and he will start an argument on purpose. Or he will call me every 30 minutes asking what im doing (It would be the same thing that i was doing 30 minutes ago) So my friends get so annoyed of it that they just dont even invite me anymore. All my co workers hate him bc if we ever do get in an argument he feels that it is necessary to talk about it right then and there and he doesnt want to wait. Im a dispatcher I can be talking and arguing on the phone.

    He has hit me before twice. once he slapped me right across the face to were it was so hard i fell back. and he hit my head once knowing that if i bruised no one would see it. That was 2 years ago. He hasnt done it since. and I am at fault for being abusive to but not like that. Thats why I have stopped drinking.

    Also, he is starting to realize that he is controlling and I’m not just complaining and bitching bor no reason. I threatened him that I couldnt live like this anymore and if he doesnt try to help his controlling and doesnt change or atleast make some modifications then i will live him. I told him he was mean and Im young and pretty i Dont have to put up with any of this because of the fact that there probably are so many other nice mean out there who would respect me and not take me for granted. So now he wants to go to counseling.

    That come to my conclusion…hopefully you can answer:

    He has changed before he doesnt cheat anymore but can counseling work for his controlling habits?

    I hope so bc i realy love him and If me and him dont work out I hope somthing works out for him in the future bc I know if he is the same person today when he finds another girl, that girl would be miserable and he would also be miserable.

    Thanks! :)

  85. chris on December 30th, 2009 9:28 pm

    i am a mother and my daughter is in a realationship and is he controlling her as far as he txts me and says he is her is there anything i can do and im always there for her and love her with all my heart im just want to help her

  86. Amanda on December 31st, 2009 1:00 am

    I finally just left me boyfriend/father of my unborn baby i did somthing i shouldnt have done but that still didnt give him the right to hit me and make me feel really bad about myself he did everything they said up there he told me that if i left he wouldnt have anything to do with me or his daughter and that im on house arrest i am not aloud to talk to anyone for 5 months till our daughter is born he told me that im broken and i need to be fixed and im not aloud msn face book im not aloud to have a cell phone he took it and broke it im not aloud to listen to music im not aloud on the computer so i didnt talk to anyone he told me he wants me to be at the library everyday reading and talking to no one….if anyone is in a relationship like this or close to this get out now it only gets worse trust me and now i feel bad for having to bring an inesent little baby girl into this world with a father like that because of me mistake im so thankful that im having a baby thats that only good thing that has came out of our relationship

  87. Kimberly on December 31st, 2009 12:34 pm

    I just turned 17 this November..i’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months on January 9th..Everything above defines him and then some more. I don’t know how, but i can honestly and truthfully say that i’m completely inlove with this man..maybe it’s because i fell inlove with him before i even started noticing this, or because i also know a different side to him..but whatever it is, i’m stuck. I have never had a boyfriend who treated me so horribly recent ex is actually his step brother, he was a bad boyfriend but not as bad as his brother..My boyfriend has done the following :

    -Spit in my face more than once ( i’d say about 4 times i dont exactly remember)

    -Has had sex with my (ex) best friend more than once, plus 2 other girls ( that i know of )

    -made me delete my myspace, then made me delete my face book a little after..

    - deleted numerous numbers in my cell phone.

    - basically took away all of my friends.

    - punched two holes in my bedroom wall.

    He’s in jail right now, for the 2nd time within 6 months, and it’s like i am too..i’m not allowed to go out at all. he’ll call me and even when i tell him the truth about what i’m doing he still thinks i’m a ” lying bitch “. When he was home, we were together 247 literally we basically lived together just switched from my house to his..When someone would text my phone, he would grab it and read it and no matter WHO it was, get completely jealous and start a fight even if it was one of my girlfriends! GUYS… OUT OF THE QUESTION. never. My bestfriend ( not the one he slept with ) is not allowed to hang out with me..he thinks shes a slut and a whore and she is completely not. i’m not allowed to go out by myself, ever to hang out with anyone or he’ll break up with me and call me a whole bunch of names..Every single day at least once a day, he lets me know that he can’t trust me and never will, and how much of a cheating whore he thinks i am. Now, i have never cheated on my boyfriend the entire 8 months we’ve been going out, yet he’s had sex with 3 other girls, probably more, that i know of..and i’m the cheating slut?

    I’m the type of girl who likes to hang with the boys.. i’ve always been that way, not because i’m a whore, i have 4 older brothers, i’m just used to hangin like one of the guys..and 85% of my friends were guys. Now i talk to none of them. But then it’s like all of his girls in his phone i can’t delete, he can go out whenever he wants, hang out with who ever he wants, and no matter how hard i try to be like him, and controll what he does, he laughs. and it’s not like he doesnt know he’s like this, he does…it’s like he just does not care at all.

    I can understand why he wouldnt trust me a little bit because last time he was in jail he told me not to hang out with my friends and i thought that was unfair, but i didn’t want to fight with him since we only had a limited time to talk on the phone and it cost money wich me or my mom does not i told him i was home to keep the peace, but sometimes i was out with friends..not being unfaithful, just hanging out. He judges me on my past, and wants me to delete every single picture i have saved on my computer from over the years, like he wants to erase my past completely.. and i miss my friends.. and even when me and him do go out the rare times we do, it’s not the same..all my friends will be there, but i can’t be myself i can’t joke and laugh because i never know what will set him off so i’m scared..i can’t stare at ANY guys not even convorsation.. and even if im not he’ll still think i am, so i choose just to stare at the floor for a good majority of the night, just to save the fighting…but then when i do that he’ll tell me i’m being embarassing and ” what the fuck is wrong with you, wipe that fuckin look off your face. ” i just can’t win…no matter what i do or how i try i cannot win.

    I try to talk to him all the time, actually sit him down and talk to him, and try to fix us..because i love him, i love him so much i want us to work ive seen his good side and i want that part of him. I’ll tell him that he should atleast try to trust me, pretend even if he must, and maybe if he keeps it up for a long enough time he actually will.. i don’t know when he got the idea in his head that i was a compulsive lying cheating slut.. but he did..and i tell him, ” you tell yourself that every day that why you believe it so much, but thats not me at all. ” and it’s really not.. it’s sad to think 8 months and your boyfriend doesn’t even know who you are.

    He would put me down 17 and i mean, i think i’m pretty..i was always told throughout my life that i was beautiful..i’ve had alot of boyfriends.. i always felt pretty..until recently, i feel so self concious around him..i’m starting more and more to notice things about myself that i the size of my breasts could be much bigger…and my legs could be skinner..along with my stomache..i have no hips, im a little white.. i’ve even started going tanning again and i joined the gym. He’ll tell me i look like shit..i went to visit him the other day in jail and he told me i looked like i got hit by an 18 wheeler..i mean it’s not that big but, it still hurts when the person you love says you don’t look good. Sometimes i would tell him ” you’re my boyfriend, youre supposed to think i’m beautiful no matter what i wear or how my hair is done..” and he’d laugh.

    I just dont know what to do..all of my friends dont want me with him, even his family tells me to leave him. i can’t though. I feel like i literally can’ i’m attatched to him or something..part of me feels like its because we’re together so much, and that maybe if we could do our own thing once in a while, hang out with our friends, we wouldnt fight so much..but i’m so afraid to ask him because i know what it will lead to.. and somehow EVERYTHING leads to ” i know your being a slut and fuckin other guys ” no matter what it is… like, i could tell him i took my dog for a walk.. ” Why so you could look for guys to fuck? ” like its to the point where it’s just getting rediculous and i feel like honestly just saying fuck it all. but it’s so incredibly hard for me to leave.. and then the few times i have tried to leave if i was at his house, i would choose just to get my shit and walk out because he would get crazy sometimes, and when i tried to do that he would lock me in his house and stand infront of the door or follow me to the next door and push me away. and he doesn’t care who we fight infront of, this once happened infront of one of his older sisters husbands friends…screaming at me, calling me names, spitting in my face, throwing me around. the guy was so scared he pretended he didnt even see it. and then when i would retaliate and finally smack him in the face or something, im the abusive one.

    I just dont know. I’m sorry this is so long, theres so much more, i could write a book talking about him and the things he does..


  88. Amanda on January 1st, 2010 1:05 am

    Im 19 yrs old I know what you mean my x (father of my daughter) is in jail he did pretty much the same thing as ur boyfriend he broke my cell phone he wanted me to delete my facebook or give him the password i was not aloud to listen to music he told me that im on house arrest im not aloud to talk to my friends or family till our daughter is born and that if i left he would have nothing to do with me or the child..and now his mom is calling me all the time threating me and all that fun stuff

    He turned muslim all of a sudden and started treating me like shit i did something bad when we were on a break and i was living with my mom somthing im not proud of but it happend stuf happens but anyways we were always together 24/7 7 days a week he told me that when he has his “friends” from the mosque (muslim church) he would put up a sheet on the living room door way so i couldnt see them and they couldnt see me and if i wanted to talk to him i had to knock on the wall and wait for him to come in the other room to talk to me…

    Im still soo much in love with him i cant get the person he was when i first met him i want my old love to come back we us to look at each other with soo much love…but now im soo upset and scared to bring and a poor little baby who has done nothing wrong into this world to deal with a father and a grandmother like this

  89. Melanie May on January 2nd, 2010 3:14 am

    I kind of feel like this is where my relationship is headed. I can not go anywhere without him, be with anyone else besides him. He dictates our plans for the week, what classes I should take in school and who I hang out with in my family. I love him with all of my heart, but this relationship is completely different then when it began. I do not know how to explain to him that its not all about him, I am involved. He always has panic attacks if i leave and go to a movie with my own father and not with him. He thinks he is the third wheel all the time and that I do not love him if i decide to do something he does not approve of. I am so perplexed. I do not know what to do….

  90. Amanda on January 4th, 2010 11:46 am

    Im not going to tell u what to do i will give u some advies mine and my exs relationship started out great he would come with me to my familys house for diner and just to visit and we would go to our friends places and visit all of a sudden i was not aloud to go out anywhere not aloud to go on facebook not aloud to see my family or friends he told me that my friends werent really my friends and there not going to be there for me and i was not aloud to listen to music not aloud my own cell phone that i pay for..dont get my wrong i still love me ex with everything i have we have a daughter on the way but its not worth being controled u are ur own person u need to live life for u….

  91. Jake on January 4th, 2010 4:06 pm

    Guys like this really piss me off. I was just recently dating a girl who had only been with abusive guys in her past. All her ex’s either beat her and controlled everything she did, or cheated on her.

    Even when I first met her, before we were going out, she was seeing another guy at the same time and didn’t tell me until I asked her to be my gf. The sad thing is that this guy, the rumor going around, is that he beat up his last gf. And the whole time we were going out he would call her and tell her he loves her and is so depressed without her. Put a lot of stress and strain.

    Now if I ever said anything about it, or that it’s stressing me, she would flip out and claim I am just like every other guy and trying to control her. She would turn it into a fight. If I said something wrong that she didn’t like, even if I didnt mean to, she would go talk to the other guy and let me know she was. She just couldnt stop from turning everything into a fight and felt she had to get back at me for things I didnt know would upset her, like having to stay home with my family at christmas dinner and not being able to have it with her family. Then she decided that she wouldnt have sex with me cuz she knows it’s all i want and plan on leaving her and cheating on her anyways.

    Anyways, I had to break it off with her last week and just stop talking to her, even though it hurt so bad. I couldn’t be with someone that made me feel like I wasn’t trustworthy, like I wasn’t worth anything, like i’m a cheater, or like that i’m lower than a girl beater.

    I still hurt a lot though cuz i cared about her and wanted to be different from other guys. I wanted it to just work and be simple, just happiness, not stressful and complicated. So I end up getting hurt too, it’s not just the girl that gets hurt but future guys who actually like her.

  92. kayleah worthy on January 6th, 2010 12:48 pm

    I know my boyfiend is controlling and negative. But then he tries so hard to make me happy. He really does his best to realize when he is wrong and usually accepts his falts. At first he thought he was not controlling and then one day at the mall it really came out in full bore. I wanted to try on two shirts and he said “this one is ugly” and put it back on the wrack. If i did not have a newborn child with him I probably would have left him long ago. I dont leave him now because he is trying to do the right thing and really wants us to work out. Sometimes I really am unsure about our relationship especially because we are extremely different. He is needy aswell. I am more independant. He does not want me to smoke ciggeretts and I feel like he is trying to contoll me but then I know I should not be smoking especailly while breastfeeding but I feel so stressed. We fight over stupid stuff and its hard to tell if its him or me. I know that he flys off the handle and it drives me nuts. sometimes I really think I would be better off without him and his negativity but i dont want to give up just because its not perfect. I am just so confused sometimes I just feel its a matter of time. I hate being controlled. Its extremely hard with a new baby becasue I am not working and he barely works. we handg out too much. I have let it happen. its just hard to get away from him especailly with new child. sometimes he talks about us being together forever and I just say yes. in the back of my mind I think if you can grow up and not be so negative.

  93. Be yourself » Blog Archive » You just know on January 8th, 2010 7:39 am

    [...] I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted out. I wasn’t growing as a person, felt suppressed, totally controlled and strung along; total toxic relationship. (It wasn’t surprising that a majority of my [...]

  94. Marcelia on January 15th, 2010 5:59 am

    Hey. I was at one time with a boyfriend for 3 years who was very abusive emotionally and at a point in time it nearly became physical. He would tell me what to wear and what not to wear and this really freaked me out. He was way too possessive of me and would not allow me to be with friends or even say hi to guys be they family or what. I was really an emotional ruin, I was emotionally bruised and lost trust in men. I felt so unloved such that I would seek comfort from other people but it was never enough. At one time he threatened to beat me up and that was it. I simply walked out of the relationship coz I couldn’t take it anymore and the moment I did I felt the inner peace and fulfilment that I had lost return instantly. Girls it is time we do something about this, do the right thing, simply walk away. That way you will be safe and you will be able to help others about just where you’ve been.

  95. Teresa on January 15th, 2010 11:55 am

    Hi, i am back again……….. i read your comments regarding walking away but its never that easy, how can you walk away when you have no home or money to do so, i have children too, i cant lead them away from comfort. if i was beaten then yes i would go because the children come first and to see violence would be unspeakable but there is no violence just mind controll where he right i am wrong and no sex because he tired or he worried about money or because he had to let out the dogs at night, turn the lights of, you no, excuses as to why he wont touch me. my confidence has blown, he is more of a boss/father figure than a lover. i am hoping one day, something will happen to make me leave, but until then, its impossible

  96. Priya on January 19th, 2010 2:54 pm

    I was in a relationship with a very controlling person(didn’t know this at the time) & had become as nasty as him coz telling him that his ways hurt me only made him do more of it. So I had to find another way out. Moreover I worked with him in the same office. I also knew that such kinda men have a big EGO. So I started throwing similar tantrums so he got fedup of me and finally after 2 long years dumped me. I too the opportunity to tell a friend in front of him that I got a new boyfriend. This sent him in a total spiral for attention & security that he started dating another colleague of mine. Now I can see his modus operandi and realize what shit I have put up with. Well I have tried to give this friend hints of his abusive nature but she’s totally in love with him..we’ll he’s good at controlling that bit . Feel sorry for her..But thank God…I managed to get rid of him.

  97. judy on January 25th, 2010 12:50 am

    To all of the young women who posted about these guys, RUN!RUN AWAY FAST!

  98. judy on January 25th, 2010 12:55 am

    I spent the last 4 and 1/2 years on a controlling abusive man. We were married for the last 2. I eeven put him in prison finally for hitting me and then took him back which was really stupid!I left for good 3 months ago and have had no contact. My life isn’t perfect but it is a heckuva lot better than it was!By the way, read some things about BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER on the web because alot of it fits these guys. And as a therapist told me, “borderlines don’t change”. Please get out of these relationships. I hate to see ,particularly , all these young women still in their teens wasting their time with these horrible men.You deserve to be treated well,girlfriend!

  99. Hanan on January 28th, 2010 11:04 am

    So today i left my bf.. i have said a million and one times that i will leave him, that my friends thing i’m full of crap, so have faith that i will. i was looking online for help, and this came up. i have been w/ him for almost 3 yrs. he does that promising thing when i leave about how he will change. he buys me things all the time. he smokes marijuanna which i hate.. i’m not allowed to say not one thing about it b/c he is a grown man and can do as he pleases and he is going to stop when he gets in the air force… he stays checking my phone and is pissed off when things are deleted, he makes me apologize about everything and makes me feel like i’m the bad guy. i never had a black eye just bruises and pulled hair, and pushes and stuff.. he would make it seem like its not that bad, b/c look at what Chris did to Rihanna… sad i know… i have faith that today is my last.. i had to be nice last night to get my phone back and while he was sleep i made plans to stay at my friends, so this morning while he was gone, i got dressed for work and loaded my car… i have problems w/ family and firends b/c of hime and he takes full advatage of him taking care of me b/c i have no body.. this sucks… but i have some strength =)

  100. Ilza on January 30th, 2010 6:52 am

    I would just like to add my piece of mind . Being involved with a bulgarian man i’ve been in this relationship for 9 years and only opened my eyes now. They use u 4 there benefitn business everywhere ect . The mother is so bad she phones u to verbal abuse you even though u dont know here. She brings him woman from all over Italy bulgaria to force her son to marry them WHAT PARENT WILL DO THAT TO THERE KIDS THEY LOVE ???? u get threatened from the brother that’s not even his own brother. The maid in the house try’s and spite’s you cause she part of this family . I don’t even live with this man. I’m born in South west grew up in Upington / freestate /gauteng i was married to a Rhodesian 14 years what lovely people they are. Got involved with this man from day 1 was verbal abuse till up 2 2 day i had enough of this always prayed and thought it will change cause his actually a nice person. Sorry to say but all you men from europe r mentally disturb. Hope this advice will open up somebody elses eyes….

  101. Cassandra on January 30th, 2010 8:28 pm

    I never realized how bad it was till the day i said i wanted to work and he tould me if i want to get a job then i can get out and move back in with my dad every time i want to see my family it starts a fight and if i stay longer then i said i must be up to something like cheating on him even if i wanted to i cant he wont allow me to have any space he tells me i cant smoke any more then three somke a day and if he gets mad then he takes one away (I do hide them aroud the house though) if i want to go out with my friends its a no no i have to call him every half hour and when i dont he does 20 q and then starts asking what time how long i takled to someone and who if i forget i talked to someone im lying im not aloud to the store alone and if i do leave the house to bring the dog out for a walk i have to talk to him the whole time he even pays all my bills i thought it was a nice thing to help me out now i see its not the worse thing about it all is if i dont do what he wants me to do in bed then he says i dont love him im 29 and dont know how to handle this any more we have been together for almost a yr and my family and kids love him i feel like a 10yr kid again

  102. Tamara on February 1st, 2010 8:40 pm

    So many of your stories are really sad. Please girls, you have control to choose who you want to be with. If things are not going well and you are not happy and you have tried over and over to talk to your man and work together to make the situation better and it’s still the same, then it’s time for you to move on. Think about how much happier you could be. You only get one life why would you want to waste years of it with someone that does not appreciate who you are and respects you for you. Your life is worth more then that and you deserve to be happy. Please choose to be.

  103. michelle on February 2nd, 2010 2:52 pm

    I’ve been with this guy for almost 2 years, yes in the beginning it was romance fun relationship. The way he talks to me feels like he doesn’t care about me. He tells me to shut up and that I get on his nerves all the time. I can never get a word in and yes he always wants to be right and I am so sick of it! I know that one of these days it will be over, with his attitude and the way he treats me that just makes me have less feelings for him which is going to lead to leaving him. Life goes on we live and learn.

  104. Manwich on February 10th, 2010 2:58 am

    It’s plain as day the author of this “Pile of vomit” is a biased man hating wench. If i am wrong why is this written against men period, it should “Controlling Partners” with a non sexist approach, the author is a dried up cooch and needs to that fist out her ass and stop misleading people.


  105. if my boyfriend found this he would go mad LOL on February 17th, 2010 6:00 pm

    i cant even tell if im in the wrong or he is?

    I’ve been with this guy for 2 months ..

    im not allowed to wear low tops

    im not allowed to show my legs

    im not allowed to have guy mates

    im not allowed to comment guy friends on fb or write on there status

    not allowed to accept guys on facebook

    if one guy says anything sexual to me or even gives me a look in town , he’l knock them out.

    not allowed to dance in clubs

    been stopped from going to a foam party

    i cant wear leggings

    cant get any face piercings because there “slutty”

    cant even wear dresses anymore

    to a point i understand this , because men that care about there girlfriends wouldnt want them bringing unwanted attention from other guys ? but men that care about there girlfriends , dont they also accept them for who they are? and accept how they want to dress or do etc ?

    I just literally dont know.I care about him so much , and sometimes i think what he says is really flattering but its also like im not even who i am anymore, but a part of me doesnt want to go back to who i was when i was single because at that point in my life i didnt have someone looking out for me all the time.I need advice so bad or someone to tell me who’s in the wrong here because i feel to blame for everything.

  106. sarah on February 20th, 2010 11:54 am

    okay, so i have been dating this guy for like two months but we started talking 5 months ago, at first he was fine and didnt tell me to do anything, but now he says i cant talk to any of my guy friends, hug them wave to them or anything, he has made me delete all the guys of my facebook and myspac but a few, plus he goes onto my facebook and myspace and checks it like 10 times a day to make sure im not doing anthing wrong, he also goes through all my contacts and text messages in my phone? i have no idea what to do.

  107. Morgan on February 23rd, 2010 6:12 pm

    Everything stated above made me feel like the writer observed my relationship for a week and wrote this.. I don’t know what to do. One thing he did that wasn’t mentioned though was he destroyed my expensive property after an argument then said I learned my lesson. I’m stuck in a reality that is no loner real to me.

  108. candy on February 23rd, 2010 9:01 pm

    okay i already know these traits but i just want to know how to break up with him or get rid of him hes gotten to the point where he WILL not let me do anything if he doesnt like my friends too bad theyr gone i cant talk to them i cant hang out with them he HAS to know the password to all of my stuff so he can check through it all making sure i dont cheat on him ect and he also deletes ALL of my guy friends on there even if theyr gay or my family without my permission and he blocks people and when i unblock them he gets mad and completely goes off. and he always has to be around me he wont let me be alone even when i need it. he wont let me out MY own house without permission or knowing where i am at and when ill be gone and back and knowing everything im going to do or who will be there and most of the time he says no. why? because he wants time with me when he gets it more than own self. he calls 24/7 and when i dont pick up he leaves me angry e-mails saying “wow? dont pick up, thats fine with me, didnt think youd ignore me like that ect.” he wont let me talk to anyone els on the phone sometimes he wont let me go to sleep when im tired kuz hes not finished (talking or hanging out) ive gained weight kuz of the stress and because he wont let me get off the phone to exercise and do my daily routines. its annoying as hell and last time i tried breaking up with him he tried killing himself he wasnt kidding kuz i was right there and he wont let me go so i just want to know how to get rid of him for good without him flipping out or doing something crazy.

  109. Mel on March 6th, 2010 7:31 am

    It was a whirlwind courtship– he was so perfect, so sweet, bringing flowers for no reason, etc. He treated me like gold and swept me off my feet, even convincing me to move in with him a few short months after we met and started dating. We have been together CONSTANTLY since we met; especially after he lost his job.

    I have twice found evidence of him cheating, the 1st time he had a girl come to our apartment while I was out of the state with family, the 2nd time at least meeting another woman for a drink if not more. He denies all and claims that nothing happened…. I don’t have PROOF either way; I’m not convinced. He has admitted to me that he cheated on all his past relationships- girlfriends and ex-wife.

    He accuses me of talking to other guys, including an “ex” that I used to have an online-only relationship with. Yes I’ve talked to a few guys, friends, and admittedly had one somewhat inappropriate conversation… but I haven’t slept with anyone and truly would not do so. I’m not perfect but I’m no cheater.

    I just went out of state again to visit friends– and it just so happens that the online “ex” lives in that state, 5 hour drive from my friends’ house. Boyfriend went ballistic a couple of days into my visit, accusing me of sleeping with the online ex, and so on. He broke into all my accounts- email, skype, facebook, phone to check my text and call records, he even looked in my files and searched online to find information, to answer my security questions. He has read all my email and dug in my phone before, and blown up about things that happened before he and I even met. He went through my computer and deleted any old files that he didn’t like (such as online ex’s address, he and I used to mail each other little fun pkgs). So… while I was on my trip, he broke into the mentioned accounts, and began spamming my phone with calls that I would not answer, flooded my email, used my Skype account to message the friends I was staying with, demanding I come home immediately and emailing threats to change my plane ticket to force me to come home, threatening to come to my friends’ house and find me, threatened suicide. I didn’t give in to any of these things and said I would call the cops about the suicide- that shut him up, but he still wouldn’t calm down. He later sent me an email with a “compromise”, that was all about the things he wanted. He loses his temper over any little thing, and demands things of me. I feel like he just stays with me to get what he wants… then he will turn around and be kind and caring, asking if I need anything, etc. I feel so manipulated!! He wears me down until I agree to things that I really don’t want to, but then when I fail to live up to the “promise”, I’m the bad guy. One of these things is a certain sexual act, that I have a very hard time doing because of an experience in my past. He knows it’s traumatic but he’s demanding that I do this thing once a week… the expectations are stressful and hurtful. He threatens to end the relationship over this– that is his standard response to not getting what he wants. (me not talking to certain people, etc)

    He will call fifteen times in two minutes, and if I don’t answer he gets very angry, accuses me of ignoring him, etc. I have little privacy and I’m just getting fed up with the whole controlling/jealous thing. I’m not facing physical abuse or the level of control some others here have, but it is definitely an issue. I don’t know how I’m going to get out, I live with him and don’t feel like I have anywhere to go.

    He has agreed to go to counseling; this is my last hope for this guy. I do care about him and we have a lot in common, but it’s the temper, childishness, jealousy, and controlling factors that are driving me away. He seems to want to change… I just don’t know if he will be able to.

    Thanks for listening, feels good to get this out!

  110. Alysia on March 9th, 2010 12:39 pm

    It’s really hard to break up with a controlling boyfriend. I know this because of my last one. At first he was the best boyfriend in the world. Cooked me dinner, rubbed my back every morning, bought me everything I wanted. after a year he started to try and change me told me that it was for my own good. I’m not the type of girl that likes being told what to do or how to be. and I will fight till the end. I grew up watching my mother be controlled and beaten I will not let that happen to me. But these controlling men know how to dig in like a tic, and what we girls need to do is break out the blow torch and burn them like they do to us, turn the tables if you must. Just be strong and stand tall, there has to be someone out there that will love you for you. god I hope theres someone for me

  111. katie on March 9th, 2010 7:33 pm

    hiya girls , just want sum advice asap, ive been with my boyfriend about a year and 4 months he s realy controling, he dont like my mum and slags her off to me , he dont like my friend and im not allowed to see her and she lives far away from me , last time i saw her was in december , she missed my birthday, i didnt even see my mum on my birthday, he gest me down so much and it makes me so depressed im having counsoling cuz its getting my down so much and i cant tell him cuz i know wat he will be like, im a student hairdresser and when i have my hair all up and nice he says he dont like it and tryes to take it down he dont like me wearing alot of make up he calls it fake up , he dont like me wearing short skirts in the summer cuz he thinks all the guys in town will stare at me, hes very insecure and its getting to the point where i cant take it no more and im 19 and i dont do what normal 19 year olds do we take turns staying round each other on weekends and it gets so boring i have told him its over but he cries then i 4give him i am a strong person but i just cant seem to let go im his first girlfriend and i love him to bits, ive sed to him change ur ways or its over hes ok for a bit then he goes back to his controling ways please help me wat shud i do !!!! :(

  112. aly on March 9th, 2010 7:48 pm

    Please honey get the hell away from him, and run as fast as you can. You always need to look at the bigger picture. He will never get better and yes as time goes on it will be worst. Love your self, you are a young women and there are many men out there. just be careful and yes figure your way out before you leave have your plan all mapped out.. there is little room for error. best of luck to you sweets!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  113. Ashley on March 10th, 2010 1:35 pm

    What if you have A friend thats in a controlling relationship? you see it but what can you do? im so affraid of losing my friend if i tell her to leave him. Not to metion but the other day she told me that her bf thinks that im gay for her! he said because we hang out all the time and were always together he feels that way….however this isnt the only friend he told her that.. All of her “girlfriends” are somehow Gay for her! She now hardly hangs out with anyone because it makes him unhappy and she doesnt hang out with her guy friends either because he thinks they all hit on her! it drives me freakin crazy…. not to metion when im with them its like she completly ignores me! i feel like the third wheel all the time and that irretates me because i dont do that when i have a bf…. this is just s little bit of what he does. I tell her she needs to leave and break up with him, she thinks about it and says she will but then finds something or some reason not to leave him…i feel hopeless and like im letting my friend down by not gettign her out of this relationship…

  114. anoymous on March 12th, 2010 9:12 pm

    hey iv been with my boyfriend fot 6months now im only 16 years old, at first he liked going out nd being with my friends but now whenever i want to go out with my friends he always gets angry, i can never go by my self without him non stop texting me or getting angry. hes so insecure and jealouse, i cant even have a shower without him timing me on how long im going to be specially when im not with him. also i have to text him back in a matter of minutes or he thinks im cheating on him. he used to buy me heaps and now he doesnt and always demands me to buy him things and keeps track of my money and says that i waste my money because im not spending it on him, im really confused with this behaviour i have never gone throught this before. also he wont let me speak to any guy friends and doesnt even like me texting my girl mates, he gets jealous. i really want to leave him i cry all the time, but im scared that if i do i will be left with nothing no friends, nothing. PLEASE HELP

  115. anonymous on March 14th, 2010 12:24 am

    Your only 16! I’m 18 and i was in an abusive relationship that I didn’t know about until I got out of it. As soon as i broke up with the guy just because it didn’t feel right he went crazy. Started stalking me at school, and even drove to the movie theater because he knew I was going to be there. Then he said he was really sorry and he loved me. When I didn’t respond because there was nothing I could do, he kept calling and calling and calling. I blocked 3 numbers that he used and had to resort to telling him i was going to call the police for harassment if he didn’t stop. It finally worked. And hes stopped now, so the worst is over.

    Your boyfriend will only get worse if you don’t get out of this, as hard as it is you need to leave him. Think about if you marry this guy and you have a baby with these kinds of problems? You can barely handle it now. You will always have family and friends will stick by you, I guarantee. Mine did and they’ve helped me so much and your scenario is so much worse. He’s playing mind games with you. I hope you can break up with him. When you do, you need to go in with the mindset that he doesn’t love you no matter what he says, because if he did he wouldn’t be controlling. Don’t let him talk you out of it. My ex did and it was so much worse the second time. THEY DO NOT CHANGE! You cannot change someone no matter how hard you try and you cannot make someone upset or make someone do anything. My ex always used to say, “why are u doing this to me?”, “why do u make me feel this way?” I used to get so upset thinking what I said was mean or maybe I can change. I didn’t have the power to make him upset is what my mom would always say and it’s true. You don’t have any control over what he does or how he thinks he feels, but you do have control of yourself and I know you can feel that it’s not right or else you wouldn’t be asking for help.

    I have had 3 loves so far. First relationship being 2 yrs, second relationship lasting for a yr, and this most recent one (the abusive one) for 7 months. It wasn’t normal the way my ex behaved and its not normal the way your boyfriend is behaving. You have to keep in mind that you will find someone who will treat you better–you don’t want to settle for anyone. I wish the best for you and good luck. It’s not easy and its unfortunate, but you can get through it because so many other women have. Don’t let it get worse.

  116. delilah on March 18th, 2010 3:46 pm

    ive been in my relationship for 5 months,im 17,and 3 months pregnant. in the beginning it was all good but now i cant even go to school with out it being a problem i cant wear jeans i have to wear sweat pants all the time i dont even speak to my friends anymore they dont want nothing to do with me because of him all he does is talk really bad about them and he doesnt even know them i miss them but from those problems it went to i cant even leave my house with out him and even if its to a prenatal visit its a problem if he feels im lieing he will go to my doctors office to see if im there and its crazy he puts me down all the time he calls me a hoe and im a b***h and what guys d*** am i sucking today and all i do is cry i tell him all the time do you not see im having your baby not anyone elses he doesnt care he tells me well for him being my babys father i treat him like crap and it got worst he hits me all the time about two months ago he punched me in my jaw and dislocated it but the force he used im so surprised he didnt break it and i tell him im going to leave he tells me if you have enough balls to leave me then you’ll find out the consequences i love him i do but im scared i dont know what to do i dont really speak to my mom because of him i cant have no type of contact to people he feels that will help me to leave him i want him to know his baby but im scared he’ll do something just to get back at me i do pray that one day he wakes up and hes a better person but i dont think he will ever change for the better i want to be with him but im scared im just confused can anyone give me some type of advice

  117. C. Stokes on March 24th, 2010 9:40 am

    wow. My boyfriend does everything on the list. and I mean Everything. what the worst part, His “friend” accuse me of being selfish. and She’s woman. Delilah,sweetie. I feel your pain. I’m a college student and 2 months pregnant. I understand the stress we have and what our men have done to us. what’s sad is that my boyfriend is 20 and actting like a child

  118. Danielle on April 1st, 2010 2:37 am

    My boyfriend constantly yells at me scream for any little thing. When ever I have money he takes it from me and spend it when I need to buy me he say I have to earn it. He controls how I dress, I’m on fb when I’m around him I can’t even touch the phone to check my notifications if he went to the bathroom he come back see me on my phone he threat me abt throwing the phone away. in public I keep my head straight cuz he night accuse me of checking a man out. I don’t have any friends right now I want to be able to do girls night out, but he’ll want to be there to, I wanna be free. Often when he lay down ordering me to do this and that I feel like it’s not the person I love it’s someone to control me like if I was a servant. it hurts me when he calls me names like (black pig) he’s hispanic., it hurts me on the road when he talk abt how dumb my nationality is that they are bad drivers.

    I had enough money to pay for my school and learn something on my hand he spend it all just on having fun he say why do u need to go to school for so you can flirt with them boyz in school? I feel like a puppet but i have i must put an end to it but how? he’s crazy he threat abt killing me and my family if i live I don’t have no money to go away somewhere he’ll never see me again. it’s true that money can’t buy happiness if he wins the lotto I still wouldn’t be happy to be with a man like that . Happiness God that’s all I want right now please answer my prayers.

  119. James on April 2nd, 2010 1:38 am

    I display small instances of a few things above. I ask my gf what all she did when she goes out by herself but I don’t feel i’m controlling. Shes lied to me many times and it feels like I have to play detective to get details out of her. I’ve dated about 30 other girls before her but never fell in love till her. After the first six months she cheated on me which is the first time i’ve ever cared because I was in love. She lied about what happened and I found out through a friend and hearing what all the person I loved could do all that changed me into a very insecure person. I’ve never been that kind of person till the day that happened.

  120. Lorraine on April 7th, 2010 12:18 pm

    I have just split with my boyfriend, he told me what to wear, what to say, when to say it, what job I should do and constantly watch me – I have had this for 6 years!! My confidence is at an all time low, I am nervous, paranoid and can’t sleep. I know it will be hard from the break up, but I have to get away from him. If I do not agree with something he had said, he would argue with me – I have felt suicidal at times and he has been abusive, blaming me for my behaviour. He rang me the other day because I was out with friends and talking to another man – he called me a slag and a tart – he put me down even when we are finished, which made me feel even worse. Any help? Please x

  121. Elise on April 8th, 2010 9:00 pm

    I am in a situation of 6 years. I had a baby with My “fiance”. I left him a couple of years ago because he blew up because he saw an old school classmate say hello to me. Unfortunately I returned 6 months later. He sweet talked me and I made some big mistakes regarding the custody of our daughter. I signed paper work stating we would get joint cust. if we broke up again. Well 3 years later, his behavior is worse.He goes through my phone, paperwork, I dont get to see my family or friends. I work 40 hrs a week, go to school full time and I care for the kids, him and the house and he is working me as a slave.He doesnt cook for the kids and dirty’s the house so I have to clean it at 10:30pm. I am tired and sleep deprived but if I can make it for another year to get my degree, I am out. Ladies please becareful you have no idea what some of these sociopaths are capable of. Mine has ties with law enforcement and government agencies. Those are the worst. Also watch your cell phones, there is new spyware that they can put on them without you knowing and they can hear and see every conversation that you have. Always have a back up plan. And remember you are a strong woman and you just need time to get back in touch with all of the other feelings you have lost rif you weren’t strong you wouldn’t be reaching out.

  122. tammy on April 9th, 2010 3:03 am

    i was seeing this 23 year old kid. i will be 40 in may. i was seeing him about 3 weeks now. we got in an argument he went and had sex with his ex, i just cant be with him noiw because he did that. i asked him if he has been screwing arowhat the heck is this? i know he is young, since he first gave me his number, he said well maybe with one more. he came back beggingme to take him back but i cant do it. he has no respect for me. when he is not drinking he is great. i met someone else a couple days ago, he is 25 but so into me. i know he wouldnt hurt me and i do like him alot. i told my ex i needed time but i know he will go out and mess around. i dont want to b e with that kind of person. i need some good advice, maybe support because i know what a jackass he is.

  123. Charlotte on April 10th, 2010 9:53 am

    Advice please.. Initial month of relationship I finished some work for a guy I used to date and didn’t mention this to boyfriend as didn’t know how to explain and thought it wasn’t an issue as only ten mins work, don’t like the guy in any way at all. Boyfriend found out, hit the roof, insisted on every single little detail of my life and I mean everything. Carried on said he fallen in love with me and wanted to make serious future. I left for 3 weeks and he called me everyday with nasty insinuations and questioning and calling me names, then becoming the very loving and asking me back. He hates any contact with exes on fb (I was single when doing this) and male friends I’ve had for years. The exes I quit even though one was a good friend but he can never see it like that. I went to live with him, agreed to give passwords to fb and email and showed him for over 4 months I was not doing anything wrong but he just reads all my emails, sms, deletes things of fb or flies off handle if anyone asks to be my friend. I get questioned about who I’ve seen on the street and if I said hello to anyone, even people I’ve worked with, questions like, did I sleep with them etc. I am so offended by this as some of these people are old, ugly it is just laughable some of his questions but this makes him more mad. He makes me angry with his questioning. He hit me on the arm (I hit him back I was so surprised!) he had kicked me, slapped me because I don’t listen or won’t stop shouting in the house. He threw a suitcase at me which hit my leg when I tried to leave, drives too fast in the car and scares me, makes me apologise for things I don’t think are wrong. He calls me awful names when he is mad that can’t understand come out of the same mouth that said ‘I love you’ moments before.

    On the other side he can be so charming, generous and kind. He tells me he loves me 10 times a day and would do anything to make me happy. He is intelligent and has a good job.

    He doesn’t tell me not to contact my friends or do things but he makes it so stressful by questionning my every move or word that he may well have. If I ask to do or go anywhere without him he can;t understand why I would want to. He hates my friends and calls them names and says they are not good enough for me but is charming to them to their faces. He encourages me to be friends with people who are married or in serious relationships as they are ‘better’ for me. I can only wear high heels if with him otherwise it is flats only. He hates low cut tops even tops that cover my chest he thinks are low! I have started wearing roll neck tops for first time in my life just to avoid clothing discussions.

    I am so confused as he says he loves me as I am intelligent, beautiful and know how to be well dressed, he likes that I have opinions in conversations etc. Then he watches me and says I smile too much at people and accuses me of ‘looking’ at men when I am not, so I feel looking at the ground is the only safe option.

    My male friend of ten years chat online and called me afectionate name as is his style (he is getting married and totally into his financee) or sends a ‘how are u’ sms late evening as he works shifts. This is the same as he has always done but my boyfriend hits the roof all the time asking the same questions have we been together, why is contacting me etc etc.

    Anyway final straw came when I was at my friends and her landlord cam round for 5 mins to fix electrics then left. I stayed while with her drinking tea, went home and he got mad saying I should never be anywhere with another man and should have left immediately from my friends house and come home. She followed me home while he was yelling and we both looked at him gone out at his logic and suggestion. He went out totally mad and she persuaded me to pack stuff and leave him.

    Ended up going back for few days before going home to parents for 5 weeks. He has now said he will change and go to counselling and sees his errors. He does not stop ringing, questionning and accusing me of not being at home even when I am though throughout these weeks with my parents. He says now the only way to see that he is telling truth about changing is to go home there and see for myself.

    i am so confused I want to believe him so much but can he really change? Family and friends think I am mad to even think returning but they don’t love him, I do.

    Am I just wasting months of my life going back to find out that people never change? I can’t take anymore nastiness or shouting and I want to believe him so much.

  124. April on April 13th, 2010 10:18 pm

    Ok am n have been living with my bf for 3 years moved far away n he controlls everything even the money i dont have a carwe argue rly bad almost everything single day bad we yell cuss and sometimes he hits me where its hardware to Bruse like sholder or upper thigh and he tells me to leave so i packagemaker and try n h stops me apologizes and and talla me into staying if i did leave i would have to call one of my parents thats 3 thousand miles away n have them send me money take the bus to the airport with a bag of clothes and will have to leave everything behind that I worked so hard for or my valuable

  125. Felicia L on April 14th, 2010 6:54 pm

    WOW so true i read this and cryed not one word in this is wrong about how my boyfriends treats me and acts its pretty sad to say we’ve been together 2 and a half years but i love him and im really starting to think he dont love me either he always tells me to get out cuz i live with him and his mom which he nows i have no where to go the #1 really got me cuz hes like that X10 maybe i just need to realize theres more guys out there that can love me and i can love back…. but thatnks this site really helped me soo much i cant even explain

  126. aly on April 14th, 2010 8:50 pm

    Felicia,, Please don’t give up, you need to be treated how ever u need to be. You need to be loved how ever u wont ,, lol remember you have the kitty and you make the rules, No one can hold anything over u, ( there’s always LOVER’S LANE ) make the most of what you have ( at the time) and make it what you want want in the end. leave find him and love him,,,, HE’S OUT THERE I PROMISE,,,,

  127. aly on April 14th, 2010 9:00 pm

    Charlotte ,, He hit you,, It will only be a matter of time before your in the emergency room saying,,,( I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS,,,OR I FELL OFF MY BIKE ) leave and don’t let the door hit you too,,,,

  128. Stacey on April 16th, 2010 2:20 pm

    My boyfriend is a little bit controlling, and now he keeps asking me for the address of his enemies (which consist of my best friend and my ex-boyfriend). I don’t know what to do because there’s no reason why he should need their address for right? And each time I tell him why does he need it, he says I’m defending his enemies when I’m just asking a simple question.

    What should I do?

  129. CAFE’ NU, Martini Bros. and Controllers « Elecpencil on April 19th, 2010 2:51 pm

    [...] resort to physical abuse. Parents, here are the ten signs to teach you children that they dating a controller. Teach you children to respect themselves enough to not want to have anything to do with the [...]

  130. Michelle on April 22nd, 2010 5:42 am


    I’ve been wit my fiance for over 5 yrs now and we have a 1 1/2 yr old daughter together. He controls everything I do. He has all the signs except he doesn’t hit me for no reason. He will only hit me if I hit him 1st. I’m not aloud to go out. I’m only aloud to go to school or work. He doesn’t trust me bcuz he believes I will cheat on him. I truly don’t see myself being with him forever but I don’t know how to let go. He makes most of the $$ and I just started working about a wk ago so I don’t have money yet to get up and leave. He treats me like I’m his daughter. If I don’t do what he wants me to do then we’re going to have a problem. He said he’s the king of the house cuz he pays all the bills so I have to do what he wants.

    Now that I’m working again I’m so excited to get away from him cuz now I have a social life again. Making new friends at work and they invite me to go hang out but I’m not aloud to cuz he doesn’t go out with his friends. I’m 22 and never really got to enjoy my youth. I feel old sometimes cuz I never act my age. I want to be a 22 yr old and have a social life hang out with my best friends. I always put him 1st b4 my friends bcuz he tells me he’s going to be there for me always not them.

    I know I can do better but I’m scared to leave bcuz he will only make my life miserable. I’ve already tried once a yr ago and I got back with him cuz he promised he changed. I didn’t want him back I got back with him for pitty. B4 he didn’t want to marry me but once I broke up with him he bought me a beautiful engagement ring. I regret getting back with him cuz now I feel even more stuck. He’s been controlling me for yrs I’m sooo tired it.

    I won’t leave bc he’s responsible with paying all the bills but he takes all my money and leaves me with nothing. He tells me I don’t know how to manage money but he never gave me a chance to control my finances so he doesn’t know if I can or can’t. He blames me for everything. Just the other day he locked the keys in the car and he yells at me saying its my fault.. how the hell?? I was inside the house when this happened.

    I’m an attractive girl. I don’t have low self esteem. I know I’m better than him I just am a little fearful of his temper. I don’t like upsetting him so I try not to get him mad. There are other guys who like me and want to be with me but I would never leave him for another guy. I don’t want another relationship I just want freedom and be free to take charge of my life.

    I just want to be single. I don’t know how it feels to be single. I’ve always had a bf since the age of 13. I got with my fiance when I was 16. He was 21 at the time. He controlled me in high school too bc he was older than me. I wasn’t aloud to go to prom bc he was to old to go to my prom so I couldn’t go with my friends. He threatens that he will smack me in the face whenever I talk back to him but he never does. I tell him hit me then but he won’t. He just does things to scare me but now I’m starting to change with him.

    B4 he will yell at me for doing something wrong and I would take it but now I don’t keep my mouth shut. I tell how it is. It gets him soooo mad when I stand up for myself. Then he comes kiss my ass so I feel bad so he knows I won’t leave him.

    Ughhhhhh!!!! I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t even feel attractive to him anymore. He’s gotten fat again and doesn’t get haircuts as much anymore maybe once a month. When we have sex I don’t really get into it. I just do it cuz he wants to. He doesn’t take care of himself. He has low selfesteem and really insecure. I feel bad if I leave him bc we have a daughter. He loves her so much. I don’t want to take him away from her.

    He is a good dad. But he’s an overprotective, controlling, manipulating, brain washing bf/fiance.

    Everyone tells me to leave but its so hard.

    I understand how some of these girls feel. Some of them are just in the beginning phase. I wish I followed my instincts when I was 18 yrs old and realized what going on but was too weak and I’m still weak now. But it was easier then to leave then it is now.

    Having a child makes it even more difficult to leave.

    GIRLs PlZZ don’t get pregnant by these men they will never change cuz this is the way they are. Having a child with them will only give them more control over you.

  131. Kaylea on April 23rd, 2010 9:26 am

    My BF is so everythn on this list. But the one thing i can c in him is that he loves me. i just wanted to c if it was actuall reality i was dealing with here. i say if you love that one special person you’ll be there with them throu thick n thin no matter how tough it get. but if he lets his controlling ness get ahold of him and he becomes abusive then theres wen you need to start taking derastic measures. just love him always n forever n ever. just realize he may be just trying to help you

  132. Hollie on April 23rd, 2010 2:07 pm

    3. Can

  133. Desirae on April 27th, 2010 1:20 am

    Hey ladies I feel your pain because I am a victim to a controlling man myself. My friend and sister tells me that he can not be trusted and to get out of this relationship because he type of man that will snap. I am scared and alone. He took all my friends away and hate when I talk to my family on the phone. He got me to the point where he wants me and that is to depend on him never seen that coming. I cant go nowhere without him It feel like I have leash around my neck like a dog. If he feels he want to hit me than he would. I try to stand up for myself but than that ‘s when it get worse and he do not want to hear what I got say. These men are crazy. They need help and we need help because of what they do ,say and think towards us.I cry out to God and hope he makes a way for me because I want to do for me and not depend on him I can’t away because a man like him with that negative energy in him he is not dependable at all. I might see myself in a shelter dealing with this kind of creature.He is to controlling ,mean, selfish and with negative ways I wish I would of known in the beginning but it happens to the most of us we just won’t know. I pray to God for a change in my life until than ladies keep your head up and keep God first and pray.

  134. Jess on April 29th, 2010 5:37 pm

    I’v been going out with my current boyfriend for nearly two years now. I was 20 and he was 31 when we met – he also had 2 kids which he neglected to tell me in the beginning.

    He was having a lot of problems with his ex (the mother of his children) and at first we would argue a lot – mainly about my adversion to the children. I then eventually met his children and got along with them fine. We would then argue about how he was with me in front of them. Telling me that he didnt want me there with the children if I was going to be like that. Once it got too much for me and I walked away but only got as far as my car before him ignoring me got to me and I walked back in a grovelled.

    Time and time again we have argued in town and he has walked away from me and time and time again I have chased him. This has always been over something that he has said to me or the way he has treated me but then it has always turned around to be my fault. One time we went on a trip to Brighton and he started to organise his night with his friends and I didnt appreciate this so he walked away from me ready to leave me in Brighton on my own. Me being me rang and grovelled to him.

    All of this beahviour started to push me away and I started to get close to somebody else. So close that I’ve fallen in love with them. I need to get away from my current boyfriend so that I can start to live my life. I can’t even meet up with male friends without there being a major issue, if anyone male texts or calls me then there is hell to pay. The worst was when I was going to go out with people from work and he was due to be in the same town. He thought that I was only going to be with girls but I told him there would be guys there too – he flipped and told me that if he saw me out with guys then he wouldnt be able to answer for the way his mates behaved with the guys i was out with.

    The other major thing that has rang alarm bells is that he took me away on holiday and organised to have his exes tyres slashed while we were away.

    I want to get out but dont know how – does anyone have any advice at all? I really need help…

  135. Jess on April 29th, 2010 5:40 pm

    He is also most things on the lift. He constantly buys me things and then when i tell him not to he gets in a mood with me.

    He also rings me constantly when I am out with friends – its really starting to affect my social life and my friends are getting so fed up with him calling all of the time.

  136. Charlotte on April 30th, 2010 4:37 pm

    Hello again

    I managed to break my habit with this guy. I has taken weeks and I have tried to justify all his behaviour and realised I was starting to mess up my relationship with my parents and my friends were starting to get pissed off at me. Also I realised that I don’t need to be spoken to so ugly by the person that claims to love me. I don’t need constant surveillance and never to have a private moment (or thought) to myself. Although he said he had jealousy issues and anger issues he finally said I was causing it all and I needed help! Really I can’t say enough that I know who tough it is to quit these men as they are so charming and loving but they have an ugly side which no matter how hard you try to excuse you have to livev with alongside mr nice. Speak to your friends and ask them about their relationships and ask them to bear with you while you break away as it isn’t easy to do. Charlotte

  137. z on May 3rd, 2010 3:05 pm

    I am in a relationship of 3 years and my fella is everything it says above.. at times i love him but i just dont no anymore he never ever lets me go out alone with my friends. he wont let me talk to any other boys not even my brothers friends I have to put any friends who are boys under girls manes in my phone.. I dont no how to leave but at the same time I am so scared to I just dont see how anybody else could ever like me. He has hit me before he busted my lip on one occasion. but he says it was an accident. mostly everyday he willl punch me quite hard in the leg or somewhere and just say its only playing. I have no self esteem anymore. I do everything for him cook, clean his room(and we dont even live together) as well as constantly buying him clothes. Also anytime I save money he wants it to buy a car or something at this stage I would say he owes me at least

  138. S on May 8th, 2010 5:55 pm

    Each time i try to talk to my boyfriend in a normal way, if i say something he does like, he just snaps and says horrible things, i dont know what to do, i love him with all my heart but i’m so afraid he will physically hurt me.

  139. than on May 9th, 2010 3:32 pm

    termine con mi novio hace 15 dias llevaba 1 anio 7 meses con el. termine con el por que la verdad ya me tenia muy asfixiada. no me dejaba hacer lo que yo queria, si queria salir a lgun lugar tenia que llevarlo a el siempre si no se enojaba conmigo. solo podia salir con mis amigas que a el le caian bien y siempre me interrogaba sobre todo, era demasiado celoso ademas explosivo. cuando planeabamos salir o hacer algo tratabamos de elegir, pero a veces si yo no queria seder con lo que el queria hacer me reclabama diciendome que siempre se tenia que hacer lo que yo queria y nunca lo dejaba decidir. me enganio con otra chava y ademas cuando saliamos de noche le gustaba tomar y me hacia pasar muchos ridiculos. yo ya no quiero seguir con esto, pero el me jura que va a a cambiar y me llora, quiere que empesemos de nuevo, pero esto en relidad es comveniente? una persona puede cambiar todo eso?

  140. beenthererx7LOVE on May 11th, 2010 6:24 am

    i was a serial victim dating guys that were all of the above who did end up violent and taking the kids from me – lying to courts and such- raping me when I didn’t love him anymore- stalking me like Glenn Close type stalking – nightmare stuff- *at the very first insult or mind-game *- PICK HIM UP ON IT- tell him HEY YOU- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT? Note all of the above like it is your very oxygen as it is THE TRUTH and could SAVE YOUR LIFE. I used to forgive and say ‘he’s different’ ‘he’s unique’ ‘he’s an artist’ ‘he’s special’ <<<<< all signs of NPD – check it out Narcissitic Personality Disorder- and no you can’t cure it- it’s like – compare it to a swimming pool – people are either shallow- not in an obvious way – but **they lack empathy** – they just don’t have the human feelings and love that you do- they think they do- the act the part- but they don’t FEEL it- the feelings thay have are completely different- check out sociopathic personaitly disorder too – never be with anyone who lowers your esteem – they coud end up killing you and your children one day – no 2nd or 3rd or 4th chances- and if you already have gotten tooo far- walk out now- run- get a bus- leave everything behind and run girl as you got one life and it is yours not anyone elses OK- Love to you

  141. savannah on May 12th, 2010 10:00 am

    S & Z..

    Please PLEASE leave. I can tell you it won’t change. You will live like this for the rest of your life if you stay. I was with my son’s father for 3 years. The first few months were great. Then he started being controlling. Young and niave I had no idea what was really going on. Verbal abuse started happening, my phone constantly got checked, I had to give up my passwords to my email. Which I had no problem doing, bc I had nothing to hide. BUT that didn’t matter, if there was a email from a guy or a phone call from a number he didn’t know I would get accused of cheating, and got called many names. The verbal abuse went on for a while, I tolerated it, bc he constantly apologized and I believed it. He would tell me he loved me and he was sorry. Okay, so things would be good for a few weeks then it would happen all over again, eventually escalating to physical abuse. He didn’t know how to think normally, his thoughts were always fiction but he thought it was reality. He got drunk one night and his thoughts got the best of him. He went through my phone saw a number freaked out and beat me for 2 hours straight before the neighbor called the police. I was lucky I didn’t die that night! Sad thing is I went back.. and continued to get abused. Let me tell you if they do it once they will keep doing it over and over!! I was forced to leave because we had a child involved and child services would have taken my son away if I hadnt. I was SAVED. I wasn’t strong enough to leave on my own, I thought I was worthless and wouldn’t be able to find someone who loved me and cared about me because I had a kid. It took me a LONG time to get over my codependence. But let me tell you there is light at teh end of the tunnel.. I found this wonderful guy, who loves me, calls me beautiful, doesn’t demean me, loves my son, wouldn’t EVER consider hurting me and I can even go out with my girlfriends!! You need to leave, I want you to feel as liberated as I do and as happy as I do! Please really consider my advice and if you want I would be more than happy to talk to you more about abuse!

  142. savannah on May 12th, 2010 10:15 am

    Might I add, the best way to leave.. TALK TO YOUR PARENTS. Tell them the situation, and they would be MORE than happy to help. Get the authorities involved if you are scared he will hurt you when you break up. Have someone there with you when you break up. If you live together.. have your parents find you a place to live or ask if you can move in with them temporarily. If you are scared of what might happen afterwards, get a restraining order! Make sure he doesn’t know where you live. It’s easy. I have many suggestions, just ask!

  143. Nicole on May 30th, 2010 2:57 pm

    I am going through this situation at this very moment. Currently I have left, but this is the third time. I don’t want to be with this man anymore, he hits me, kicks me, bites,punches,chokes, he has even tried to stab me. I know I sound crazy but I do love him. We have been together six years and I feel like rather than feeling the pain of not being with him anymore, I want to go back so I can just be around him. I have to ask permission to do anything, I rarely get to spend time with my family, I get questioned about everything, he goes through my phone, makes me call on speaker phone, calls me names, says TERRIBLE things about myself and my family. He has been making the scariest threats against me and my family since I have been gone and today is onlythe fourth day. I want so badly to move on with my life but I am so scared that I won’t get to be happy. I do everything I can to show him I love him, give him affection- hell he didn’t even work for 5 years of the relationship. I don’t know what is keeping me there and why I am having such a hard time letting go but its the most terrible pain I have felt in my life. Any advice or anything at all would be appreciated. On top of everything I left, and now I have lost everything because I am too scared to go back. Clothes, pictures, you name it I have nothing. I don’t know what to do…. Scared, sad, lonely, confused…I feel like I just hate life right now…..

  144. Nicole on May 30th, 2010 3:00 pm

    Savannah- I would love to talk to you just reading that after I posted my comment made me feel a little better, and I totally understand what you are saying and have gone through it all. Please contact me, {removed}

    I want to be happy, have friends and just be able to be Nicole again…….

  145. Ian P. on June 3rd, 2010 12:51 pm

    I have a friend who is going out with a controlling boyfriend. we have been friends for almost 2 years. He reads her facebook while she tries to talk to me and has turned her against all of the friends she has just recently made. He even told me that he was “an asshole for doing this to all of us” yet she remains with him. I’ve been there for everything that has gone right or wrong over these past twoyears. Y’see I’m madly in love with her, told her I could wait forever for Her, she is my Jewel and right now I feel lonely and very lost without her around all the time. We hung out daily for all this time. Now I hardly get to see her. Just last night we were to go for coffee and at the last minutes she cancels for him. It eats me up inside and I just want to kill myself in order for the pain to stop, but I wont because it would hurt Her way too much. How do I get her to realize that he is so very wrong for her. My mind is in turmoil as well is my heart. She has become a 100% totally different person, whom in the past would jump through hoops just to go for a drive. We never did anything but I still love her. I am a very sensitive guy who’s been through everything imaginable that can go wrong in life. I just want to shower her with the continuos love that I will always have for her. I lost one love to a controlling boyfriend, He MURDERED Her over the fact she wouldn’t have sex with him. Imagine people do crazy shit like that. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair. Don’t theswe fucking asshole boyfriends ever realize that they are fucking up alot of other peoples lives in the process? I dont think they do and if they do they just don’t care. She tells me that he argues with her alot, never gives her the chance to say thanks for anything, it usually is a “Your Welcome” rude remark if he has to anything for her. She is a Sweet person who’s been through as much as me but she falls madly in love with these controlling types.

    How do I get her to realize that he’s a mistake and come back to being the BEST FRIEND that I TRULY LOVE??

    Heart Ache in Newfoundland….

  146. Savannah on June 3rd, 2010 2:05 pm

    Ian – I don’t entirely grasp your situation as I am not there. But I can tell you from a womens perspective the ‘asshole’ is attractive to some. The ‘asshole’ is also someone a daughter might go after becuase her father was an ‘asshole’. Personally, my dad abused my mom and even his gf’s after he divorced my mom. You wouldn’t think that I would end up with someone like that, having to see it all while I grew up. But guess what, when your young and niave it gets imprinted in your head that that type of communication/relationship is normal. So we seek out that type of relationship, to feel in the norm. I mean how would we even know any better if that’s all we’ve seen our whole lives! If he is verbally abusing her now, it will just escalate to physical abuse sometime. It’s a cycle, all abusers have it and not until they feel comfortable with their partner will they hit them- they then will apologize to pacify the time, and do it all over again. Maybe not right away, maybe not even within a year.. but let me tell you, if they hit you once they WILL do it again no matter what they say. If they do hit you I suggest calling the cops immediately and leave. Don’t let them think it’s okay otherwise you’ll be stuck feeling lonely and powerless. TRUST ME i’ve been there. I’ve been in cohootes with Victims Advocates and Child Services regarding abuse, and if anyone is in an abusive situation and doesn’t want to go down that route in fear of getting caught and abused.. please feel free to email me. I would be more than happy to help in ANY way possible I can search for apartments for you or find an advocate near you so you wouldn’t have to worry about him seeing it in the history or what not!! Seriously use my help, If I knew what I know now, then… I might have left sooner and dodges a few more smacks to the face and the constant emotional and mental abuse. don’t forget it!

  147. annie on June 3rd, 2010 4:04 pm

    so i was once with one of those guys we dating for a year he was my first boyfriend and i was head over heels, after a year of dating we got into a fight i went to his house to work things out and ended up walking in on him and another girl, this made him so ferious he pushed me out of the doorway onto the driveway and attacked me, choked me out, spit on me, ripped my hoodie, wouldnt let me go, kicked me and hit me, i was screaming but no one came, i finally struggled to get up and ran for my car, he ran after me, kicked my car door shut at which piont i just started running and screaming, he got into my car and chased me for a block until i started running through backyards and to someones house i knew, i would never trust a guy with a controlling personality or temper problem just because i already did and it turned out bad and i know it could have been worse

  148. Heather on June 5th, 2010 1:42 pm

    FACT – Women that allow their bf to control them have just as much as a problem with their own insecurities as the man does. Hence, misery attracts misery. Neither of you feel worthy enough to be loved. This is embedded deep into the psyche from childhood.

    FACT – Most of the women here that threaten to leave their controlling man NEVER will. I repeat, they’ll never leave! And those that do leave, most will return again, again and again! And each time it will be more difficult to leave him as his control will get more severe. Why? Because he knows you will always come back.

    FACT – He will never leave you. Sure, he may dump you like a hot potato over and over again but I guarantee he will come back to you EVERY TIME promising to change, apologizing, crying – the whole deal. You can even expect an engagement ring. Anything to get you back in his CONTROL.

    FACT – When he dumps you he wants you to cry uncontrollably to show your “love” for him. This is another “test” controlling men do. They NEED to see you cry – and cry often to express your “love” for him. In his mind, if he can make you cry – you love him. Pathetic but true.

    It’s ironic, despite all the abuse many women here are facing, they’re still claming they “love” the guy. Why? It’s one of two reasons: 1) You either don’t know what real love is or 2) Because his NEED to control over you makes you feel wanted – makes you feel loved. Again, it goes back to insecurities… yours and his. That’s the primary attraction between the two.

    However, there is another attraction. Unpredictable men (Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hide) are more exciting and NEVER boring. His Unpredictability is what subconsciously excites you. Many women will tell you the sex is often great with controlling men because of the craving attraction many women have toward dominant, alpha male types. Yet, controlling/abusive men are anything but an alpha male. They are insecure, lack confidence and pout like 5 year olds when they don’t get their way. Don’t worry ladies, there are strong, confident and caring men out there that are FAR MORE sexier than these controlling losers. Men that will respect you, TRUST you and truly love you like no other man ever can. REAL MEN! I know, I found mine – I LOVE YOU DONNY!

  149. Raily on June 5th, 2010 4:19 pm

    Omg! I almost feel like Im the controlling person!! I mean, I dont ever want to make my boyfriend feel bad by hurting his feelings, but I do want him to accompany me most of the time I go out and want him to invite me when he goes out. A little crazy right?? Idk he’s my first bf and we’ve been together for almost 4 years now. We trust each other but sometimes thats easily destroyed. I love him alot and demonstrate it- He shows that he loves me too. Im going to reevaluate my actions to make sure I dont become a controlling monster.

  150. Amy on June 5th, 2010 11:08 pm

    Girls, NO ONE deserves to be treated this way. Please read my story:

    I am 18 years old and had been with my boyfriend since i was 16. We broke up a month ago.

    In the beginning, everything was great. He was polite charming spontaneous fun.. everything a girl could ask for. When we first met I explained to him that i was still friends with my ex boyfriend (really we were just friends). One day, he saw me texting him and grabbed my phone out of my hand. He became so angry i didn’t even recognize him, The way he acted was like a whole different person. I didn’t think anything of it though, because i figured I would be a little jealous if he talked to his ex.

    Anywayy.. As the months went on we started spending more and more time together. Aside from my part time job and school, I would HAVE to go to his house after work until 11 or sometimes 12. If i was tired or wanted to leave early or go home he would make me feel guilty saying that we hadnt spent time together all day. If i was even just ten minutes staying late at work I would have to be interrogated and accused of being somewhere else. I felt like I had to rush through my life on his schedule, and literally rushed to be on time after everywhere I went. A few extra unaccounted for minutes would cause a day long argument.

    So i found myself up until 2 or 3 in the morning doing homework everynight. I was so tired my grades started dropping. I was angry at everyone and the littlest things would upset me. Whenever my friends or family approached me about it I got mad at them, defending him. I started gaining weight from not eating right. My face broke out from the stress i was under. I started feeling really low about myself. My self confidence was zero. I could just look in the mirror and cry I felt so ugly.

    I never spent time with my family. And when my boyfriend and I fought my friends were nowhere to be found. Why would they be when I hadnt talked to or hung out with them for a year or more. My boyfriend would CONSTANTLY look through my phone and even demand my phone bill. He would drop me off at his house and take my car to basketball practice… just to be sure I wouldnt go anywhere. We fought every day, and he would say things that would make me cry histerically.

    Every night (and morning when i was obligated to sleep over on weekends) he would assume that we needed to have sex. And if i didnt comply he would be angry with me for the entire day. He started calling my work and asking if i was there, which got me in trouble with my supervisor. When I went to sign up for my college classes in the fall he would not have it. He called me a slut and said that I was only going to college to meet guys and cheat. I went to community college even when my SAT scores were very high and i had good enough grades to go to wherever I wanted to. He flat out told me that if I went away to college he would leave me.

    Then one day about a month ago I saw the light. HOW WAS I SO BLIND AND STUPID? When I look back now I wonder why I wasted two years of my life with someone with no potential, someone who was bringing me down.If someone really loves you, they want whats best for you. Someone who loves you TRUSTS you.

    After first breaking up with him the first two weeks were horrible. I felt miserable and worthless. But i got through it. I turned OFF my phone and turned to my friends that were still there for me.

    Now I feel wonderful as a single girl. I have a blast with my friends, both guys and girls, I feel so free that I can talk to and hang out with whoever I please, no questions asked. I feel better about myself and my life. Bottom line is I’m happy and Im me again :)

    Please dont waste another MINUTE of your life with someone who doesnt deserve you. Find that inner strength. It WILL hurt at first, but it WILL get better <3


  151. Jill on June 6th, 2010 9:44 am


    You are so RIGHT! You posted the best explanation of controlling men on this entire page. You made me realize there are *real men* out there and gave me hope I will find him some day. I want a man just like your Don. You are one lucky girl. I too love masculine men who are sensitive, confident, strong and caring. That is so sexy to me. But these men are so hard to find.

    Thank you so much Heather!


  152. Fran on June 6th, 2010 5:14 pm

    i am just 14. My boyfriend is 15 and our relationship and me is controled by him. Just 5 mins ago i was outside my house with him. He was threatening to kill himself.

    The story goes like this. We’ve been together for about four and a half months. My parents broke up last year and my dad didnt move out because he was also a control freak ): .

    My mum finaly made him leave after 15 years of marriege when i found a camera in mny house that was frequently used by me and my 12 year old sister. It had videos from every morning of that week. Videos from the hidden camera were sickening to wach i saw his face as he set it up and me and my little sister came into the bedroom to do out hair. Then what he had done it for was to caryy on treating my mum like she was an object as she got changed in her room.

    i already have a horrid experiance of mental abuse, but my boyfriend is doing it to me. He’s doing it to me as we speak. He tells me its my fault most of the time and blames it on his ADHD.

    My best friend talked to him alot and i thought there was something going on. They were friends before i met him and i found texts on his phone from her that all pointed to the fact they were flirting and humiliating me behind my back. He told her all his problems and instead of me she comferted him and consoled him, he used to shout at me for not knowing what was wrong with him when he was sad and depressed, and he quoted lyrics, all the time ones that made me feel small and so unloved and then he’d contradict them and tell me he loves me.

    Anyway a few days ago i was told that he had texted my friend and told her he liked her and she had done the same 2 months ago. He makes out that its not a big deal they’re just three words “i like you” and that i should forgive him because there is so many other couples that are still together after worse things have been done.

    But i thought this could be the last straw and that it was a good reason for me to split up with him, where i didnt have to comfront him about being abusive and controlling but it wasnt.

    He now tells me that if i ssplit up with him then he would die. Hhe says he would kill himself i feel so blackmailed :/

    But then i know that people who are suicidle dont talk about it or threaten people they “love” with the act, do they?

    I need help to know what to do :’(

  153. Fi on June 8th, 2010 11:11 am

    I have left my controlling bf after a year and although I am so glad I did I still have some feelings that I hope will pass.

    At the start he was amazing and was declaring his love and buying me so many gifts. Then after about 4 months he changed over night. He turned really cold towards me, was always busy and never spent time with me but on the phone constantly to me. I cried and cried and asked why he changed and all he used to say was you can do better than me and I will leave him anyway. I pleaded I loved him he calmed down and gave me so much love.

    But the problem arised a month later and he became very controlling, asking a million questions even if i was just going to the shop, saying I should change my dress sense, saying I don’t need make up I am already beautiful. Would get moody if I wanted to see my friends. This all happened slowly and gradually. He said he trusted me but was scared to lose me and didn’t want anyone to take my beautiful princess away.

    I told my friends and family and they were always say he loves you so much and you’re a very beautiful girl ofcourse he would be insecure. But it just kept getting worse that it end up turning me in to a monster and I would scream and shout and even hit him cos he drived me crazy.

    He was never rude or violent and was always silent when I acted like this so I always ended up looking like the psycho and the one with the problem.

    I would dump him all the time and he would beg and cry or take me away and when we were together alone he was always happy. He improved but that was only because without realising I changed my dress sense stopped hanging out with my friends and was in constant contact with him.

    But then if I wanted to do one thing for myself there was oh you dont love me etc. I used to snap like mad. He was always sorry and even admitted he was controlling and couldn’t help it just loved me so much.

    I decided to leave when I said I wanted to hang out with my mates as it was one of their birthday and I had a wedding all on the same weekend and he purposely became moody and more arguements happened. I just thought it has been a year and the last 6 months have been so awful.

    I left him…I told him I don’t love him anymore and that’s it I feel low but for the first time in ages I feel free. I can take a bath and have me time, I can do what I want without being asked a thousand questions.

    He had it good…I was always a homely girl loved up, love attention and love and was everything he wanted but these men are never satisfied and your love can’t change them. They are insecure freaks.

  154. Teresa on June 9th, 2010 2:07 am

    You seem a really strong girl who has stood up for your rights and let this guy go. Obvious you two were not right for each other. People who realise early on in a relationship usually have the strength to leave, but its the one’s who bury there heads in the sand and ignore the signs that end up victims of abuse. ou boyfriend sounded insecure, he would ideally suit someone who would spend time helping him with trust.

  155. Fi on June 9th, 2010 5:26 am

    Thank you. I have always been a strong girl but he honestly did break me down. Not through violence or intimadation but constant sulking and nagging. He became moody all the time. As soon as I got in the car he would look me up and down to see what I was wearing, if it wasn’t something he liked then the whole evening was going to be bad.

    I was a virgin when I met him so he thought he owned me and often used to say ur mine which I thought was sweet but then it became scary. I tried my best to make insecure I spent all my time with him but it is never enough.

    He is texting the last few days and saying I am sorry I can’t believe what I did to you etc etc…but I have heard it all etc or evening being sweet is always temporary…

    Yesterday I had a long bath for the first time in ages without my phone blowing up lol that little simple thing felt so good!

    Good luck everyone believe in yourself…you have beauty and class and someone is out there man enough to love you. Or even be by yourself and make yourself happy. I do miss all the attention but then I remember 8 times out of 10 it’s not attention it’s just them keeping an eye on you and there was an argument atleast once a day…this is no way to live!

    Be strong and do it for yourself!

  156. Savannah on June 9th, 2010 11:35 am


    First of all have you ever been in an abusive relationship? My guess is NO! So before you preach about something you should have experience in that field. I can honestly say at the beginning I didn’t go back because of my insecurities. I went back because of my female instincts to try to HELP and CHANGE him. Most women are that way, they feel the need to reach out. SO that defies one of your so called ‘FACTs’ A very TRUE fact is that when most women leave they don’t have anywhere to go.. becuase throughout an abusive relationship you tend to distance yourself from other people becuase you don’t want them to feel sorry for you. It’s a horrible feeling knowing your in a shitty situation and not having anywhere to go! FACT there is victim abuse shelters out there.. but hell if I was going to go there and sleep!!! I was 20 years old and ALONE. FACT most women LEAVE after 7 times of actually leaving and coming back FACT or they wind up dead or miserable. So for you to tell me that I stayed because I had insecurities royally pisses me off!!! ALL my stuff was there, my child was there that was MY home too.. CHANGE is what scares a lot of people and starting over so yes they don’t stay becuase they are insecure they stay becuase its easier. Sure insecurities start to come over time because the abuser will always play on the others insecurites that’s called manipulation. When you get beat down verbally, emotionally, physically, you become insecure within yourself you become unworthy of anyone else. but it’s not a damn fact that that’s why women stay!

    Ill be damned if I’m going to let you make me feel bad for being with an abusive man. You think I knew that when I started living with him? I was happy, I was an amazing women, I had no insecurities whatsoever..

  157. Heather on June 12th, 2010 9:00 am


    >>First of all have you ever been in an abusive relationship? My guess is NO!

    Your guess is wrong.

    >>I can honestly say at the beginning I didn

  158. Savannah on June 15th, 2010 8:25 am


    You never directed it at me, but I did take it personally. I didn’t have the resources to leave on my own, it took someone else to do it for me.. that’s my point. It wasn’t because of my insecurities that I couldn’t leave it was the lack of resources and the lack of help around me. I lost touch with anyone who could help me. I have become a very strong independent women because of the shit I went through, was it for the better? I’m not really sure, but I can honestly tell you that HE changed ME. Which is really odd I think. He made me a more defensive agressive person. I feel like everyone is out to get me now and that I always have to fight back and stand up for what I believe in regardless of anyone else. There is some good in that, bc before I was a push over. Oh well that’s besides the point. My old Savannah will never reappear I can guarantee that. My abuser is in jail for hitting his new gf (probably going to prison) I should be happy right, I should feel at ease.. but I don’t! The sweet innocent cute loving trusting Savannah will never EVER return. Instead we get a defensive bitch!

  159. Heather on June 16th, 2010 5:19 am

    Savannah –

    I now understand where you are coming from and I did not realize you had nowhere to go and no resources. That’s exactly what controlling men do to us. In order to satisfy their desperate need for control they must take everything from us – including our family, friends, independence, self esteem, sense of security, job, car and everything else. These insecure “men” want us to be their entire world and feel worthless without them.

    I’m glad to see you have become a strong independent woman but sad to learn you feel you’ll never again be sweet, innocent, cute, loving and trusting. The right man (a real man!) looks for such qualities in a woman. There was a time when I thought such men never existed, but believe me they’re out there.

  160. Worried sister on June 28th, 2010 8:17 am

    My 14 year old sister i dating a guy who is also 14. They are on the phone together all day and all night. They are always arguing because he makes her promise him that when the do hang up with each other that she wont call any other boys. He makes her promise 10 -15 times before he will hang up. It’s summer time and she wont go outside because he wont let her. He is afraid of other boys looking at her. If she goes somewhere, she has to call him and tell him where she is, how long she will be there, and where she will go next. When she gets to the next place, it starts over again. She is not allowed to go swimming without him because another boy might be there. The scary thing is, is that she sees nothing wrong with his behavior. My parents aren’t doing anything about it. I don’t know what I should do. I have tried talking to her about it but she wont listen.

  161. Peaches on June 28th, 2010 6:29 pm

    I had no idea that all of these traits are controlling until i read them back. Shockingly enough, my boyfriend does every single one!!! For example, last night i felt so ill after work that i just wanted to go to my mums house for some time out… But no… he screamed and swore and went crazy that i wanted to go home… He punched me and threw me out of the house taking my phone away so i couldnt call anyone.. he told me that if i went he would set the house alight with my baby sister inside… I dont know how to deal with his hurtful words anymore, but after every argument he always finds a way to turn his own wrong into my fault… i cant do anything right anymore and havent been allowed to go out for a girly day or night in 9 months… i would give anything not to be in this mess, but he says he will kill me if i leave him and i know he means it… i have finished the relationship before and been feared to death for weeks and unable to sleep because i have to listen out for the sound of fire incase he does kkep his promise… everytime i try and get out i know i cant as he comes to my door and wont go til hes inside where he knows he can persuade me as i have no strength when i am around him. please, if you are reading this… if you realise your boyfriend has ANY of these traits then PLEASE leave him before its too late… you may be madly in love as i was, but now im stuck with a man who i despise but cannot get away from… :’( x

  162. autumn on June 30th, 2010 5:43 pm

    Ok so my boy friend i have now of a year and almost 6 month. i will be moving in with him this summer im turning 18 and aging out of foster care. I went to treatment for 6 months and he stayed faithfull and has Done alot and been through alot for me. Im veary greatfull. But most the time he likes to be babbyed by me and when we argue he is always right he gets worked up and once he swore at me just once but has’nt but i never let him get to that point i just give up, and act like i was wrong or dont care. and his liast girlfriend broke up with him cause he was to clingy and controlling.

  163. jane on July 2nd, 2010 8:16 am

    I have been with my bf for over 10 yrs. We have a 9yr old son together. My life has been hell coz he is everything described above and turned physical in the last 5 yrs. Am constantly living a nightmare coz he has threaten to kill my son if I leave the relationship and its making my family so sad. Am trying so hard to move on as I moved out of his place 5 yrs ago but we still see each other and its like he is guarding me all the time. Last time we had an arguement and he hit me so had on the bridge of my nose i bled from nose to mouth and that was the first time I reported him to the police. We spent a night in police cells and I bailed him out the next day coz I felt pity. Just after a few hours he started boosting that the cops are his friends and he only stayed there coz he didn’t want to make me feel bad! Please I need help! I stay with my parents right now but he has still managed to make my life a living hell and threatens to get on a bus from where he is staying to come and elinate the link between us, that is our son. Help

  164. Kayla on July 8th, 2010 12:02 am

    I have a CONTROLLING fiance. We have a 2 month old baby boy. We currently got in a fight and he doesn’t trust me to talk to guys, hang out with friends, he gets mad when me and my friends go and do things because he thinks i have to be with him 24-7. he tells me when and where to go and when to be home. im FORBIDDEN to talk to any guys. its like he wants me to be stuck up his butt all the time. i dont kno how much more i can take. any suggestion beside breaking up with him.. i love him to death and we were planning on gettin married next month but im debating on it now and waitin till he changes…

  165. Keeley on July 8th, 2010 8:55 am

    At least some controlling boyfriends buy girls flowers after an altercation. No, I just get told to not let it happen again.

  166. Kate on July 8th, 2010 11:01 pm

    My boyfriend is 21 years older than me and a control freak. I’ve come to hate the man so much but have no where to go. I’m afraid of being alone and have turned to anti-depressant drugs and alcohol just to cope. What really saddens me if I met a great guy names Dom who for the first time made me feel like a woman – beautiful, wanted and appreciated. With Dom I did not need to drink and I never cared to take pills. But when I went back with my controlling boyfriend, Dominic was really upset and ended it with me. I don’t know why I went back to him, he promised to change and get help, yeah right! The problem is I’m so said because I now know Dom was the love of my life and now he told me he never wants to see me again. I don’t blame him, nobody wants to be second and I’ve chosen this controlling asshole over the greatest guy I’ve ever known. What the f*ck is wrong with me!!!

  167. Mike on July 9th, 2010 10:27 pm

    You woman on her that claim to still love a man that fucks with your mind and controls you are really messed up. The problem is not with the guy because he is getting what he wants – your ass. The problem is with you!!! Any woman that allows a man to treat her with disrespect ,insult her, put her down does not deserve to be respected. I’ll repeat that. Any woman who allows a man to disrespect her does not deserve to be respected. Sure. I probably pissed of a lot of you but I know first hand when a woman demands to be respected she is worthy of love. When she allows you to shit on her… she has no value. That is how men think. And me included. Think about that ladies. And you will no longer attract the wrong men.

  168. Ash on July 10th, 2010 12:33 am

    Mike it seems like u never been in love before!

  169. Alicia on July 12th, 2010 7:35 pm

    im 15, my bf is 18…my rents are ok with it,

    well i have been with him for 5 months…

    i love hime to death and would do anything for him…but he is starting to seem controling.

    he leaves bruises on me.

    and kinda controls how i dress….he’ll make me feel giulty if he dont get what he wants…hes always stuck up my butt, and dont let me call or see my friends…he gets very jealos but expects me not to…uhg idk what to do…i really love him..


  170. Mike on July 13th, 2010 2:16 pm

    Ash – If you call love being mentally abused and controlled, then apparently you have never been in love or have no idea what its like to be in love. I stand by my statement… Any woman that allows a man to treat her with disrespect ,insult her, put her down does not deserve to be respected.

  171. Ash on July 15th, 2010 1:30 am

    Mike- i am not here 2 argue its ur personal opinion and i respect that!!

  172. amanda on July 19th, 2010 10:46 pm

    first!! if you havent been in a domestic violence/controlling relationship then you should really keep your comments to yourself. i was in an abusive/controlling relationship for 14yrs & we had 5 kidz. things were great for a very short time but then they changed as do most relationships. no-one has the right to say-that if you stay with your partner then you have no value. just think for a minute and wonder just why these women are staying? not only are they being abused(mentally,verbally or physical) but their abuser may also be directing their abuse towards her family. women stay with them so the male doesnt start harrassing her family members. also it aint that easy to just walk away. i tried many times but for people to say just walk try being in the abused shoes and you will see just how difficult that is. when your partner wants to be joined a the hip – what are you to do???? DVO’s dont do anything. it doesnt stop them from harrassing you because the police need to catch these people red handed. after a period of time you start to loose your own self-respect, and eventually prefer not to go out with friends just so no arguments happen.U BECOME WITHDRAWN… not only from friends but from family members and society. sometimes you find it easier to keep your private life PRIVATE -behind a fake smile or pretend it doesnt happen – because you dont want to be JUDGED BY PEOPLE. life does become easier once you BREAK FREE but that can take time.DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE BECAUSE EVERYONE DESERVES HAPPINESS.

  173. whoami2010 on July 20th, 2010 3:30 pm

    I just got out of one of these relationships, I also couldn’t seem to shake him, my family and friends all hated him, and towards the end I hated him too, he had been voilent also, and somehow I dismissed that, I finally texted him a goodbye don’t come back, I convinced myself he was not worthy of more than that. Then I refused to answer his calls, texts.

  174. solfspot on July 21st, 2010 8:30 pm

    Ive been going out with this guy for 3 yrs and he fits every catagory… i dont know what I should do ive lost all my friends. The only thing I have close to friends anymore are his friends and I can tell they dont always like me around. When ever i want to go out and hang out with my old friend he plays a guilt trip o me and says how he really wanted to do somthing with me tonight and how he dosnt like me hang out with other friends of mine because they dont like him. and he dosnt take no for an answer i tell him no i dont want to do somthing but he does it anyway. He also very controlling with the clothes I wear when ever we go out he always has to come early and aprove my oufits b/c if I dont cover up enough other buys might look at me and that would be a problem for him. I could just keep going on but this is me keeping it short. I just dont know what to do. I love him.

  175. Amanda on July 26th, 2010 8:26 pm

    my boyfriend does some of that stuff..but he tends to dance around what he wants to which would be controlling so he says every little thing around it..but nonetheless i try n talk to him about what would happen if we did break up but it always ends some how in him saying he will off himself..however the major problem is is that he says you wouldnt mind doing w/e like wearing shorts under a skirt if you respected what i wanted..he just doesnt allow me to do me..n i always use to do that..kills me that i cant anymore

  176. Mike on July 30th, 2010 2:43 pm

    Ash – Thank you for your kind comments. I too respect your opinion. Perhaps it is love you feel with him, I’m not arguing that. All I’m saying is if he truly loves you he will TRUST you, RESPECT you and above all ADORE you so much your happiness will mean everything to him. Your BF tells you he loves you and perhaps he does to a degree. But trust me, the moment you find a man that loves you for who you are and respects you in every way, you’ll feel love like never before. My sister fell for controlling men after controlling men for years because in her mind his need to control her must mean he truly “loves” her. Finally, she met a man that adores her and has no need to control her because he is confident and secure with the love they share. My sister married this man and I’ve never seen her happier. There was a time when she told me how much she loved these controlling men despite the sadness that constantly haunted her. This past May on her wedding day she came up to me in tears and said I FINALLY KNOW WHAT TRUE LOVE IS. I will never forget that.

  177. Ash on July 31st, 2010 12:03 am

    Mike- Well I’m against abuse men who hits, or abuse relationships! Sad thing is I was love with the man I truly admire and love and willing to give up my hole life and family for him but hes very controlling, and sometime abusive! I always told my self if i was in abusive relationship i would run fast and get out. I use to think women who are in abusive relationships its very easy for them to get out, but rely its very hard to leave!

    Its very hard and difficult to leave someone you care about a lot and they treat u wrong! I was with my bf for about almost 4 years and everyday i used to ask my self why iam with him? If he abuse me! Finally after some time i got my answer and i realize i am with him beacuse i am too sacred if i’ll ever find love again! I was sacred of new beginning, and after-math!

    You know what was the funny part was everyday he would accuse me for his action, and he always said its my fault i hit you! Every night i would go home and cover my bruises so family wont see it! He distorted my self-esteem he put me so down it got to the point where i couldn’t take that no more and i left! I always find my self very pretty but the more i saw him made me feel less prettier and less confident! Now I learned valuable lesson Never let no1 distorted you to the point where u cant even find your self attractive, or u cant love your self anymore! I love my self a lot that now who ever comes in my life can’t break me! ;)

    Your sister is right she did find love, and i hope one day i find my soul partner i can live with rest of my life! True Love is rely hard to find, and when someone loves you its such honorable and precious thing in this life! C ya!!

  178. Ash on July 31st, 2010 12:24 am

    Mike-One more thing don’t ever put any women down if shes in abusive relationship, Don’t EVER say they don’t deserve respect beacuse their in abusive relationship. Because its just simply wrong, rude and disrespectful! Every women who choose to stay must have reason to stay that doesn’t mean you stop respecting them! Like i said i am not going to argue with you about this topic but I’am just letting you know its wrong when you put someone down when they choose to stay in abusive relationship, you should courage them to leave but not in disrespectful manner!

    Karma is bit** it comes back and bite you in the ass before you know it! I hope you never experiences abuse from the person u love! ;)

  179. Mike on August 2nd, 2010 1:24 pm

    Ash – You are right and I should of selected a better choice of words! Thank you for helping me understand what I obviously failed to see. You seem like a wonderful gal. What state are u from?

  180. katie on August 4th, 2010 2:01 am

    hey my name is katie i am 15 years old i have read almost everyone of these comments and there exactly like my boyfriend he is 16 i have been with him for almost 3 years since i was 13 and he was 14 we started dating when i was in 7th and within 3 months he took my virginity i didnt want that but i felt pushed into it

    my boyfriends wont let me have friends boys or girls, go to my families houses and sleep over, cant wear shoes pants shirts swimming suits that i want( he picks my clothes) cant have any type of myspace facebook etc. only can hang out with his family cant take my dogs for walks or just go on walks at all gets mad if i sleep in cant spell words wrong or he freaks cant be in any type of dance cheer gymnastics (i love gymnastics he got me out of it we recently broke up for the 20th time talking about it) he dosent like my family tells me im nothing without thinks im going to become a slut when were over tells me im going to be an acholic just like my mom never tells me im pretty or anything like that he is juat more of a dad to me and i tell him best friends father recently passed and he told me i could only go to the funeral and never talked to her agian. i have lied to him but never cheated only lied about hanging with my best friend and it makes me feel bad but at the same time i should be able to hang out we have had a baby but miscarried my family dosent like him and his dosent like me we are seperated rite now for 3 weeks now but i miss him badly just wanting him but i have talked to my friends and started gymnastics agian im trying to stay as strong as possible if you have any advice please tell me

  181. Ash on August 4th, 2010 11:28 pm

    Katie- You did the best thing by breaking up with him! Your very young right now and its time for you to enjoy life not worrying about some fag-got who treats you bad! I was in controlling relationship and he controlled me just like your x but it got worse he started hitting me and i had my lips all bruised and cut. After all that crap happened I was stupid enough to stay! And it just kept getting worse worse!Then one day I looked in the mirror and i asked my self If deserve someone way better then him, and the answer was YES! And that helped a lot! Now I’m the happiest single girl enjoying my life! You should do the same!

    Controlling always leads to abuse, your x is control freak and he is going to end up hitting you if you stay with him! Couple years from on you’ll look back and say i was so stupid to stay with him!

    You have two choices 1st Run and never look back, and live your life the way you want and spent time with people you love and just enjoy!

    2ed choice leads to him, you go back out with him you’ll have no life and don’t forget you still young, Don”t waste your Teenager years! I promise you its not worth and you will reg-art it..

    i HOPE I HELPED! Live your life the way you want to not how someone wants you to live to their exceptions its not worth it! No1 owns you but yourself!!

  182. renae on August 6th, 2010 8:33 am

    I just sent him a very nice message with love and telling him we have to move on. and told him i know what he does to me and that iv had enough. i then just blocked him from emails, changed my number and gave him no way of abusing me again or making me feel bad.

    i then went and kept myself busy… friends, and things i enjoy. its hard in the begining, but keep thinking about how happier you are without him. x

  183. Christina on August 15th, 2010 2:59 am

    Hi everyone, i’m a 25yr.old female. I came across this site because i tried looking up the topic”signs my boyfriend is controlling”. and some how ended up on here. so anyways, i feel a little weird doing this, but i read everyones comments,and found it all very i’ll give it a shot . I DONT KNOW REALLY WHERE TO START..BUT I’LL TRY TO BRIEFLY STATE MY SITUATION. I have been with my bf for 2 and a half yrs. He’s my other half of my heart<3 He's my absolute everything to me. I do not think he is abusive at all, but am questioning if he is too controlling or not.Sometimes i feel like i may over exgaggerate about thats why i would like to ask for advise.I WOULD DESCRIBE my bf as a perfect match for me..and i love him dearly, but i feel like my whole life revolves around him daily. i understand we are serious with eachother,but i never have any time to my breath i guess u could say. we get along, but i live at home with my parents..and he does as well. we spend a lot of time together…i usually sleep at his house a lot during the week. but my problem is…for example…after sleeping at his house for a week…when i come home he calls me a lot through out the day. and im scared to go out with friends or go run an erron cuz i feel like i have to rush all the time to get home. he always says..if more than 3 hrs goes by and i dont call him…he considers that dis-appearing. i do not have a cell phone,and he always insists on me getting one. but i do not want to get one. cuz the first yr of our relatioship, a male friend from work texted me hello …and he smashed it. then said…i broke my phone. it was my fault cuz i shouldnt have guys messaging me. anyways…i could go on and on. but i'm trying not i'm upset a lil and confused.basically cuz i feel like i never can do anything unless i'm with him.i I JUST SPENT A WEEK OVER HIS HOUSE. JUST GOT HOME.CALLED HIM TO TELL HIM MY FRIEND WAS VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN..AND WANTED TO HAVE A GIRLS NITE..NOT GOING OUT ..JUST SLEEPING OVER HER HOUSE..HE SAID NO! THAT HE HAD A PROBLEM WITH IT…AND IF I CARED ABOUT HIM I WOULDNT GO.I SAID I WANTED TO SEE HER THOUGH…HE SAID IF I WENT..THAT HE WOULD BREAK UP WITH ME.AND ITS OVER.SO I STAYED HOME.I DONT KNOW IF HE ACTS THAT WAY CUZ HE DOESNT TRUST ME….OR CUZ HE MIGHT BE INSECURE…….SO MY QUESTION IS…..DOES HE JUST REALLY CARE ABOUT ME…OR IS HE CONTROLLING….AND WHAT DO I DO? CUZ I LOVE HIM…BUT NOT SURE IF I'M HAPPY NEVER BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.OH! sorry one more thing…i tried to break up with him a few months ago…ignored him completely for a month.but he constantly called my house…and one night smashed my keyboard in my driveway and cut up all my cloths. later apologized. and said he love me and doesnt wanna be with out me. someone please e-mail me with some advise thank you

  184. Ash on August 16th, 2010 5:53 am

    Christina- Your bf is very controlling, and if u stick around just little longer hes going to end up hitting you! If you don’t want to get hit then stop doing what he wants you to do.If your bf says he loves you alot then he has to trust you complete!! Every healthy relationship has trust, and your doesn’t!! I understand you love him alot, hes psycho about you. Another word he’s needs you to full fill his needs iam not talking about sexually needs I’am talking about emotional need. Dating spouse to be fun, and out going! But at the same time you should be able to hang out with your friends and family much as you wants! Your bf does loves you alot, but hes, just sacred to loose you! So he does whatever he can to keep you away from cheating! This where the trust part comes i talked about before. If he doesnt start trusting you, iam sorry to say this but your relationship is going to drown!

    I know for the fact your in love with him, and you guys talked about getting married at some point you ever thought about what would happen if you guys ever got married to each-other ? Well now is the time for some thinking its not to late! You would be a complete house wife! He would tell you stay at home at all time! Its like baby-siting someone! Your not baby no more, your only 25 and its time for you to take stand! You should try to talk to your before, tell him- he needs to start trusting you! If your thinking if you’ll say all that to him he would break up with you , then let him break up! Because that’s the only way hes going to respect you and trust you and take you seriously. Trust me he wont go no where, hes going to end up coming back to you if he says he loves you!

    In meanwhile, go have some fun with your friends! You should spent some quality time with your friends!

    I hope I helped! C ya LAter goodLuck!!

  185. Christina on August 16th, 2010 11:25 am

    Hey ash, Thank you so much for the advise….i have to make this quick cause i have a doctors appt. lol sorry. But what i wanted to say is that i know what i want out of a relationship, and i got mostly everything with him, except that i basically CAN NOT DO ANYTHING OR HANG OUT WITH ANYONE. i know know thats a huge problem cuz i feel controlled. my decisions should be mostly up to me i feel , and there not. but the thing is i love him soo much..and i know he loves me, but i’m not happy…and i know if i say all that stuff…he will just say what i want to hear…and NOTHING WILL CHANGE. I DO KNOW THAT IN A RELATIONSHIP THERE ARE SOME LIMITITATIONS OF WHAT SOMEONE CAN AND CAN NOT DO, but i feel trapped like a cant ever do anything or go anywhere, i have no idea if he trusts me or not..but strongly feel like he s extremely insecure..about cheating , just like you said… he wants me to get a cell phone so he can get a hold of me. but all that being said, it breaks my heart, but i do not think anything will ever change…so i’m prob gonna have to break up with him. but have had problems doing that previously….have any suggestions??? thanks

  186. Ash on August 16th, 2010 3:03 pm

    Breaking up with someone who u truly love and care a lot for its not peace of cake! I think thats the hardest things of all! I mean 2 say- whatever your choice is stick to it! For example if your willing to break up with him, set your mind on that! I hope you don’t end up calling him after 2 or 3 weeks later beacuse you miss your boo after you guys have been broken up! Thats the worse thing you want to do. You call him after some weeks or months their are 99% chances you guys will end up together. The cycle keeps on counting he’ll be good with you at first then he’ll end up being the same maybe worse!

    LIKE YOU SAID -and i know he loves me, but i

  187. Christina on August 16th, 2010 5:07 pm


  188. Christina on August 16th, 2010 6:45 pm

    im extremely upset..sorry i missed spelled a lot of things.

  189. Ash on August 16th, 2010 8:52 pm

    Don’t be upset everything will be fine! Healing takes a lots of time, and patience! You see what i was talking about earlier – psycho controlling leads to abuse! That’s what just happened you try to talk to him, and he said all those Sh** And he lead to emotional and verbal abuse!

    Its takes lots of time to understand he’s just not the one for you. I understand what you going threw beacuse iv been in same position before! Like i said your only 25 your very young right now! You don’t need a another daddy in your life, You want a be, husband who loves you a lot and support you in every possible way!

    Men who is 27, lives with his grandmother basement play video games, and smoke pot!! is not the kind of men you should be involve with! Men who is 27 should have his own place to live and should be independent, not rely on his grandmother! It makes me sick to my stomach Just knowing the fact How dare he treats you like that? I know you love him alot , but seriously you deserve someone so far better then him! He’s going to put you down much as he can so he can full-fill his needs! emotional needs! That”s whats exactly whats happening right here- your falling for it! Your taking his every word in your brain and he’s making you believe Your nothing but peace of Sh** and he can do alot better!

    In reality he’s the one who needs you the most, he is the one who cant find anyone better then you! So he is going to keep pleasing his needs, and you are going to keep falling for it! You should Avoid all the negative comments he tells you, and start loving your self to the fullest!


    I hope i helped just e-mail me if u want!!

  190. Christina on August 17th, 2010 1:10 am

    hey ash. i just read you responce. and i just wanted to say thankyou…thankyou sooo much…i take you advise at heart. and i think ur absoutly right. ive tried for over 2 yrs to FIX things cuz i love him. and I CAN HONESTLY SAY nothing….not one single thing that i wanted to change or expected to….never has….is like a scale…always good for a while…then bad…always up and down all the time. and after reading what you said…i think helps me alot. i’m really going to try to except the fact that he s just a complete ASS HOLE. AND MOVE ON. i just have to de-attach myself form the usual routine that i have with him. i do think i deserve better. i jsut let my feelings get in the way. and i feel like ive been with him so long. that i’m terrified of change :( but i’m really gonna try. AND THANK YOU AGAIN

  191. Brian on August 17th, 2010 5:37 pm

    As the saying goes “nice guys finish last.” It’s amazing how so many guys treat woman like dirt and yet all she can say is “I know he is controlling and insecure but I love him so much.” Ladies, a man does NOT love you if he abuses you verbally or physically. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!! Get over it.

  192. charlie on August 18th, 2010 7:21 am

    ok im not sure if this is right coz i love my boyfriend so much that i dont want to be without him, and we plan to get married and have children together but i feel that maybe something isnt right…….i had a missed phone call on my fone from a man was purely a friendship from the past wanting to know if we (me and my friend) wanted to go kayaking sounds silly i know but then it spiralled out of control and ended up in us ending our relationship which recently has happened so many times. Usually when arguemnts arise its due to alcohol, now im not saying that i am completely innocent in all of this as i have smoked weed, which he hates and gone to places that he wouldnt like me to go to. Now he has been cheated on in the past and a previous long term relationship with a girl who lied to him all the time and so i can understand why he may have issues, do you think that over time and communication e could work this out together or am i being naive and blinded by love????

  193. charlie on August 18th, 2010 7:24 am

    i forgot to add that he doesnt want me to talk to particular friends as he doesnt like them and does check my fone regularly and is quite insecure if i dont want to spend all my time with him??!!my family are not very happy with this whole situaton but is this just because they only hear my side of the story and are obvoulsly biased??

  194. Annonamys onAugust 24 2010 on August 24th, 2010 9:18 pm

    I was in a 2 year relationship where my boyfriend was questioning my every move and even went as far to accusing me of cheating on him. And always doing favors for him even then it wasn’t good enough,then went as far as to preach to me about whatever i did wrong. What can I do to be happy once again?

  195. So Sorry on August 31st, 2010 12:02 pm

    Just a warning…. Get out while you can! Lol, easier said than done! Im still stuck in a bad situation myself. I feel so trapped and because we have a daughter its that much harder to get out. but really its a sad lonley world when your dealing with an inmature control freak. Its so exausting to have to defend your every move and explain every detail for y our actions. Im having a really hard time and I know every one has thier limit but dam I want to know when will my heart and soul give him up so that I can move on.

  196. savannah on September 2nd, 2010 9:35 am

    To So Sorry..

    Your heart and soul will probably never give him up, he is the father of your child and your ‘love’. It’s your mind that you need to clear and focus on what is right for your daughter first of all, and yourself. Your daughter deserves the best, and if you are unhappy she can feel that tension by your body language. It’s better to have one happy parent than to have two fighting parents. Remember it’s not about you and your man anymore. It’s about your daughter and if she grows up in an abusive household she herself is going to seek out that type of relationship when seh gets older because that’s what she is use to and will think it’s normal. Good luck, if any of you want advice please don’t hesitate to email me.

  197. Athena on September 5th, 2010 8:44 pm

    if your boyfriend realy loves you as much as he says he dose he will let you go do thing that you need to get done or let you go home with out asking you why your doing or why your going home.Even if he has a problem with it he will have to deal with it and suffer the conciquence of his action .no women shuld be treat like crapy or a peace of grabage

  198. D-Bone3 on September 8th, 2010 11:31 pm

    All these dumb bitches need to fall in line. You go controlling boyfriend!

  199. ash on September 9th, 2010 11:02 am

    Ok I love how many girls are competing on this. Like they want to have the worst. Going well u hadd that I had thisss. Pulling that bs. I’ve been in abusive relationships but I don’t and won’t compete over it like you all do.

  200. jperry on September 9th, 2010 1:26 pm

    well my boyfriend is very mean to me .ived got fed up with him and his acusing me of stuff i dont even do. so i told him to leave and never come back life is too short to be dealing with mens who think they are my dad.i dont have time for it.ladies you need to get them straight show them who boss.

  201. MPK on September 24th, 2010 8:55 am

    Why are all of these sites focused on abusive/controlling men? What about all of the controlling woem out there? Every woman I have been in a relationship, including a 12 year marriage, exhibited the same behaviour as these sites attribute to controlling/abusive. All men in this “reverse situation” get are taunts about being “whipped”, etc. Where is our support network?

  202. Robert on September 26th, 2010 9:47 am

    I am ashamed to say that I am a controlling boyfriend,I don’t like being controlling and I know that its wrong, but I can’t stop someone please help, I love my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose her.

  203. Silvia on September 27th, 2010 12:54 pm

    My boyfriend playes the ” pore me ” card. he is the victum. and turns everything around on me. He doesnt want me to do things without him. But when I ask him to do things he says no.

  204. sarah on September 30th, 2010 4:54 pm

    my boyfriend does almost everything above. ive been with him for almost a year now. we live together and everthing. i thought i loved him and i thought he loved me but i am starting to see his feelings are not feelings of love but possesion. i feel like i cant leave the house without 100 questions or asking why i am wearing something nice and even if i am only going over a friends or to my mothers its a constant arguement or me getting accused of everything. ive tried to leave before. but we ended up working things out and i came back hoping it would change and it seemed like it did for a little while. but no he is back to the same ways he was before. if i go to the room to lay down and relax for a while he will come down and start flipping out. “whats your problem? why are you sitting up here? you dont care about anyone but yourself. you really dont want to be with me” this is what i hear 24/7. i am so fed up and done with everthing. but yet its still so hard for me to leave and i dont know why. he is always saying he does everything for me, buying me stuff doing stuff for me. but then he throws it in my face saying i dont do anything for him and i dont care. which is crap. everytime we argue i feel like everything i say goes in one ear and out the other to him. he always turns everything around on me. my family sees how he is and so do my friends they all tell me to leave him and i know i should but its hard. he tells me all the time wut a horrible girlfriend i am to him when im not. he makes me feel like i do everything wrong and i am the one to blame for the way he acts. i know i am a strong peron and i am better off without him i just dont know how to get away.

  205. Rachel Sunter on October 1st, 2010 9:32 am

    Thanks for a list of red flags. On their own, any one of these traits may seem excusable, but none of them are. Just broke up with a guy who did ALL of this, and I’m so lucky to be out before it got really bad.

  206. lovely rose on October 2nd, 2010 3:48 pm


  207. babycakkesss on October 8th, 2010 10:48 am

    my boyfriend contolor me like non other he puts everything on me like i did something when i never have.

    he claims “i dont say i love you meaning full enough and i dont look in to his eyes”

    which why the hell would i when he treats me this bad.

    he grabes me and pushes me.

    lies lies lies and lies somemore to me.

    i dont kiss him anymore at all.

    we fight about everything… and ive tried to tell him i need space yet he think im doing something wrong when i say or ask of that…

    what do i do?

    when he turns everything on me by saying “i did nothing wrong”

  208. babycakkesss on October 8th, 2010 10:51 am

    im 17 btw

  209. yahnuh on October 14th, 2010 12:55 pm

    I was in a relationship with a guy. We broke up because he said i worried about the wrong things. First off i dont worry about anything he always assumed i was worrying. We are broken up but we still act like we are together. We hang out. But lately everytime we hang out its at his house and we cant go anywhere else. I do his hair and then we have sex then he goes to sleep and i leave. I feel unwanted and feel like he is using me. He ask me if i like any other boys i am around. I tell him we act like a couple how come we arent together. I tell him i love him and he tells me but he doesnt show it. He ask me what im doing everyday but when i ask him he gets defensive. Everytime i get fed up he always says something sweet or makes me laugh and i forgive him. Why doesnt he commit to a relationship with me. I love him but i feel like he is controlling. I cant ask him anything or say whats on my mind because it will start an argument. He wants me to settle with he doesnt know if he wants a relationship with me. Should i just move on.

  210. jenny on October 15th, 2010 11:56 pm

    Ive been in a controlling relationship off and on for 7years.Itell hjm repeatedly it wontwork and i dont love him. He just will not get a hint. If im on my cell he wants to know who im talking to home phone is busy who am i talking to. He is so cocky in his tone of voice. He thinks the world should revolve around him. He comes up with some nasty comments quite often. but i have came back with a few of my own cuz im sick of him and im not gonna listen to it. Ihave never known anyone who just wont leave me alone. We have spent an entire day shopping garage sales or whatever ten minutes after i get home hes calling me to see what im doing.I work at 6am so i want to go to bed by 830. He sometimes calls at 825 just to say he forgot to tell mesomething. i say he just makes excuses to call . And some days he has called me at least 13 times in the6 hrs between when i get off work and get ready for bed. i wish i knew how to get my life back for good!

  211. Mandy Onilee on October 17th, 2010 12:35 am

    I really hear what all of you girls are saying. I am currently 24 years old. I met my verbaly and emotionally abusive (now ex) boyfriend 2 years ago when i was 22. I had just graduated from college, and he seemed so sweet at first. He was always doing nice things for me, making me food and bringing it over, cute small stuff that really makes you happy. He seemed so sweet, every one he worked with told me he was a keeper and how lucky I was……. well obviously they didn’t know the real him.

    After we had sex things started to change. He was my first… yes I waited until age 23…I’m not a freak or anything…lol.. I am just really old fashioned… well I told him I was a virgin when I met him on our third or fourth date, but that i had ” fooled around mildly ” with two other previous boyfriends” but that he would be my first, but I wasn’t living as a nun before i met him either…..( i really wanted to be honest and let him know ) big mistake. he became insane and crazy and demanded to know EVERY little detail of what I had done, he pointed his finger in my face and said that If i was lying about ANYTHING he would never speak to me again.. or that I would be in trouble…. silly me, I loved him so much at the time I told him mostly everything, but couldn’t remember every little detail he wanted… he sent me on a major guilt trip… I remember being afraid he was going to find out more details that i forgot to mention.. or talk to my ex’s, he even threatened to contact one of my ex’s and question him to make certain I wasn’t lying. I remember being scared for days about that one…

    he verbally abused me, called me a liar.. so many times, i can’t even count, called me a slut one time, tried to control what i watch on tv, for example I love Sex and the City, and he told me that show was for sluts who want to learn sexual things….and would give me such a hard time for watching it, that i started to lie about watching it.. i told him i didn’t watch it any more , but i still did….. i didn’t want to lie, but I was ALWAYS so honest with him, and he would tear me apart any way and call me a liar, so I started lying to avoid fights with him, because he was so scary….

    I ran into one of my ex’s at the supermarket one day, and was honest and told him about it….well apparently honesty really gets you no where because he was furious, and asked me for every little detail, i told the truth and he insisted i was lying, he came up with the idea that i had made arrangements to meet my ex there and make it look like it was an accident running into him… really crazy stuff..

    but in the mean time and ex girl of his called HIM and he didn’t even bother to tell me, and lied about it and didn’t even tell her he had a girlfriend (ME!) the only reason i know this is in an act of fate we ran into her at a restaurant and she was shocked he had a girlfriend, and she told me they talked a couple times, he was so busted. what a hippocrit he is!!! and he finally admitted to me they talked…

    the sad part is i stayed with him, i really loved him.. what a fool i am, or should i say WAS

    i got asked out by this cute nice guy while i was still with him, and i turned down the cute nice guy to be with this abusive monster,because i wanted to be loyal and now the cute nice guy is with someone else and i missed my chance with him.. that bothers me the most I think, I should’ve broken up with him about two or three months into the relationship but i stayed for two years. I feel so stupid for that… but i was in so deep with him that I had no clue I was even in an abusive relationship….

    the thing i hated most is how he would ask the same questions over and over and over and over again…. to see if he could crack me if i was lying, like some type of police investigator, i used to get so mad, but words and yelling never work with him when he is like that, he is nonsensical and insane…. he forbid me to see one of my guy friends that was supposed to help me fix my car, he thought the guy wanted to try and kiss me and touch me in the garage he worked in… and would give me hard times for other guy friends also,

    ofcourse we had our good times, other wise i wouldn’t have stayed for that long, but it became that the good times were getting lost, and all the bad times became more frequent and important that the good moments.

    oh yeah did i mention he had a drinking problem and was even worse when drunk, and when sober forbid me to wear a pair of shorts because he thought they were too short… didn’t want guys looking at me, he always said i was so pretty and that made him feel really insecure- at least he admitted that one, but then would try and tear me down,c alled me fat once, and told me i was chubby and lazy …

    pulled me by the back of my hair when i would try to leave, hugged me so tight i couldn’t breathe, he wouldnt’ let go.. really scary, i had to slap him a couple times because i couldn’t take it any more.. he made me into a physically abusive person, because when i would try to use my words it would never work with him, i might as well have been speaking another language…. so i would slap him because i felt so stifled and frustrated… it was awful and that is so hard for me to admit,

    i felt like he was almost making me as screwed up as he was…. that was horrible, i was doing things that weren’t me, that i would never do, he drove me literally insane, it makes me so mad because he was so two faced, a goody goody around EVERYONE else, but ME!!!!! so sweet to his mom, his sisters and brothers,cousins, nieces, nephews, my mom, co workers….. everyone but me. it made me so mad, the day we ran into his ex girlfriend, we were at a restauant he used to work at and as we were leaving one of his ex coworkers said to me- ” hold on to him, he’s a great guy”…. it made me furious to hear that , i wanted to laugh in her face, and tell her what a jerk he really was….but she’ll never know…. only me and any other poor girl he dates next……


    I could go on for days about other stuff that happened between us but theres not enough time, he really was sick and in the end i felt bad for him, if i had lower self esteem i would be a broken person right now, this sounds crazy but this relationship made me a stronger person, and gave me more confidence because i never gave into him or let him kill my spirit… and its a wonderful spirit that i have!

  212. Mandy Onilee on October 17th, 2010 12:58 am

    oh yeah forgot to mention, he would have me “check in” with him every night at 8pm with a phone call, if i was two minutes late he would freak out on me, oh but it was totally ok for him to call late.. and he made me feel guilty to hang with my friends, but it was totally ok for him to go with his friends- and they all drink, i don’t even drink when i go out, im such a nerd , i just eat dinner and watch a movie… clubs or bars for me ( by choice) but he was the drinker!

    he grew up having parents who were abusive towards him and a father who abused his mom, really sad stuff, but that is no excuse, society drills it into our head that it is wrong to do! he knows the right way to be treated and treat a woman he just couldn’t do it. its really sad

    when i finally broke things off, he cried more than i’ve ever seen anyone cry, and made me feel so bad, and guilty, but the love just wasn’t there any more, he drove it out of me…..

    he told me i would never find someone like him and that i would just become a single woman in my 30s and 40s and become a slut…. real nice stuff….

    when we fought he hurled insults like daggers…. i don’t miss how he would turn on me in seconds and freak out if i said the littlest thing he didn’t like…. i don’t miss the interrogations.. so everytime i think i miss him i remind myself of these things.. and it will be ok!

    people don’t change over night, maybe he can improve himself , but he will have these negative parts to his personality for a while to come and i don’t have anymore time to waste trying to figure out if he’s changed or not…i refuse to waste anymore time….

    again, if you are in a relationship like this, GET OUT, i don’t care who you are, if your pretty, ugly , fat , skinny, tall, short, a nice girl or a bitchy girl- you don’t deserve this, NO ONE DOES, and I’m a college graduate with a degree in psychology and I still couldn’t see the signs at first because i was blinded by love, even if you feel sorry for him, LEAVE! let someone else feel sorry for him, its not your job, your not responsible for him, your not his mom and dad, they are really good at making us feel guitly, and sorry, but don’t let them!

    sorry for this being so long… but this topic is important and I hope you can relate and this helps somewhat…

  213. Brienna on October 19th, 2010 9:01 pm

    i have a boyfriend.. his name is brandon. we have only been dating for 3 months, and were already expecting a baby. the thing is, we have already broken up twice for reasons im not so enthusiastic about. :( the first time we broke up it was because he wanted to date this other girl Kaitlyn who goes to his school. (we go to sperate schools). then we got back together for about 3 weeks, then i broke up with him the second time, because i found out he was texting and hanging out with this girl kaitlyn again behind my back. he now knows im pregnant and says he will never leave again.. but i dont want to only be in a relationship if he doesnt actually love me and its only for the baby.. he assures me he loves me and the baby is just a plus, but my family warns me that hes ying about that.. what should i believe? what should i do!? im only 16.. :( this isnt the way i wanted to have a baby but i want this baby to have everything. so should i contiue my relationship with him, or just be friends? please help!

  214. Brienna on October 19th, 2010 9:04 pm

    ohh and to add to actually stay on this topic.. he is very controlling to the point he deleted alot of guys numbers from my phone cause im not allowed to talk to other guys.. he says just him. but he shouldnt be having the trust issues with me, i should be having the trust issues with him…

  215. Brienna on October 19th, 2010 9:13 pm

    whenever we broke up, he would text me horrible things calling me every name in the book. [deleted]. and he said im worthless and nothing i ever do will be good enough.. even through all that i still love him.. ppl say im crazy, but i dont control my heart, i guess my heart controls me.. :( my names brienna, im 16, and my life is being runned and totured by my 18 year old boyfriend, who im still madly in love with? :( am i wrong?!

  216. Fluffy on October 24th, 2010 6:00 pm

    I suffer everyday due to my daughters relationship with her controlling boyfriend{?}. I was hospitalized for 2 weeks, during which time a mass was discovered over my kidney. My daughter told me should would stay with me, which she did for 2 nights…..but did not come home until 10 or 11pm. Received pathology on my bladder biopsy yesterday{all is good}. Will have my 20th CAT Scan in < a month. Shortly after I will go through surgery, still path of mass is unknown. May loose kidney, or go through more extensive surgery.

    My daughter is a nursing student. Deans list 3 semesters. Now, he insist she sleep there, he also has 50/50 custody of his 2 children 4 and 6. I never see her study anymore. She gets an allowance, 400 a month, so she can focus on school. He wants her to work, preferably in the service industry(waitress) so she can bring cash into his household. She is always broke, I no longer assist. I l;ive on disability. Feel frightened for her mental and physical state. He text her at least twice a week if she is not there when he expects her.

    Put her in therapy, which I cannot afford,

    If anyone can point me in a helpful direction outside of 72hr assessment would appreciate the help. And yes his mother has been phoning my daughter since relationship began{although she met her in March}, relationship began end of Oct. 2009……….Thank All for any suggestions, Fluff

  217. Seasons on October 30th, 2010 3:34 am

    You you should make changes to the blog name title Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend to something more better for your blog post you write. I enjoyed the the writing even sononetheless.

  218. Taylor on November 1st, 2010 6:19 pm

    My boyfriend is just like that but i dont know what to do because i love him soome much and we have been dating for a year last week!!! he makes me feel good and buys me things but he has never held it over me ever and i know he wont but i just wish he could get help but he wont his family and mine says he needs it but he wont get it!! i dont know what to do!!!

  219. Mariah on November 1st, 2010 11:39 pm

    Help me, anyone please. I’m 17 and my bf is 20. When we first met, we hooked up and had sex. We spent everyday together, literally, i spent the night at his house every night. a month after we hooked up, he asked me out. i didnt even hesitate when i said yes. now…we’ve been together for almost 4 months, counting the month we weren’t dating. I stayed at his house all summer, until school started in august. We were together constantly even for a while after school started. We got in a few fights in the first month. once about my clothes…he wanted me to dress more mature. no more band shirts and no more baggy boys clothes. all tight jeans and nice, womanly shirts. He hates kids, teenagers, drugs, whores or girls like dress like one, girls who dont dress girly, he hates most people too.

    So now its at the point where we are in a huge fight over the fact that i got hit on once when i volunteered with my MALE best friend at a skating rink in my town. He didnt like that i made a random plan to go to a place where lots of people were, where whores were bound to be and where i got hit on once. he didnt like that i was out so late.

    I told him i felt like i was being controlled.

    He’s angry as hell.

    He says he’s not, he’s just insecure.

    But he matches ALL these signs.

    Except physical and verbal abuse.

    I’m his world. I know that for a fact.

    He loves me, i know that too.

    He’s sincere in the sweet things he says.

    I know all this for a fact. You can tell, in his voice and eyes an mannerisms around me.

    MY THINKING: he just wants me all to himself because he literally has nobody else but me. It hurts him to know im around people he hates and bad people that do bad things. It hurts him to know others try to hit on me. So he gets defensive and mad about it.

    But i know he’s controlling. i know that…but i feel so bad about wanting to leave him… all he has.

    And i love him so much that i even promised to move in with him when i finally turn 18…


  220. Sophia on November 2nd, 2010 9:01 am

    I have a controlling husband. We had dated for 5 years plus before we got married. He always thinks he is right. I’m often called stupid and dumb. I’m not allowed to post status or add his female friends on facebook. I’m unable to do things that I want to do. He always has some reasons to reject them. Sometime I feel like disappearing from this world.

  221. Ella on November 3rd, 2010 2:16 pm

    I was in a verbally abusive, controlling relationship for 3 yrs. After him breaking up with me twice, giving me the silent treatment, and lying about where he was (it was all a game to get a reaction out of me), I left him a letter saying it was over for good.

    I briefed over the many messages in here, and it seems we are going through similar experiences, sadly.

    My best advice is to go by their actions. This was something I chose to ignore, until recently. And what finally opened my eyes? Finding a good, caring, supportive friend. He made me believe that I was controlling HIM, and I believed it! Once I took control of my life (made this wonderful new friend), I saw a change in him, and realized how very weak he was, and how strong I had become.

    I began to observe his behavior/efforts, and compared it to his words, and very little matched.

    When someone loves you, you should feel not one doubt about it. When you feel exhausted from trying to prove to yourself that they do, it isn’t love. My boyfriend came back to me out of loneliness, when he was low on money, & knew I was a safe haven for him.

    The break up letter I wrote to him, was brief, kind, but to the point. There will be no more contact with him. I love him, care for him and miss him dearly. But I was an object for him to use and control, nothing more. He hid behinds words to manipulate me. I loved a person who wasn’t real.

    When its real love, you will know, without a doubt.

    I feel better initiating the break up. I still believe he will find a way to be back in my life. Because we all need to think of it this way….they are weak & they need US. We do NOT need them, and once you break away, you will realize this! AND you will be proud of yourself for finding the strength to let go and will become an even better and stronger person. THEY will feel the loss… you will not!

  222. edc on November 5th, 2010 11:43 pm

    ok so im really worried about my best friend- ive known her since 5th grade and shes like my sister. shes been dateing this guy for 6 months and he has like 6-7 of these signs… its really bad me and her other friend have been discussing this and we are really worried for her and we cant sneek a conv. with her for 2 sec. without him pulling her away and eithr jst making her kiss him or asking if we were talking about him. also hes pushed her numerous amount of times and just the other day he pulled her back and pushed her down and she ended up with a bruise from it and she thinks it wasnt a big a deal becuase he “didnt notice he was pulling that hard” i dont know what to do i talked to my dad to see if he knew anything on this and he said to talk to her parents even if she gets pissed with me. the one day he had to leave for awhile so we finally got to hang out and it was really sad how happy we all were just to have a normal conv. with each other i dont know what to do i dont wanna straight up tell her but i dont want to just let it slide-should i really just talk to her parents? i dont want to cause to much drama either :/

  223. Savannah on November 10th, 2010 9:41 am

    To edc:

    You are concerned about your friend, that’s good. Don’t stop being concerened either. Sounds to me like your ‘friend’ is oblivious to the fact that she can be treated so much better. A controlling boyfriend, will always be a controlling boyfriend. It will not change no matter what YOU do. It won’t change no matter what your friend does either, unless she flat out dumps him. That’s his mentality and he will continue to try to have control over your friend until eventually your friend will nto have too many friends at all. If he has already pushed her and is verbally abusive to her, it will escelate into physical violence. I would suggest going to her parents and tell them what is going on and that you miss your true friend. It will cause drama, but hopefully it will make your friend see that friends stay forever men come and go. Good luck.

    Ella: I love your words, it is so true. Thank you.

    For the rest of the posts. I’m seeing oh but I love him so much. Boy have I said those words too. One of you is 17 years old. Hunny, you dont know what love is. Lets just get that straight. It’s called lust, and infatuation. Or the imfamous “honeymoon stage”. You can’t ulitmately know who someone really is until you’ve been with them for quite some time and I mean a year to 2 years before you find out everything about someone. If there is any sign of control, it isnt love, any sign of jealousy or manipulation, it isn’t love. If there is verbal abuse and mental exhaustion it isnt love. Love is patient, love is kind. Love can bare anything. True love will have no bounds. You should be able to find independance within love and enjoy doing things with your partner. I hope that makes sense. Take care all. Email me if you have any questions.

  224. AH on November 16th, 2010 2:05 am


    I wish I had read this a long time ago. You look at information about abuse and it seems a bit far-fetched and you think he isn’t really THAT bad…but that abuse starts somewhere. My ex (finally, finally detached myself from him last night after many break-ups over a year and a half) displayed ALL of these traits, quite early on too. After about 5 months I was introduced to that horrible, nasty, controlling side of him. And he was so very sweet and charming in the beginning.

    He is well-educated, tall, many find him handsome (or sexually attractive, hell, he would pull out his dick and tell me to come over there and suck it…a real fucking turn on, yet my dumb ass still went for it). I think there was part of me that was embarrassed and that is why I ended up withdrawing from my family.

    The worst part is on the outside he is a saint, all of his coworkers and friends adore him and HATED me for leaving so many times. You can imagine the cut eye I would get for treating “such a good man” that way. You think you are blind or crazy.

    I haven’t had the energy to go to the gym, class, or cook healthy meals for months because it was all wasted fighting with him. I haven’t seen my friends in months, nor have I kept in contact with my male friends. He ended up giving me herpes.

    And I put up with it because I wanted to believe all those nice things he said. All the times he said “I love you, you are so special and precious to me”. My parents got divorced recently and my entire family fell apart and I have a void. I want a family. The craziest thing is, as I was in this bad place in my life…he found me, scooped me up. It is so true, when you have a traumatic experience you need to be careful who you attract. Human nature is so complex.

    So ladies, HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. I am so sorry and I know how much it hurts. You deserve to go to bed feeling safe and waking up and being fucking excited about life, about your dreams and the people you love . Stop selling yourself short and look in the mirror and accept yourself for everything you are and everything you are not. You have friends and family who love you…and if you are utterly alone, this too shall pass and you will find people who love you for who you are. He doesn’t give a shit about who you are, trust me. He will never take the time to learn about all the wonderful little quirks you have that make you an individual; he will not cherish you as a person or respect your humanity. He will prey on your vulnerability and insecurities.

    Leave now. It will be hard, but you will blossom when he is no longer there making you feel like you have nothing to offer the world. He will retreat to that cave he came from. In time you will have so much going for you that you won’t even remember his name.

  225. Krissy on November 22nd, 2010 7:27 pm

    Im 18 years old, very smiley, happy person and i have a lot to offer. So, i been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 6 months. I and a lot of other people thought he was a sweet nice normall guy. Well he isn

  226. Shaden on November 25th, 2010 10:10 pm

    My sister dates a man that stays unemployed most of the time and when he does have a job he does not do much for her he says that he does not have money – he has too many bills or whatever, im not exactly sure what he tells her but the end result is – he never takes her to plays or on trips or to the movies – he will take her out to eat (i think he tries to make her fat)…..but lately he is unemployed and is asking her for money for his rent telling her that he will get put out if cant get the money he needs and she gives it to him. THAT IS A HUGE PROBLEM I BELIEVE. She has a daughter with special needs that she could care less about – she puts the boyfriend before her daughter any day of the week. She does whatever she can to get rid of her each and every week end – which includes letting you use her car, giving you money – not much but will pay for her daughters expenses.

    The boy friend is very quite around our family, he sits back, looks and listens. He is a control freak. He calls her 24 hours a day it goes like this. My sister says, im going to sleep now, Im on the way to work now, Im at lunch now, im leaving work now, im going to the store now, im leaving the store now, im going her and there now and they chat and talk in between.

    My stepsister thinks he calls her like that because she is soooo irresistable he cant help but love her, in all actuality I believe he is completely and totally controlling her. Oh yeah he is married/separated with 5 children.

    My question is does it sound like step sisters boyfriend is a control freak

    I forgot to mention that the neighbors called the police on him because he was trying to break in her house, he thought that she was home and refused to answer the door and actually she had not gotten home from work.

    Step sister thinks he is completely head over heels n love with her. I think he and the relationship is dangerous, he is too needy and controlling. I think he is the type that would seriously hurt you if you step out of line (out of his control). What do you think?????

  227. NW on December 1st, 2010 11:53 am

    I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 3 years…,, I met him while i was married, My marriage had been bad for a long time and he came along and knocked me off my feet. Although he was 14 years older i thought he was the love of my life….. I finally divorced my husband and we became a couple. Little did i know EVERYTHIng i did was under a microscope. I get accussed of cheating all the time. If i go off with a friend i am not thinking of his feelings, If i dont answer the phone i am a bitch and a whore cheating on him. He is sooo nice sometimes but when i make him mad he treats me so bad. The things he says to me are so bad he makes me feel worthless…..He does what he wants when he wants and i better not complain. If i do he finds a reason to get mad at me and ignore me for days all bc i stood up for myself. No matter how i feel i am always wrong. then he always says we need to break up….. ive tried so hard to reason with him but im learning there is no reasoning. Its either his way or no way.

  228. Foxy on December 3rd, 2010 2:01 pm

    I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but sometimes when we play rough on the phone and he can be controlling at times. He names me his HO, slut, baby girl, and bitch. My godsister and my friends tell me to not let him control me. But at the same time I like it…Im the submissive type since I’m very shy. I would kill myself if I gave him up or broke his heart. He’s my one and only. Everyone including my parents think I should find other fish in the sea but I greatly refuse. Please help me…

  229. B on December 3rd, 2010 11:22 pm

    I have been through many “controllinig situations, with them usually being on a daily basis. We’ve been together on and off after I was getting out of a really rough patch after getting out of another bad relationship and losing all my so called friends that I had. And now, I’m really stuck. We basically lived together for a couple or few months after graduation before I went home. Living far away, things became very stressful dealing with him telling me to take down a long list of facebook, and then myspace pictures, and then me getting mad, and having to find the time to come to a good spot with him, it took up a lot of time, and the rest of the time, it was my parents (who I was living with) getting mad at me for spending all my time talking with him. So I just simplified things and moved back to the state where my boyfriend lived. I have no friends, being that they were all bad friends, but even if I did, I can guarantee there would be a big fight anytime I would hang out with anyone, even a good friend that’s a girl. I moved into my own place, but my boyfriend brought it to my attn. that my roommate was ripping me off, not too sure if my roommate was, and i hadnt signed a lease, plus, they drank and were inconsiderate and kept me and my boyfriend up all night. And that was the last night he spent there. So I moved out and now live with him and his grandma again. Except this time I’m paying rent. It’s only been 3 days, and we just got back from going out to eat at a mexican restaurant, which I payed for, since he doesnt have a job, and keeps saying he will but doesnt cuz he swears he’s going to get signed to a music label within the next half year. When we went out to eat, it started with him making rude comments about my parking and telling me where I have to park, and called me rude names, and then when i got mad at him he told me i was a bad parker and am ridiculous for getting mad because he was joking. And then it ends with us finishing eating, after I hesitated to go through with treating him there. And then it ends with him throwing my gift card at me because I told him I didnt watnt to blow it all at once, just on things that I needed as they come (I dont have a whole lot of money). And he told me all of a suddent that he doesnt feel right with me having recieved the gift card on accident (I did a return and there was a mess up). But he said he would feel like its the right thing to keep it and spend it as long as I dont have the card lingering and just use it all at once. He gets “strong feelings” about things that he thinks is the “right” thing to do. But I think I am learning that this is his way to control situations so that he can get what he wants by making me feel like its the right thing to do.Not to mention, he has already mistreated all of my valauables over the past 6 months. He has thrown my camera (I’m a photographer), my laptop, kicked me out of his place in front of all of his neighbors to see me just stand there helpless with all of my valuables everywhere that someone could just steal after so long of me standing there. He’s even dragged me and thrown me on the couch, only to hit his fist directly by my head. One time he took my keys from me and I had to call the cops. All of this sounds really white trash, but I was raised in a very very good christian home with fantastic parents. I do have sexual abuse in my past and have recieved some counceling for it, but I cant seem to connect the dots and find out how I end up in horrible situations with horrible people. I know for a fact, I am a wonderful, creative, beautiful person that deserves someone just as so, but everytime I try to break up with my boyfriend, it seems there is some uncontrollable force that brings me immediately back together with him. So I feel its pointlesss to break up with him, being I have no money to live anywhere else, especially on my own. Technically he just broke up with me, but now I am stuck here and the only idea I can think of is to go back to my parents house like how I did, but I feel I cant rely on myself to not get back with him and move back up here with him. I sometimes feel like I am 2 different people with 2 different mindsets with him. I have no idea how to get out of this mess, and now that I am living with him and he’s manipulated me to trust him again, now that he has me living with him, he’s just been all of a sudden careless with his actions and words. He is a very messed up person, and I sometimes feel like I am too, but at least I never mistreat him or anyone. I have no idea what to do.

  230. Hannah on December 12th, 2010 5:03 am

    As of today, I just got out of a almost 2 year relationship with a man who turned my life upside down. For so long I was struggling to figure out what I should do because I “care” about him and “love” him. But after those hard years I came to realize that he CONVINCED me and BRAINWASHED me to “love” him and almost no one else. The word love is so strong, especially when your self esteem is so low like mine. After years of abusive relationships I really thought I had found the “one” in this man. But I was so wrong. I was blind to the signs that he was trouble because I so wanted to be loved by a man. Even though men have been my downfall. After two rapes and unstable relationships one would think I would realize this. But he had me at his fingertips. I was merely his sex toy and slave. My mind would double-take when he would ask me to do such things as his homework and his taxes, but I was so desperate for his “love.” Now, being out of this situation, I so want to help other women and girls who are like me. I believe that I suffered to help others, at least that is how I see it. As I read each post I can’t help but see that I am just like that. And it is so hard to take the leap and leave whoever is hurting you. But it’s like jumping off the high jump at a pool. You look down and cower, but you just have to realize that once you make the jump, you will be so relieved. Abuse is like a never-ending cycle, and it really NEVER ends. Even when he sweet talks you and treats you nicely. But you have to learn that those moments are brief and will ALWAYS go back to abuse. Women are not weak even though some men believe they are. And every woman and girl is beautiful inside and out.

    xoxoxoxoxo Hannah <3

  231. Really?? on December 18th, 2010 1:00 pm

    WOW really, is this really how sexist this site really is. Please, inform me on what you think is proper. Being with your girlfriend all the time is bad?? I know girls who crave this type of attention. Not only is this stupid, but if the girl is known to roam around a cautious man wouldn’t take his chances. I’m not gonna waste my time going down this list, because all your doing is ruining it for others who might have a change of fixing their relationship. How about you do a little more research??

    P.S I come from a relationship in which the girl was abusive and hurtful. I left her and seeing this type of blog where your bashing men is unacceptable. I treated her like a queen and I still got played

  232. Ella on December 19th, 2010 12:45 am

    My boyfriend made me, and everyone else believe I was the controlling one. It took a few years for me to realize, it was him who was the controller. I feel in a good, honest, trusting, loving, healthy relationship, you need to spend time apart. I like one on one time with a good friend or family member. My boyfriend wanted to come and go as he pleased when we lived together. He’d be out til 2am sometimes. I couldn’t tolerate it, so he ended things, trying to gain back the control. We were off and on for a few years, all because he kept losing the control in the relationship and attempted to weaken me, by ending things, then coming back. I love him, but its never been a healthy relationship. He has raging anger and abusive behavior towards me, giving me the silent treatment, throwing objects and punching walls when he’s mad. He learned the silent treatment doesn’t work. I have a new wonderful circle of friends who made me strong. We are still seeing one another, but his newest tactic is to not call me, and just wait for me to come around to where he lives, as I am good friends with his family. He is punishing me for choosing to go places without him. I used to do everything with him, but I was broke all the time, because we used all my money. His went to himself and his friends. I am on vacation right now, for a week, out of town. He is not calling, out of anger. He knows it hurts me. I stay with him, because I am only describing the bad parts of our relationship. I stay with him for the good reasons, though their aren’t that many, I love him. Its also out of habit, Ive known him for several years.

  233. liz on December 26th, 2010 12:57 am

    i have been with my bf for a little over two years we have a 10month old som together and we live together . He is in the military . I am a stay at home mom now but when we first meet and i moved i left my job good paying job at that and now we moved agian of course that the military life . But now that i stay home he seems to become controling . He tells me all the time i am fat even though i am smaller then ever before . He calls me stupid he tells me all sorts of things he has hit me twice now and i am seriously scared to upset this man . He believe its his way or the highway . he says that i am not allowed to go out with friends because i dont work and i dont deserve it . He puts me down all the time and i do nothing to him . he finds it funny he laughs at me . He doesnt go out much anymore but used to the time . He tells me i am annoying but yet he really is . I do everthing for him but wipe his ass it seems . I have given him the world and in return am getting nothing but crap . The second time he hit me he said i deserved it . He didnt feel bad at all for it . I dont know what to do this isnt the man i feel in love with i dont know who this monster is .

  234. Britt on December 26th, 2010 4:14 pm

    I am worried that my relationship may become abusive. I am 14 and he is 17. He gets mad at me over tiny things and once I stayed the night with a friend and I didn’t tell him until in the morning when he called me wanting to know where I was. I told him and he started yelling at me. My friend and her 10 year old sister were in the room and heard everything. I want to break up with him but the last time I did that he started getting into a lot of trouble and started drinking and smoking pot. It frightened me. I was afraid that he would either get himself killed or into trouble with the law. I didn’t want that to hapen so when his best friend told me about it and how he was just doing it because he wanted me back I descided to go back to him. I just don’t know what to do… I am afraid that if I stay with him I’ll get hurt someday but I’m also afraid that if I leave him he’ll get hurt.

  235. Britt on December 26th, 2010 4:20 pm

    (addition to my last comment)

    Sometimes I just don’t know why I stay with him. We have dated several times since I was 11. He has cheated on me multiple times and then called ME a whore and a bitch when I confronted him about it.

  236. innocent on December 28th, 2010 5:31 pm

    I have been dating this guy for almost 4 mths and when he saw me he he pursued he was married but he had lied and said he was getting a divorce and had left. to my surprise it wasnt true, she called me and told me but she had left out that he had told her he didnt love her anymore so they have a 2 yr old and he is with me now and they are getting a divorce. it is not my fault for he had told her mths before that he didnt love her and was only there for their kid but she was the one that had comtrolled him and she is trying to get him back but he told her leave him alone that he loves me and wants to be with me..

    So others guys are still trying to get me to talk to them and one day this guy had called and we talked but we are friends(dated a long time ago)..this guys is harmless to talk to he is like a best friend and my man found out and told me he wanted the number but he was on his way home and i gave him the wrong one and he called and then he called me back and i gave him another wrong num and then he called it and when he got home he told me that if he had been here and i had given him the wrong numbers lke that then he would had hit me in the head with the ph..

    He also wont let me wear certain cloths that I had worn before we dated..too low show too much or men will look, and they will think dirty thoughts of you and that kills me to think they are. I am 10 yrs older than he..he ia 29 and he treats me like a queen but he tells me he is jealous and love me and I know he does but he has thots of hurting me and has to avoid me at times if i lie ot him and the only reason i will lie is to avoid trouble..i wont cheat..he also watches me when we go out dancing he keeps his eyes on me and it kills him if a man looks at me while i dance..

    he tells me i cant work at certain places for the men flirting, or if i go out to town he questions my every move and all about me. is this heading in the wrong way or not?

  237. innocent on December 28th, 2010 5:41 pm

    what i am saying is their marriage was over and he was staying at hotels but hadnt filed for a divorce yet..he wasnt there all time his stuff was..and we are crazy over one another. i have never had a man treat me so good as he does. he has never hit me and says he wont ever and i think he is truthful!! we are living together and he works and i am looking for a job but he worries about if a man will flirt and makes his day at work hard on him. he worries over me all time and gets made or says it isnt like me not to call b/for i leave the house to go to town..Is tht normal of a man?

  238. jenny on December 28th, 2010 9:04 pm

    I’ve been in a 3 year relationship with an extremely controlling bf. He’s wanted me to run away with him and as time passed he started to take things away from me. Recently he told me not to talk to my family. It’s horrible. I lie to him constantly because my family is important to me. My sister who i have considered my best friend all my life is gone. She ran away about 6 months ago and when i get the chance to talk to her i want to know shes’ ok but my bf doesnt want me to have any contact whatsoever because she is a “slut” to him. I am no one to judge her for her actions but i feel it’s my fault why she ran away because she saw me go through the same thing I try to be a rollmodel for them now that i’m 18 but I feel its all my fault. Well one night my bf went through my phone and saw that i had called my sister and he went crazy saying that i had to do something really big to show him I care about him. I dunno what to do. I don’t want to lose him, because of so much of the time spend in the relationship. But i feel so trapped. I realize I’m supposed to priorities go to school have a life and have fun i’m young but I’m scared to be alone and not have him in fear that he will have another by his side. All this time i’ve been with him, gradually i’ve stuck in my head that i’m not good enough and that another man wont want me. i know this relationship is not good for me but I dont have a clue how to get out or be strong. I’ve gone to therapy and gotten out but it didn’t work. I feel so miserable inside I can’t take it…

  239. TELLA on December 31st, 2010 12:59 am


  240. stacey on January 1st, 2011 6:52 pm

    GIRLS! The BEST advice I can tell you if you are living with your boyfriend, and can’t get out because you’d have no where to go or can’t afford it. First thing you need to know is even though you feel trapped, you are not entirely. You can still make the decision to get out! If there is a will, here are some possible ways to get out if he’s too controlling to let you even start thinking about it…..

    Wait until he is not home….

    And call 911 to have a cop stand by while you move your things out (they will not stand-by for furniture or any major move-outs).

    If he is home every time you are….

    Best case scenario, escape to your local grocerie or somewhere without him, call the cops to meet you and go back to yours to gather your things and get out.

    If you can’t escape your home without him….

    If he’s too controlling for you to ever leave the house on your own, but will still let you do things like go to the bathroom and lock the door if you wanted to. Go into the bathroom, lock the door, and call 911. You can turn on the shower to fade out the talking if you need to. Or you can make an excuse for locking the door. (Whatever would be MOST believable and likely for them to let you stay in there until the cops come). Example: you just started your period and it got all over you and you have to wash it off, are constipated and embarrassed and turned on the shower to drown out the groans your making, talking to your mom on the phone about a suprise or present for your boyfriend etc.). CAUTION, if you think this is too risky, and you think he might bust the door open and possibly hurt you, DO NOT do this.

    If there is any time that he will not be looking over your shoulder…..

    when you’re on your phone, computer, etc. You can text a trusted friend to dial 911 for you. Give your friend your address and tell them you need a standby cop to escort you and your things. You could email a friend the same thing although they may not get it immediately, atleast they’ll get it soon. Then immediately delete and exit the convo and wait for the cops to come.

    Just remember, the cops can come to stand-by briefly while you gather your things. However, they will not stand-by for furniture or any heavy items or major move-outs. Make sure the cop follows you to your car, and then follows your car to where your going if you need to. Go to a SAFE place to stay until you can figure out your next move. If you have any family, or friends that are like family (that your boyfriend would stay away from) who would offer you a home for free, affordable rent, or even just a place to stay until you get on your feet, travel and stay with them. HOWEVER, if you think it would possibly be too dangerous for you and/or the friend/family that you’d being staying with, or don’t have any friends or family, I would go to a women’s battered shelter, at least for some time until things cool down and have time to figure out your next step. They will help you there with that, decisions, counceling, food etc. They’ll keep you real safe, away from anyone.

    Now let’s stop being scared and stop letting our boyfriends to continue being in our lives to control us. And let’s stop writing on this wall and doing nothing after, and be the strong women we are, and take action! If there is a will, there is a way.

  241. Random on January 2nd, 2011 1:40 am

    I think that this list should be renamed “Top 10 Signs That Your Boyfriend is Edward Cullen”

  242. britt on January 7th, 2011 8:27 pm

    my boyfriend is controlling but tells me its because he is trying protect me and doesnt wasnt me to get hurt….and i can be controlling but i tell him he can do what he pleases but he says he doesnt want me to hang out with girl friends and talk to ANY guys..because that means i dont respect him? im confused because i have been in this situation before where it always my fault and im dumb and i act like im single and i shouldnt wear certain clothes…idk what to do because i love him but i know that this isnt healthy…help someone

  243. naomi on January 8th, 2011 11:03 pm

    okay, my current boyfriend, when i met him first had a girlfriend, but he cheated on her with me, but at the same time (i was single) i had a fling with his friend, and ever since he has punished me and said horrible things to me, because i basically cheated, he says, i am truely sorry for this but he is sooooo controling and i kind of understand why sometimes , but he ALWAYS brings it up and hes always right and im worthless and im never right because of what i did…even tho he had a girlfriend at the time, but eh said we wer ‘basically going out’ but i never know whether he is right to be like that or is he taking advantage because he knows im so sorry for it, but he has lots of signs of being controlling, but can be so caring, but uses everything against me, i dont know if im right to feel controlled or should i be ‘paying for what i did’ ,,,, btw this was 5 months ago , he asked me out after i told him everything i did with his friend. but he had a gf at the time and i felt used. i dont know what to think,,,,

    please dont judge, im 16 btw

  244. isabellayessi on January 12th, 2011 5:29 pm

    It’s a heart breaker reading everyones drama.I grew up with a violent father who would beat my mother daily and be little her phyically and how a person can beat you down they can also,hurt you emotionally and play mind games w/you.I am 11 yrs younger than my boyfriend.His 37yrs old and I am 26yrs.I had a child at age 18 and had dreams of attending college,he has not asked me what I want to do with the rest of my life,he wants me to follow him into other country.I have been w/him for 9yrs and I left him for 2 weeks in the past bc,he used to go out drinking.I am sick and tired of being alone and jobless and being at home mother.Yes,he provides for my children and very rarely rejects what I ask him to buy me.

    He hates my family,he won’t let me visit them and does not trust anyone outside the family that is HIS FAMILY ONLY.

    Only his sister can watch our kids since,I have a strain relationship sometimes w/mines.Listen,I tried leaving him and I have nothing without him and we won a law suit and he has all the money and won’t go half until that day he goes half w/the money,that is day I friggin leave even if I have to gamble w/my future and my life to other country.

    I am close to with my sister and I have told her about his drinking and how controlling he is but,love has got me twisted and I have asked him about the college thing and he has said,I BEST STUDY ONLINE WTF.

    I am not judging anyone,but I know what it is to be in emotional abuse relationship,I rather be beaten to death bc,my insides are when he treats me like a child and not a women.

    Strange how half of US WOMEN are younger and the GUY is older,we need a father no a father/boyfriend figure.I love this man that is what is so bad about this,its so intense that I have been w/no other man than him for 9yrs.

    His a great breadwinner,supporter for kids and loving father w/good heart but,he does have his dark side and today his niece saw how controlling he is when I was talking to him on the phone bc,he was demanding I don’t go to my sisters since,we gossip and he won’t be there…I told her that he had other side and that is why his closed off the family.I think he will be screaming at me today,for not shutting up about OUR BUSINESS AND LIFE.

    love and peace.

  245. Everlyn Walubengo on January 14th, 2011 8:56 am

    i was in a two month relation. but the thing is may guy likes me to be open in anything he inquire from me its unfortunate that i cheated in age and that made me him to end up our relationship. what should i do to reconcile together as i still love him?

  246. myelmo63 on January 17th, 2011 9:08 pm

    I got one of those. How do I get rid of him?

  247. hind on January 18th, 2011 12:41 am

    I ‘M going through this problem currently ,it’s making me feel less confident and that am nothing without him but at the same time it’s making me starting to hate him and the new version of “me” ,he asks too many questions evenabout little things ,wants to know every little detail about every single thing i do starting from what i ate at breakfast …!am not allowed to have male friends , hangs outs with girls are not acceptable ,unless he knows each and every girl ,can’t go anywhere without tellin him …what’s most annoying is that all he asks me 2 do is not applied to him as well!

    he can do whatever he wants but i can’t ! the old me was a sociable confident spontaneous girl ! now i started to feel am under his mercy ,but at the same time i don’t wanna lose him and i don’t know also how to leave !

  248. music on January 21st, 2011 2:30 am

    SERIOUSLY RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM ABUSIVE MEN….We are so scared as women sometimes and yet we know what is right from the VERY BEGINNING!!…I recently finally finally ended a 3 yr. controlling/emotionally/verbally abusive relationship. Guilt trip after guilt trip he gave me…He would say..”if you loved me, you wouldnt leave” and I fell for it time and time again….OR ” you know why I am mad at you”…etc. etc….until one day I opened my Bible and I personally asked God to help me see the light. I slept with my Bible next to me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for months on end…praying that the Lord would give me the strength to leave and to be strong and to see the reality of the situation EVEN THOUGH I FELT I WAS IN LOVE. Because I understand how strong and powerful LOVE can be…BUT if its not right, then its not right, bottom line. IT WASNT AN EASY ROAD…God knows our hearts, and knows what we desire and deserve. And Abuse and Love do not go hand in hand. They do not work together in any way. It took me about 8 months to a year to get my ex out of my system. But God was faithful and gave me the strength to leave. I am soooo HAPPY NOW!!!! I feel this biggest weight lifted from my chest. I can breath!!! Its an AMAZING feeling!! I just got back from an amazing trip to Disney World with my new and current boyfriend who treated me like a Princess the entire trip!!!:)….He opened the car door for me everywhere we went, he is very respectful of my ideas, open-minded, kind hearted. He never has a bad temper and never yells. I never feel pressured around him to be someone I am not and I never pressure him to be someone he is not. It is healthy and balanced. Both people are in charge. No one is above the other. I do not know if it is the person God has picked for me to marry someday, but you never know until you try. No beautiful relationship should ever have control in it. TRUST MUST BE THERE FIRST, IN ORDER FOR IT TO WORK. Love is a risk, BUT once you find out it is risking your life…..PLEASE GET OUT. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE PERSON BECAUSE ITS NOT REAL LOVE OR IT WOULDNT BE SO HARD. TRUST ME. I am 28 yrs old and I hope I can be an inspiration to someone reading this….In the right relationship, they will bring out the best in you!! And you will feel amazing as a person…they should only compliment you. And remember, GOD GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED WITHOUT A MAN….YOU JUST NEED TO REACH IN YOUR HEART AND BE YOURSELF. THEN, YOU WILL ATTRACT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU.

  249. Mary on January 24th, 2011 7:13 pm

    I so wish my friend could see this.. I love her and want the best for her.. Her controlling boyfriend is not whats best

  250. Jamey Hutchcroft on January 26th, 2011 11:17 am

    With much respect to the author, but I don

  251. Amy on January 27th, 2011 12:43 pm

    I have a boyfriend who tells our 3year old daughter to shut the fuck up, jesus christ, shut up, when he is mad at her. He is like this when she keeps whinning and saying she wants a certain thing over and over again. She asks for one thing and asks for another thing one after another when she goes to bed. If she doesn’t get it she will scream and cry and sometimes leave her bed to go pound on the door. Last night when he told our daughter to shut the fuck up and spanked her , I charged after him and said ‘dont u ever hit her and say that again to her , stop swearing’ and I smacked him across the face. He threw me on the floor, and on my side I have a red mark. I got up and he threw me down again saying ‘If you touch me again I’ll kill you’. He won’t actually kill me but I really do think one day I will end up really hurt :(. I love him so much, I left him once already but figured we can work things out for our daughter anyway and for us. This just needs to end. Also whenever I try talking to him sometimes he just says shhh I can’t hear the tv or w.e.

  252. Anonymous20yearold on January 29th, 2011 3:48 am

    I am a guy and I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I knew her for a year before I started dating her. For the first 4 months, everything was great! It seemed like a fairytale and the romance was there too! But then! I found out she was seeing other guys behind my backs, even worse, exes! I secretly looked at her phone and facebook without her knowing. I played it off for 1 month, asking her everyday if she sees other guys. She belittled me and yelled at me, even though I knew of everything. So I decided to print out her facebook records because she said I had no proof. I was so attached like girls are to guys that I stayed with her. I had a broken heart sure. She claims she never cheated on me, just went to a bar and just hung out with them. I at first wanted to get revenge and go be with a girl, but I never did because that is morally wrong. Oh, I forgot to mention, I am 23 years old and she was my first girlfriend over 2 weeks. The other one I had was a blind date setup by my sister. I am attractive, but have been shy my whole life. I can last for longer than 2 hours each and everytime so sex isn’t the problem, especially when something squirts out each time… So after the first 5 months, everything went down hill! I got so insecure, I made her break all contact with her ex boyfriends and guy friends she hung out with. All her friends called me controlling and psycho. She did too! I’ve helped her through a surgery and a breakup with a 3 year old guy before and I sit in nail salons with her and go to the mall with her and shop with her. I have no exes or friends that are girls and I commit all my time to her or she freaks out. I can’t even go to the casino with my uncle or go on vacation with my family. I forgot to mention, I let her shop at juicy couture and bebe and guess and she spent $12k of our money in 3 months shopping, but if I go to the casino once to spend $100-$200 she goes crazy. She has 15 magazine subscriptions as well. I let her hang out with her girlfriends but I get paranoid because they are all sluts. She also admitted to having sex with over 20 guys and blamed it on college (penn state) and says that’s normal for a 24 year old. I find myself worrying all the time and questioning her bc I got hurt. Oh, she also speeds a lot and has 6 tickets, so I get mad in the car when she speeds bc she’s about to lose her license. She calls me a father figure and she also totalled 3 cars so when she texts or changes music and doesn’t pay attention, I get on her. I bring up her exes a lot to make sure she doesn’t hang out with them anymore. She freaks out saying she has changed and that I can access her phone records anytime.

    So is it wrong for me to worry and question her? She lied for 1 month straight and I let it slide each and everyday until I talked to a co-worker who said you need to confront her about seeing other guys behind your back. I finally did and she demanded I provide proof and degraded me. I provided proof, then I freaked out emotionally, and ignored her for 1 day. She came crawling back and begged for me back. I took her back. Now I can’t stop questioning her, 5 months later, after she says she changed. I lost trust because she was capable of lying for 29 days straight to my face. I can go like 6 days without questioning her, but then I question her once, and she goes psycho! I’m like babe, I’m sorry it slipped. I didn’t mean it, but it’s too late! She will start speeding at like 100 mph and try to crash our car.

    I forgot to mention she is gorgeous! A 10 according to several friends.

    I have no proof she cheated, but she did go hang out with her guy friends. She said she was secretive because she didn’t want to hurt me. She said she only hung out with her exes to get revenge on them??? Makes no sense to me so I argued that and said it was preposterous. She degraded me saying I don’t know her.

    What should I do? Am I controlling by restricting her from seeing any guy? Why are girls allowed to hang out with guys and guys not allowed to hang out with girls? Why am I a guy and know that single guys are horny all the time? Why do girls hang out with their exes? I’m in such a bind.

    We just gave each promise rings and I get along with her parents very well. Oh, we go out dancing a lot and to concerts and everywhere so I give her a lot of attention. Should I just trust her and stop assuming 100%? What if I slip out? Why does she have to over react like the world ends? She calls me mean all the time and says I’m the worst boyfriend she’s had, but she keeps coming back and apologizing later? Am I controlling ?

  253. adam on January 29th, 2011 3:17 pm

    i was worried that i mite be controlling my girlfriend so iv red a lot of the above articles and im just shocked at my own behavour! the woman im with is gorgeous an even mor beutifall on the inside and realiseing now the way iv been treating her and stopping her from makeing her own choices, im just in shock, a never 4t i was that bad, . . ill be honest with u, i need help, and reading wot uv wrote has totally shocked an woke me up 2 my own actions and i am comitted 2 breaking the cycle. bcoz being with my partner is worth much more than the control im giving up.

  254. adam on January 29th, 2011 3:27 pm

    i hav a partner and im controling, i didnt realise i was that bad untill i read the comments above, i do almost all ov the above or at 1 time or another i have done some ov the above. i do love my girlfriend and i totally appreciate her and understand that i am a pain to be with and that at times i hav been a dick!! . . . long story short- i came looking 4 these kinda sites to see 4 myself the dammage my behavour can cause and IM SHOCKED!! ashamed an frustrated with myself 4 ever behaveing like i have, iv rea a lot ov the above and its hit me hard an i am going to do woteva it takes to make my partner happy.

  255. Clay on January 29th, 2011 5:11 pm

    I see what everyone is saying but at the same time if you dont set any kind of boundaries thats not good either. After reading this I don’t even want to say anything to her. I mean, I think its very normal for a guy not to want his girl out at a club with a bunch of single, aggressive guys there. And what is wrong with me wanting to be by her side all the time because I love her? If ask me, girls want to be with assholes who dont do these things cus they don’t give a shit, straight up.

  256. Clay on January 29th, 2011 5:18 pm

    Thanks, from now on I’m done giving a shit. You want to go to a club? Cool. You want time for yourself? Cool. You don’t want to tell me how your day was? cool. Its only “controlling” cus it goes against what’s “normal”. Guys are suppose to be the controllers, not controlled. It comes back to the “i’m going to fix him model”. He’s an asshole and i’m going to be the “mother figure”. I mean, if you ask me, women do this all the time and yet where is the article about that. I ‘m sure there is one but men being controlling comes up way more.

  257. Clay on January 29th, 2011 5:21 pm

    I just fear that “controlling” gets confused with boundaries.

  258. Clay on January 29th, 2011 5:24 pm

    Thanks, from now on I

  259. CANT SAY on January 30th, 2011 12:52 am

    my boyfriend constantly goes though my phone and gets mad if i talk to other people…. i had to delete one of my best friends outta my phone because he didnt like him. i’m a flirt its how i am its the only way i have to be nice with guys! he thinks he can tell me what to do and when to do it. he buys me stuff if i need it “because he loves me” but yet i go visit my parents for the weekend in SL, UT and he flips because i wanna hang with friends from provo! he told me i cant talk to other guys because we are in a relationship…

  260. Anonymous20yearold on January 30th, 2011 2:26 am

    You know what hurts. A lot of girls get so angry when guys talk to girls. But then they go and talk to guys and act like it’s not a problem. In my case, my girlfriend hid it from me and was talking to other guys. I found out. You know how scarred I am from that?

    I know a lot of girls who do the same thing. They just talk to guys and don’t let their boyfriend know. Once their boyfriend finds out, they feel betrayed, and THAT is why they CONTROL their girlfriend.

    Controlling happens for a reason. Guys just don’t do it out of the blue. That’s where the studies FAIL FAIL FAIL.

    If your girlfriend constantly cheated on you or blatently lied to you so she could go hang out with her guy friends, then you find out! What do you expect is going to happen!

    There is always 2 sides to the story. If you’ve done absolutely 100% nothing wrong in the entire relationship than LEAVE.

    But…. If your husband or boyfriend has bad memories of what YOU CAUSED PSYCHOLOGICALLY on him than their is a chance for him to change.

    I think you both need to go to counseling. Trust will never be the same. If he was great the first 6 months, than you did something awful to him, and he changed, There is HOPE, but only with the right tools!

    Men are emotional just like women, believe it or not. We sometimes tend to hold grudges longer than you guys. And especially if it had to do with you cheating on them or secretly talking to males on facebook or through texting, or even meeting up with them. They will have an extremely hard time ever TRUSTING you again.

    My best advice would be to either: A) Get counseling (pay for it if you can for him and you) If he loves you enough, he will understand, especially after another bad fight. or B) Break off all contact with your male counterparts. Friends or not.

    If the above fails, your relationship is never going to work.

    We all have a purpose in life, don’t waste it with someone who will never change. And don’t do NOTHING to fix the situation. Counseling or therapy WORKS. It’s there for a reason as a resource. USE IT! Especially if you fight about trust issues for months on end! If you love and care about him, tell him you want to do this to make it work !

    The one piece of advice I have for you women out there. I’ll show you a sample conversation.

    Scenario #1

    1.) Guy: Where have you been?

    2.) Girl: Why?

    3.) Girl: What are you assuming?

    4.) Guy: I’m not assuming, I’m just asking a question.

    5.) Girl: No, I know you, you always assume.


    7.)Guy: I was just asking a question! Why are you getting like this!

    8.)Girl: Because you always assume because of my past! I’ve changed!

    9.)Girl: Rah rah rah rah!!

    10.)Guy: Loses his cool and goes crazy.

    Don’t do that!!!!!!!!

    Scenario #2

    Also, if a guy is trying to change, don’t say

    1.) What’s wrong!

    2.) Why are you acting different.

    3.) This is unlike you.!

    That’s another no no! If your man is trying to change, he is going to act differently for a bit! Don’t turn the tables on him! He is showing effort! Those questions will infuriate him and he will go back to assuming and controlling you!

    Scenario #3

    Everything is going great. You’re both having a great day. It couldn’t be more perfect. Your guy accidentally says the wrong thing.

    What do most girls do.

    Freak out! Even if the guy apologizes for making that one wrong comment.

    Don’t let that happen! You will wind up fighting and it will cause a major setback. Take his apology and tell him how you appreciate him changing and trying so hard. He will slip up from time to time. You need to understand.

    Another piece of advice: If you cheated on your guy or saw other guys behind his back and he found out. And he hounds you for months and all of a sudden, changes.

    WARNING!!!!! WARNING!!!!! WARNING!!!!!!

    DO NOT accuse him of cheating on you!!!!!!!!!!!! That is the worst possible thing you could do!!! If he’s been faithful and honest throughout the relationship and all of a sudden stops assuming, it means he’s finally getting over you cheating on him!! or betraying him!

    If you turn the tables and accuse him, it will ruin your relationship almost permanently. Because all he will think is: She thinks I cheat, so she’s going to cheat again! Then he will panic and have emotional breakdowns and take your phone, control you forever. So be careful and seek advice before you take steps/

  261. How? on January 30th, 2011 7:53 am

    My boyfriend is very GOOD guy.. He is romantic, loving, appreciative.. All the nice things you can think about.. Only one problem.. He doesnt have any FRIENDS and Whenever I hang out with my girlfriends, he get very very mad about it.. Its not as if I am having girls night out 24/7.. Maybe about 3 months once… And he gets pissed about it.. We always have a huge fight because of this.. What do I do..?

  262. Anonymous20yearold on February 1st, 2011 12:07 am

    Hi, How? I would offer to bring him along with you when you are with your friends. I would also let him know what you plan to do and tell him you will text him often.

    A lot of times, he may feel scared and insecure and think you may go to a bar (where guys will jump onto you) and he may think you will go do something with guys behind your back with your girlfriends.

    It’s important for you to have a life outside of him. Girls night out is very important. If you love him and feel he is nice enough than discuss why he feels this way.

  263. shorty on February 5th, 2011 3:02 am

    so i have a serious question if anybody has any advice for me…

    what if my boyfriend has a few of these traits but is always telling me i need to feel more confident in myself? why would he want me to be confident in myself ? and also if theres anyone who is good at giving advice and just talkin about relationship stuff [ ... ] i would love some advice sometimes i really need to talk to somebody who i dont know cause if i talk to somebody i do know, im afraid they wont like him anymore and i love him too much to lose him. could send me an email i would love some advice

  264. shorty on February 5th, 2011 3:14 am

    oh and he also has said that i wouldnt be anything without him or that i will never ever find another man like him nobodys as good as he is and that he is above everybody else, all my male friends are phonies and fakes. its kinda shitty

  265. Luckiest girl on earth. on February 7th, 2011 3:40 am

    I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. He doesn’t follow any of these.

    I’m lucky.

    Everyone should try and get someone like him. Honestly, if he makes you happy, be with him.

  266. mike on February 7th, 2011 3:24 pm

    i have read alot of comments here. as a man,,i mean as a MAN,,i cant believe alot of what i’m reading. please. i’m sorry,,i understand this is a painful subject,but the women who are STILL with the abusive and controlling men are there because they WANT to be there. i used to be that type of BOY. then one day i woke up,,alone and relized,,i’m an asshole. since that day,,i have never even thought about being rude, crass or controlling in any way. i no longer get jealous anymore. i respect EVERY boundry a woman has,,i dont cuss them,,or any of that crazy stuff. the last woman i dated could go wherever,with whomever she wanted to. i didnt ask “who’s that on the phone?” or “who you texting?” not that i dint care,but if she wanted me to know,,she would have toldme. women,,if your in a bad relationship,,get the hell out now. a very good friend of mine is in one now. i begged her to get away,,to leave him,,i even offered her a rooon at my lace to stay. she could’nt because she “loved” him. no she has no car,,no phone,no free time, no privacy on her own computer. she has to pay for a car she’s not allowed to drive. if she needs to go to the store,,he goes with. she’s stuck now,,theres nothing i can do execpt beat him stupid and hope the law dont get me. please girls,,get out,away from these men who are doing this to you. there are good guys out there. i’m proud to say i’m now one of them. i have made ammends to the woman i hurt so many years back. we still dont speak much but i dont blame her. she was’nt all innocent herself,,she did cheat and had admitted it with pride when i found out,,but that does’nt excuse how i treated her after the affair. i cant stress enough,,girls get out.

  267. PB on February 7th, 2011 5:07 pm

    My on-again/off-again boyfriend has done all of the above at least once. He killed the respect and awe I had for him and once that was done with, I never felt true love for him again – rather periodic episodes of regret and pity. Sometimes I think he feels the same way about me, but I’m not sure. However the wording and tones we use when we talk to each other isn’t oozing with warmth and affection. Every time I try to talk to him about things, he blows me off in insulting ways or acts like I’m the one “creating” problems where there are none. The word “no” means nothing to him unless he’s the one saying it. Somehow, I have no friends now and he has a bajillion. Oh, that’s right. He had a problem with every single one of my friends and so I stopped talking to each of them so he’d quit being angry at me. The problem is, there’s always something to be angry about, whether its the way I did something or said something. I’m always wrong and no matter how I try to mend things or part on good terms or whatnot, I’m always the enemy, who he gets all of his friends to hate and talk bad about as well. Where have I seen this before… oh yeah! I saw all of this, action for action, while growing up watching my parents. I think I’ll stay single and work on myself a good while. There’s much to do.

  268. mj on February 11th, 2011 8:12 am

    i recently broke up w my boyfriend that is a cop. during the relationship, he would force me to have sex w him even if i said no. him thinking no means yes. at the same time, ive been slapped several occassions. afterwards, he would always say “you know i respect you”, “you know i wouldnt do anything to hurt you”. i think ive been brain-washed. but what do i do? its not right isnt it? should i just forget about it? let him get away w it? do i press charges?

  269. Aly on February 11th, 2011 8:11 pm

    MJ… leave him !!!!!!!! PRESS CHARGES, AND START THINKING ABOUT URSELF .. U are number one and because he is a cop, ( meant to serve and protect ) He should know how wrong it is to hit another person. ask him how many domestic abuse calls he runs a week. also how dangerous they are. go to some one you trust and get help,

  270. Steve Medina on February 13th, 2011 7:09 am

    God, I’ve turned into a controlling boyfriend… I only had sign 10 at first cause I’ll admit, was my first serious relationship and I never wanted to be apart from the girl I felt so close to… But later on, after I found out my girlfriend cheated on me, it turned into 10, 6, 4 and 3. Not 3 as in she owed me. But rather, I spent more then I should have desperately trying to spend more time with her and do more fun things, thinking the cause of us falling apart was my lack of being able to see her… Little did I know, it was the exact opposite. One’s mind tends to get cloudy when he thinks hes in love. I mean for fucks sake, she cheated on me like 4 times! What the hell was I thinking? Am I really that stupid? Anyways, I digress. I’m definitely going to think about what I’ve learned today to better myself for the future. I don’t want to be a controlling dick and I want to be able to trust another woman and not fall into a spiral of depression and desperation if I get cheated on again.

  271. Shana on February 16th, 2011 11:52 pm

    I have a controlling boyfriend. We’ve been together almost 9 years. When we first started dating he was so sweet beyond belief. It went on that way for 6 months. No arguments no disagreements. When we finally did argue for the first time that’s when everything changed. I was only 17 at the time and didn’t realize anything. He was ALL of the above. I was so blind. Then, he went on to hitting me. I was loyal to him. Never cheated, lied only when I had to, and tried to leave him many times. His attitude lasted for about 7 years. He’s now trying to change. He actually let’s me go out on my own and listens to what I have to say. His controlling behavior seems to have subsided, except when it comes to activities. He still has to work on that! Now, we have three kids together and he’s a much better person.

    What I’m trying to get at is, if you’re a controlling boyfriend and you’re reading this, if you really love the girl you’re with, then stop controlling her. TRY to.. The more you control the more angry you’ll become. Be happy TOGETHER, life is short. Ladies, I didn’t mention above, but when I got fed up with my bf’s bs I put my foot down and fought back. Give him an ultimatum.. Change or you’re gone. Remind him, if he doesn’t change get out.. It wouldn’t be worth it.

  272. Shana on February 17th, 2011 12:08 am

    @ Shorty: Sweetie, your bf is controlling, but doing it in a “nice” way. My boyfriend was like that at first, controlling but using it in a nice way. It’s very hard to explain. But then a few years later things got worse and worse. All I can say is, people are different. My boyfriend changed after 7 years. He’s a great guy now and I love him even more. You have to make your decision before you go any further.

    Do I want to live my life with someone controlling my life, or do I want to be happy? There are a lot of controlling guys, but there are also a lot of good guys..

  273. anonymous on March 3rd, 2011 12:17 am

    Well ill tell you my story of a controlling boyfriend and maybe you’ll be able to identify some of these warning signs.. I started dating a guy i met at the bar, he appeared to be real charming, sensitive, and a loving guy. He would say things like “your beautiful, i want to marry you and anything else to make me feel special.. Then i noticed his overly sensitive/crazy side he would accuse me of cheating on him every time i would be away from him, he would call me several times a night. He was already saying he loves me and would tell me that all the time kinda manipulating me. I always had to explain myself and even that wouldn’t be good enough.. Eventually he started getting more physical with the same intentions. He would constantly belittle and antagonize me, talk badly about me like saying i was a whore to other people that he knew and criticize my family like i was the psycho one… I would cry and yell trying to get him to understand but it was pointless. He thought he was always right and i was the dumb one. I was confused and lost. We had a on and off relationship, then i noticed a change in my body, i was pregnant. After i found out i moved in with him, I intended things would get better but never wanted to think of the consequences that could happen. We still fought and there was still the tension there i suffered from his brutal behavior, which he was very “sorry” about. My hopes and faith were about to come to an end. The night after thanksgiving I’ll never forget. On my way home from school i called him wondering when he was coming home, he said it wouldnt be much longer he was talking to a friend he hasnt seen in a while and he would be home shortly. Few hours went by still not home called him again told me not to worry he would be home soon. Then i started getting concerned. I went to the small town bar he wasn’t there checked another one and still he wasnt there either. Went to the person’s house he was at and he answered the door anyways to make a long story short i assumed he was doing drugs because he had a problem with it before and noticed he seemed different. Stupidly i insisted he should come home. We fought the whole way home. It then escalated to much worst things. Being 8 months pregnant he wrestled, hit, chocked, threatened and belittled me for 2 hours to the point were he was sweating and i was out of breath and in shock. Not caring how cold it was outside without a jacket or shoes i would make a run for it to the back door. He caught up to me pulled me by my hair and threw me inside. I then tried a second time got in my car and he jumped on top of it. A block after on main street i stopped and i got a chance to leave. I was thankful that i was away but worried if my baby was ok. I never been so upset in my life I was just lucky to have a beautiful healthy baby boy :)

  274. Lulu on March 4th, 2011 1:30 am

    Ok I have been with my husband for 8 years.I never noticed his controlling behavior until just recently. He never likes my friends, talks bad about all of my family. We have two boys and sometimes I get angry about the way he treats them,but don’t say anything because I am afraid of his reaction. If I go out with friends he gets an attitude and acts like I go out all the time. He makes remarks implying that I am cheating even tho I don’t do anything at all. It has gotten to the point whete I don’t do anything because I don’t want to deal with his attitude. My birthday is coming up and I want to go to a place that he doesn’t like and we got into an argument over it. He even tried to say that he thinks I am sleeping with someone from there. I just got a car and he insisted on his name being on the title, this got brought up in a casual conversation and he made the comment that he “couldn’t” put it in just my name. When I asked him why not he avoided answering.

  275. Julie on March 4th, 2011 4:02 pm

    So much of what has been said mirrors what im going through, ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. The first year was hell but i stuck by him as he was going through a hard time. Father dying etc. He would get angry, drive fast – once with me on the back of his motorbike and thought it was funny when we pulled into a local pub that we were known in. He bragged about how fast he went and i was outside shaking. He never came out to see how i was. Anyway things got better and i thought we were fine. Then I went away with a girlfriend for a weekend and i missed a cupple of his messages so he accused me of going away and sleeping with someone while i was away.

    Sinario being i text him saying i was in bed watching the big tv in the hotel room with my girlfriend, we had a big bed each. that was the text.

    His reply in a phone message was, when you were in bed who were you in bed with. You never answered my messages.

    So i lost total respect for him then and there, things have never been the same. He thinks i should get over that time it was so long ago stop holding onto it. How can you forget something like that. Someone you thought the world of, destroys it all in one message.

    Anyway he doesnt like me seeing my best friend, goes all quiet and sulky when i do come back from seeing her. Hates me working when he is not.

    He works for himself always has so he has never had any dicipline or had to answer to anyonne but himself. If he wants a day off he gives it to himself i cant do that i work for people and if i did that all the time id get the sack.

    Anyway i left him for a while because of all this and more and i thought i would never have to see him again because he would just brush me off like everyone else he has had a relationship with and that would be that.

    NO – i bombarded me with calls, flowers, saying he would change and not be so posessive- his only friends wife told him you cannot run her life, she has her own life, you cannot tell her what to do. It may have worked for a while but i see myself slipping into his hold again…i should never have gone back but if he is all about change why not give it a go, then i wont be thinking later….well maybe i should have given it a go. Well i am giving it a go and its not working.

    Its going to be harder to leave next time if it comes to that but i know next time if i leave….i will not have any contact with him ever again so he cant drag me back into his life. My friends and family and lifestyle still get me through day to day problems, i know i cant let go of that or i will be in serious trouble.

  276. Waiting2Exhale on March 8th, 2011 8:09 pm

    In the past two weeks, my very controlling, jealous & insecure boyfriend broke up with me twice, and removed my things from his home, twice. The first time he did it, he begged, pleaded, and cried for me to take him back, and he also promised not to do it again. It was all lies. Flash forward until now, he texted that he made a mistake and wants me back. He even sent flowers to my home. I have not acknowledged the flowers.

    I am hurt by his actions, and I feel he really doesn’t care or love me like he says he does. At times, he can be so amazing, and others – wow! He has not been physically towards me, but because he seems unstable, he also seems unpredictable.

    I think since he broke us up, it will have to stay that way. I just hope he does not try to force me to take him back.

    By the way, he is about 90% of the things on your list. But treats the waiter/waitress well…

  277. taz on March 11th, 2011 11:18 am


  278. Tina B on March 15th, 2011 8:33 pm

    I was in this situation for one year with a man who was everything described in every article on abusive men. His jealousy was severe, and when he tried to physically controll me I lost all respect and love for him. I guess I am just that kind of girl who knows I deserve better. Do not be fooled by the way they can make you feel special to them it is what they have learned to con and deceive you and every woman into believing you found a good guy. Trust me you do not want to go down a road with these men who truly hate woman and have some DEEP issues that you will never fix. Believe me when I say they will cheat on you too.

    They have zero respect and integrity for woman.

    Do your self a favor and RUN!!!!!

    To B2:)

  279. Follow the Signs – 5 Love Signals That Prove He’s Yours » Blanca Huff on March 23rd, 2011 2:26 pm

    [...] Top 10 Signs of He

  280. Stacey D on March 24th, 2011 1:47 am


    I really need some help 4 my good friend. She has been in a relationship for 17 years and the guy wont marry her. He is mentally and emotionally abusive to her along with being controlling. They do have 2 kids 11 and 3. Anyway he works a full time job and is in a band and never home. He keeps her stranded with no car and might show up once a week or every other week. She thinks he lives a double life but cant prove it with no car. He lies about how much he works and wont tell her where he has been. Just recently her and both kids were sick and he didnt get them medicine or nothing. I live an hour away but yet have driven there quite many times to give her food and other things. He will not answer her phone calls or text messages. He says that he can do what he wants when he wants and doesnt need to answer to her or anyone for that matter. They got $7,000 from taxes and he blew it all in a couple weeks on clothes and food cause he didnt want to come home. She wants out really bad but has no money cause she has no car to go to work and there are no babysitters around where she lives. Besides that she couldnt afford a sitter with little money she would make. She is really afraid he will try to take the kids away from her considering he works and she doesnt. Knowing that there is no common law with marriage in the state of Indiana, what can she do about getting out ( KEEP IN MIND SHE HAS NO FAMILY EITHER) and what rights does she have to them kids? I know she has all rights but he has kept her dang near a prisoner w no car or anything. Also what can she do about her situation? She really is afraid that he can take everything from her. When he does decide to come home he buys the oldests childs love with money and wants nothing 2 do with the 3 year old. She needs help and i dont know what i can do. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY INFO U CAN GIVE OR ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HELP HER.

  281. Rissa on March 24th, 2011 1:32 pm

    my laptop accidentally clicked this link and im glad it did because i have realized that this is exactly what im going through plus more in my 2 year relationship and now ive gotten a serious reality check

  282. Gina on March 31st, 2011 12:20 pm

    I have been engaged for a year now, and my boyfriend says we’ll set a wedding date when he’s ready. And , he told me I dress ” too classy” he doesn’t want me to dress up extra nice anymore. He said that I turn heads and it makes him uncomfortable. I do pride and respect myself on the designer clothes I buy. I enjoy dressing ” upscale” when we go to restaurants.

    His mother even called me!!!!!!!! His mother said I am putting too much insecurities upon him, because I dress too rich like??? Isn’t that insane.

    She says, he feels pressure to spend money on a fancy restaurant because you dress so nice”

    How lame is that!

    I usually meet one girlfriend up here for ” girls night out” He told me that the relationship is over if I continue meeting my girlfriend at restaurants / bars.

    The mall is okay.. but no bars without him.

    He calls me an alcoholic / trainwreck and crazy all the time.

    My nicknames are ” psycho bitch ” and ” fuck you ” is common.

    His mother says men are ” just like that”

    I am required to pay all my own bills , half of his bills, and cook dinner for him everynight….!!! This is NOT LOVE!!!!

    And !!!! He’s a momma’s boy. Everything his mother tells me, ( that I’m doing wrong) I have to hear it again from him!!!!

    What a joke!

  283. Angela on March 31st, 2011 4:46 pm

    OMG. Everyone who is posting here, please read this:

    I stumbled across this site a few days ago, and slowly; I am beginning to realize that almost all of my exes were cut from the very same cloth. I just didn’t realize it because some were a little more subtle than the ones who communicated with their fists.

    This site clarifies many things that I think we are ALL having some trouble realizing.

  284. Harmony on April 2nd, 2011 9:30 pm

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. I found most of the numbers above he falls into. I have a son who is six months, so unfortunately, I feel a little trapped. He moved us into an apartment. I don’t have a car, and I’m now a stay at home mom. My boyfriend has slowly been able to convince me to drop my friends one by one. And if any guys are talking to me, I’m suddenly “not allowed” to speak to them. Even if the conversation was as little as “hey.” Even if my mom picks me up and takes me to her house while my boyfriend is at work, the instant he comes home and realizes I’m not there, he has to blow up my phone, and even if I don’t answer my phone, he comes straight over to y mom’s and gets me. He doesn’t even like me hanging out with my family. He’s jealous, insecure, manipulative, and I truthfully don’t know how to get away. It’s easier said than done. But until I get away from him my life is, in a sense, paused. I can’t do anything with my self with the lack of a car, no job, no friends to socialize with with, my spirits are slowly fading out, and I contemplate suicide on the daily. I’m just so miserable and don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I just want to die at times. I don’t love my boyfriend, and I don’t know why I keep staying with him… I just need help. And fast.

  285. jade on April 3rd, 2011 6:08 pm

    Iam 13 and my boyfriend is 15 he starts of beeing dead nice to me but as soon as I get my phone out or someone text me he is has to be there just incase it is a boy I have a blackberry now and 1 point because he has lost his phone iam gunna delete all ya boys on bbm I said y he goes so they don’t chat youu up. So I go into a mood with him and he holds he into a corner or holds me still untill he gets a answer I just can’t bebotherd with this relationship no more but when I end it or ask to be m8z he keeps asking to get bk with him so I keep saying no for about 15 minutes untill he starts crying and then I feel bad on my self finkin its all my fault and then ge goes y we spliting up over a daft argument its just perfectic so I’m sat there finkin is that right is it just perfectic so I give him a kiss and he goes ill change and starts cheacking up on my I can’t have no friends If want to go out for a girly night out ihe has to be there or I can’t go I can’t get out this relationship

  286. Alicoa on April 4th, 2011 4:57 am

    Ok so I have experienced most of the things listed! I am 16 now I got my my bf when he was 17 so now he is. Going to be 19 we have been together for almos a year now! We have been thru a lot for sure! In th beginning of the relationship eeverything. Was going great his rents loved me and my rent sloved him…then things started happening…mpre intamint with eachother…I came to school the next day wearing a skirt and he told me I wasn’t aloud anymore….so I listened…things started to progress until I actually had no friends andymore I. Had to text him every moment I wasn’t with him.if we were in school I had to tell him who I talked to and what we talked about…..I was starting to me dragged down….my rents hated him then pple at school started telling me I’m deppressed all the time….after 10 motnhs of being with him I ended it….he finally convinced me to get back with him…he said eh would change…and well I told hime how. It was and he’sgetting better yes there is sum stuff he has to work oj but I’m defintelly happyier..just be carefull ladies and if u have any questions please comment on this or leave ur email I would be happy to help!.

  287. Lupiitaa(: on April 5th, 2011 11:30 am

    Yeahhh iHave a boyfriend, and iReally likee him he says he loves me and i do too. But omg i can’t even take one step without him following me, his sister is 2 years older than him and she’s my friend and she tried telling him let her have her space but he doesn’t even listen to her! Don’t get me wrong he is super sweet never pressures me in anything but idk? Help? Ohh and we’re both 15

  288. D4Short on April 8th, 2011 11:07 am

    I was dating a male 4 years younger than me he was 24 and I am twenty 28. Yes I am gay. Mind you I have never dated anyone 2 years younger but always older because of maturity factors. Anyways long story short, he was trouble from the start! he is a massive size 6’6 210 lbs I am petit 127lbs 5’10. From Day one he tried to assume Dominate Figure, Guilt Trips, Always Questioning. Everything bad was because of me if I had not done this or that, He never assumed responsibility for ANYTHING including his POT use(which I hated since day 1) long story short he was controlling VERBALLY abusive to me and downright SCARY!! I would try to break up with him but he continued to Harass me, Finally just 2 weeks ago He cracked one of my Ribs!..I finally was able to get away but now he won’t leave me alone..I have taken steps to ASSURE he won’t bother me…I saved all my tweets and EVIDENCE because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going crazy. SO the moral of this STORY!! A LEOPARD CANNOT CHANGE HIS/HER SPOTS!! DON’T STAY move on and make sure you mean business Don’t tell him things might work out in the future(Like I did) just MOVE ON.BLOCK HIM from contacting you DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO GET AWAY FROM HIM/HER!!!! FAST!!!!!

  289. Laura on April 11th, 2011 7:18 am

    A few years ago I watched my cousin going through the same type of relationship, although it wasn’t a violent relationship, he controlled everything she did, everywhere she went and who she spoke to. In time she’d lost so much weight I couldn’t recognise her. She became very quiet n very alone. She began avoiding family n friends for the fear of upsetting him.

    Her sister was getting married n he told her she couldn’t go but because my cousin was bridesmaid she went anyway. He turned up to the evening party drunk so my cousin took him home.

    That the last we saw of her, he was charged with 1st degree murder n was sentenced to 15 years. He’d gotten so angry at her he beat her up n when she tried to escape he stabbed her.

    Until that day he’d never laid a finger on her.

    I’m not saying this will happen to you but just to make you aware this does happen and most like the controlling type that will do it.

  290. Lordina80@yahoo.Com on April 14th, 2011 6:02 am

    Abt 80% is my situation.Iv ben wif a guy for 2 yrs all dat i get is controlling,acuzation,shoutin at me and a whol lot.He never luk 4 opportunity 2 say gud tins dan bad ones.Im always at fault.He das nt gv me gift even at ma bday,nt exmas nor vals.Whn i do he says is fantacy.I gv him sex evryday cook 4 him wash his cloths al dat i get is insult.Whn i say lv him he never say anytn.He says i shd kno im in computetion wif other girls he always threatn ofdropn me.He das nt wnt me 2 mixd wif ppl nt even ma frnds he das nt wnt me 2 pic ma cals whn im wif him but he does.Im tired wat shd i do sombody shd email me ***

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  293. ftskids on May 2nd, 2011 2:04 pm

    I’ve been with a guy for 8 years. He has baggage APLENTY! A controlling exwife who alienated his children against him and me; he turned into disney land dad b/c of it. I swear to god he lost his mind since the divorce. He used to be very sweet, saying he’d never be mean to me. Since then he has verbally berated me in front of his children and in so bad one time that total strangers called 911 and reported me as an “abduction.”

    Lately he’s started slapping me HARD! He doesn’t make hardly any money after child support is taken out. I foolishly bought a house for him to be “closer to his children” (TM) Well the place is a dump and needs boatloads of work (he’s a master handyman). He forces himself on me and if I don’t play along with his need for violent sex, he starts slapping me. Well now I have a house loan on a house that is incomplete and I’m not willing to take another financial bath over a MAN! I’ve already been through two bad marriages and this one (i’m not married to him and refuse to get married although he wants me to) is turning out worse than the first two! He won’t leave and has threatened to kill me, my grown bio children, etc. if I tell him to leave. He views it as “his house” The only way to do this is to just foreclose and walk away. Further complicating matters is the fact that my grown son is living with us to get back on his feet after being laid off. I haven’t disclosed any of this to my grown bios b/c I don’t want them to worry.

  294. rosie on May 6th, 2011 11:37 pm

    Beautiful women!!!!!

    Try troubleshooting using this exercise, which i find absolutely brilliant for deciphering out relationship problems.

    You can safe it and use it as often as you like when in such states of abuse, or a relationship breakup, or workplace bullying, family problems and so on.

    It helps disentangle yourself from the problem safely, and the new vision has an astonishingly powerful predictive effect…for a future exciting, powerful and successful life.

    All the best! rosie

    Describe the problem for which you are receiving therapy/ are seeking help.

    When did you decide that this was your problem?


    What made the other protagonists of the story so much power over your life?

    What made the problem significant for you?

    Who else is worried about the problem?

    What or who helps me prevail?

    How does the problem affect me?

    Can you recall times when the problem did not exist? When?

    What was unique or different about the period when the problem did not exist?

    If you were to give the story a title, what would it be? And the new subtitle?

    Write a new ending to the story. Make it a reliable and believable ending. Make it an ending that leaves the viewer with a renewed sense of hope.

    What will be the alternative story? What kind of script will you write for yourself years from now when the problem is over?

    Would you add any new characters, settings, or locations?

  295. sophie on May 8th, 2011 10:33 am

    Oh my god that sums up my boyfriend to a T … I tell him hes controling but he always says how am I? and i can never explain it because its so so strange and not normal, so I am going to show him this asap!

    I feel so ahamed :(

  296. kayla on May 10th, 2011 5:44 pm

    My best friends bf is controlling and she dont even realize it me and her other friends dont even get to talk to her when he is around because she ignores us and she never gets to hangout with us because of him. She dont even read her txts he keeps her phone in his pocket when he is with her. when i try to talk to her now its like she dont even care wat i have to say. i miss my best friend and just want her back to the way she used to be.

  297. Black Light on May 12th, 2011 10:36 am

    I was looking for an answer based upon a statement made to me by my new girlfriend about not being able to be in a controlling relationship. Which she was with an ex-husband. I am baffled by some of the things mentioned here. They seem bias and taken to an extreme. The post is misleading and makes it seem that a man or woman can not learn t change such a flaw within themselves once aware of the issue. I started with an open mind. But slowly became otherwise. It seems that the real issue is a lack of trust for whatever reason or a learned behavior. This post i will assume was written by an angry, bitter woman. I have learned that love is an action that spawns emotions that in turn cause you to want to show the same. Love is the act of charity or giving. You can not make a person who you want them to be. Freedom to choose has to be in effect.

  298. SC on May 13th, 2011 1:34 pm

    Lots of paranoia im witnessing, If you trollops cant distinguish a good man from a supposed “controlling man” i feel truly bad for you, i see alot of instances where the woman has or wants a relationship and then wants to go out and have a secret ladies nite out to be a GD slut. Truth is truth and if any man were doing the same, id say kick him to the curb. Paranoia the big destroyer. How about you all learn what a consentual relationship IS and then figure out if you like spreading your legs more than being with one man, hell its a known fact right? women dont even NEED men anymore, they are all in one now. Power to the puzzy !! go get’m sluts, go get’m !!

  299. Shaheen on May 14th, 2011 4:06 am


    I really need help … i had a very controlling by

    I am married for 8 years with 2 beautiful children.. My husband loves me a lot and gives me everything i want in life .. the only thing is sometimes he is short temperd n travells a lot which i hate the most about him..

    In 2009 I met a guy on facebook, we started chatting n then he took my mobile number and we started talking on the phone, looking each other on the webcam, we started sharing problems and everything, he is also married with 2 kids , he told me he didn’t luv his wife.. we both shared a to z topic from work to family.. after sometime he started controlling me like closed my facebook id, changed my accounts, stopped me from going out, made me wear what he wanted , he chnged my more than 6 mobile numbers for such little mistake i made , he stopped me going out with my husband, when i had sex with my husband he became pissed off, for my side i truly loved him but he was very very stubborn, we both r miles apart so meeting was just thrice .. and when we met we got involved in everything, my husband was away then and he came to my house stayed with me for 7 days and i am regretting till today.. after he left , he caught me having a secret mobile number for my family n friends coz i wasnt allowed talking to anyone.. for tht reason he started abusing me, never trusting me again and controlling me much more.. i asked him to break up and he said breaking is ok but we will have to involve both our family.. he forced me to tell my husband and i had to tell my hubby a to z.. can u imagine my husband forgave me said i shouldnt repeat n never talk to this guy again.. i changed my number account n what not.. but after somedays i was missing him too much so checked my e mail n he had mailed me to say sorry etc n i replied him again we started talking for a day when my husband asked me n told me to touch quran tht i m nt in touch with him. sameday i e mailed hm tht we cant go on anymor n thts it.. m really afraid n guilty now.. he has my pics and old accounts..

    Should i still go on with him? is he worth my luv?

    how do i forget this guy pls help?

  300. dora on May 19th, 2011 11:39 pm

    ive been dating this guy for 9 months now. and we fight quite a bit.. i seem to think of my self quite a level headed person and have never had any problems with mental illnesses. He belives that i am mentally ill. i KNOW i am not but he is driving me to insanity. i often question… why i get into these states…. and when we fight he always wins, even if i have a vaild argument. he is also on steriods but he doesnt belive this has anything to do with his anger problems. when i dont get though to him… and he doesnt listen to me. it drves me insane to the point that i threaten to hurt myself in order for him to listen to me. somtimes i feel like hurting myself infront of him just so he listens but he never does. everytime i always end up calming down and crawling back. But im still confused. is he right?? im so confused…. it makes me crazy… :(:(

  301. M on May 21st, 2011 12:43 am

    I’m sorry but this has got to stop. Entire. It’s all BS and to be honest. You all have been duped manipulated into blaming abusive men as your problem. The problem is you. Each and every single one of you know that. Deep down. Come on, if your in a abusive relationship then leave. If your not respected….. Leave. If your being degraded, physically abused and preyed upon…. Leave! But no, says society. They stay because they are scared, helpless and damaged individuals…abused their whole lives and emotionally unable to detach and leave. Really? Since when did feeling sorry for yourself ever make things better. It’s easier to blame the man! The “controller” the guard to the prisoners relationship. The evil asshole who treats me so horribly!! Men like this are pathetic and not worthy of the love I given them. Right? to that I say, equally disgusting, pathetic and horrifying are the women who stay in a relationship that is thus. Men who treat women that way are damaged, abused, and just as emotionally inept as any women who seeks them out. It’s a codependent relationship defined by the abuse it inevitably invokes. If I had a habit of closing my eyes while I drive……who is shocked when I get into a accident? Even if it’s with a drunk driver.

    Ladies your problem is not your man…. It’s you. Because like an addict as soon as you leave, or he leaves…… Your back on the street looking for your next fix. Your next asshole, your next monster, your next excuse to feel sorry for your fucked up emotions.

    My god girls. Give the guy a break, after all he is only as F(*&^ up and pathetic as you are.


    (sorry for the grammar, I’m on an ipad2)

  302. jackee on May 24th, 2011 1:11 am

    ima 36 year old women,my bf is 21,we been together for mor than 3yrs..he’s controllin as f***!! he’s always aurgerin wit me,blaming me fo everything, he’s also homeless,his family moved out of state 2 half yrs ago,he left, but then came back to be wit me, so he’s always make me feel gulity..when we get into an aurgerment,saying i dnt wanna be wit him because hes homless!!! when he act stupid,or say sumthing stupid,then wanna aurger wit me cause i think its stupid i trys to leave to void aurgerments,he grabs me,and makes me stay!! i’ll hav bruises all up an down my arm that look so bad,where i hav to wear long sleeves in 80 to90 degree wheather,by him being homeless, he hates the thought of me leavin him, but yet,dnt appreciate me,and he’s always right,he would auger me down for about 3 0r 4 hrs makes me apologize, but dnt apologize fo s*** he said or did,till after i say, ok! iApologize jus to shut him up!! then i’ll fll stupid as he!! cause now my self-esteem feels shoot.again im 36yrs ive have been through awhole lot in my life that had made me a very strong women, then i let this kid in, and turn my life back around! I HATE HIM SO MUCH he goes through this deppressen stage, he has a raging tempers, where he gets like a real bully. i used to really love him, do anything for him, took care of him when his family 1st left.but he has mentally abuse me, and hav put his hands on me, a lot of grabing on me, makin me a prisoneer..where i cant leave…where i want him gone out of my life,i think of bad things how to hurt him,cause he has tooken advantage of me, and he jus has lots of growin up to do.but, wat i cant understand,why n da he!! its so hard fo me to leave this loser,cause i still care fo him, and i feel bad laving him n that siuation he’s going through.. that its makin me feel trapped!!

  303. jackee on May 24th, 2011 1:29 am

    @ m, who are you to say the problem is us, the problem are yall selfish ass controlling men that dnt care about anything but yall selves, cause yall are insecure men,and dnt like strong independent women, so yall try to break them down! the reason why its hard to leave yall trifflin asse,cause before, we realize that yall are fu*kin psyco! we’ve already fell n love with yall stanking asses an already emotional attach!! yall con us,one minute everything is going good, then next minute gotta walk on egg shells cause yall psyco asses are a raging lunatick!!!

  304. make sure it's over on May 24th, 2011 2:17 pm

    How to say good-bye! Got in a committed relationship for 9 months. I had to use my own brain and not him allow to controll my brain. When you are in a relationship, think at all times. Men will treat you as though woman are weak, but woman are strong but men do not like women to talk back or etc. Men are living in the slavery days thats why women must stick your chest out and say “NO” i am my own boss i don’t ned any help. Men want to be needy and wanted but men are cowards. Men can’t stand up to a real woman, but they try to get into their HEADS. All of these Ladies are beautiful and they just have setbacks for now, and need to be fine tuned in their life. I have been there i refuse to go back. I am living my life with a peace of mine and no controlling rat. Ladies can always get out of a relationship IF YOU WANT TOO. There is nothing to hard for God! Think about who you are and what you want for your life. Ladies you can get your life back, but you have to try.

    P.S. It’s not the women it’s the men. Remember we are EQUAL!

    God Bless!!

  305. Tee on May 29th, 2011 12:56 am

    Ok………Me? I have NEVER experienced a relationship like this before (well after an actual abusive relationship, but i seen that coming) I have grown to become a very strong person….excuse my french, but i dont take shit for nobody! So I decided to get in this relationship with this guy after, i have FINALLY been single for a while and been doing my “own thing”…..In the beginning, it was cool, I am extremely easy to get along with, although, i do slack off sometimes, i have such a killler personality…..its ok for me to do so. Well, we have been together for about 6 months. I have my own place that i was taking care of my mom, who was in turn helping me with babysitting my 2 and 3 year old, while i worked. I left all of that to stay with my man who was cool, resposible, kept a job, and handled his business unlike any one of my past boyfriends. I thought I was lucky!!!!! But about 2 and a half months ago, he went through my phone and discovered that I had been conversating with other men. and this is typical, because after prior boyfriends, i really didnt want to get commited. He still decided to stay with me. NOW…..EVERYTHING I do is wrong. I have changed every thing about me, I have started taking better care of my kids, the house, and even started college, to make more money. Earlier today we had an arguement, because I asked him if he was cheating…..he got defensive and brought up what i did in the past! Then later on today we went to a place so that HE could buy stuff for his car…..he spent 1000 dollar….so i commented “I guess your taking me out to eat huh” he laughed it off.. so when we got in the car i decided that i wanted to leave and spend some time with my 10 year old twin neices…….He got mad about it (eventhough is has been 2 months since i been to a club and 3 weeks since i seen my family or friends)….so he says, “ima do my thang and you do your thang”……Its almost one oclock in the morning, i took my nieces to the mall and i been at home waiting for him since 8:30……he is still not home.

    My point is, I am a happy person, I dont like to argue, all i want to do is be happy…..with someone that wants to be happy.

    I lbroke up with an ex…..he had a job, but was not making a lot of money…..but he LOVES me still to this day….and shows it. If I wanted him back, I could have him.

    Being the person I am STRONG and CONFIDENT I know i dont have to take this…..I am looking for an apartment (he has no idea, he actually thinks im looking for a house) NO! I can’t do this any longer.

    The next time he says “I dont need you, you can leave” I WILL!!!!!!!!!

  306. TeRrIbLy_CoNfUsEd on May 30th, 2011 1:51 pm

    I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years now, and he shows 6 out of 10 of these signs. He always gets mad about me going out (even to my moms for dinner) and says im ditching him for them. I dont go out all the time and do spend time with him pretty much all the time ( people ask where Ive been for so long…!). He calls me a bitch and says Im selfish because I go out without him.. and i do ask him to come with me, but he says no everytime. Hes only been to 2 out of 5 christmas’s with my family and Ive been to EVERY christmas with his.

    When we argue, he turns it around on me, and says I’m the one pushing him away… and calls me belittling words and says No one is going to put up with my sh*t if we break up. His temper is very bad, and Im sometimes scared that he will hurt himself or others…he’s never hit me or anything, but has made body movements towards it.

    In the past 5 years, we’ve broken up and gotten back together pretty much every year, this year being the worst… every month it seems like. He’s packed his stuff up and everything and started moving out, but then doesn’t. Its just so frustrating, and I dont know if I can take it anymore.

    Any advice would help…

  307. Ways to identify and deal with controlling people. on June 8th, 2011 12:37 am

    [...] found a great article that explains 10 common signs that your boyfriend / girlfriend / whatever is possibly a controlling person. They most likely suffer with a mental disorder such as anxiety. While there is only so many [...]

  308. shervonda boyd on June 21st, 2011 4:51 pm

    okay i was dating this guy for six weeks and he had a really bad temper. & this one time i told him i failed two classes & he said he was gonna get me but i thought he was joking. When he came over i was sitting in my chair & he started punching me in my arms & grabbed my face & told me not to do it again. then afterwards tried to kiss me wtf? then on another incident he said he wud hit & keep hitting me til i cudnt get up & then punched me & i punched him back. he also use to put me down alot so im wondering would u call that an abusive relationship?

  309. Babycakess from the october on June 21st, 2011 10:18 pm


    My ex boyfriend still is controling me even though he now lives in a diffrent state.. Dont understand….

    He makes me feel lik shit.

    He gets me to care and says that after we have “clouser” we dont have to see eachother anymore,,,,,,,

    BUT!!!!! Its been a OVER a year of this bullshit clouser.. He has a girl now…

    And yeah it hurts. Since he made and is still making me feel like im nothing. Maybe I am.

    But I am pretty… I dont get it why cant I get a nice boy. Why cant I quite talking to this one….. He makes fun of me for when he hurt me so bad that I tried to commit…

  310. tired_of_it on June 25th, 2011 11:29 am

    This goes for women as well. This is all my girlfriends behavior.

  311. Anonymous on June 26th, 2011 8:52 pm

    I am currently in a really f*cked up situation. Ive been with this guy for a little over a year. I met him through my brother. They used to work together and he said he was a pretty good guy. I met his through Facebook because he moved down to GA a few months before we met and has a job there. We live in different states but see each other on every major holiday and a few random ones too.

    He dictates where I go, who I hang out with, what I wear, gets pissed if I go shopping, or do anything basically. I have never cheated or had any interest in anyone else, and he is fully aware of that but very insecure and controlling, jealous and temperamental.

    A few weeks ago I decided to google his name because I had a feeling he was accusing me of all this shit because he was the one f*ckin around. I could not believe what the hell I found!!!

    He was a member of DOZENS of online dating sites since we got together., … all of them that you could possibly ever think of and some really graphic adult ones too.

    I confronted him and he denied it until I showed him the proof, then he had no choice but to admit.

    He had been lying about his age and said he was looking for 35 year olds (over 10 yrs older than us) and was looking for widows because it turned him on to f*ck someone who had just recently lost their husband and countless other f*cked up shit.

    I quit talking to him and yet he came crawling back and begging me to forgive him and how much he loves me. Bullshit.

    The guy is still calling and acting like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. I can’t believe this shit, he is crazy as f*ck!!

  312. Sally on June 27th, 2011 4:02 pm

    Hey, not sure how to start, but here goes. Ive been with my bf for 8 months. He can be realllllyyy nice to me, and we can be amazing when we are together. But it sems, that after we’ve spent a night/day etc together, then her will start an arguement over Nothing. I called me horrible names and makes me feel worthless in these arguements. I feel like, he feels that i shouldnt have problems. When i have a problem (nothing to do with him), he always starts an arguements, and makes me feel even more upset. But, when this happens, instead of him trying to comfort me (which i think it should be when im crying my eyes out), he always turns it around to make it his problem. I love him, and dont want to break up with him, but i really hate him sometimes, i dont know what to do :’( He’s also admitted that when he makes me upset, it makes him feel ‘big’.He always accuses me of cheating on him, when the only person i see outside of study times is him, i even went out to a friends party, and he accused me then, and i spend the night crying :’( i know he has self esteem poblems, but this is just being out of line, i dontdeserve to be treated like this :(

  313. keon johnson on July 21st, 2011 12:58 pm

    I’m 17 years old n ma boyfriend is controlling about where I am goin, I have 2 ask him permission,he always say something about my past n lauhgs @ me , make me feel down by calling me dumb stuip n igorant,always tell me ma dad is a evil person n he’s not ,like if I made a mistake he till call me these horrbile names,tells me what I should do, then I ask him why u diong dis becuz of me and my dad,I don’t even do anything,he says 2 me I should be lucky 2 have him,he called me ignorant in front of my great aunt n grandma,he teLls me I’m not a thoughtful person,n he tells me im becuz he loves me n he jus tellin me wats rite, n he always look in ma ceLl phone like 2 see if I’m hiding or cheating on him but I still love him but I have 2 bck off

  314. Happy on July 24th, 2011 8:11 pm

    Wow! This is a heartbreaking stream of posts. I have been married for 7 years to a wonderful man. We fight occassionally and i get upset, but when i read things like this it really puts is all into perspective. If you feel bad enough about your relationship to even think you need to post here for advice then… My advice to you is leave the relationship. There are good men out there who will treat you with love, honesty, compassion, and trust. Go find one. You CAN help yourself….if you don’t, who will?

    Good luck to you all.

  315. natnich on July 30th, 2011 7:18 pm

    mY boyfriend does not let me go anywhere without him. Ever since we started dating Things have gotte orse. M substance abuse has become a problem because I find it is the only thing to help me numb the pain. My story could go on forever. I need help and don’tknow what to do. I am feeling suicidal!!!!!!

  316. kc on July 30th, 2011 10:35 pm

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for less than a year. i moved in with him and his dad. at first our relationship was great, then i found out about his past and he is an alcoholic. He grabbed me by my neck and held me against the door. Just because i texted about him on my phone. another time he slammed me to the floor, and kicked me in the back. he didn’t like me going out with friends. here is a list of things he has done to me: slapped me, punched me, hit me with a belt. bit me. beat me up twice in front of people. and recently he pushed me so hard, that i hit my head off the concrete. i want to leave him but he does the guilt trip and doesn’t want me to move out. he is insecure and he might go to prison soon. if he does, then i will move out.

  317. D on July 31st, 2011 10:24 pm

    Ladies…I have to admit, I used to be this man. Almost everything on the list described me. That was a few years ago, and thankfully with the help of friends and family, I recognized the problem. It makes me very sad to think about what I did. I hur many people. But here is the message from someone who has been there from the other side….Ladies….do whatever you can to get out of this relationship!!!! You are better and worth more than he will ever know or appreciate. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE CHANGE HIM, so please do not fall under that trap. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He is USING you to make him feel better about himself alone. He will never value you, will always hurt you and them come back begging for you to forgive him in hopes he will not lose the one thing that makes HIM feel better. Again, this is not about loving you. It is selfish, controlling behavior and it is NOT LOVE.

    Good luck to you. I hope you can find the feelings of self-worth that give you the strength to make the break. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

  318. shellycarr on August 4th, 2011 9:53 am

    HELP!!! I am an in complete desperation right now an need advice. I broke it of with my boyfriend who I was with for nearly 2 yrs, I love him but our relationship has been toxic from day 1. We have had our good times but I cant continue doing this anymore. He moved to my home town and is isolated from friends and family which makes me feel like a cold hearted cow. I cant forget the past pain he was so controlling and verbally abusive but was slowly improving but i cant get back to where i was. I feel sick in the pit of my stomach and it is seriously affecting me physically because he wont accept its over and im not comming back, he is constantly crying and begging for me to go back it breaks my heart. I just want him to accept it and concentrate on going back home to his friends and family, he needs to buy his plane ticket and just go. I love him but I am not willing to try anymore because i dont have it in me, I am completly drained. Please I am so sick with guilt and hurt, I need to hear advise good or bad Please!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(

  319. Me on August 4th, 2011 10:52 am

    to all of the above,

    Let go. Its simple the only way to be peacefull is to let go. Let life happen dont go looking for a guy if he is the right one then it wont be so hard in the start things will be simple. And you dont need a boyfriend all the time. To girls who have dont know how to be without a boy you need to grow up and learn you need to take care of yourself. Guys will control you if you dont know how.

  320. sarah on August 8th, 2011 9:47 am

    I don’t know what to do, am I over reacting?

    I’m 20. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. We met through mutual friends. When I moved into our mutual friends house, he moved in to. So, we lived together and shared the same room but he wouldn’t call me his girlfriend until I made a big deal out of it. He was very controlling, and I didn’t like it. I was in an abusive relationship for a year and a half before I met him, and I ended it when I was 18. He knows all this, but I tell him that he’s making me feel low, or like how my ex did, he says ‘if you want this relationship to work you have to let go of the last one’. I’m completely over my ex, I hate him so much, but that doesn’t mean that my current boyfriend isn’t opening ‘old emotional scars’ ..if that makes sense.

    Our mutual friends moved out, and we had to also. They didn’t like my boyfriend any more, but I couldn’t see why. My friends and I still aren’t right, it always feels like there’s something in between us. It’s not hard to guess what.

    We moved to a different county, because he had so many people that he didn’t get along with, and he was too paranoid to leave the house. So we’re living here about 2 months now. He is working, but I’m not. I try so hard to get a job but I just cant in this recession, and in this small town. I don’t have any friends here. I don’t know anyone. He works all the time now, he’s a chef so I hardly see him. When he finishes work he’s so annoyed from work, and all he talks about is work. I’ve asked him loads of times if we can do something romantic, or just something as a couple. He gets so mad when I tell him that I don’t feel loved.

    I get up with him every morning. I iron his uniform, and sometimes make him breakfast. he says ironing is my job. I do all the washing. I do all the cleaning. I do all the food shopping. When he comes home he always asking me to do things for him, like get the charger, make a cup of tea etc. and it’s not that I don’t want to do things for him, he doesn’t even say thanks. He expects me to do it because he’s ‘busting my balls all day in work, while you’re sitting here all day’.

    He checks the history on the laptop to see what I’ve been doing. He asks me all the time if I’ve been talking to anyone, and when I tell the truth and say ‘no’ he says ‘are you sure?’.

    He doesn’t like me talking to any boys. A lot of my male friends are gay, and my boyfriend is still jealous of them. He use to fight with me all the time about my friends, so now there is certain topics of conversation I avoid because it’s not worth it.

    I used to always do my make-up, and my hair. I used to take pride in my appearance but not any more. Whenever I make an effort, and put on some jeans and a nice top he gets thick and asks why I’m dressed up. I know he doesn’t like me wearing make-up, he told me before that I stand out in a room when I’m wearing make-up.

    Yesterday morning when we got up, I told him that he could do the ironing and I would make him breakfast. I then realised that there was no bread (I forgot to get some), and he got angry and said ‘That’s why you picked breakfast, you knew there was no bread’. Then he guilt trips me because he didn’t have breakfast, but he could have cereal, eggs, rasher etc. He went for drinks after work, and didnt invite me. He turned off his phone. I text him asking why he was ignoring me, and he text back all nice saying he’ll be home soon. At 2 o’clock this morning he came home. Told me that he was telling his co-worker that we were fighting.

    Today, I thought fuck him, I’m not helping him this morning, maybe he’ll appreciate what I do for him. But that didn’t happen. He got thick cause there was no clean aprons. I only washed them a few days ago, I thought there was loads of clean ones left. Nothing I do is ever good enough.

    He also checks my phone. He’s a compulsive liar. I don’t love him half as much as I used to. He told me he was diagnosed with Border Line Personality Disorder, and at the start, I only stuck out the first few months because I thought it wasn’t his fault. The truth is, he was never diagnosed with it..even though he has every single symptom.

    I just don’t know what to do any more. I know if I leave him, he will hurt himself, he’s been in a mental hospital before, after a break-up, and he was restrained and drugged and put in a padded cell for a few days because he tried to kill himself.

    I’ve seen him slit his arms, in front of me, his mother, his 15year old brother, and 10 year old sister…over something stupid.

    I’m not saying that I don’t want to leave him because he’ll hurt himself, that is defiantly something that I worry about, but at the same time, I don’t think I can go through another break up, I had to go to counselling after I broke up with my abusive ex, and it put my family through a lot.

    I don’t know if I should stay and keep trying to make things better, or just leave in case things get worse.

  321. Barbara Mann on August 8th, 2011 7:45 pm

    See – I read this and I am confused just about the same way everyone else posting is…

    I was with a guy for 2 and a half years – engaged and living together for a year and a half of that. We broke things off in the very end of November, and right after that an old friend of mine got in touch with me.

    I started hanging out with my old friend, and it was awesome, we connected unlike my ex-fiance and I ever had! We had a lot in common, he was extremely attractive, fun, funny, we shared the same religious beliefs, etc.

    We were pretty much in a relationship and we were always together but didn’t become official for two months, and then we just ended it completely recently. Our total span together was 7 – 8 months, but it feels so much longer because we were always together.

    I noticed a few months into it, he was very weird about it when I would tell him I was going to hang out with my girlfriends that night. Anytime I tried to have girls nights he would make me feel guilty. He once said “you live in the same town as them, you get to see them everyday” (he lives 25 miles away… and no, i don’t see my girlfriends everyday, we all have such hectic different schedules). One time I told him I was hanging out with my best friend that night, and he showed up at her house to “surprise” me. He shortly left after I told him I already had plans but didn’t resist texting me constantly to make me feel guilty like I was doing something wrong. I asked him once if he thought space away from each other sometimes was good and he said “you know distance, and space? I want the complete opposite of that”.

    He was allowed to hang out with his friends when he wanted, but I was not without a guilt trip. The last event that happened was he wanted me to come to his race (he races stock cars) two hours away. I told him two days before that I couldn’t afford it (I’m working two jobs and living without a roommate and I’m a full time college student, so I really don’t have any money, and I thought I could afford it but couldn’t, and I tried explaining that to him)… BUT he told me I’m a sketchy unreliable person and made me feel awful and texted me that he’s done with me. But he has said he was done before, and eventually he has come back. I can’t say he will do it this time, but I can say that was his pattern before.

    Is he a manipulator with what I described? Is manipulation abuse? Or is what he is doing a form of abuse? I know I’m not being hit, but he manages to make me feel soooo guilty and awful, and he did it often.

    A lot of our problems are because I kept backtracking because he was trying to make us too serious, and I would tell him I was not ready to be so serious because I had JUST gotten out of an engagement. Could it be I just was not ready, or was he manipulating the way I feel he was?

    And is it normal I feel extremely sad he said he is gone? Or is this his mind control thing???

    Please answer, I’m kind of lost about this.

  322. When Your Partner Is Too Suspicious on August 10th, 2011 4:59 am

    [...] for anybody in this situation is “controlling”. We see handy guides like this one on Top 10 Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend, but not one for the updated information age, when the behavior starts in when you’ve just [...]

  323. Janelle on August 15th, 2011 2:39 pm

    ok my boyfriend yells yells at me for every think like the hole block can here him and tells me what to do. he’s say that he get’s what he wants all the time and we have a kid together and he say that he does not want to be with me and i say ok i am going to go then.But he will come walking to get me and say ur not taking my kid but i tell him she come with me. i am a nice women maybe i am just letting him take over life.WHAT DO U THINk i should do??

  324. Janelle on August 15th, 2011 3:23 pm

    and he say that he does not love me he in my life because if his kid.and i want to be good in life like go back too school i’m olny 23ys old it’s like when i am with him he does not want me to do nothing just be home all the time i been with him for 5ys now and i just been home the only time i go out when he wants me to.and he’s nicer to his friends then me.well he says that he has no one in his life never have and never will.but i tell him all the time that he got me and baby. but he just keeps say that there is no one in his life.and i don’t have any friends caz he does not like them and my family sooo faraway from me it’s like i just have my baby..I DON’T THINK MY BOYFRIEND gives A FUK ABOUT ME WHAT DO U THINK AGIN what should i do??

  325. Stevie on August 15th, 2011 10:46 pm

    my boyfriend is a clingy type of controlling…he wants me to do what i like. I always make all the decisions, because he refuses to let us do what he likes. and he always walks behind me, says hes enjoying the view but i think hes checkin the area for guys with wandering eyes. Do guys who are possessive over their girlfriends check out other chicks? And he wont let me do the dishes at all, i mean i hate them, but hes bigger than me so theres no way im gettin past him. And he nevers answers my questions yet im the one who has to spill my heart out. im 17 and in highschool still, but hes a dropout who is still green out of military training and still living with his momma and 18…and telling me i need to grow up. five month age difference….such a huge gap. I was crazy in love and upset that he was leaving, before he left, and was miserable for the six months that he was gone. When he came back, it was like i missed him so much that i didnt notice he was a little different. and hes very stingy of his time with me. always wants me to come over to his mommas. does it sound as if hes controlling?

  326. sadwomen on August 19th, 2011 9:20 pm

    I’m sad and alone. My boy friend will not let me have friends, because he says they are all whores. He has called me every bad name in the book. Just for trying to do things right. If i go to the store, I am timed and if I take to long…I’m a cunt,whore,slut,bitch and everything else. I don’t have a phone or cable ..its just better that way. ..he broke them all…he will not let me work..because he says I would sleep with the boss because im a whore.He control everything I have never been a whore, never cheated on him..I just don’t understand. He has a phone that i don’t have the number to and im not aloud to ask him questions or I’m a whore and so on…I sit he sad and alone…no money…no future…..If I leave I have to leave with only my cloths on my back……I don’t know what to do….I feel i will not be here much longer!! he almost smashed my computer for writing this..gotta go…he is calling…. help….

  327. lauren on August 21st, 2011 4:31 pm

    Hi my name is lauren and i am 17 years old. I have been in a relationship for 2 years now. Lately i have been feeling so hurt and i don’t know what to do about it. I am so in love with this kid and i cant seem to let him go. He tells me who i can be friends with, he tells me what to wear all the time, he does not want me to have a job, he does not want me looking at anyone but he can do it, he checks my phone all the time which makes me check his. he brings up my past all the time that i have had with other guys. He does not let me do anything. My biggest problem with him is his mother. Him and his mom are so close they are basically dating each other. She yells at me about stupid things swears at me try’s to put me down, makes me feel like everything that i do is wrong just everything. Every time we get into a fight or something she HAS to know about it. She yells at me and my boyfriend will just sit there and agree with her. She does not me to wear certain clothing and when i look good its almost like she’s mad. Back to my boyfriend now .. if i go out with my mom he makes me call from my moms phone just so he knows that i am really with her. He makes me call from my house all the time so he know’s that i am at home while he is out with his friends. He says he never trusts anything i say and i don’t know why because i have never given him a reason not to trust me. There is so many things that has gone wrong in this relationship but i still keep going back for more. He makes me feel like no other guy will want me he. He never tells me that i look good. When ever we get into a fight and he does something wrong he blames me for it or will change the subject and bring up my past. I honestly do not know what to do and i really need help. I know this relationship is not healthy at all especially with the mother so involved but i feel like i love him so much and i do not want to see him with any other girl because that would kill me. I feel like i cant live with him and cant live without him. Another thing he has made me so controlling because of him and i was never like that yes i do get jealous but who doesn’t? he always has to be right he can never be wrong its always me thats wrong. Also he makes me buy him everything. He never buys me anything and if i don’t buy him something he makes me feel so bad about it so i just do it any ways. I am so torn and i need help right away! i just want to feel good about myself again. I am always hoping to stay with him to try and change him or hope that he will but i honestly think that will never happen. i just feel so alone. When i do go out with my friends i cant tell him even though i know im doing nothing wrong he makes me feel like i am because i am not listening to what he says. And when i do go out with my friends i have to lie to him about it or else he would be mad at me. He wants me to stay home all day and never leave my room while he is out doing whatever he wants. i am so hurt right now.PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME RIGHT AWAY! I NEED ADVICE PLEASE! …..

  328. Lisa on August 23rd, 2011 10:10 pm

    Gorgeous Lauren. You already know what you need to do hun, this guy is no doubt completely taken over your life. You are only so young and if you decide to continue with this imagine what you life will be like. Imagine what you future kids lives will be like. You are so much better then this and you will find someone who loves you, because to your boyfriend, you are his little pet. I just want to give you a hug! You will be ok!

  329. lauren on August 27th, 2011 4:15 pm

    Lisa! Thank you so much for that! You are right about everything you said, but i really honestly don’t know what to do at this point .. i am so torn about everything and i just don’t know what to do. You would think that i want better for myself but i just can’t seem to let go. All i think about is being alone and how much that would suck and what would i do with my life ya know. I just hate the feeling of being alone and the feeling of pain. I am so confused and i hate this :(.

  330. Gemma on August 31st, 2011 6:43 pm

    I to was in a controlling abusive relationship for 8 years and all the above i went through. He tortured me with emotional, physical amd mental abuse. He completely squashed my confidence, made me feel like i couldnt find or deserve any one better and i completely lost who i was. Then about a year ago i started to think to myself is this what i have to put up with for the rest of my life? What have i done to deserve this? Surely out of all the men out there i can do better than this parasite and even if i didnt meet anyone i would have a better life on my own. Three months later i searched inside and found enough strength and courage to leave his sorry ass! I finally broke free from his spell. That was 8 months ago and it was extremely hard at first because he tried every trick in the book to get me back including threats. Suprise suprise his threats never amounted to anything! (believe me they never do) There were times when i missed the security he gave me and felt so alone. I thought about going back several times but i just reminded myself why i left and that i deserve better. I feel like the past 8 years i have been in a coma and now i’m back! I am now finally finding myself again and the future looks bright. I can plan things and not have to run it by him for approval. I even recently met a nice normal guy who is a true gentleman. Just what i’d always wanted in a man. He is the total opposite of my ex. I’m writing this in the hope that if someone is in the same position they will read this and they to will find the strength from within to leave because it wont ever change and its not healthy for you. There is a new life out there waiting for you that you deserve xxx

  331. emms on September 1st, 2011 5:52 pm

    well guy shouldnt cheat at all

  332. Holly on September 4th, 2011 12:29 pm

    im holly and im 16. me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now and he has completely taken over my life. we fight at least 3 times a week and we just end itby saying we are sorry. it really bugs me but i just say sorry becausde i dont want to hear him nag at me anymore. whenever my best friend is over at my house he wants me on the phone with him at all times. he never wants me goping out with my family if they are going to be drinking but i tell him that im not and he doesnt believe me. if i ever even text a guy and say hey he thinks that im cheating on him by a three letter word. he doesnt want me talkin to any other guys or hanging out with them even if there is a huge group of girls. i am always the blame for everything. he is ALWAYS right. no matter if i back up my claim and if im actually right, he always gets his way. if anything doesnt go his way then he gets upset and says that i never do anything for him. the thing that bothers me the most is that if we ever get into an arguement he always does something nice for me. which makes it alot harder on me. he doesnt like my friends. everything is always my fault. oh, and my family and i are very close and he never wants me to tell them anything that has happened. he wakes me up in the morning to go to school and he tells me what to wear and when to get ready. he hasnt physically hurt me, but he has mentally hurt me bad…. SOMEONE HELP ME!! I NEED ADVICE!!!

  333. Heather on September 7th, 2011 8:37 pm

    I just started dating this guy a little more than 3 months ago. He is wonderful in so many ways…he is smart, athletic, serious about his life, career, and religion, and very respectful. The problem is…he is a bit controlling. He doesn’t hit me or call me bad names or anything, but he makes me feel I’m walking on egg shells. He makes me feel that I am always doing something wrong. Just a few days ago, he told me that I need to go to bed early, and not hang out so much with friends, “he doesn’t like it” he says. So today, at the last minute, I decided to meet a friend for coffee that was leaving out of town. And he spent an hour and a half lecturing me about how I needed to be alone and to myself, and don’t spend all my time with friends like I do. So to avoid an argument and another lecture, I didn’t tell him where I was going. But then he happened to call me right when I was on my way to the place, and he could tell that I was doing something, “strange.”

    Some how, he has this 6th sense, that he feels something is not right, so I always get called out on it, and always end up doing something not to his liking….so really, I am always afraid..when will I make another mistake? He will lecture and argue and yell. He also wants me to have a perfect body, “to show his friends and family back home.” I am not fat…but he wants me to be more slim. It’s never ending…I’m not getting any younger…so, at least he is not playing around or cheating on me like my last bf. But I don’t know what to do to get my control back? Im losing self-confidence and he knows it….what can I do?

  334. anon on September 20th, 2011 3:52 am

    Hello, I read this and most of the comments. I have a fear that I may be emotionally abusive in the form mostly of being controlling. I have been with my girlfriend for about five years and she told me she felt smothered and wanted to hang out with a male friend about two years into our relationship. I was fine with it and she did. Then she had photos of them being together kissing on his myspace. I confronted her and said this is wrong and she left me for a few days to live with him. After talking with me online she decided she wanted to come home to me and I asked if she wanted me to forgive her and try to work on it. She said yes and then I told her I forgave her. I have been very untrusting for most of the time since then and last year she told me about a new friend she was talking to online that was married and bisexual. She said she had a great time talking with him and they also had some business work together through the internet. Well, I started noticing how she would leave to room to talk with him on the phone and felt weird about it. I did some spy work by listening in on a conversation and sure enough, they had been having skype sex sessions showing nudity and performing acts on camera to each other. My trust was broken again and I told her that if it happens again we are finished. She said she did it because she is unhappy with me because I am too smothering and controlling. A few months ago she told me she really wants to hang out with her ex boyfriend because they were great friends and both agreed they are better friends than a couple. I rejected this idea strongly because of our history. She said that I need to stop being so controlling and let her breathe. So I “let this happen” and she came home to me asking tons of questions and being angry. So the next time they hung out I said, we should all hang out together… maybe I will like him too and we can also be friends. She said, you are just trying to babysit me. After then hung out for a couple of hours she brought him here and they talked on the couch for hours and hours. I was talking with them for about 30 minutes at one point but I went to bed and couldn’t sleep because I was so enraged about it all. We had yet another argument about it. She told me a few days ago after coming home from a trip out of state on business that she felt amazing without me and being on her own. Then yesterday she said, are we doing anything this Thursday? I asked not that I know of yet, why? She said, I am going out with my ex and wanted to make sure we didn’t have any plans. I said, “there it is”… I was waiting for it. It seems like every time she is unhappy in our relationship, she goes out with him for eight hours or more. I am trying my best to not be upset and let her be free to be friends with her ex because she has no other friends and is working from home all day every day. I had an instant reaction to tell her this is wrong to do and got really upset about it. She now said she doesn’t want to marry me as we had planned because she wants to be independent and I am too controlling and she is co-dependent on me because she doesn’t drive and I make most of the money. I know I have trust issues and fear being hurt. I think it has made me controlling and I want to be trusting and stop being that way. What can I do for help?

  335. Amy on September 26th, 2011 8:19 pm

    Um I’m 14 and I’m dating a 16yr old . He tells me what to wear and ignores me in school. When we’re alone he tells me that he’s sorry and the only reason is because I always glare at him(?)

    He makes me feel guilty and he started pressuring me into sleeping with him but I’m still young. I do like him alot though but sometimes he makes me cry when he calls me fat.

  336. Destiny on September 26th, 2011 8:39 pm

    I’m 18 and my bf is 16. We’ve been arguing about alot lately. Like I grew up around guys my whole life so most of my friends are guys. But ever since we’ve started dating I feel like I cant even hang around my friends anymore. He says he doesnt like it because “they stare at you.” Also whenever he wants to hang with his friends I join in. But whenever I tell him I want to hang with mine he always tells me he would just stay home or do something else. He doesnt even like when I hug people because apparently they stare. So I feel like I can’t have friends or hug anyone. I don’t know if this would be controlling or not but it feels that way.

  337. so lost on October 6th, 2011 4:48 pm


    my bf is definatly controlling..he is so insecure he thinks i’ll just leave him for anyone! which is why he made me ditch friends..delete over 100 ppl he didn’t approve of on FB, nd now I don’t have FB, I can’t wear heels and I loves my shoes! :( I have soo many collecting dust in my closet, I have to wear sweats, I can’t talk to or look at any guys direction..all this and I still love him becuase when things are going his way..he is soo loving and sweet with me. in the beginning he was charming, sweet, did so many cute lil things for me jsut to see me smile and he loved making me happy, he still does. Sometimes he says i’m hard to please even when I tell him I don’t expect anything but his love and trust! I know he loves me, I know he got hurt in the past, and he knows my faults cuase when we started dating I told him (why I got a divorce). Even tho I keep tellling him that relationship is completley diff.

    I jsut want things to go back to how they were..I know he loves me and doens’t want to get hurt but I also need my space, and gain some confidence back, I gained 20lbs, dress like a slob pree much, all so taht I don’t have to argue and defend myself. It worked but now I feel lost and empty.

    so I started looking for sites and found this! it helped out alot so last night I told him

    if things don’t change then it’s over!! I called him out on the things he’s been doing and he is willing to try work this out cause he loves me..I know he does..I hope it works out for us! <3

  338. olivia on October 9th, 2011 4:39 pm

    I am 17 yrs old i turn 18 in a couple of boyfriend is 21

    At first he was very sweet and than things started to escalade,he would call me all the time and ask what i was doing who i was with.And even if i had to get off the phone with him he would get mad bc he thought i was ignoring him..Once it got to the end of the relationship i told him thst i couldnt handle it anymore and i stopped answering his calls.He called me all the time maybe 50 times that evening and when i finally answered he told me he loved me soo much and that he wanted to marry me and even sent me a picture of a ring that he had recently bought me and engagement ring…

    I refused and ended up losing my virginity to an ex bf i had dated after him and wheni ended the relationship i started to miss him again.I ended up getting back with my 21 yr.old boyfriend the talk to get back together was horrible he was cussing and yelling asking me ifi had slept with the last guy i was with and when he found out he flipped…he said he hated me and that he would get back with me but wouldnt ever forge that i gave something that meant so much to him to a guy i wasnt even with anymore.Since than,it has been an emotional rollercoaster..he yells all the time and i even have to watch what i say bc if i say the wrong thing he gets angry.He enjoys making me feel like shit and enjoys seeing me cry when he breaks up with me in front of his friends…he even hasgotten physical to the point where he has hit me and doesnt even apologize..I care about him so much that i cant bear to leae him ever i have decided that after graduation to go live with him bc thats what he wants and he wants me always by him….i need some advice because i dont even know if im doing the right thing…he cant even return my calls when i know that hes throwing a party..and decides to text me back when he wants..i dont know what to do..i dont even know if it going to get better becuase the problem seems to be that he doesnt want me away from him even when im at his house and hanging out with his sister he threatens toend it because im not spending time with him…help..

  339. Katie on October 17th, 2011 7:46 pm

    uhm… my boyfriend is amazing to me, except when we argue. he sometimes brings up past events and makes me guilty and sometimes cry. he isnt abusive and says he would rather cut off his hand than hit me. my best friend had to tell me that a couple of my other friends think that hes controlling and wants me all to himself. i dont see signs but i wanted to check somewhere. we’ve been dating for 8 months now if time has anything to do with it.

  340. jill on October 21st, 2011 9:58 am

    katie, your bf might be trying his hardest to over come the things he does to make you sad. he probably did have signs. if he said he would never hit you than just try to work with him on the other parts. if you were together for 8 months i know he doesnt want anyone elts. a guy who sticks around when things get tough is one of the best ones. he doesnt mean to make you guilty or cry. he only wants whats best for you.

  341. mike on October 21st, 2011 12:03 pm

    is it possible for me to change and not be controlling? i really miss my gf. she broke up with me because i was controlling. i will give anything even my life just to be with her again…

  342. jordan on November 7th, 2011 12:42 am

    i came to this websit for tips on my relationship…. i have been with my bf for to years know we have one 3 month old lil boy togher and i have a two year old from a old relationship and he did claim her as his own…im a stay at home mom my bf dosn’t think he has a gambling problem that effects me and my kids everyday every min spending all his money at the casino and lies about paying bills and buying things such as clothes food ect…im only 21 years old but im not stupid he is 26 years old he leaves the house when he wants gone for hours dosent help me much to none with the babies and then when im up 1 hour after everyone goes to bed for me time he dosent think i get me time and forces me to go to bed i have zero friends he has made all them leave me… im from florida but im in alamba with no family but his family he acts like he is my daddy and im 12 years old i have to tell him everything i do……and i smoke ciggs and if he dont want me to have a pack he wont go get me a pack but he will grt him a pack and wont allow me to have one i give him money but never pays me back………im trying to get out but its gunna be hard he has made me fell like shit for so long

  343. used on November 30th, 2011 6:24 pm

    well it started like this going through a stressful marriage to an alcoholic.. met a guy and yes liked him but .. he took over my whole life, he was there constantly helping me which i needed .. got me a job at his place, working next to me.. idolised me, i needed support somebody to listen but he wanted more than that, strong character etc.. i loved and still love my husband we seperated and i got a flat.. i didnt want to no the other guy as was very ill and VULNERABLE! i no that now.. didnt at the time tho! i told hi mi needed time to try and help my ex and sort my head out as i was ill.. he was having none of it and sent letters, poems, contacted me and my family on faceook, changed my home and mobile number numberous times, WOULDNT STOP! asking people who i worked with where i went drinking and did i have a b’friend etc, i got the police in the end and they warned him

    my ex which seperated from texted me one day and said he had met another alcoholic and was happy and told me to move on.. totally devastated me / broke my heart! the other guy still hadnt given up even tho had warning of the police sent me flowers the same day and was there for me at my lowest, we become friends again and i started seeing him.. a year as passed and the honeymoon period is over! took me away for the night for my birthday and he was very drunk n very nasty & aggressive and i got a taxi home

  344. Rachel Blake on December 11th, 2011 5:27 am

    Insecure boyfriends really are pathetic creatures indeed! I have no qualms about leaving them if they start to threaten my interests. I was in an abusive relationship, (got slapped a few times) But i certainly could hit back harder than him, i went to the police one afternoon after he slapped me earlier that day and got him removed from the flat we shared, and he had to go into a homeless shelter, i know it’s harsh, but i had to look after number one. He was eventually admonished due to lack of evidence! but the police told me to alert them if he ever came near me again. He kept texting me asking me if i’ve had sex with anyone since we broke up, got a lawyer involved and that was the end of it. I’ve not seen him now for nearly 3 years, and i’m regaining my self confidence again. He made me feel so small and inadequate, treated me like a stupid wee teenager.

  345. Vernell Mukherjee on December 25th, 2011 5:18 am

    thanks useful stuff here. Will bookmark so I can find it easy next time

  346. Erin Brault on December 28th, 2011 10:15 pm

    I’m still learning from you, while I’m making my way to the top as well. I definitely liked reading everything that is written on your blog.Keep the stories coming. I liked it!

  347. Laura on December 31st, 2011 10:46 am

    My boyfriend shows 5/10of those signs or controlling :/ he tells me who he doesn’t like me talking too (which is all boys!) even my best friend mike who I’ve known for about 2 years. He brings up past arguments we’ve had in the past and makes me feel like its always my fault. he always decides that I visit him round his house but not mine, and he makes me feel.guilty if I do spend time with my friends.

    But these only happen on a few occasions because of being busy I dont have that much time to see my friends anyway. But I love him and I dont want to leave him, but all this is taking away my happieness thats meant to be there in a relationship :/ do you think I should talk to him about it?if so how? I dont want to start another argument :/

  348. Sierra on January 5th, 2012 7:06 pm

    Alright, so I bumped into this website and realized SO much from it.

    I need major advice from someone who has experience :( My boyfriend has pretty much almost all 10 of these signs.

    I have been with my boyfriend Mark for 1 year and 2 months. I was treated so amazing in the beginning until up to around the 7th month, where more fights would break out and he’d start always blaming me. He’d start guilt tripping me. He’d give me rules, tell me to not talk to certain guys, and slowly trying to start controlling me. I thought this was normal because it wasn’t severe and it seemed cute that he would get jealous over small stuff like that. I didn’t think it would get worse. Slowly from the 7th month to now, he’s been getting SOOOO controlling.

    - I barely talk to anyone anymore. I drifted away from many friends, especially guy friends because I’m not aloud to have any. I’m not aloud to look at other guys or make comments to them or even answer their calls or texts. He told me to delete every guy off my phone because he deleted every girl off of his. I would keep lagging it but one day after a big fight I just decided to do it.

    - I barely see my close girlfriends. He gets jealous if I ever spend time with anyone else besides him. He gets paranoid about what we do. I have one best best friend name Briana. I see her once every 2 weeks. (I have school Monday through Friday so that leaves the weekends) Mark hates her. He hates all my close friends for almost the dumbest reasons, or no reasons at all. He sometimes gets mad if I answer her text while I am with him.

    - He always tries to control what I wear. He expects me to always wear jeans and a sweater or something that I look super casual or shitty in. If I look good he’ll quickly assume I’m trying to attract other guys to me. If I wear shorts he’ll get mad and call an attention whore. I fight back about this and wear shorts sometimes when it’s hot. He tells me to keep it to a limit but he will still bitch about it from time to time. If I wear a tank top he will pull it up so no cleavage shows whatsoever, or he’ll tell me to keep my jacket on. It’s not like I’m purposely trying to wear certain clothes. It’s just the fact that I have a nice body so whatever I wear, he will think I’m trying to show something off. He always asks what I’m wearing through text messages while I’m at school.

    - He used to complain if I ever wore eyeliner or any type of make up to school. He would ask who I’m doing it for and get jealous and say, “You barely wear it for me blah blah.” Truth is, I never wear make up (by choice) and he knows it. Well I might once in a while but it will only be eyeliner or top liner. Nothing big.

    - He is SO paranoid. He will always tell me how he’s scared I’ll leave him (even though I show so much love and affection to him). He says I don’t show enough or that my feelings will change overtime and I’ll leave him. I always assure him that it wont happen. He thinks once I get into college I will get sick of him and see the variety of other guys and date them. I’m currently a senior in high school. He is a freshman in college.

    - He emotionally and verbally abuses me all the time. He has the SHORTEST temper on the earth. Its so bad where he’s punched a hole in the wall when I was right next to him. He drives like a maniac when he’s mad at anyone or me. He cusses at me like no tomorrow but of course I cuss back. He’s even hit me a few times in the arm or shoulder or leg. He would always afterwards say it’s a joke and he’s playing but it would hurt a lot because he’s strong and I don’t believe it was a joke. He’s told me, “If you ever raise your voice at me when we’re married or if you ever think you can control me I’ll smack you so hard blah blah” and honestly hearing that hurts so much. I don’t want an abusive relationship. His dad used to abuse his mom and he’d witness it. Many times I’ve made him tell me that he would never raise a hand on me, but at other times when he’s mad he says he would. I don’t know what to believe.

    - I can’t even listen to the music I like because he hates my favorite rapper and gets jealous over it. If his songs ever come on the radio he quickly gets mad or changes it or looks at me in a bad way.

    - He thinks I check out other guys and accuses me SOO much of this to the point where I’m sick of it. He says he sees me doing it when me and him go out. If I look around he quickly counts that as checking a guy out which isn’t fair. If I smile at a guy cashier or waiter or whatever, he will get mad and say, “Ohh so you think he’s hot huh? ;) Okaaaaaay Sierra, okaaaay” and he later on says that he was joking and that I got mad for no reason and took it up the ass.

    - He’s went through my phone before, but I’ve also went through his so I guess it’s fair. If I’m everrrr on my phone (texting, calling, talking, playing a game or anything) he will quickly assume I’m texting a guy and say “WHO IS THAT? WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?” all assertive. It bothers me a lot because I shouldn’t be scared to have my phone in my hand while I’m with him. But I am. I’m always nervous around him.

    - I’m always on-guard with him. I always have answers ready to questions he hasn’t even asked yet. I always make sure my phone doesn’t have anything that he’d argue about. (I don’t text guys so it’s not like I’m doing anything behind his back though).

    - I can’t be myself anymore. I feel like I forgot who I used to be. I used to be this independent amazing girl who took NO ones shit. I would never let a guy disrespect me even ONCE. I didn’t even want a boyfriend and I would always be confident. THEN he came along, and when we fell in love it wasn’t even something we were expecting. It just happened. It was something I didn’t control and I fell for him so hard.

    - I’m with him a lottttt. Sometimes even more than I’m with my own family. I feel like I have no free time to myself. I don’t know how to ask him for it. I know he’ll get mad and think that I don’t want to see him or he’ll suspect something.

    - I can’t go to parties or kickbacks alone. He ALWAYS has to be there unless if there aren’t any guys then I can obviously go alone. This doesn’t bother me because honestly I wouldn’t want him going to parties without me. But also if I ever go out with my girlfriends, he’ll always check up on me to know what I’m doing. He’ll ask so many questions and just completely ruin my whole mood.

    - He doesn’t let me post certain stuff on Facebook and that bothers me a whole lot. It’s not like it’s anything bad or slutty. He’s just so over protective that he sees everything differently. I’m always scared to put up statuses because if I complain about other people in my status he will say, “Why are you complaining about them?! Why do you care so much about other people? You’re so nosy and you focus too much on other peoples lives. You should be worried about ME, not them. Blah blah don’t post shit like that”

    - He will ALWAYSSSSSSSS blame me for everything. Even the smallest things you can think of, he will make it seem like I murdered someone and he will cuss my life out and yell and just go crazy. I never win an argument with him because he brings up stuff from the past and uses it against me. (No, I have never cheated on him). When he argue I always end up so hurt that I cry and throw up and etc.

    I’m just never happy anymore. It feels like I’m in prison with no way out. My heart wants him and my feelings are so strong towards him. But at the same time he will do the most ignorant repulsive things that piss me off so bad. I don’t know how to break up with him. I’m so afraid.


  349. lol on January 5th, 2012 7:40 pm


  350. betty on January 5th, 2012 7:41 pm

    any guy who hits or abuzes u is not worth da fight ladies..a man who loves you will never raise a hand on you. dont forget that!!!!

    dont be fooled by their sweet talk

  351. so lost on January 9th, 2012 7:27 pm


    sounds like were going through the exact same thing! it sucks because the same guy that your sooo in love with is also the same one hurting you everyday. it’s hard beause after he’s done being nasty and accusing he’ll do the sweetest things, and he’s constantly trying to please me, and he’s always soo worried i’m gonna leave.

    I have lost all my friends,

    I hardly talk to my fam,,he destryoed like 5 phones in the last year,

    he blames me for everything!!! makes me feel like complete shit

    he controls what I wear,

    i can’t talk to any guys, close cousins and guys I work with included,

    he’s always by my side,

    I was once a very pretty girl, i’m curvy, no i go without makeup and wear hoodies and sweats just to avoid aguments…

    alll this and I can’t leave him??!!! idk y? :’(

    he always says he’ll leave me just like taht if i don’t listen, and he says it in the most hurtful way and it scares me soo much taht he’ll leave, even though I know i’ll be happier and i’ll have my life back..I still can’t wear heels..

    y am i such an idoit? idk how I got to this point…maybe its cause he’s sooo sweet loving, caring, and attentive when things are going his way (when I obey) i’m just a gilr who’s lost and all I want is to be loved… :’( i’m still getting the courage to leave him, idk when but i’m going to leave him..I have to

  352. learned on January 9th, 2012 7:50 pm

    top 10 signs you have a controlling boyfriend:

    10 you seek a take charge personality because it is a turn on

    9 you enjoy being seen as a victim because you learned it is an easy way to garner attention

    8 You watch Operah or read any woman magazine or lifetime television show

    7 You make sure that whenever you hang out with “friend(s)” you return home 6 hours later than expected and planned with no phone call about it.

    6 you tell him he is not allowed to talk to his ex wife even if it is about his own kids and get mad and go “hang out” with your ex boyfriend to “even the score”.

    5 That “gay” “business connection” you told your controlling boyfriend you love being friends with watches you on webcam … while your controlling boyfriend is at work making money to pay for your internet connection.

    4 you have a random dude on his couch “watching a movie” jump up and say oh.. you are back early and act all weird when he gets home early.

    3 you make sneaky phone calls to “friends”

    2 you hang out with ex boyfriends

    1 you cheated on him repeatedly

  353. so lost on January 9th, 2012 8:09 pm

    top one is right..I don’t want a pussy for a boyfriend..but I do want a confident one not insecure one

    ..I act as if the relationship isn’t taht bad,,i don’t seek attention becuase of it..i just wannna be loved.

    I barely have contact with my kids cause he thinks i’m talking to my ex..

    I dont hang out with anyone at all,,just h

    sounds like ur girls a hoe bud..

  354. Dagwood Bumstead on January 11th, 2012 6:12 pm

    I used to date some, and the last woman I dated told me that I smothered her at times. It really hurt, but looking back, I can see that she was right. A guy can go to therapy for that which may or may not help or may find other ways to improve his self esteem in a relationship so that he might finally find Miss Right and have a happy marriage. However, I think most of the time if a guy is controlling he will probably always be controlling. Controlling people are insecure, and even a lot of hours on a therapist’s couch may never change the condition enough to allow for a happy marriage someday. Some women can put up with it and some can’t.

    My decision is that I will probably just be a bachelor for the rest of my life. It’s not great, but it is better than being in a marriage in which both parties are unhappy.

  355. Jbb on January 13th, 2012 9:17 pm

    wow I can relate to 9 out of 10 of these signs.

    Wish it was that easy to just…get out!

  356. joahnan on January 18th, 2012 10:28 am

    There is no more

  357. HRR on January 19th, 2012 10:13 am

    Im not sure if I have a controlling bf or not. I have aspergers so I have a great deal of difficulty reading people. I have a very high IQ and can pick up on things not adding up rather quickly. I caught him saying opposite things and then acting like Im crazy when I call him out on it. He is clingy and wants to call/text/chat 24/7 when its convient for him. When its not convient for me I try to explain but he gets real upset about “not being on my schedule”. Of course when its not convient for him I wont hear a peep from him. Also he wanted to know my passwords for my facebook (I have since changed them) and actually logged on as me and chatted with an old guy pal of mine as “me”. He also unfriended some of my male friends. When I wanted to go to a movie and he wouldnt go with me I instead went with me stepsister. You would have thought the gates of hell opened. He went to the theatre and staked out the parking lot so he could put an I love you on my car. We had taken her car and didnt tell him so he couldnt find my car. I had my phone on silent during the movie so I didnt get his 92 texts/calls during the movie. Even worse somehow he missed us coming out into the parking lot so he doesnt believe I went out with her to the movie. This is just ridiculous Im not a child … ….

  358. Unknown on January 24th, 2012 10:16 pm

    i’m 20, I’ve been with my boyfriend for ten months now, and I love him to pieces, I don’t want to break up with him, but I would be lying to say I haven’t thought about it.

    Initially, when we started dating, we spent all our time together- and that was really nice, we both loved each others company, we later began to spend every night together as well.

    But recently, I can’t help but feel that I’m being controlled.

    He’s very self-conscious, and he constantly tells me that I’m the best thing thats ever happend to him, but he won’t go to anything I want to go to (because hes afraid of my friends being absoulte bitches), he expects me to go to all of his events with his friends, he bosses me around (“go get me a soda”, “do my hair”) and often guilt trips me into doing things with an “it would mean a lot to me” or he’ll get emotional and I’ll feel so horrid that I’ll just do whatever he wants.

    I haven’t spent much time with my friends at all since we go together,but I’ve seen his friends at least once every week, and when I want me-time, he’ll make me feel so bad for abandoning him, that I can’t even enjoy it.

    He also judges every thing I say, do and wear. Adding statements like “don’t wear that, you’ve got a couple of nice clothes, and then just some horrible ones that you for some reason think are good”, you’re house decore’ looks cheap and rubbish etc.

    He also expects me to always be at his place, and he never wants to be at mine, because its stuffy.

    The worst feeling is, that I’m losing track of myself, and I’m scared that if I do stay with him, one day, I’m going to look in the mirror and not know who I am without him. Because its heavily heading to that stage.

    Anyway, I guess I’m waiting on someone saying, yes, they understand, or YES i’m being crazy.

    He is usually a very nice guy and I do love him.

    I’m just tired of feeling…trapped.

  359. Unknown on January 24th, 2012 10:28 pm

    p.s Sierra, I completely understand what you’re saying!

    My boyfriends, also the sweetest, most attentive, cuddly, perfect boyfriend at times- it’s why I can’t leave either, keep me updated on what you do :)!

  360. isabel rodriguez on January 30th, 2012 8:57 am

    i woke up this morning at 5 am got on my computer to see if i was exagerating anything. i cried my eyes out when i realized i wasnt exagerating anything. this is a little different cause i am a mom that sits back and watches as my daughter allows her boyfriend and babies dad control her lise,i have this feeling she feels obligated to stay with him cause of her children. she is 18 years old .. he has controlled her so much that she landed up pregnant twice before 18 at 17 she had 2 babies and hasnt graduated high school. he tells her she dont need to graduate or go to college. he tells her her dad and i interfere to much all we are doing is giving her advice to please not do what he says . we tell her to do what is right for her. she has left him so many times but always goes back to him/ he hates when she has friends and has made sure she has none. has went as far as calling her friends and telling them everything she said about them cause he knew they would stop talking to her. although she says he don’t talk about her family i know he does he is ruthless rude and manipulates her in almost everything she does. its so bad that he has no clue she went to prom last year.she has been with him for almost 4 years. he will never change . they never do . i pray everyday for God to please give her the strength to leave this controling guy. she even tried being with another guy not sexually, but it didnt work out at all! now she is talking to him again and i can tell when he gets to her. her facial expression is all ugh just different. please tell me as a mom how far do i go and where do i stop myself so i wont cross that line. i dont want to not have a relationship with my daughter.i love her.. he goes through her cell. has messaged a guy on face book that was just her friend and asked him not to talk to her anymore . he has cursed all her friends and made sure she has none which she dont. why cant she see what we see. please why cant she see he has no intentions of changing. even cused her out on facebook where everyone could read it..went out of town met another girl called her brokeup with her while she was pregnant with baby no.2 . got back in town and got with her. has went to dances without her . hangout with his friends when he wants.he comes by our home she goes outside to talk to him if the convo dont go his way he takes off like a bat out of hell.. I FEEL THAT WHEN I ALLOWED HER TO SEE THIS GUY WHEN SHE WAS ALMOST 15 AND HIM ALMOST 16 IT WOULDNT LAST BOY WAS I WRONG. THE DAY HE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR I LET SATAN IN . HE HAS BEEN SO DISRESPECTFUL FROM DAY 1..PLEASE GIRLS WALKAWAY AT 1ST SIGN CAUSE WHEN BABIES ARE INVOLVED ITS MUCH HARDER. I FEL THATS WHEH YOU REALLY NEED TO SALVAGE YOUR KIDS PAIN.

  361. Isabella on February 10th, 2012 7:24 am

    I am 28 and have been with my guy for 11 yrs. We were both partiers and such when we met but I have completely changed and so has he but not to the same extent. For the last year I almost feel trapped in our relationship, I love him dearly but am no longer in love with him. I know he is mentally abusive but it really doesn’t bother me that much b/c I’m think headed enough not to beleive the things he says when he runs me down. I feel an enormous amount of guilt thinking about leaving him b/c last year his mother passed away and he doesn’t speak to the rest of his family so he would basically be completely alone if I did also he would lose everything he has(home, job, etc) if I were to leave. I don’t want to do this to him because I really do love him but I also hate the way my life is.

  362. Ricky on February 15th, 2012 7:38 pm

    This is a terrible situation to be in. As time is going on both men and women are becoming abusive. I think it would be more beneficial if the article were directed towards both controlling boyfriends and girlfriends. This way those abusive men wont feel attacked and shut off sensitivity to it while also allowing abuse of men by women to be brought to the surface as well.

  363. hind on February 24th, 2012 5:04 am

    hey this is to you isabel rodriguez…..

    i’m 19 years old now ….& recently i broke up with my boyfriend ….

    my mom was the one who made that call …she made sure he stays as far away from me as possible ..he did the same things your daughter’s boyfriend does ..controlled me ..manipulated me …& he talked to my friends on facebook “guy friends”in a rude way that means this girl is mine don’t ever talk to her again ….he did that & made sure i have no friends …he asked me about everything & controlled everything i did ….where i go wht time i should get home & all ..all of this i saw clearly ….& i was suffering alot alot alot …& my self confidence went so down ..especially when i found out that he acts exactly opposite to what he tells me ..he has friends “girls”& he does whaatever he wants …i was a very excellent student but since i veknown him with all i ve been through i just couldn’t & still can’t study or do anythin gd in my life …the thing is i loved him & i still do love him alot ..i knew he was bad but just my feelings for him made me forgive him & feel like he’s kind at heart & becyz he was great with me in some aspects i just couldn’t let him go thught i thought a lot of it but i still couldn’t but my mom interfered & i am not mad at her though i miss this guy a lot & cry everyday ..but i believe she knows whats best sometimes we girls know & see what you mom do but not in the same way becuz of our feelings & attachment to that person ..& we’re just not stromg enough to leave ..i’m still not over him don know if i ever will be but am tryin …& i think isabel you should do sth & help you lil girl cuz she definetely needs help even though if you do hel her & she leaves him its nt gonna be heaven for her but she has to ..i think ….& u have to help her & guide her through this becuz we still need your help & your support no matter how old we get ….

  364. hind on February 24th, 2012 5:08 am

    oh btw …my mom said exactly the same to me …she said i regret allowin you to see him & i feel this is all my fault …..but no its not its just destiny & some people “just like me” were born to suffer

  365. Sophie on February 28th, 2012 9:57 am

    I have finally been able to leave a controlling, manipulative boyfriend of 9 months. Although only 9 months, the relationship was so intense it feels like it was a lot longer. And despite how bad the relationship was, the pain is unbearable..

    Even after the first two weeks, I had warning signs – he was very intense and appeared so overly confident and ‘full of himself’. He also had some unbelievably cruel and disgusting things to say about his ex, also adament that she cheated on him – making me sympathise with him and want to ‘be there for him’. I should have walked away there and then, trusted my gut feeling, and realised that anything who holds that much venom against anyone, generally has a problem somewhere…

    Falling into the lustful stage so quickly made it difficult to get out. Soon the questions started – more like interrogation, and the mood swings. I didnt know if I was coming or going – the ‘walkign on eggshells’ stage happened within the first 4 weeks of the relationship! His temper was frightening but he always assured me he was one of the good guys who could never hit a woman and hated those men who treated women like that..

    I could give numerous examples of what I pu up with and believed to be normal in the face of love – checking my phone, facebook, alienating my friends, turning my friends against me, making me lose so much self confidence, belittling me in every way, belittling my job and then when he had to move an hour away the abuse about my house and where I lived started.. my house and job were ‘so bad for me’ but not to worry as i would be ‘looked after’ once I move in with him. Even my family were posioned to some degree.

    The times that actually walked away (and there were many), he would present me with such grand gestures and what seemed like such true feelings of remorse I was totally taken in. Of course by then I had also been poisoned with the idea that my life would be awful without him so I felt I was potenitally chucking away such a good thing. Even the sex had to be every night and i was made out to be pathetic and something wrong with me if I didnt give it.

    Evenutally it came to a head when I felt like I was losing my sanity. Arguments became ridiculous and I had no voice. What I had told him he had done to me, he reversed back upon me – for example, telling him he had alienated me from my friends a couple of months prior, he started to say I had done. Bizarre, and word of advise – dont ever say how you feel!

    I’ve left and gone. He has since thrown a laod of abuse about how he is much better without and wasnt happy – how he has met someone who possesses all the qualities I didnt and who isn’t ‘weak’. Good for him. I’m thankful he has given up for good, and I’m on day 5 with no contact and counting… Just got to hang on in there…

    Oh and he owes me a load of money and has some belongings that presumably I wont ever get back?! Lost a bunch of friends too who think i am the psycho – hurtful stuff. But to an outsider, he is charming, he is fun, he is a nice guy. This is what one has to remember, it is easy to blame yourself when people cant see it. But it’s true, it was abuse, and I’m reminding myself every day.

  366. Sum1otherthanme on March 2nd, 2012 3:46 pm

    As a controlling boyfriend I have to speak my mind.

    I come from a culture which restricts women somewhat more than men, although it is often exaggerated.

    In a free society women tend to come out as the worst individuals, although great women do exist even in this day and age.

    Studies have shown that attractive people tend to be more self absorbed, women almost as a rule are made to feel much more physically attractive then men are. It is the backbone of their self esteem and being told they are attractive either by their lover or another person, especially a member of the opposite gender who they respect their opinion, sends their ego soaring.

    Men on the other hand do not usually rely on being told they are attractive to boost their ego, instead they take pride at being recognized as the best or better than others in an activity with defined rules. Men are conditioned since birth to follow the rules of sports, games, and other activities. If a man loves something like a sport he will respect the rules of the game and even argue passionately if the rules are broken. This same attitude gets applied to relationships, and men will probably replicate the examples of controlling behavior they grew up with.

    Now do not think I am trying rationalize it, I fully accept that a man should control his woman in a free society. Barring the small minority of women who are capable of respecting the idea of loyalty, most are exceptionally selfish. Society doesn’t condition women to respect rules, it instead makes them to want to feel as though they are the center of attention, hence why most women will do almost anything to keep their man’s “love.”. Women are raised without rules and boundaries.

    I would not blame a man for being controlling to minimize his risk of being burned, but to those men out their who do have a woman who does value honesty and loyalty do respect that.

  367. Sum1otherthanme on March 2nd, 2012 3:55 pm

    Also I would like to add that their are pitiful men out their, especially those who takes a woman’s money,

    But these men are less common than their female counterparts.

    Women tend to get swooped up by the “bad” boys.

    Hence the disparity of STD rates in the Asian American community.

    Asian American women are 4 times as likely as Asian American men to have STDs.

    When a women meets an asshole it is more than likely at least one other woman has met that asshole.

    But when a meets me a messed up woman their is no guarantee anyone has fallen for her before.

  368. Sum1otherthanme on March 2nd, 2012 4:04 pm

    @ Hind

    I imagine you must be Desi.

    Don’t be so self absorb to think the world cares that much about you to single you out. Some of us get screwed more than others but you can either accept it or feel depressed. You can either improve yourself or let yourself wallow in pity. You can try to improve the world or lash out at.

    Either choice is appropriate but don’t be so self absorbed to think u have it the roughest, their is always people who have it much worse than you. Doesn’t mean you are wrong to be upset but don’t expect others to pity you.

    Also I am not saying he was wrong or your mom is wrong. What happened is called modern life, and you can either accept it or be bothered by it.

  369. jane on March 2nd, 2012 7:01 pm

    I think I may have a controlling boyfriend, im due in the next 2 months to move over a 100 miles away, if we argue he is never wrong, its always my fault, im 47 hes 46. He can express an opinion but I cant. Hes not violent but gets angry quick. I have been with him a year now. if i try to express an opinion he cuts me short, before I have finished a sentence, is this a sign of a controlling boyfriend

  370. portia brown on March 5th, 2012 4:45 pm

    hi my name is portia and i have been wit this guy for 2 years and when we first got together he was so sweet and also wated to be wit me and didnt care bout who i talked to now he has changed i got this new job i have been there for 3 months and i have this friend that is a guy okay well my boyfriend has been fighting with me for a bout 2 weeks cuz i have a friend that is a guy and he says i am messing with him and calls me names if i dont do wat he wats he gets mad when i wat to go hang out with my friend and he gets mad when i wat to drive the car. if i dnt give him money out of my check. he gets mad when i wont let him use my phone. when he is around his friends he shows off he acts like he is the boss and he acts like his tail isnt tucked under when he is alone with me he hasnt slept in the same bed as me in the last few days i dnt know wat i did wrong for him to treat me like this he says that he loves me but i cant believe it cuz of the way he treats me i dnt know wat to think or do or say. i need to know wat to do i dnt know wat to say or y he is acting like this for

  371. Tee on March 5th, 2012 7:37 pm

    Ok last year around this time i wrote on this page


    . I’m now 23 and with the same guy.. as of now, I’m contemplating leaving him. Since last year so much as went on. I have tried suicide thre times! The relationship i had with my family has ceased! Friends too! I no longer feel like myself! I’m so sick of him lying and cheating!!!h the fun exciting life i had is gone! Now my life is coming home cooking cleaning and that’s it! He yells at me and disrespect me all the time.

  372. Sara Christine Boyd on March 7th, 2012 9:42 am

    My boyfriend does some of these things. He sometimes freaks me out because his anger is really bad. He tells me he’s going to change, but he still hasn’t. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but we’ve already been in so many fights with each other. Plus he’s a little bit older than me, so I think that he thinks it’s easy to control me. I told him if he doesn’t straighten up then I’m going to break up with him. Sooo hopefully he changes soon because I don’t want to break up with him.

  373. so lost on March 13th, 2012 6:06 pm

    I finally got rid of my controlling Boyfriend…and it was soo hard to let him go but I dealt with the pain..We broke up on January 29th he moved out! and OMG the first 2 weeks were soo awful I didn’t wanna do anything! but now i’m having the time of my life, i’m myself again, I don’t have anxiety anymore, I gained my friends back plus more!! lol funny thing is his buddies are trying to get with me. They even told me about the lies he’s spreading,,he tried to kick me out of a party (Not his home) lol and the guy who ownded it told him to STFU and not talk to women like that,,he was told to get out instead..but ohhh yess he is not the guy he always made me to believe.

    turns out he’s no one! :)

  374. Ingrid on March 15th, 2012 1:58 am

    Does the person who made this article happen to be a Beatles fan?:)

  375. Esha on March 22nd, 2012 2:36 pm

    I was in a controlling relationship for a year and i wanted to leave for three months, he would get mad, yell, hit the walls and doors… anything he could do to make me afraid of him. Finally i said i’ve had enough.. I am SOOO much happier now.. that isn’t the type of person u should be with, all they do is try to break u down.

  376. stephanie on March 22nd, 2012 4:26 pm

    My Daughter has been in a relationship for about two yrs. I thought he was a pretty decent guy. He sneakily moved in with us (he was living with his Gmother in the house behind us.) He did this so he wouldn’t be asked to pay any bills. He would bring a few clothes up at a time; spend the night at our home and then go to Grandmas in the morning before work, to take a shower. So as not to pay any water bills. She got pregnant not too awful long after dating but miscarried. She had been on the pill. This yr., Jan.2012, there have been fights between me & the boyfriend. She is miserable with him. She’s written on Facebook about it. She made him move out. He does drugs, pot, meth., but my daughter doesn’t. He stayed gone about 3 days and came back. I had been drinking a pint of vodka with her since11-12 that morning. SO I went to sleep later. When I found out he was at our house and wouldn’t open the door I got really upset and took a hammer to try to beat it open. Didn’t work…but he jerked the door open and grabbed me, hitting, twisting my hand and arm and squeezing both of those. The boyfriends sister is her best friend now and both my Daughter and 3 mth old grandson are gone. She call wanting someone to buy her formula and tampons…. I though to myself, I bought formula yesterday; she couldn’t find it. So she rides with her dad and he gets here everything. Her boyfriend hasn’t bought NOT 1 single thing for the baby since he was born. We bought clothes, a lot where donated. We’ve bought diapers, swings, mattress. He was supposed to buy the bed but didn’t. We even gave a compact refridg. to go in their room but he flips out if you get anything out of it, even if you buy it. I got a beer out one time and told him I got it and did he mind ; he said no but then goes and tells my Daughter raising cane about it.

    IS there is ANYTHING I can do? I’ve cared 4 this beautiful, 3 MTH. OLD, sweet innocent little baby everyday and all night. So she can get some sleep and him because of work. I just want to die right now..really really want to die.

    Since He’s been LIVING WITH US, WE’VE BEEN GIVING HIM MONEY, WHAT HE WANTS TO EAT. BOUGHT A “09 CHEVY COBALT, Never paid my daughters credit card off like he said he would(it’s back up again now), the list goes on and one and one. Please excuse my ranting. please email me if you have any advice,etc. Thank you.

  377. Ally on March 31st, 2012 12:16 pm

    Insightful take on this subject, can I reference this on my website?

  378. Unknown on March 31st, 2012 11:12 pm

    3 months ago, I wrote on this site with worries that I had a controlling boyfriend.

    Two days ago, he got drunk, came home and physically abused me because he thought I had cheated on him at a party, when I had not.

    He’s apologised profusely, and I know he feels bad- but girls, you need to watch out for yourself- i thought he would be an exception to the pattern of ‘controlling boyfriends’- don’t make the same mistake if you dont know the boy well, you don’t love him yet, and he’s showing signs— get out.

  379. Ashley on April 2nd, 2012 4:29 am

    Everything above is true to my boyfriend of 6 years also father of my 2children. I am the only working parent so not only is he controlling but also a leech. Everytime I get ready for work as most do the usual hair make up perfume he also says things like ” who are u trying to impress” or ” why the f*** u need to dress like that u just going to work”. I’m told by some many co-workers your so pretty you have a nice body of course I work with all women because men are forbidden in my world. Yet he still makes me feel like an ugly duck and so uncomfortable in my own skin. He calls me a hoe all the time because men look at me when I’m with him. Mind u we’ve been together since 15. I wish that I could just put him in his place and make him feel belittle as he does to me. No one knows the pain I go through everyday because I hide it so well. But I’m tired of living a lie I need to get out . Don’t even know if it’s love anymore I have become so brainwashed don’t know what’s right from wrong any more;(

  380. Chandra Sandavol on April 2nd, 2012 10:18 am

    Does your site have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

  381. Zarina on April 14th, 2012 1:03 pm

    please someone help me…im so unhappy with my bf. ive been with him for nearly ! year and 7 months now. At first, it was really nice..i felt like the happiest girl in the world. He bought me gifts, and tried to do eveything to make me happy, but for the past few months he has been insane. He asks me all the time what I am doing, he calls me like 20 times a day, sleeps on the phone to me because he thinks I’m gonna start talking to someone else. If i dont answer the phone he calls non stop and he threatens to call my house phone. I cant tell my parents, because coming from a strict indian family, i shouldnt be in a relationship in the first place. He controls everything i do, ive lost all my friends at uni because he has arguments with everyone. He threatens to beat people up..and to be honest he has a lot of contacts. He is a gangster. I wish I had known all of this before i got into a relationship with him. Ive tried to leave him twice in the last few days, but he goes insane and starts saying that he is going to kill himself or he will contact my parents and tell them everything. Ive lost my virginity to him because i really loved him. Now he has become insane. He dosent trust anything i do, and if i mention leaving him, he says ill tell your parents everything and show him proof that you have slept with him. I really dont know what to do anymore. He controls my life. He tells me he cant live without me and wants to get married to me, but i cant see myself getting married to such a man. He makes me sick, I hate myself because of him, I feel so down. He makes me feel really bad, like im not worth it. Ive tried to take my life because I cant deal with this stress. He has taken over my life and I need help…Please someone help me. I cant live like this

  382. Zarina on April 14th, 2012 1:09 pm

    He is exactly the same as the comments above. I read all the other girls comments and everything,,and i realised im going through the exact same thing. Please someone give me any advice. Im scared for my life now

  383. ericka on April 17th, 2012 8:00 pm

    so what do you do when a child is involved ?. and you know you cant support her with out him?. and that everything will just be 10x hardier on your own. but at the same time you cant keep living like this. .. and what if just what if one day he does the same thing to her??. im just so confused and i never in a million yrs thought i would be in this type of sitution. i need some advise and i need someone to just talk to that doesnt judge me for still being with this ass hole of a man!

  384. Trisha on April 22nd, 2012 7:50 am

    I’ve been on this site before, but I can’t seem to find my comment.. LOL! I guess I was under another name.. Well, I too had a very abusive and controlling boyfriend.. He used to abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I was trapped.. Well, one night after work, I was getting into my car and a guy, I thought was my friend, called me to hear a song that he had requested for me. It ended up that I had gotten sexually harassed. When I got home and told my boyfriend he damn nearly KILLED me. I had bumps and bruises all over my body. I couldn’t see anyone for weeks. After a few months of more abuse I found out I was pregnant. I was 3 months at the time. When my bf found out he almost killed me yet again. One day when the two of us were alone he threw a hard cover novel to my stomach. It hurt like hell, but I didn’t care who the father of my child was. It was STILL MY CHILD. I had then taken up the courage to hit him back. ( SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE COPS, BUT I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE) I hit him hard and let him feel what he had been doing to me for the past 3 years. I acted out trying to protect my baby. This time I almost killed him. I straddled him and choked him till his eyes rolled back. Then I let go and slapped him so he can wake up. When he did I told him, ” If there’s ever a moment during this pregnancy that you hit me or do anything stupid, I will not let go!”

    From that day on he’s changed completely. No more mistreatment. It’s been 6 years. We now have 3 kids that we both love more than anything. There are times when the two of us just sit and talk and he’ll thank me for changing him. :) In a way I’m glad that I did what I did. He’s a great father to our kids and he’s a great boyfriend to me!!

  385. Chloe on April 23rd, 2012 3:23 am

    I’ve read many of the posts here and I have to say that I am currently in the same situation. It is so exhausting to have to prove to someone that supposedly loves you that you wouldn’t cheat on. It is exhausting to report back to them about your whereabouts. It’s gotten to the point that I just send him a picture of where I’m at or who I am with even if i say its with my family. I am scared to tell him that I am going out with my friends who I do not see as often anymore. I told him they are my support group and I’ve known them for so long. He doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m a big flirt. He has an opinion about every damn thing that it gets really annoying. I can’t go here or there or even to the dog beach because he’ll accuse me of checking other guys out. I can’t go out to parties, bars or any social gathering because he says if I am serious about him then I would stop being a social. I can’t even hang out with my coworkers, esp if they are males. He says if I choose to go to the gym, then I should break up with him first. what is wrong with him? It is exhausting to have to fight everyday and cry, cry, cry. Just yesterday, he got mad because I was out with my friends who wanted to meet up and drink. I told him I was going to be a designated driver and I wasn’t planning on drinking because I have work the next morning. He’s driving me insane sometimes because I feel suffocated and I need time for myself. He expects me to put him as my #1 priority. Wow, are you kidding me? Then he tells me we don’t spend enough time together; hell, i always put my errands aside to rush home so he doesn’t freak out about why I wasn’t home 30 mins ago. It’s gotten so bad that I just give him my schedule because I was sick of him asking me what days I have off and so forth. We’ve fought a zillion times and scared me to death by driving 140 mph on a busy freeway during rush hour. My heart was literally out of my chest. I know I am crazy for staying with him, but its the history we had and all the nice things hes done for me that’s keeping me around. Please, I need some serious advice if anyone can help. I really would appreciate it. Thanks!

  386. Stevie on April 27th, 2012 2:31 am

    I had commented earlier on this site awhile ago, yeah, that controlling asshole got DUMPED. He wants submission of every female and my mother…and I’m not the submissive type. I’m equal to everyone, as everyone is to me, it shouldnt change because you pay a little more attention to some one you love. I dont mean to sound like a heartless bitch but I didnt get controlling and i didnt cheat.

  387. Jennifer on May 14th, 2012 3:21 pm

    My boyfriend is always by my side and I happen to like him by my side.